If I Die Before I Wake
Chapter Four: Groceries
Babblings: I greatly apologize for my lack of updates. I have been getting more reviews for other stories, so I have continued on with them in spite of that fact that I really love this plotline. Fortunately for any of you still interested, this story wouldn't stop calling to me, begging to be continued. (I also had the help of delicious chocolate-banana muffins.) So here I am. Kick back, relax, and enjoy the show (and review)!
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Namine sat next to me when we were in the art building from then on. Occasionally, I would sneak a peak at what she was working on and she looked at mine, too. She was good, really good. In fact, she made me more self-conscious about mine than I usually was, but she always just shook her head and didn't believe me when I told her she was better than me.
One day, the Friday after I'd met her, I finally worked up the courage to asked Namine to join Axel and I for dinner. Which brings me to the current moment. I was stressing in the kitchen, mid-afternoon, glaring at the measly contents in our fridge and wracking my brain for something to test my horrid cooking skills on. Axel had to work until just before supper, so he couldn't be much of a help to me, either.
Letting out a long sigh, I opened a package of vitamins Doc had given me and downed them in one swallow. I forced myself to breathe before I started to hyperventilate – something that couldn't be very good for my dying heart. Usually I was fairly calm, but cooking for company always made me a bit nervous.
I could always make steak and potatoes. You couldn't really go wrong with that, right? But it was very boring and unoriginal. Let's see… soup? Ah, yes. The weather was perfect for soup.
After searching the kitchen for the recipe I was looking for, I then grabbed my keys and my cell phone and jogged to the grocery store where Axel was working at that very moment.
I have always thought he looked completely adorable wearing his apron, his hair tied back into a ponytail, bangs held in place with bobby pins. Really, it was absolutely candid and it brought a smile to my face very time I saw him. Unfortunately for me, he thought it was highly embarrassing and had banned me from grocery shopping while he was on duty. Unfortunately for him, I really needed ingredients and this was the only store within jogging distance, especially in the middle of winter.
He looked as handsome as ever that day. The little bell above the door tinkled with my arrival and he looked up from the cash register and the old lady he was currently helping, eyeing me with an amused gaze. I put my hands on my face, trying to tell if something was there. Nothing. Then I looked down and noted that underneath my winter coat I still had on my pajama pants. Reaching up and touching my hair, I felt the way that I had pinned it back in a rather girlish way. Well, whatever. I'd give him his laugh for the day. Actually, I'm pretty sure he spent most of his days laughing at me.
After he'd finished helping his lone customer, I waltzed over to him, leaning on the counter. "I dressed up just for you," I said.
He chuckled in such a way that it made me smile and then he lifted up a hand and pulled the pin out of my hair, making my bangs fall back into my eyes. "I don't like other people looking at your face when it's like that."
"Axel," I pointed out, "there's no one in here."
His eyes scanned the surrounding area, noting that it was, indeed, empty and then he bent forward and pulled me in for a chaste kiss. "What are you doing here, Roxy? I thought I told you not to come when I was working." He was trying to be defensive, but his walls had already crumbled. I was awfully good at that, if I do say so myself.
"Not to worry, lover-boy," I said, waving the recipe in front of his face. "I just needed some stuff for dinner and this was the closest place. It's cold out there, in case you couldn't tell."
He turned his red head around to look out the window at the winter wonderland. "Yeah, I guess it is, huh? How about I help you find stuff, since, as you said, there's no one here."
One would think that Axel and I would have stopped acting like some lovesick (newlywed?) couple somewhere along the lines of four years ago, but we hadn't and I don't think we ever would. The shopping trip that should have taken a grand total of five minutes ended up taking over half an hour, because we couldn't stop kissing each other behind the aisles. I suppose that this is the real reason he never wants me to visit when he is still on the clock. He would never get any work done if I stuck around for too long.
I finally managed to break free from him and teasingly demand that he go back to stocking shelves or whatever it was that grocer-boys did before I eased myself back into the cold weather.
