Title: All Over You, Not Over You
Paring/Characters: Nathan and Haley
Rating: M
Disclaimer: I don't own anything
Author's Note: I know this might be confusing but in the next chapter(s) I will clear everything up. Thanks for reading
Chapter One: I Wish You Would Stay With Me
"Nathan! Your such a jerk!" Haley said, laughing as she laid stomach down on the end of Nathan's bed.
"Thanks a lot Hales, love you too," Nathan said, busy on his laptop.
Haley tried to ignore the butterflies in her stomach whenever he said that.
"Nathan, I was standing outside for like 15 minutes you weren't answering your door!"
"Sorry Hales," he smiled, throwing her his signature smirk over his right shoulder, indicating how sorry he really wasn't.
They did this a lot, just hung out together. Well, usually, until Nathan starting dating Laura. The only reason they were able to hang out this Saturday night together was because Laura was away with her family for the weekend. Of course Haley would never tell Nathan, but she was secretly thrilled to have him all to herself for just one more weekend. It wasn't that she didn't like Laura per say, it was just that her feelings were still strong for him, even though she tried to deny them.
"It's fine, anyway, you know what I was thinking about the other day?" Haley asked, pushing down all thoughts of Laura from her mind.
"Hmm?" questioned Nathan, still busy downloading god knows what online.
"Remember that time you tried to teach me how to play basketball and I accidently gave you a black eye?" She questioned, already feelings the dread of that incident.
They had all been outside in Nathan's front yard. Nathan, Haley, Lucas, Brooke, Peyton, and Jake. Although Haley knew she was absolutely dreadful at basketball, she didn't want to upset Nathan by not playing, especially when his team was short one person. Of course, in all of her gloried klutziness, she went to go make a "pass" to Nathan, hitting him straight in his left eye, leaving a very prominent black eye.
"Yeah," Nathan answered, nonchalantly.
Haley frowned, staring at the back of his head, wondering if she should voice her opinion out loud. She knew how Nathan got. She'd seen him brush off other people without a care, but never her…
"Your definitely depressed, I know it." She said, mentally crossing her fingers for him not to lash out at her.
"Not true," he answered, oblivious to her sullen tone of voice. "Not my fault you turn violent once you get your hands on sporting equipment.
Haley laughed, hoping his mood would brighten up a tiny bit. "I said I was sorry like a thousand times after that! Plus I said I love you, I never say that to anyone." She immediately regretted saying those three words. Of course they said they loved each other, but they never said it completely serious. They were best friends; it was natural for them at this point.
Nathan turned around to face her, his smirk still in place. "That's because it was true," he laughed. "You still do," he accused her, playing along.
"Haha, Nathan I was 15! Plus, clearly you still love me," she said, once again realizing her mistake. He has a girlfriend.
"You can deny it all you want Hales." His voice suddenly taking on a more serious tone, one she didn't like too much right now…
"So can you then Nathan," she pushed out in a nervous whisper.
"Yeah well, I'm the one with a girlfriend here."
The words hit her so hard; she had to look down at the bed in order for him not to see the build up of tears at bay. He however, didn't seem to notice.
"I know that, of course you would use that excuse to avoiding denying the past," she half-laughed, in order to turn the mood of the night back around to how it was moments before. No such luck.
"Well you shouldn't have been so shy and Haley-like all the time." He stated, clearly un-amused by this sort of conversation. He knew how this was going to end, not well.
"What do you mean?" she questioned, although she knew she shouldn't of. Of course she knew what he meant, she just didn't want to admit to it.
"You know what I mean Hales," he said, once again turning his chair around to face his laptop.
She knew she shouldn't have brought the past up. It never did them any good to talk about it. Especially since nothing good ever came of it.
"You'll grow out of it though," he stated, knowing this topic was never good to talk to her about. She always got upset whenever it was mentioned. He never liked making her upset, girlfriend or not.
"I would hope so," she whispered, "This whole thing with us went on for like two years." She cursed herself for saying that. She knew he didn't want to talk about this. Not now when he had a girlfriend. Not now when they were simply hanging out as friends. Not now.
"I don't know why I even put up with it," his voice had that edge once again. He turned around again to look at her.
"You liked me, enough to deal with me." She tried to make light of the situation, knowing this was bad timing.
"Yeah sadly," he joked, although it came out more as a pity statement.
"Sadly?" she questioned him, pressing him to explain himself. This was all going downhill way to fast. They couldn't stop it. The conversation already invading the rest of their "supposed to be peaceful" night.
"I'm only kidding Hales. I gave up though." He laughed. And she didn't know why. Didn't get it.
