Chapter 10 Death

Although I know I haven't, it feels as though I have run down this corridor a billion times already. I know I haven't even searched half the castle yet. There is nothing I can do but keep running, keep searching. Not stopping until I have found him, until I've found Remus.

My feet carry me forward, dodging rubble and jumping stairs with uncharacteristic grace. So far I have passed nobody. Judging by the state of the corridors, the battle had long since moved on from them before I arrived.

I reach the end of the corridor and leap down a small set of stairs, landing hard on my feet; the sound of my boots echoing off the battered walls. Smoke hangs in the air. One of the many tapestries had been set on fire and is only just beginning to burn out. Someone has been here recently.

A sound of heavy footsteps confirms my suspicions. I squint through the smoke. A man is coming round the corner. I cannot tell who it is, but his robes are unmistakable- he's a death eater! And he is walking straight at me; walking proudly, strutting even. That can only mean one thing...

He finally notices me, but it's far too late. I have already retrieved my wand and taken aim. The curse escapes my mouth without thought; I just need to find out whose body is lying just round that corner. A blinding flash of green erupts from the tip of my wand and hits the death eater squarely in the chest.

I don't even wait to watch him fall- I set off again, swerving round the corner. Hoping and praying it isn't...it is. I grind to a halt and my legs, no longer capable of bearing my weight, give way. I collapse to my knees letting out a huge scream of agony as I feel my insides tear into two. The tears come thick and fast, staining my contorted face.

I guess I knew it would be him the moment I saw the death eater strutting round the corner. But nothing could have prepared me for this. My husband, my Remus, laid just metres away; lifeless. In just a matter of seconds my whole world, my whole sense of being had been crushed.

My wails of sorrow fill the corridor as I crawl towards my dead husband. I pick his motionless head up and cradle him to me, swaying back and forth. My tears become increasingly violent and my cries become desperate; I can't breathe. This cannot be happening. I shut my eyes tight, perhaps when I dare to open them again this will all have been a very bad dream.

But nothing changes when I open my eyes. The magnificent Hogwarts is crumbling around me and my husband is lying dead in my arms. Suddenly, my life has no real meaning. I can't think straight; I feel nothing but pain and ache. How am I supposed to live without my Remus? How am I supposed to function without him?

It's impossible! I know that if I walk out of this battle alive, I will never be me again. That part of me that was Remus, which I had fought so hard for had been taken away again. And it wouldn't matter how hard I fought this time; I would never be able to get it back, to get him back. Surely it isn't possible to feel truly alive when such a huge part of your soul is missing. How do I live the rest of my life feeling incomplete? Can I raise my son feeling incomplete?

A high-pitched cackle rouses me from my sorrow. I don't even have to look up to know its Bellatrix. She says something, taunts me but I cannot tell what she is saying; I am too consumed with grief to be able to register words. I have all of seconds to decide between life and death- to fight back or not. But I didn't even need a single second; I made my decision when I rushed around the corner to find Remus's body.

I lift my tear filled eyes to meet her cold black ones. My expression is close to pleading I'm sure. The green flashes before me. I feel a sharp stab of pain throughout my body, then nothing.

But there is something. I am no longer kneeling over Remus. I am standing in the corridor. What just happened? I hear a scream of delight behind me and whizz round to find the source. I watch in shock as Bellatrix traipses down the corridor and round the corner out of sight. And there I am, lying over Remus: both of us motionless, lifeless, bodies. I turn back around; the image too strange and sickening to behold. And much to my disbelief the end of the corridor has disappeared. There is just light, blinding white light. The only thing breaking it is a figure. I step forward tentatively, I feel strangely weightless. The figure becomes recognisable as I move closer, into the light. It's Remus. He is waiting for me. And I know I have made the right decision. I'm happy...