These were the times I would miss the most when I was gone.
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The blonde looked up at the taller boy looming over him, shielding his eyes from the afternoon sun. School was over for the day, but Roxas was sitting outside the school, waiting for his brother to come pick him up. Cloud had work that day, so Roxas, who knew he could be there for awhile, took up his sketch book to entertain himself. Axel had slightly surprised him. Besides sitting with Roxas at lunch, they hadn't talked much for the past week since the incident in the art room.
Axel lowered himself onto the grass next to the younger boy, casually looking over Roxas' shoulder at the picture he was creating: a snapshot in time of the couple sitting on the bench across the street, blushing and holding hands. Roxas was not ignoring him by not speaking, Axel knew, he was simply a man of few words. Axel wanted to say something, but he was struggling with the phrasing, something that rarely, if ever, happened to him.
"Just ask it," Roxas said, after a couple minutes of silence. "I'm not going to say 'yes' unless you ask."
"I was just wondering… if you had nothing better to do, if you wanted to go to a movie or something," he managed to say, still amazed that this boy made him stutter with his words.
"I guess," Roxas replied. "I'll have to call my brother first." With a sigh that wasn't altogether reassuring for Axel, the blonde put his sketch book away and pulled out a phone that looked as though it had seen better days. His long, feminine fingers dialed in the phone number. He held it up to his ear. A few moments later, someone on the other end picked up and they started talking. "Hey. Yeah, it's me. I was just calling to tell you that I'm going out with a friend… Yes, I have a friend… A boy… Yes, he's nice… He'll give me a ride home… I won't be out too late… Thanks... Yeah. Bye." As soon as he hung up, he stared at Axel incredulously. "You will give me a ride home, right?"
Axel nodded and helped Roxas to his feet. "I have a car."
They went to the movie theater and shared a large bag of buttered popcorn, both trying to dismiss the way their fingers tingled when they accidentally touched. But it didn't matter, because by the time they reached the bottom, they were holding hands anyway. There was no cliché moment of shyly sliding their fingers across the armrest, hands suddenly touching as they realized the other had the same idea. They both reached at the same time, eyes in contact, and let their slightly-greasy fingers entwine together for the remainder of the movie.
It was then that Roxas realized he didn't just need help; he needed Axel.
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By the time Namine knocked on our apartment door, I had made myself more presentable and Axel had already showered and changed his clothes. The blonde girl gave me a big, friendly hug and I showed her into our home.
"Namine," I said, pulling on Axel's hand to make him stand up from the couch, "this is Axel. Axel this is Namine."
Namine graced him with a beautiful smile and his tension seemed to melt away. I know he'd been worried about her supposedly trying to steal me from him (as if that could ever happen), but he could now tell that she had no such intentions. Nevertheless, he wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed the curve of my neck.
"Axel!" I exclaimed, warningly, whacking his arms away and blushing profusely.
My friend just seemed to take it all in stride, shrugging it off with a soft giggle.
"Um… Dinner's ready," I said. Axel, who always seemed to have an empty stomach, was in the kitchen before I had time to finish my sentence. I glanced at Namine, rolling my eyes. "Come on. The kitchen's just through here."
Dinner, to my complete and utter surprise, wasn't awkward at all. Even Axel lightened up after a few minutes. We talked about everything from our majors to cars to jobs to family. Namine, as it turned out, could be quite the chatterbox when she wanted to be.
After we finished our soup (which turned out a lot better than I thought it would) I served ice cream. (I got it for fifty-percent off since I worked, not very often admittedly, in the store that sold it.) And then we got up, leaving the dishes for later, to look around the apartment at my pictures, the main reason she had come here in the first place.
"Wow, Roxas," she said, placing her hand over her mouth when we came across the picture I'd painted of Axel when he was sleeping. "You have to put some of these in a show. I've never seen anything quite like them. They are absolutely breath-taking."
"That's what I always tell him," Axel agreed, giving me a sly grin.
I blushed and muttered inaudible things under my breath. "Maybe sometime," I gave in.