And before he could even stop the words, they came spilling out.
"It wasn't worth it. I'm not going to go after something I can't get. I spent two years, it was enough waiting already."
She didn't even blink. Couldn't. She was so shocked he had just said that to her. She felt the tears again. Threatening to spill out.
"You promised me you wouldn't do this to me Nathan," she barely whispered. Completely taken back by his confession.
"Do what?" he asked, although he knew exactly what she was talking about. Last year when they had a similar conversation, he promised her he wouldn't make her feel guilty about not doing anything with him "When did I promise you this Haley?"
"Last year, you did, I promise," she swore, sounding almost desperate.
"Well you shouldn't have done it," he blew out, getting up from his chair to shut his door, blocking her from leaving. Not that she was thinking of, yet.
"Done what?" she questioned him, not liking what was going on. She sat upright on his bed, crossing her legs.
"Fuck with me for so long. You overanalyze everything. You wouldn't do anything. It was like a two year tease."
He knew that would hit her hard, it had to be said though. It was lingering around for a good two years, blinding them from the truth.
"What the hell Nathan! Are you fucking serious," she never cursed, hardly ever. Certain situations call for it though…
"No," he lied, almost immediately, seeing the hurt and anger flash in her eyes, even upsetting him a little bit.
"Yes you are! I cannot believe you just said that," she huffed. This was going too far.
"I'm sorry Hales, I had too." He saw the tears build up in her eyes again before she looked down quickly, biting her bottom lip. Nervous habit. "Hey, I'm just being honest." He said calmly, trying to lessen the blow of what he said to her earlier.
She quickly wiped her eyes in order to keep the tears from flowing.
"You can't actually think I meant to do that, you know I get extremely nervous."
He walked over to her and sat down on the edge of the bed next to her, still keeping his distance. "I know you didn't mean to Hales. "But you did it," he added quietly.
"I did like you, and I told you… and then you go and blame it on me." She looked down at the floor. She couldn't believe they were doing this again.
"Yeah but, I knew you wouldn't do anything because your paranoid of what everyone was going to say." And it was true. She knew Brooke and Peyton wouldn't believe it if she told they she liked Nathan. Haley and the star basketball player? Not exactly typical Tree Hill behavior.
"It's just your personality, you weren't going to just hook up with me."
"What?" she looked at him then, confused as hell. Of course he would bring that up again.
He continued though," It's just the way you do things Haley, and that's probably why nothing happened."
"So you're blaming it on me," she stated firmly.
"No, I'm blaming it on the way you think. You can't help it; it's just what you do. Sorry." It was his turn to look away. He felt almost guilty for doing this with her. Not to mention Laura… Fuck.
"Did you do this to get back at me?" she asked, looking at him. She had to ask him. She knew she shouldn't bring Laura into it, it wasn't fair to her and it wasn't fair to Nathan.
"What? No, I'm not that kind of person. You know that Haley." He urged.
"So then why would you say it to me?" she frowned, visibly upset by how this conversation was going.
"Because I had to say it."
She looked away from his intense stare, everything running through her mind way to quickly. "Why though? Why now?" She really didn't get it.
"When else Haley?" He was getting annoying, he didn't want to talk to her about this anymore, and he felt like he was betraying Laura.
She didn't know what to say to him. This is exactly what she didn't want to happen. And of course, it was.
He saw how upset she was getting, she was shaking slightly and was biting on her lower lip, and he felt bad.
"Sorry," he mumbled, getting up to go sit back at his computer chair, putting as much distance between them as he could.
"You said I was a two year tease, what the hell Nathan?" She shouldn't have brought it up again, obviously. She just couldn't stop thought. She needed answers, craved them.
"Haley, Come on. You flirted with me, you hooked up with Ryan, and had Brooke and Peyton ask me nonstop about doing things with you, and you wouldn't even do anything."
This was giving him such a headache. He hated arguing with Haley, especially when all he wanted was a quiet evening to just calm down after the basketball game.
"Me hooking up with Ryan bothered you?" She had no idea that her hooking up with someone a year and a half ago still bothered him. Especially since Ryan and Nathan weren't even friends.
"You answer that," he bit out, almost too harshly.
She felt her heart tighten for a spilt second, scared of his attitude towards her.
"Nathan, I would have been way to nervous to hookup with you." And it was true. She didn't know why, but her feelings and nerves kept getting in the way of everything.
"I'm aware, you just have it let it go, fight it, whatever." He replied, brushing it off like he could so easily.
Of course, easy for him to say, thought Haley. He's been with half the grade…
Before she could get a word in, he started up again. "It's done with, it's in the past."
