A/N: I don't know how this idea has been written before. I like it, though, and I'm going to try and write with it.

Sorry if you've used it in the past—I didn't mean to 'steal' it.

By: Hadley

Disclaimer: It's a Wonderful Lie, even if I don't own House.

What I've Learned From House M.D.

1. It's never Lupus.

2. Whatever your ailment, it can be cured using an illegal drug/ narcotic.

3. Every doctor is attractive.

4. Oncologists and Immunologists have similar personalities.

5. Wearing a low neckline will result in merciless teasing.

6. Motorcycles have special compartments for canes.

7. General Hospital must be watched at all costs.

8. Clinic duty is helpful when solving diagnostic puzzles.

9. All clinic patients are idiots.

10. When you break into someone's house, it's always better to have a white chick with you.

11. Also, when breaking into someone's home, it is O.K. to eat their food.

12. Brunettes have all the fun.

13. Avoid telling your employees why you hired them.

14. Getting a cute nickname from your boss means you'll be fired. (CTB? Wombat?)

15. When going to see a doctor in another country, don't lose the medical records.

16. Real men watch soap operas.

17. Carmen Electra is hot, and can be used as a personal substitute when telling stories.

18. Parents of patients will always be annoying and hard to convince.

19. Most knowledge used to solve diagnostic puzzles cannot be learned in medical school; rather, the information is gained personal experience.

20. Breaking into a patient's home is perfectly acceptable—as long as you're not caught.

21. People don't change.

22. Patient's whose ailments are not diagnostically challenging will almost always end up being diagnosed with a serious underlying condition.

23. Sleeping with anyone and everyone, particularly co-workers, is perfectly acceptable.

24. Garfield "sure does love lasagna".

25. Finally, everybody lies.

A/N: This is my Friday Night write. A little late, considering its Sunday. Oh well.