Control

Feelings

His emotions were a private matter and he wanted to keep it that way. He didn't doubt Rae would do her best to ignore the feelings coming from her comrades and never act on them. Unless told about them by the source of the emotions, or when ignoring the emotions became harmful to anyone she cared for. All in order to respect the privacy of those around her. However, he didn't want anyone to even have an idea how he really felt.

His mask had already been in place when the team first met; a mask of care-free attitude, childish humour and silly grin to keep the average person out, but he realised to keep her out he'd have to train his mind to block her. He was no great reader, he made no secret of that, but to keep his mind private he would spend hours finding ways to keep emotions contained or disguised from numerous books. After 6 years he'd even asked Rae for her books on the subject. She had given him the most confused look possible and he just had to reply with a genuine smile to her loss for words.

He'd been happy at her reaction, as well as amused, it meant she hadn't sensed the full extent of his pain and his previous attempts at keeping her out were succeeding. However, he knew her powers would only become stronger as she gained more control of her own emotions after her father had been defeated, so his defences would have to increase.

His excuse for asking for the books was that he wanted to keep Mento from sensing his fear whenever they met and giving him lectures about it, and he even added a sarcasm joke about her for good measure. He hadn't lied so she had bought his excuse, yet he'd still smelt concern coming from her, which concerned him for two reasons. One: she could have sensed his feelings, and/or two: he was being a hypocrite. He realised this even though he didn't know the word hypocrite.

Despite all his efforts though, his tactics of emotion masking left a need for an outlet for his pain. His anger, he could let out during training, battle or videogame marathons with Cy. Granted it was never enough to rid him of his primal urges to fight, kill and be dominant, which were the main suppliers of his anger, but they reduced them so he could suppress them behind his goofy exterior.

His despair was a different story. He simply couldn't control when it would take hold on him and attempt to break his grinning mask. In some lucky situations he could turn it into anger and fight with greater force, however there was the odd occasion where he felt the need to break down and cry and burden someone with what should only be his burden. For those events his first refuge had been a rock on tower's island but he'd learnt it wasn't a secure place for his feelings. Then he would run, fly or swim away from everyone just to be alone completely; he didn't want pity, he didn't want to be weak. Again, after learning this wasn't a perfect method since it was tiresome and worried everyone, especially Star (which made Robin pissed as well as annoyed at him for going 'AWOL'). He had asked Cy to seal his room from telepathy, empathy and any kind of pathy from the outside world. Needless to say that raised suspicions from his part robot friend, especially when he asked Cy to keep it secret too. If Cy had broken that promise he didn't mind, he understood why he would, but he noticed nothing from anyone, which made him relax on the situation.

His goofiness wasn't fake; he wanted to be the goofy, comic relief that, he knew, the team needed: Someone to remind Robin of the fun side of life, someone to make Star laugh with corny jokes, someone to challenge Cy's pranks and someone to be Rae's outlet (not just for anger he hoped). He was goofy, simple as that, but no one can be a jester 24/7, not even him, and when he wasn't the jester he didn't want anyone to comfort him he was fine alone with his pain. Yes, he needed his friends, they were his family now and without them he'd be completely alone again and he could and would not live with that. He did even confide some of his feelings in them, but some things just hurt too much.

His family, his tribe, the one man he was willing to kill, his years in solitude, the years spent training and not living, memories of the one girl he gave his heart too and the broken shards she had thrown back.

He didn't want to hurt anyone else with his pain; he just wanted to suffer alone, he wasn't weak and he would bear it.

Powers

When he first joined the team he was limited in his abilities, he admitted, and hated, that fact. He couldn't hold big forms for longer than a couple of minutes, due to being unable to concentrate. His human form wasn't strong, since his training had focused on his shape shifting, and he couldn't even beat Cy at Mega Monkeys 2. That was a low day.

Now, after spending seven years with his friends, his family, he refused to be limited, or as he saw it weak. His first wake up call came within the first year when Robin completely humiliated him in a sparring match; the team leader hadn't fought with that purpose at all, far from it. Robin simply hadn't held back and neither had he, but Robin had K.O'd him within 30 seconds, with a swift bo-staff uppercut to his gorilla form while he attempted a double axe. The others tried to explain that the stats didn't reflect the fight, since 30 seconds is an eternity in a fast match, but he didn't care, he decided he needed to be stronger. He refused to be just the jester.

Although he did hate taking orders, part of his primal make up and the simple fact he had enough of training from Mento, he greatly appreciated the results of Robin's training regime. An even divide between hand to hand and transformation combat for him personally, as well as separate sessions for team training.

The next realisation was the Beast, it was power, power he wanted, but he knew how dangerous it would be to harness it and he hated the possible results of losing control of it. He may have saved Rae, she was different, but from the way the form acted towards everyone else when independent from his thoughts. He decided he could risk his own mind but he could not and would not risk his friends. As such he would only call on it when he desperately needed power to save those he loved, Trigon being a good example.

After the Brotherhood's defeat he realised how strong everyone else was becoming, both friend and foe, he tried to find new ways to gain strength, without the Beast, and then it had hit him. His powers came from the D.N.A of animals injected by his father to save him from Sakutia. In theory it shouldn't have given him the abilities he had, but it had. Plus, he could change into things that he was sure his father couldn't have included in that half-cure the results of which now kept him alive, the animals on Tameran being the obvious candidate. What if…? What if he could make the animal? It half-made sense, whenever he changed he had to envision what he would become and focus until he reached the form, apart from his natural human form he simply had to want to change or get knocked out for that. That was his new control on his powers he would continue to break his limits and gain more control.

However, there was always a catch to new power: he would begin to enjoy using it more and more, and not just in fights he enjoyed using his power no matter what pain it provided or what it did to his basic genetics. It wasn't like he could understand genetics anyway and he wasn't weak anymore he could bear it.

--

A/N: First anything, apologies if it's crud, this format won't be used for the rest. It'll be in current time.
Repost/N: I hope it's a little more easy to read and make sense of.