"Why would me hooking up with Ryan bother you, Nathan? You hooked up with so many other people last summer, and still now! You know you did." She couldn't wrap her head around him being mad at her for this.
"Well you weren't nervous for that now, were you?" He accused her hastily.
"Because I didn't care about him! And I knew I wasn't going to see him for at least another year, till the next summer! It didn't matter Nathan," she exclaimed exasperated. "And the only reason I called and told you when you were at High Flyers was because I trusted you… not to throw it back in my face!" she ended.
"Okay, well if I liked you what do you think I would have thought?" he challenged back, anger and a glimpse of regret flashing through his dark blue eyes.
"Yeah but the next day I was text messaging you from vacation, so clearly I didn't piece it together like that." She shot back at him, silently meeting his challenge.
He sighed loudly, clearly annoying with her, but she didn't care. He started this. They would finish it. "The only thing I thought would be good from it was that maybe you'd see it was not such a big deal.
"Why are you so bitter against me again it Nathan? I don't get it." She said sincerely.
"I'm not, it's just annoying." He said, bitterness still clear in his tone.
"I told you I liked you." She said, matching his tone perfectly.
He laughed obnoxiously, "Yeah, a little too late. What was I supposed to do with that information Haley? Nothing. I couldn't have anyway. You wouldn't have," he accused her… once again.
"Really?" She shot back, wondering why he was on such a role with his accusations.
"You told me, you're too nervous-"
"So force me," she challenged, her eyes expressing that she was completely serious.
"I'm not doing that, you know I'm not going to do that to you," he said, and she almost flinched under his intense stare. She looked away fast.
"I don't know Haley, I don't know what's happening," he said considerably softer.
"It's still going to be there…-" she started, before he cut her off, almost angry.
"Yeah and always will be but whatever. Right now, I'm just leaving it in the past."
It was her turn to sigh loudly. "Yeah but you're also like, pushing me away, completely.
He started her, wondering why they had to be doing this. "I'm not pushing you away Hales, I just can't flirt with you, or whatever... I can't act the same as I did for the past two years but I can still be a really good friend, or best friend… whatever, I don't know."
She felt the tears again; hurt by everything he was brushing off. "You say that, then you say "whatever" like you don't care anymore. I didn't act the way I did to "tease you" I wouldn't do that to you Nathan"
"You indirectly did," he accused her one more time.
That was the breaking point for her. She went to get up to leave his room.
"I can't do this with you" she started.
Realizing her intent, he got up quickly, blocking the door so she couldn't leave. He started at her until she looked up at him.
Whispering so softly, he said, "I'm sorry for getting you so upset. Stop shaking, Hales."
"Why didn't you tell me before?" she asked. "Why didn't you say this to me before if you felt that way for so long?"
When he didn't answer, she made eye contact with him, noticing he looked just as sad as she felt.
"Do you hate me for this?" she asked so quietly if he weren't so close to her, he wouldn't have heard it. She was still dangerously close to him as his back rested against his bedroom door.
"I can't hate you," he said back to her. And he couldn't. Not after everything they've been through.
Now it was turning awkward. Laura kept seeping into his head, but he was still millimeters away from Haley, where he would have wanted to be, if it wasn't two years too later.
"I think that… it's time for me to go to sleep," Nathan said slowly, pushing himself off the door and back to sit on his bed.
"Nathan," Haley started, struggling with the decision to keep this conversation going, even if it hurt. "Your blowing me off, it's not fair."
He breathed deeply, mentally tired from their argument. "No Haley," he said sternly, "I'm just really tired."
"Half the stuff I did out of nervousness, turned into you using it against me," she said stated sadly.
He was too tired for this she needed to stop. Old feelings that shouldn't be there we're resurfacing. "You think I'm accusing you non-stop. I know you get nervous about stuff, but god Haley, there's ways you could have gotten over it."
She knew he was right. He was 100 right. She just, couldn't face up to it. She just needed answers that he wasn't giving her. He probably couldn't give them to her.
"You told me I wasn't worth it… did you honestly mean that?" She asked him, desperate for him to say no.
He saw the hurt in her eyes again and he felt bad. "No," he said quietly, soothingly. "I didn't mean that. I still love having you as a friend Haley. I just, can't do that to Laura," he finished.
"Okay… I have to go home," Haley said, keeping her gaze directed at his floor instead of at him.
"Haley?" he questioned, hoping he didn't hurt her too bad.
"Hmm?"
"I'll talk to you tomorrow… I'm sorry," he said with so much honesty in his voice it was hard for her not to believe him. He kissed her forehead goodbye before closing the door behind her.