Part 1-- What Does This Button Do?

"So, what is it?" The cat asked.

"Well sirs," Kryten said, "remember that matter transporter I found a few years ago that landed us on Wax World?"

"Yeah, I do," Lister gave Rimmer the evil eye from where he was listening, on his top bunk.

Rimmer turned away from Lister's accusing gaze and cleared his throat in embarrasment. "Yes, well, no need to

go rehashing the past. Besides, Kryten, you were about to tell us about this fascinating device?"

"Indeed. You see that one only transported us through space. I believe that this new one I found can transport us through space _and_ time!"

"Convenient how we always find these things just laying about, isn't it?" Rimmer observed.

"Sounds like the smegging Time Drive." Lister pointed out.

"Indeed it does sir, but this one can only take us to the past."

"So, it's like a crappier model?"

"Yes, well, I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who can figure out how to use it, so we don't have to worry about a repeat performance of that whole JFK incident. Besides, it will serve our purpose."

"Our purpose being, what, exactly?" Rimmer stood up, arms folded, and obviously not liking what Kryten was getting at.

"To test it, sir. So please, will you each grab a paddle?"

"BRUTAL!" Lister leapt off his bunk and almost landed on Cat, who was sitting on the floor in front of the bunks.

"Watch it, monkey! I don't want whatever you manage to pickup on the bottom of those boots getting on my suite!" Cat stood, brushed himself off, and went to take hold of one of the paddles with Lister and Kryten.

Rimmer stood apart from them, lips pursed, arms folded, and right leg jiggling. "Come on, Rimmer, you're holding us up."

"Nope."

"You're such a smegging coward."

"I'm _not_ a coward! I'm just being practical. What if you find yourselves in the middle of a war again? Do you really want me down there, intervening?"

Lister considered this for a moment. "I guess you're right, Rimmer. So, it's just you and Holly. No wild parties while we're away!" With that, the three of them disappeared.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"So, what is it?" Hillary was examining the device that Bryce had just presented to Lara and himself.

"Behold and be amazed! For I, Bryce Turing, the greatest technical genius ever born has created-"

"Get on with it, Bryce." Lara was not impressed with his grand display.

"They said it couldn't be done, but it can be done, and I have DONE IT!"

"GET ON WITH IT!" Lara and Hillary shouted together.

"I have created the world's first, fully functional, Time Machine!"

"What, this?" Hillary picked up the gizmo again in disbelief. "It's just a little black cube with a button on it!"

"Yeah, complex in it's simplicity," Bryce said, dreamily.

Lara took the "time machine" from her butler and examined it herself. "So this is suppose to send a human anywhere in time?" The unconvinced tone was as clear as Hillary's had been.

"And space!" Bryce interjected, quite pleased with himself.

Lara looked it over carefully, her inborn curiosity and desire for adventure, took her over. What does this button do? One elegant finger pushed the little black button.

"No, Lara, wait! Don't...." Bryce grabbed Lara's wrist, but it was too late. The archeologist and the geek disappeared right before Hillary's eyes and three men (or something close to) appeared.

~*~*~*~*

"Whoa, eh, what a ride!"

"Yeah, but where are we?" Cat asked, looking around. The room was filled with computers and other technical equipment. "Are we on some other ship?"

"I don't think so." Kryten was looking through the room's transparent doors and noticed the stately hall of the manor lying outside of their current position. "And I do believe we shouldn't be so concerned with where we

are, but when."

"That is a very good question, Kryt," Lister said.

Then a strangely familiar voice came from behind them, "If you would excuse me gentlemen, but I have some rather good questions myself. Like, who the hell are you?"

The Boys spun around. "Rimmer?" Lister was very confused.

"What?" The other man was equally as confused.

Okay, so this guy wasn't Rimmer, but he sure looked all the hell like him. Same curly hair (but this guy's was a bit more tamed), same hazel eyes, same nose complete with stupid flared nosrtils. The differences were subtle. He didn't have that smug look about him nor was his voice so whiney.

"Hey, what's with the Captain Sadness clone?"

"Yeah, man, who are you?"

"I believe I asked you first."

Kryten stepped forward, "Pardon us, sir. I am Kryten, this is Mr. Lister and this is Mr. Cat."

"Yes, that explains everything, doesn't it?" Oh, he had Rimmer's sarcasm, though.

"And you, who are you then?"

"My name is Hillary Winston."

"Ah, very good," Kryten continued, "Now can tell us where we are?"

"You're in Croft Manor."

"England?" Lister was getting excited.

"Yes."

"So we're on Earth?"

"Last time I checked, yes."

"YEEEEEES!" Lister started doing a dance, resembling a jig, around the room.

"But what year is it?" For once, Cat was being practical.

