Howdy! I'm back! I wrote this fic in fifteen minutes, and according to many eyewitnesses, I had a frighteningly manical expression and my hand was shaking as I wrote.This fic was a school assignment I had entirely too much fun with. The assignment was in English class, and we had to write an alternate ending to Romeo and Juliet. And with my overactive imagination, auther's instincts, and slightly perverted mind, this resulted. Crack. Pure crack.

What Really Happened

Cold.

That's the first thing that registered in my mind. My mind, my body, my soul… were all frozen; as if by a winter wind. I tried desperately to move; my joints were stiff and my blood unmoving in my veins. "Maybe I'm dead," I thought vaguely, my mind drugged and hazy. I tenderly felt my face; my cheeks were cold as ice.

"Lady!" A distant voice echoed in my mind, a sound that made my head throb painfully.

"Lady! Lady Juliet!"

My eyelids excruciatingly heavy, I peeked through my lashes, only to be met with startlingly blinding light from a nearby torch.

"Lady Juliet!"

The wizened face of Friar Laurence swam and materialized before my eyes. While he slid in and out of focus, I could tell that his usual kindly face was now stricken with terror.

"Lady Juliet!" He exclaimed. "Arise! Make haste!"

"Oh, comfortable friar," I rasped, my voice hoarse and unrecognizable as my own. I gingerly lowered myself to the floor. "Where is my lord?"

"My dear lady, please understand-"

"Where is my Romeo…?"

Friar Laurence stuttered incoherently, refusing to meet my eyes. Instead, he kept shifting his gaze on some fixed spot behind me, like a criminal in court. Shifty eyes. A sure sign of suspicion. I spun around, expecting to see my beloved appear before me.

See him I did.

He was cold, pale, stiff, and unmoving. Dead. Dead upon the filthy, unswept ground. The last traces of life quickly dwindling away, leaving nothing but a lifeless, moth-eaten corpse.

"Lady, Lady, I dare no longer stay! I dare no longer-"

"Don't leave just yet, Friar!" I said loudly. "You see, while I cared for dear Romeo, the one I really loved…was you!"

And then they made out.

The End.

...I was high on kiwi juice when I wrote this. I hope your sanity is still intact. I know the writing is crappy, please don't sue me. Please review, flames welcome.

Purrs,

Frenchie-chan

P.S. Tune in next week for... RomeoxFriar!! MOO HA HA!!! runs off into sunset, buttocks billowing in the breeze