It was, in Sasuke's opinion, one of the worst days of the year: his birthday.

He always dreaded it, and on the hideous day itself, he couldn't wait for it to be over. To most people, birthdays meant friends, presents, and cake. To Sasuke, it meant only one thing: fangirls.

The first two—Ino and Sakura, as usual—showed up at six in the morning and waited patiently on the front porch. At seven, fifteen of them were standing outside. By eight, it was close to forty. The yelling started at eight-thirty, when every single girl in Konoha between the ages of six and twenty was standing in front of his house.

"SAAAAAASUKE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"

Sasuke, who had already locked all of the doors (he'd had a bad experience a few years ago when he forgot), sat glumly in his room. He'd be stuck inside for the rest of the day, unless he wanted to get crushed by adoring stalker fangirls.

Outside, the present-and-card-bearing mob continued calling up to his window.

"Happy birthday, Sasuke!"

"Look at the present I got you!"

"Come on, Sasuke! Don't you want to come out?"

"Come out, Sasuke!"

"Yeah, Sasuke! Come out!"

The constant cries of "Come out, Sasuke!" suddenly gave him an idea. It was rather extreme, to be sure, but desperate times called for desperate measures. And it would definitely get rid of the fangirls—not just for today, but forever.

Sasuke opened a window and leaned out. "I'M GAY!" he yelled as loud as he could, then slammed it shut again.

Outside, silence fell. Sasuke watched with delight as, after standing there frozen for a minute, the fangirls turned and walked away. He wasn't gay, of course, but he'd say anything if it would keep them away.

He went back to his room, deciding to wait for a few minutes before going out, just to make sure it was safe. The phone rang, but he ignored it, figuring it was just some fangirl who hadn't heard yet. There were usually a few who just called instead of coming to his house, and he often had to take the phone off the hook.

The answering machine clicked on. "Hi, Sasuke, this is Naruto. I'm calling because—"

Sasuke snatched up the phone. "Hello?" he said, a little breathlessly.

"Oh, hi, Sasuke! Happy birthday! Listen, I was just calling to see if you wanted to get some ramen with me. My treat, since it's your birthday and all."

"Sure," Sasuke said unenthusiastically, although he felt his heart speed up a little.

"Great! Okay, I'll come over to get you in a few minutes. See ya!"

"See you," Sasuke muttered and put the phone down, then turned to the mirror and started smoothing his hair.

Six minutes and forty-three seconds later—not that Sasuke was counting—he was startled by a knock on his bedroom window. He turned and saw Naruto outside, perched on the windowsill.

"Can't you use the door like a normal person?" Sasuke greeted him irritably, sliding the window open and hoping Naruto didn't notice how happy he was to see him.

"I would've," Naruto told him, hopping inside, "but I didn't think it was safe. Actually, I'm not sure we should go get ramen after all. Maybe we could just make some here."

"What?" Sasuke asked, confused. "Why not?"

Naruto raised his eyebrows. "Have you happened to look outside lately?"

"Oh, no." Sasuke sighed. "The fangirls are back?"

"Uh, not exactly. Maybe you should just see for yourself."

Sasuke went to a window and looked out. There was Kiba on the front porch. Shikamaru was next to him. Behind them were Choji and Lee. In front of Sasuke's house stood every single male in Konoha between the ages of six and twenty.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SASUKE!" they yelled when they saw him at the window.

Sasuke groaned.