Though Hillary was getting a bit weirded out by the trio's questions and that little man's dancing about, he decided to continue giving information. "2001."

Lister stopped his dance. "Wow, that's a long time ago, in' it? Ah well, I am HOME!" He started his dance again.

"I'm very happy for you, I'm sure, but would some one explain to me how you got here and why you just happened to arrive as my two friends vanished?" The angularly featured one shifted is gaze from the one with pointy teeth, to the one still dancing, then gave Hillary a "this will take some time" look. Hillary sighed. "I'll go put some tea on."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"-push the button!" Bryce sighed when he realised the sentence he just finished was futile.

"hmmm, impressive."

"I could have told you that before you pushed the bloody button!'

"What is your problem? Did you not want to use it? Rather silly, you create something you never intend to use!"

Bryce looked around. "I wonder when we are..."

"I'm a bit concerned with where." Lara went a few steps down the corridor and found a window port. "Oh, shit."

"Indeed," Bryce followed her, shaking the little box, "I think you broke it." Then he saw what Lara saw, "Blimey!"

~*~*~*~*~*~*

Finally, Rimmer was going to get some peace and quite for a while, maybe forever if there has been a cock up in

the others' trip. Hmm...that thought should have cheered him up...

"Arn?"

"What, Hol?" He has just laid back in his bunk wanting to sleep, but Holly just had to interrupt.

"Um, intruder alert?"

"Why was that a question? Is there or is there not an intruder alert?"

"Yes."

It was at times like these that he wished he could punch that stupid face on the screen and cause her severe pain for being such a goit. "Okay, let's say there are intruders, how did they get on?"

"Dunno, just appeared when Lister and the others left."

"And these 'intruders', what are they?"

"Human: Male and Female."

Rimmer bolted up from his bunk. "Female? Are you sure? Where are they?"

"Yes. Yes. And headed this direction."

"WHAT???!!!" They were coming his way, and one of them a woman!? He dashed to the sink with the mirror above and did a quick preening. He checked his teeth, ran a hand through his hair, straightened his uniform, decided that his curls looked too frizzy, so he bent down, collected some water in his hands and wetted down his hair. As he straightened up he saw in the mirror the two "intruders" walk in. He started and quickly spun around to face them.

The man wasn't even looking at him, he was fidgeting with some object. The woman, the woman was gorgeous! Her skin was tan, with an athletic body covered by simple blue-jeans and a white tank top. Her chestnut hair was tied back in a long braid revealing her full lips and bright eyes. And _no man_ could over look that chest! He could feel his eyes readying to fall out and his mouth gaping. God, I must be looking like a complete idiot! No wonder she's looking at me strangely. Okay Arn, break the ice, no hypnotism though, this one doesn't look like she'd fall for it...

He swallowed hard. "Uh, hello." Now the man's head snapped up and gave him the same strange look. Rimmer decided it was time go into his macho routine. Straightening his posture and lifting his chin, he said, "My name's, Rimmer, Arnold J. Rimmer. I am commander of this vessel and you are intruding on _my_ turf! Now, you either tell me who you are and what you are doing here or I'm going to have to assume you are hostile and I will get violent." Oh, please don't be hostile!

The man sniggered, and said softly to the woman, though Rimmer could hear it, "Get a load of this! I mean he

looks like-" The woman elbowed the man roughly and finally lost her quizzical stare.

The woman took a step forward, Rimmer took an involuntary step back, though he was already pressed against

the sink. The action seemed to amuse the woman and she smiled. "It's alright, I'm not going to hurt you," she

said as if talking to a stray puppy. But oooh, boy did this bird have a sexy voice! "My name's Lara Croft. The grease stain behind me is my associate, Bryce."

/associate!/ HA! Good, the bloke wasn't a boyfriend or anything. Ol' Rimsy had a chance! Suddenly, he didn't care about how she got here, just as long as she's here! Now, just don't do anything jerky. No need for her to know you're a smeghead.

"I don't know the science about how we got here, but it was by that black box Bryce is trying to fix."

Try to fix? So it was broken! She won't be leaving anytime soon, and he wants to keep her here as long as he can. Still, offering a form of assistance will make him look like he cares and wants to help get her back will earn him points! "Perhaps if you go to the science lab, Holly could help you."

"Who's Holly?" Bryan, or whatever his name was, looked up from his little toy again.

"That'd be me, deary." Holly appeared on the room's vid screen.

"Wow, that's the computer?" Ew, was it just Rimmer's imagination, or was the little geek drooling over Holly?

"Yes, why don't you run along and sort out you're little problem, eh?" Yes, go, let Lara and I get more acquainted!

"Well, how am I suppose to find my way to said Science lab?"

"I'll show you the way, deary!" Holly gave a wink and a smile. Ger-ose. At last, they finally left.