Opening: Alternate Universe

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto… but Sasuke does.

Warning: Yaoi Sasuke/Naru, Neji/Gaara/Neji. More pairings later. Crude language and possible lemon.

Beauty and the Body-Guard

Chapter One: Strike a Pose; you're a Body-Guard Now!

'Blah' – thoughts

"Blah" – talking

---

"Bartender… Hit me…"

It was a Saturday night, an unemployed Saturday night that would lead to an unemployed Sunday night and so on so forth.

Sasuke rested his head on his folded arms, waiting for his next shot. He stared blankly out the open window that allowed a cool breeze to chill him in the heat of the summer night. Bright stars and a full moon illuminated the clear night sky. If he were not drunk, he most likely would not have noticed all of these things. There was an interruption of the wind and he knew that the bartender was in front of him with his drink.

"Sasuke-san, I think it's time I cut you off," the man bit his lip, probably waiting for some retaliation. He received none except for an audible sigh and a quick nod of the head. The bar-keep and also one of Sasuke's friends, Hiroyuki, was familiar with Sasuke's binges and when told that it was 'cut-off' time, would usually send an icy glare at him, prompting him to bring more.

He held his glass on the table and his head in his free hand. "I really need a job, Hiro," Sasuke whispered ruefully.

"Paying off your tab would help out a lot here. The boss already wants me to kick you out." Hiro jerked his head to the left where a large man was glaring at Sasuke from around a corner. Sasuke just smirked and sloshed his shot glass around, taunting him.

"Sasuke! Do you want me to be unemployed too?!" Hiro whined in a hushed voice.

"Believe me when I say this Hiro, I would never wish unemployment on even my worst of enemies."

"Yeah, yeah, apology accepted." The red head continued cleaning the glasses for closing time.

Sasuke sat in his usual stool, drinking his usual drink, and being, as usual, unemployed. He didn't know why he could never land a job. Sure he could get one, but keeping it was a whole other matter. He wasn't a people person so he couldn't work in a group, didn't like kids so he couldn't do any teaching…or baby sitting…'That mother is still calling me…he was fine after therapy…psh, women.' Long story short, Sasuke just wasn't cut out for work.

"Work isn't cut out for me!" He suddenly yelled drunkenly.

"Amen to that, brother!" Some equally drunk, middle-aged man shouted.

The tell-tale ringing of a bell sounded and a smile bloomed on Hiro's face. "Good evening, sir!" He greeted.

"Very good evening!" The customer replied cheerfully. He sat down at the bar next to Sasuke, as there were no other seats available.

"Anything I can get for you, sir?" Hiro asked politely.

The man put his hand to his chin in thought, looking at all of the selections on the book-like menu. He noticed the dark-haired male beside him who looked about his age, "Hey, what did you get?"

"Who am I?" was the intelligent response.

"Damn! I'll have what he's having," the male chuckled.

Hiro laughed too, "One Flatliner, coming up!"

"How many of those have you had?" The stranger asked Sasuke.

"…Hmm…about…" He looked at his fingers for help, "about…six." He said finally.

"You sure can hold your vodka. My name's Naruto, what's yours? Well, from that little outburst earlier, I'm not sure that-…"

"Sasuke…My name is Sasuke Uchiha," he answered quietly.

"Aa, Sasuke. Well Uchiha-san, what brings you here all down in the dumps and getting smashed?"

Sasuke looked up into bright-green eyes, looking at him with true interest. He noticed that this person was very beautiful; the three scars on each side of his cheeks were the only flaws. Naruto brushed his long brown out of his face, obviously getting fed up with it. He was wearing a long black trench coat and denim jeans. (1) 'In this heat? Is he crazy?'

"Unemployment. What about you?" Sasuke sipped out of his final glass, as if afraid to finish it.

"I'm only here for the 'getting smashed' part." Naruto laughed and downed his glass the second it hit the bar. He double-tapped on the table as sign for another one. "But it's funny, because my job is the reason that I feel like getting drunk, heels-over-head."

"Hmm… If I had a job, I'd be here to get drunk in celebration." Sasuke tipped his head back to polish off the rest of his drink.

"I bet if you came in drunk, they'd hire you." Naruto meant it as a joke, but laughed loudly as he saw Sasuke actually contemplating it.

The brunette blew the hair out of his eyes again. They sat there, perfectly content with each other's company. They chatted about random things; movies, bands, favorite restaurants –Naruto's being a place called Ichiraku's–, and other topics.

It was about a half an hour later that Sasuke noticed Naruto getting antsy about something. Sasuke doubted that it had anything to do with the four Flatliners that Naruto drank earlier, but he was a drunken man so what did he know?

Naruto kept glancing around and tapping his foot impatiently, like he was waiting for a train to arrive. The ringing of the bell alerted him and Sasuke noted that it looked like he wanted the train to leave. The train was a man in a black suit with strong build searching around the bar. 'It's summer, you crazy people!'

