Chapter 37 – Part 37

Disclaimer: I own not a thing. I am merely writing amusing things and sharing them with you all.

Well, I'm back and there are more funnies to share with you loyal readers. Sorry it's been so long. Honestly, a lot of life has passed me by since the last time I've posted (Master's degree, a big move across state lines, a full-time job, personal life requirement, working on other fics and other personal projects . . . and so on). At any rate, being in quarantine because of the coronavirus means that I have extra time on my hands and a need to entertain myself.

I hope that you enjoy this new installation to the Idiot's Guide! I think that I'm not the only one who needs some humor right now.

Being so far out from Earth had its downsides sometimes, Elizabeth decided. Sometimes she forgot that certain things were delayed in getting out to them, even with the Smart Camp's modifications to the systems. It really became noticeable when the collective Expedition was hooked on any particular television series.

Bad things happened when they were delayed from their TV.

834. No raising the Fleet because of the finale of Game of Thrones.

A. Yes, it hurt.

B. Yes, you're in shock.

C. No, you may not go take it out on Earth.

They finally got their hands on the las season of Game of Thrones and it didn't take long for everyone to lose their cool because of it. Elizabeth had to rely on those who read the books to keep everyone else from going insane.

835. No, our dragons will not be renamed.

A. They like their names, thank you very much.

B. Your opinions will be noted.

C. But you have to present your case to time.

D. Do so at your own peril.

Lorn, Smaug, and Sapphira were not amused by that proposition. The Marine Brigade quietly retreated to their corner at her declaration, pouting – again – because the dragons shot them down.

Dr. Keller refused to be called the Mother of Dragons – again.

836. Sky-diving out of the back of Jumpers is not a good idea.

The Marine Brigade was firmly behind and supported that one. The entirety of the medical staff was firmly opposed to it.

837. Absolutely no Harlem Shake videos.

A. From anyone.

B. Whatsoever.

That one actually came from the Smart Camp. Apparently, they had gotten bored and had figured out how to hack the Internet of Earth from an entirely different galaxy – again. They then went on a massive YouTube spiral. The fact that they proceeded to find a years-old trend did not surprise Elizabeth. Being in an entirely different galaxy gave them an excuse for being late to the table on that front.

Things didn't necessarily end well and Elizabeth remained not amused by that.

838. Wishbone is now the official responsibility of Lieutenant Cadman and Doctor Beckett.

While on an off-world mission, Laura had found a stray puppy that much resembled the very iconic television dog – only about five times larger. The puppy attached himself to her and she couldn't resist bringing him home. No one minded and Carson was in the process of teaching the dog how to fetch various tools from around the infirmary.

839. Interrupt Clifford's and Wishbone's play time at your risk.

A. You might become a chew toy.

B. Scratch that – you will be their new chew toy.

C. Proceed at your own risk.

John had and it wasn't pretty. Carson found it hilarious and proceeded to lavish great praise on both dogs, much to the everlasting chagrin of the Colonel.

840. Bungee jumping from Jumper? Also, not a good idea.

A. Dr. Beckett has been approved to deploy the Alliance at his discretion on this front.

The Marine Brigade tried out another Jumper-related extreme sport. This time, they made the arguably smart decision to do it over water. The medical staff was still not amused by that and they were planning a full-scale attack against the Marine Brigade.

841. Avoid trip wires at all cost.

That one should have gone without saying, but this was the Expedition and their many off-world exploits were becoming very notorious in two separate galaxies.

842. Do not eat any offered mushrooms.

A. Ever.

B. Unless it came from Atlantis's kitchen.

C. We really don't another M4X-449.

D. A-13 is already bad enough as is. We don't need to give them any more fuel for the fire.

More than one team had eaten mushrooms that had been offered to them while off-world. Nine times out of ten, said teams came back high as all get out. A-13, it seemed, had the highest rate of coming back in an altered state, even with their usual diplomatic missions to 449 and their developed tolerance to drugs native to the Pegasus galaxy.

But A-13 also had the acquired ability to come back relatively coherent, regardless of whatever altered state they were in. Elizabeth personally figured that it had to do with their . . . diplomatic efforts.

843. Failure is not an option.

A. Good life motto.

B. Really.

Elizabeth just wanted remind everyone of that thought.

844. No hiding brooms

Apparently, someone thought it would be a brilliant idea to disappear all of the brooms. The Smart Camp had a rather impressive explosion. No one was happy when they couldn't find the brooms.

The culprit had yet to come forward to claim responsibility.

845. Exorcising the Uber-Wraith is not a good idea.

A. It won't work.

B. Beheading, however, does.

The Alliance had binge-watched Supernatural. Ronon got ideas. He tested them out the next time that A-1 ran across the Uber-Wraith and brought back results.

All together, it was a highly successful experiment. Elizabeth was impressed. The Marine Brigade immediately began to copy.

846. Devil's Traps don't actually contain the Uber-Wraith.

A. You may attempt to find suitable lookalikes that do the same job.

Radek was the brains behind that one. Elizabeth knew better to argue with a member of the Alliance when they were trying to entertain themselves.

847. Don't violate copyright when you retrofit the Jumpers.

Someone got the brilliant idea to retrofit the Jumpers so that they looked like various iconic vehicles from around Earth, both in reality and from pop culture. The idea had caught on like wildfire. Elizabeth was quite impressed by the general ingenuity of the Expedition. But they did have to be mindful of what they were doing regardless. As of right now, she had quite gotten around to telling the SGC what they were doing.

She was waiting to see how they responded when the pictures got back to Earth.

848. Try not to damage the Fleet too much during retrofits.

A. Also, remember copyright. Don't violate it.

B. Even if we're in another galaxy.

The idea had spread to the Fleet. Apparently, everyone got a certain number of vessels that they were allowed to redesign to their heart's content.

Elizabeth personally wanted an X-wing fighter.

849. Atlantis One is reserved solely for all visiting dignitaries.

John had requested that the President get a special ship in the Fleet designed for him. Elizabeth decided that it would be better practice to make that ship be of use fo all of their visiting dignitaries and heads of state.

850. The Menagerie may not be used to recreate cute cat videos.

Okay, so A-10 was the culprit there. They thought it would be a good idea. Jen and Carson were vehemently against it. Off-world teams got injured enough as it were.

851. Don't drunk text back to Earth.

A. No one will understand your references.

B. Besides, plausible deniability!

A-6 and A-15 had both gotten caught drunk texting back to Earth. No one was sure how they managed that without killing their phone bills. Elizabeth suspected that someone in the Smart Camp was responsible.

Elizabeth mused that at least it wasn't A-13, when they were just back from 449.

Well, that's another chapter!

What did you think? Please review and let me know what you thought. Also, if you have any good ideas for rules, send them my way. I always like ideas and I give credit where credit is due!

And I hope to have another chapter for you soon. No one is going anywhere anytime soon and I need some entertainment.