FIVE: ASHE
She jumps off the ledge and into the arms of a young Rabanastre street rat, who puffs up like a hero and looks over his shoulder to wear two adults are standing. The male rolls his eyes, and Ashe could swear the Viera chuckles knowingly.
--
She slaps him, hard, because he deserved it, because he betrayed her, and fights down the little voice inside that asks her maybe she deserved it too - for not making Rasler stay.
--
"You seem troubled."
Ashe turns, thinking she had found solitude at last in the dark quiet of the Nalbina ruins, next to a stained mossy pond. But, of course, the Viera finds her. Ashe wonders how a seven-foot woman in high heels could be so quiet.
"Do I?" she asks, clearing her throat and fighting away the sting in her eyes.
"This place troubles you I see," Fran wrinkles her nose. "I myself find it... disconcerting."
"It doesn't trouble me, it just..." she trails her hand across the surface and a few small fish struggle through the moss to nip at her fingers. "I've been fighting so hard, I only just realised that I have almost forgotten what I was fighting for."
"Yourself or the kingdom," Fran nods slowly.
"I am a horrible person," Ashe sighs, and splashes the fish away.
--
She wonders if she hadn't been so mixed up in her own problems, she would have noticed the bruises on Vaan's neck sooner. Balthier seems to, because every time she catches him staring at them there is an almost proud smirk on his face and it just confuses her more.
--
She just doesn't understand what he sees in the boy. She is standing at the Phon Coast, the sun is shining, and she just had a deep conversation with the fabled Sky Pirate - who was always more than he seemed (A shining beacon of freedom on the horizon she'd never reach), and yet it is to Vaan the man looks. The boy is playing amongst the waves with Penelo, splashing and jumping and laughing uproariously as Basch unceremoniously stumbles over a dune.
Ashe can't remember when she laughed last.
--
"You can't be perfect," Vaan says helpfully, approaching her in the Strahl in the dead of night, both searching for food.
"I should be perfect," she snaps back. "Otherwise what good will I be for Dalmasca?"
Vaan shrugs. "What good would a statue be?" he replies, almost unknowing of his own philosophy. He passes her, whistling, and heads to the bridge, where a dim light flickers from the control panel. Ashe stands, shocked, at his words, until murmurs reach her ears and she strides away, eyes hot with tears. It brings back memories of childhood playing, of Rasler painting her face in secret and the two accidentally spilling paints and charcoal all over the drawing room floor, before running and hiding in the gardens until unappreciative nurses found them.
Ashe returns to her quarters and sits on her bed, a mirror in one hand and a small brush in the other.
--
She wonders if she could be as noble as Fran, but as sweet as Penelo. But she knows deep down in her heart that those traits go hand in hand with freedom, and that is something she will never know.
--
Penelo enters her cabin at one point to find Ashe's face painted white with big rosy lips and green eye shadow. Shocked, the should-be Queen sits there in horror as the girls face goes from white, to red, to pink, and then the street-rat bursts into laughter, falling to the ground and holding onto the doorframe for support.
"Oh Ashe!" she exclaims. "That isn't how you put on makeup!"
Before she can protest, Fran enters too, and the rest of the afternoon which would have been spent on passive contemplation is thrown away to make room for makeup lessons, wardrobe rifling, and whispering about boys.
--
Towards the end of the journey, she notices that Balthier has a collection of many rings, but only one is gold.