Rei: This is PURE CRACK in its wildest glory. Please don't shoot me down for my craziness- and yes I KNOW they'll all be OOC. Hence the summary: CRACK (x over) PAIRING. :D Enjoy biatches.
Dedication- no one that I could probably think of, but if you actually like this crap, then feel free to believe that it was specially written for you. :D
Disclaimer: If I owned Kingdom Hearts and Naruto, I'd be rolling in cash and bishies. Not to mention all the hot ladies. Yes, you read that right. … What? Some of them ARE good looking… …
Summary- Uchiha Itachi couldn't have been more bored than he was at that moment. But then he was no longer once a shorty with weird hair happened to warp to the wrong world. What will happen when these two masterminds meet[slight itachion CRACK PAIRING. Haha, I even made up a fan name... I am such a dork.
Note: This is not after the time skip. Right now, Naruto's off merrily training with Jiraiya, and Zexion has not been sent off to Castle Oblivion with the others yet.
As If You Thought This Was Strange Enough- a very crackish itachion one shot.
"Speech"
'Thought'
Somewhere in the middle of a forest in the Land of Fire-
Normal (3rd person) POV
Uchiha Itachi was not bored. It was impossible. He could entertain himself in any way, whether it was imagining brutal ways of torturing his dear little brother, killing stray animals that happened to think he was cuddly, maiming people who annoyed him, making fun of Kisame, or training some more even though he had already done so for hours every day.
…Okay, so maybe he was slightly bored. But unlike other people, Itachi was an Uchiha, and he could hold a staring match with a rock and not even twitch; and he could kick Orochimaru's ass if he felt like it.
On the other hand…
Zexion, number VI, the Cloaked Schemer of Organization XIII was definitely not bored. Try confused and slightly infuriated. The Nobody was currently trying to figure out how the hell he managed to overshoot The Land of Dragons and end up in a place that looked not even one iota like the world he wanted to go to. 'This is the last damn time I ever trust Axel's calculations,' he scowled to himself. Normally he was a mild-mannered guy; he had often worn a passive expression on his young visage. When he was "feeling" angry, his facial expressions could change into the most fascinating (or frightening if you think that way) looks. His eyes were a dark indigo, and his hair wasn't that far off from that color, except it was highlighted with silver. It was short in the back and long in the front, but only where a ton of it hung over his right eye. He couldn't have looked older than 16 or 17, but in the way that he spoke, his maturity suggested an intelligence that was far beyond that level. Despite that, he was at a relatively unimpressive height. 'So much for drinking milk.' Poor Zexy didn't exactly like being short- or shall we say petite- but at the present time, he was fuming.
Now, he could try and warp back if he wanted to- but he was too pissed to think of it. After smacking random objects with the Lexicon, he got rid of his frustration, and instead, curiosity came to take its place instead of the possibilities of tormenting number VIII. He decided to go for the best course of action and figure out where the hell he was. Unfortunately for him, he was in the middle of a forest.
Scowling, Zexion began his trek through the wild; something he wasn't really used to, seeing as he was more of a 'shut the hell up and let me read' kind of person, rather than a 'YAY NATURE let me hug it in all its wild glory!' person. Not to mention the fact that his customary black garb was now getting tears and holes ripped into it. He was getting pissed again. He took one angry stomp and accidentally snapped a stick straight in half, alerting his presence to the now curious Itachi.
Itachi zipped over to the possible threat within a minute, and coming to a halt on a tree limb 25 or so feet away from the Nobody. Immediately, Itachi acted upon his boredom and threw a shuriken at the Nobody. It headed towards the Nobody's unprotected back…
Not having sufficient time to dodge it, Zexion only turned around to face it, and it landed with an audible thump into where Zexion's heart should have been. Dark surprise littered the face of the young man. Itachi expected him to topple over and bleed to death, but his expectations were completely null and void.
Zexion scowled even more now. 'Great, someone else trying to kill me besides Marluxia,' he thought, and pulled the shuriken out, with it being covered in some black substance. Eyes blazing, he chucked it back to where he believed it had come from.
…It missed Itachi by 50 feet. And he couldn't help but remark on that. Dropping to the ground, the Uchiha smirked and resisted the urge to laugh. "Your aim is terrible."
Zexion glared at the surprisingly handsome yet jerk of a man. "Your manners are terrible," he countered.
"You're short." Zexion bristled. He was petite, dammit! He still had room to grow!
"Your nails are purple." Itachi growled. He liked his purple nail polish, thank you very much.
"You'd make a terrible ninja."
"Why the hell would I want to be a ninja?" Zexion had only heard of ninjas in books, or of like that supposed "Great Ninja Yuffie" in Hollow Bastion.
"What else would you be?" Itachi raised one slim black eyebrow in question.
Zexion felt his lip curl in sheer coldness of his words. He spitefully replied, "A Nobody." Then he promptly turned on the heel of his foot and began to walk away. But as soon as he took his fifth step he stumbled into the broad chest of the male. Strong arms shot out to grasp his, and forced him into submission. Zexion felt very uncomfortable being trapped in his arms, knowing that the foreign man could now do anything to him that he wished. He waited tensely, but only stood in shock when he felt the taller man lean down and lick the spot where he had been hit with the shuriken.
Zexion's eyes widened by a marginal percent, color flushed into his cheeks, and he could only try to push the other male away. However, it felt surprisingly nice… for his first encounter of the sexual kind. Ha ha ha.