Axel and Namine shared a high five. Okay, in retrospect, maybe it wasn't the best idea to let them meet.
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"I would like four scoops of chocolate fudge." I gazed up at the overweight woman in front of me. Good thing she appeared to be rich, because four scoops would cost her an arm and a leg – not that I would want hers or anything.
It had been slow all day. Most people didn't go out for cold dessert in the middle of winter before Christmas. The coffee shop across the street was a much better choice.
I smiled a forced smile at the woman and stood from the stool I'd been spacing out on. When I handed her the ice cream, she gave me a large bill and said, "Keep the change. You look like you could use a little fun." And then she left. I guess you can't really judge a book by its cover.
I glanced at the money in my hand. I still needed to get Axel something for Christmas. This was my yearly dilemma. Even though I'd known him for such a long time, he was still a hand person to shop for. This year… this year I needed to get him something special, more special than the usual. After I was dead and gone, I wanted him to move on, but I also wanted him to remember me for the rest of his life.
Outside, the street lights were beginning to turn on. Soon I would be able to go home. Maybe I could go to the mall for a while. I still had two weeks until Christmas. I just hoped that would be enough to find the perfect gift. I really needed to stop procrastinating, but old habits die hard.
My boss called and told me to go home early. Everything was already cleaned and spotless, so I shut off the lights and locked the door, stepping out into the chilly night air. The bus stop for the mall was only a block away, but since it was so cold it felt further than that. This was supposedly one of the coldest winters on record. I rubbed my gloved hands together in a failed attempt at warming them. The hood of my coat was pulled up around my ears.
I searched around the mall for an hour before giving up. I wouldn't find anything there. By the time I arrived home, Axel already had the table set for dinner and was working over the stove on something. I snuck up behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist.
He jumped and exclaimed, "Rox, don't scare me like that! You're so cold." He rubbed his calloused hands up and down my arms, trying to get my body heat back up. Then he gave me a hug and a kiss. "Dinner is almost ready. Just go take a shower really quick to warm up. It's not good for you to be that cold."
His motherliness made me giggle, but I did as I was told. Besides, I wanted to get the sugary smell of ice cream off my skin.
Probably my favorite part of the day was eating with Axel, talking about our respective days, weird people we'd met and that sort of thing. I was a lot more talkative now than when Axel first met me. Back then, I hardly opened my mouth for anyone. I think he gave me his stupid sense of humor and sarcasm, too. But I liked me better this way. I loved what he did to me.
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Cloud's boyfriend's name was Leon.
Cloud asked me if I would come over for dinner and I agreed. I really wanted to meet this guy that made him act like some lovesick schoolgirl. As it turned out, Cloud had every reason to act like a schoolgirl in front of him. I mean, this guy was sexy. Not that I'd ever tell Axel that. He spent too much time acting like a green monster as it was.
I liked having my brother back. He was one of the two most important people in my life and it sucked not having him around.
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"Roxas, can I ask you a question?" Namine put her paintbrush down and stared at me.
"Yeah, anything," I replied.
"Are you sick?"
The inquiry caught me completely off-guard and I nearly dropped my paint. "N-no," I stuttered. "Why would you ask such a thing?"
"Well, it's just that when my grandma got sick, she started acting a little like you."
"Like what?"
"Like she had nothing to lose."
Somehow, I couldn't bring myself to lie to her. Her eyes begged for the truth, like she couldn't stand the thought of losing me, her friend. "Please don't tell anyone," I pleaded. "I just… no one can know. Especially Axel."
"What is it?" she asked, her eyes softening.
"Degenerative leukemia. I probably won't live until graduation." Suddenly, I found myself choking up and I had to dismiss myself from the room. Namine ran after me. I fell against a wall, my body suddenly taken over with sobs. Her skinny arms came around my body, holding me close to her.
I wish it didn't have to be like this.
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Babblings: Sorry this chapter isn't as long as I would have liked it to be. But at least I updated. Please review or this story will once again be put on hold.