Mania

HA!

It's up!

Ask and you shall receive, guys! ...Two years later orz

Anyway, I really hope that you all can forgive the unnecessary long wait. And I hope that the upcoming KakuHida is enough to make up for that? :'D;;

And sorry if this chapter seems rushed. I really wanted to get this out to you all ASAP. So I hurried my butt up and here you go, guys. I love you, and you all are awesome, and I really hope you guys still love me and enjoy the story! 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Chapter 11: The Lament of the Unlucky

As the bell over the door rang, signaling Deidara's exit with Sasori, Itachi smiled. How sweet. His friend was finally getting that 'date' that Itachi knew Deidara had been wanting. That smile still on his lips, he lifted his eyes back up to Kakuzu and instantly paused, his smile fading ever so slowly.

Shit.

"Now look, Red-eye," Kakuzu was saying, his towering form over Itachi intimidating the man more than he wanted to let on. "I'm not Kisame. I'm not interested in whatever plethora of diseases you have to offer. And who the fuck," his arm flexed a bit, his biceps (though an extreme turn on) giving Itachi a nervous feeling in his stomach. Like he was going to be smashed into the ground. "do you think you are? Trying to flirt with me? Seriously, kid? Are you several kinds of stupid?"

Itachi swallowed hard, and though he tried to hold himself back, he couldn't seem to get his mind to focus. He wanted to, because he didn't want to get his teeth knocked in by this man. He had to go back to work in about five minutes after all. Yet, with all that Kakuzu had said, and his close proximity and threatening aura, Itachi could only seem to focus on one thing, and voiced his curiosity.

"Kisame's interested in me?"

Surprisingly, those words were enough to make Kakuzu stop his little terror show, and he made a face, quirking a brow down at Itachi. "Uh..." He said, looking a bit baffled. He removed his arm from Itachi's side, and crossed his arms over his chest instead. "Seriously, kid?" He asked.

Itachi smiled, feeling a lot bolder now without Kakuzu's restricting presence so close. He slipped a bit off to the side to put some distance between the man and himself. "Sorry. I sometimes can't help myself." He said. "So I see it's no surprise to know that I find your friend extremely attractive."

Kakuzu rolled his green eyes. "It was never a secret in the first place. Anyone with functioning eyes can see you're wet for him." He said with a scoff. "So then, tell me something, Red-eye..." He said, and eyed the Uchiha with a piercing stare. "Why were you flirting with me if it's Kisame that you want so badly?"

Itachi chuckled at that. "Oh my...is it that hard to understand?" He asked. At Kakuzu's inquisitive and rather annoyed stare, Itachi quickly clarified. "Didn't you notice your little bedhead-redhead leaving with my lovely Deidara?"

This put pause to the dark skinned man's irritated glare. He blinked once. Twice. Ah. There, the sudden realization dawning on him was visible in his facial expression. Itachi smiled.

"So...all that touchin' on me, and that crap about going someplace quiet and dark...?"

"A simple decoy, in order for Sasori to leave us and find Deidara." Itachi said and shrugged.

Kakuzu stared at him as if he were the stupidest thing he had ever seen in his life. But then his expression changed, and he was grinning as if Itachi were a genius. Of course, the Uchiha didn't need to hear it from this man to know it to be true.

"Wow. You're sleazy, you know that?" Kakuzu asked, and laughed. "Sleazy, but very tricky. I like that." He said, reaching over with his hand. For one terrifying moment, Itachi thought that he was about to be slapped. But then Kakuzu simply patted his shoulder in an appraising manner, and the Uchiha sighed in relief.

"Uhm. Thank you, I believe." Itachi said, and scowled somewhat at the other's words. Hmph. Sleazy? Well!

"What if I hadn't told Sasori to leave me alone? What if I hadn't waited and pounded your face in right then and there?" Kakuzu asked, a smirk still playing at his lips.

Itachi shrugged. "A sacrifice I would have endured for my beloved." He said, and winked as he placed a hand over his heart. Soon he dropped the act and checked his watch. "But I really ought to be getting back to work." He said, and fished around in the front of his jeans for his car keys. He had to fumble a bit to remove them from his trousers because of how form fitting they were, but soon enough he had them in his hand and twirled them around his index finger.

"Right." Kakuzu nodded, still smirking and looking amused.

Itachi smiled and waved, turning to leave after he placed some money besides the cash register to pay for his meal, but stopped short as he heard Kakuzu call out to him in his ever-unflattering manner.

"Hey, Red-eye."

"Yes?" Itachi asked, and glanced over his shoulder, hand on the door.

"I'll put in a good word for you. To Kisame, I mean."

Itachi could swear his dick twitched, and he smiled wider before he left the restaurant completely.

Well shit.

Damn weather man, had shit for brains. He couldn't get a forecast right if his balls were being threatened by a hammer and a spike.

'Slightly cloudy' my ass…

And fucking Itachi. What the hell was his problem taking the mother fucking car without even thinking about how Hidan was going to get home? He worked across fucking town, and that bimbo drives off without so much as one ounce of concern? So his brother was coming to town; big fuckin' whoop. The kid could wait at least thirty minutes while Itachi picked Hidan up, dropped him off, and then set out towards the bus station.

And fuck! Why the hell had Deidara insisted on that damn house of theirs? They lived right smack-fucking-dab in the middle of town. Going anywhere was hell; damn city was huge.

And of course, that brought Hidan back to the situation at hand. Right. Weather man. He was going to get one very angry phone call from the white haired man, as soon as he got home and dried off. Yes, dried off, considering it was pouring like Niagara-fucking-Falls outside. Hidan had been soaked to the bone long ago.