Itachi drew back, his tongue now blackened by the strange substance. A neutral expression was pasted on his face with only a brief hint of curiosity. "…You're not bleeding, yet this… stuff is oozing out of your wound. What is that?"
Zexion stared into the swirling eyes of the Mangekyou Sharingan, as Itachi expected him to, but it didn't have any effect on Zexion, who was a master of illusion (or genjutsu, if you'd like). This made Itachi raise his eyebrows again. To which, Zexion remarked, "It is Nothing."
Itachi blinked. So, he was going to play dirty, huh? 'Two can play at that game.' "Then what is Nothing to you?"
Zexion was slowly adjusting to his new environment, and felt a little more relaxed, but he still kept his guard up. Lips curling in a bitter smile, he said, "Nothing is something that does not exist. A Nobody is a nonexistent being with no heart, and no feelings."
Itachi smirked; already a plan was formulating in his mind. "So…" He purred silkily, "you won't mind if I do… this?" He leaned down and smashed his lips against the short silvery/lavenderish/whatever haired boy, causing him to gasp in open confusion and in protest, which only encouraged Itachi to explore further than just the male's lips. He tasted the inside of the boy's mouth, but tasted Nothing. Withdrawing, he slid a hand underneath Zexion's chin and tilted it upward. "Why do you taste like Nothing?"
Zexion spoke between his gasps for breath. "I told you… I'm a Nobody… we don't exist, and we cannot die."
Itachi was having a hard time believing it, but he supposed he could try, what with this boy's random appearance and his own strange abilities. Eyes narrowing, he asked, "If you don't exist, then why are you here? Surely if you are Nothing then you cannot possibly standing right in front of me."
The Zexion in front of him suddenly had a cruel smile upon his lips. Suddenly, there was two of him, and they both said, "It is because we aren't."
Itachi withdrew two kunai just as Zexion summoned the Lexicon and opened it up with one flick. Taking careful aim, he threw them in seconds, and they plunged forth through both copies, and he cursed. So it would seem that the boy could do genjutsu… it had fooled him… almost.
Itachi spun around to face Zexion, who had just read something from his book. With a second he felt himself shrinking, shrinking… and stuck into a book. Sharingan blazing, he broke out within seconds, thinking he had conquered Zexion- but Zexion was far from over.
A swirling vortex of paper formed, slicing at Itachi. Most of them didn't hurt, but he ended up with long gashes instead of the paper cuts he had expected. Growling, he found the book Zexion had hidden himself in and released the illusion. Zexion actually looked frightened when he felt himself grabbed by the collar of his cloak and jerked upward, right into angry red eyes.
"That wasn't very nice of you, Nobody," he sneered.
Zexion snarled right back at him. "It's Zexion to you!"
"So you claim to be a Nobody yet you have a name? That is ironic," Itachi felt himself becoming riled up. Never before had he had he felt so… confused, yet angry. None of it made biological or philosophical sense!
"Don't ask me how it happens! I didn't ask to be like this," Zexion spat, becoming upset yet not because he is a Nobody and cannot feel, but there's something about this guy that was severely pissing him off.
Itachi could only ask, "But how did you come to be this way?"
Zexion stared at him with an unreadable look. "…Darkness." For a second, his tone seemed very somber and full of nostalgia.
"Hm." He set Zexion down on the ground, who promptly took a few steps back. Deciding that he had to leave now before something else happened, he took the initiative to say one last thing to the strange boy.
"…Don't let the darkness take you..." he seemed to realize that he did not know the strange ninja's name.
"Itachi. Uchiha Itachi."
Zexion gave a mocking bow. "Very well. Don't let the darkness swallow you up, Itachi… But it seems like it has already begun." He said the last part quietly, almost as if to himself.
"What are you talking about?" Itachi's deep voice was seductive to Zexion's ears, but he knew better.
He only raised his head and eyed him as if in pity. "Death." Before Itachi could say more, he opened a portal and stepped through, escaping in the wisps of darkness.
Itachi stared at the place where he had been before, with the Sharingan spinning; he had tried to copy it, but he knew now.
He wasn't going to see that strange- infuriating, really- boy again. The Sharingan had failed him. 'It must've been some type of kekkei genkai,' he decided. After some silence, he finally left that spot, and went back to the Akatsuki. It was the only constant he had in his life, besides his brother hating him, but now he sort of wished that Zexion would've stayed. Despite all the peculiarities of it all, he had actually been entertained by some boy who could have been almost his equal. He would've liked to see him again.
Years later, he did.
Zexion was approached by a Samurai Nobody, and with one stab into the location of his heart, he knew.
"You should've listen to me Itachi," he chided.
The Nobody only stared at the nothingness upon his blade, and then disappeared.
No words were needed. Because for the both of them, there weren't any.
End of one-shot
Rei: Holy schnikeys. That was weird. I was so not going to kill off Itachi, but I guess I did. O.o I am so strange sometimes. Anyway, if you liked it, please review. And if you're going to say something like 'that was so stupid, there's no way Zexion could've hurt Itachi,' then don't. To me, Zexy seemed pretty strong in all those 'Cave of Remembrance' videos I've watched on youtube- oh yeah, getting killed by a guy with a book is sooo not impressive. Give me a break. What he lacks in the physical strength department he makes up for with wit, strength of mind and illusion. I have my reasons for doing the things the way I do. But yes, if you actually liked this cracktastic stuff, then tell me. :3 I would appreciate it.