"Fuck." Hidan spat; a tic. "Fuck."

Walking home was tedious.

There was literally nothing else that could ruin Hidan's day. He had been having an all right day considering that his tics had been calmer. But customers frustrated the ever loving crap out of him sometimes, and he really had wanted to slap some impatient bitch in line every time she fucking sighed it was like nails on a chalkboard, ohfuckinghellshewasannoying.

And now this. Reduced to walking home in the damn rain. Beautiful. Fan-fucking-tastic. He rolled his pale carmine eyes, blinking roughly against the water dripping down from his loose hair (ruined by the rain) into his eyes. It was driving him up the wall and he just wanted to get somewhere warm, but like hell he was going to wait around for Itachi and his damn clone to come get him. He could probably get home on foot faster than it would be to wait around for a car ride from the two Uchiha's. Once they got to talking and reminiscing, forget about it.

VRRRRRRRR-

"Augh! Sonova-!"

Hidan's day just got worse.

"What the fuck, you asshole! Prick! Douche bag! Cunt! Bastard!" All right. Just what part of that was his Tourette's Syndrome, and which part was him? Hidan wasn't sure anymore. All he was sure of was that some complete idiot had just splashed him with icy, muddy water as they sped down the road. He gave a hard shudder and his arms quickly shot up to hold himself. "This shit's fuckin' freezing…"

He paused in his steps for a moment when he came to realize that the car that had just splashed and dirtied him suddenly had its break lights on.

"Fuck. Fuck." Hidan blinked his eyes. Oh shit. Was that guy…reversing? Ah yes. It was.

Shit. Had the driver maybe heard his swearing? Dammit, that wasn't good. Hidan heaved a sigh, wondering if he was perhaps in some kind of trouble here, and if he should get the fuck out of there before things got messy. Well, it wasn't like he could out run a car, anyway. Why make things harder on himself by getting off track?

Hidan watched with cautious eyes as the '95 Lincoln revered all the way to where he was walking. It was a sleek black color, but clearly in deteriorating condition. There was rust adorning the muffler as well as the rims of the tires and the fender. Ignoring the shape that the car was in, Hidan was soon snapped back to attention as the dark tinted window on the passenger's side rolled down. Out of pure curiosity, Hidan ducked his head and peered inside.

"What the fuck!"

"Buenas tardes." A calm, baritone greeted.

"You prick!"

Honestly. Out of all the damn guys that Hidan could have run into! It had to be this fucker? Really? The white haired man couldn't believe his luck. Damn. And he had splashed him, that asshole. Hidan's face went red with anger.

Kakuzu laughed at him then, making Hidan's tics worse as they came out of hiding and made him call the darker male all kinds of names. But instead of growing irate, Kakuzu instead gave the younger man a smirk. "Sorry. Did I manage to get you dirty? Well, not like the rain hasn't washed most of the mud away, anyway." He said, and shrugged.

Hidan swore a bit more vigorously.

"Anyway, where's your little posse?" Kakuzu continued as if oblivious to Hidan's verbal tics. "Don't you have a car all your own, Twitchy?"

"Tch! Don't have it, obviously, dipshit." Hidan said, and snorted, rolling his eyes. "If I had it, I wouldn't be walking!"

"Hm. Going home?"

"Why the fuck do you care?" Hidan was really just put off by the sudden interest that the dark skinned male seemed to suddenly have in him. He had grown used to arguing and fist fighting with this guy over the beginning months of college. To have him speaking to him so calmly and curiously was freaking him out.

"I'm going to offer you a ride." Kakuzu stated very matter of fact.

"You…why?" The white haired man couldn't help the suddenly shocked tone that his voice acquired.

"What the hell do you care? You like walking in the damn rain? Get the fuck in the damn car, Twitchy." Reaching over, Kakuzu pulled up the lock on the passenger side door.

Shit. Hidan bit his lip. He really wanted to get out of the rain, but a part of him warned that if he got into the car with this man, that he wasn't going to get back out alive. After all, they had spent the first month and a half of college making each other miserable. And this guy had fucking flip-thrown him. Why the hell should he trust him?

But Hidan really, really wanted to get out of the rain.

"Fuckin' fine, asshole. Only because you owe me for getting me muddy." It wasn't because he was freezing his balls off and his feet were sore from a long walk and a hard day at work. Of course not. He was just claiming what was owed to him.

"Whatever, just tell me where to go." Kakuzu snapped back as Hidan slammed the door shut. The man put the Lincoln back into drive and began to work his way down the road, wipers on full speed against the heavy torrent of rain.

"I live on Iwa." Hidan said, shivering a bit as the cool air from the a/c hit him square in the face. He growled and shoved the vent up, blocking most of the air that was making him even colder than he already was.

"Shit. Iwa Street? And you were gonna walk there?" Kakuzu asked, quirking one thin eyebrow at Hidan before he shook his head. "Tch. Idiot…"

"Shut the fuck up…" Hidan sighed, rolling his eyes. He was in no mood for this. He just wanted to get home, dammit…

However, Hidan's luck didn't continue on that long. He discovered this little tidbit of information about five minutes later when Kakuzu's windshield wipers, already old and worn, suddenly stopped working. With the rain in such a constant downpour and with no way to clear his line of vision, Kakuzu was forced to pull over on the side of the road.

And of course, they were in a residential area by then. No shops to take shelter in. Hidan was stuck in Kakuzu's car. With Kakuzu himself. Fuck.

Also, the way the thunder clapped over their heads and shook them in their seats, Hidan made a guess that the storm was no where near over yet.

Well shit. Damn weather man, had shit for brains...