Spotting Naruto, the large man approached him and whispered something in his ear that Sasuke couldn't quite hear. Whatever was said, it made Naruto panic twice as much and his eyes widen considerably.

"Hey, Sasuke-san, I gotta go. It was great talking with you." Naruto spoke quietly and quickly as he made to leave. "Bar-keep, give my next drink to this guy," he pointed at Sasuke, "money's on the counter! Hope to see you again, Sasuke-san."

After giving his final goodbyes, the man in the black suit ushered him out of the bar hurriedly.

"Who was that?" Hiro asked as his placed the drink down in front of Sasuke and collected the money left behind.

"I don't know…perhaps an angel?" He answered, staring adoringly at the drink.

Hiro just sighed and shook his head. Glancing down in his hands, he about flipped-out when he saw an innocent looking hundred dollar bill looking up at him. More than four times as much as the bill was, it was probably enough to satisfy his boss with Sasuke's, ever late, bill. 'But seriously, I wonder who he was…'

---The Next Morning---

A sharp scream and colorful cursing woke up half of Sasuke's apartment the following day.

"Mother fucker! Oh, fucking hell! My head!" He cried in anguish, stumbling as fast as he could to the bathroom. "Son of a bitch! Fuck!" His body crumpled to the floor in front of the toilet and he emptied his already empty stomach into the bowl. "Ugh…Dear Lord…"

After retching a few times, he stood and wobbled to his kitchen, starting a fresh pot of coffee. If he ignored the screaming monkey in his head and the shaking feeling he got after vomiting, he'll still feel like shit. For some odd reason, he felt empty…like something was missing.

"Yeah, like a paycheck…" He glared menacingly at the bills lying on the counter.

Slumping in defeat, he swiped up the news paper and flipped to the classifieds. 'Why am I doing this? I know for a fact that I'm hopeless in finding jobs.'

You might be asking, 'how, if Sasuke is as unemployed as you say, does he afford to live in an apartment in Tokyo?' His rich ass older brother sends him money every month. Itachi Uchiha, fucking arrogant bastard, waves money around like it grows on trees. He'd punch his lights out if he could, but he didn't want to risk losing the very helpful donation he received each and every month without fail.

This also begs the question, 'Why, if Sasuke gets this kind of money as you say, is he looking for a job?' Well, my friend who asks too many questions, that is because he wants to rub a paycheck in his arrogant and smartass brother's face and prove that he could damn well take care of himself.

Sasuke skimmed the ads, disinterested until something caught his eye. Sounding as if he didn't have to work with groups of people, be around children, and he had every right to be an asshole. He was already good at that.

"A bodyguard?" The male smirked. "There has to be a catch." He looked at more of the information, no prerequisites, walk-in interview and if Sasuke did get the job…"Is that four zeros after that number?!" Twenty thousand dollars a month…sweet mother of fuck. Paid, roughly five thousand a week.

'Nothing to lose, right?' He thought and suddenly, something dawned on him. Glancing at the article again, he inwardly cursed as he looked at the time on his kitchen clock. It was noon, the interview already started and in an hour and a half until the interview was over, and while sounding like he had a lot of time, he had yet to shower and Tokyo traffic was hell on Sundays. (No pun intended, fellow Christian folk…okay, maybe a little bit)

He rushed in the shower, getting only as clean as he needed to. 'Hair washed, doesn't smell like ass and booze. Good.'He hopped out and quickly toweled himself off.

Throwing on his usual interview outfit, he examined himself in the mirror. He wore his black dress pants and a white blouse, not tucked into his pants. It was simple yet striking at the same time. His dark, black- blue hair was smoothed down and tickled his shoulders. He smirked at his reflection as he turned to leave, kicking on his black dress shoes as he left and finally locking the door.

Sasuke sprinted down the sidewalk, easily dodging the flow of people. He thrust his arm out and hollered, "TAXI!" Immediately a yellow cab pulled up near the curb and Sasuke hopped in. "Imperial Hotel! Near Imperial Palace and Hibiya Park." His response was a curt nod and the driver turned into the traffic.

Out of his lack of patience, Sasuke looked at his watch, forty-five minutes left; without traffic it would be thirty minutes until they got there. He'd be lucky if he got there ten minutes late. He tapped his fingers on the armrest and stared out the window, blowing a loose piece of hair out of his face.

When he looked at his watch again, it read that it was fifty minutes later and he was about to scratch his way out of the door. The cab squeaked to a stop and Sasuke practically threw the money at the driver and he ran out of the car.

Feet thumping on the pavement as he dashed and danced around the sea of people, wading against the current and slammed into the safety of the revolving door. In this instance, and he'd never admit it –looking at the witnesses to his idiocy, he banged right into the glass door, his body recoiling backwards and the glass making a low, reverberating echo in the entrance hall. 'Note to self: Automatic revolving doors tend to be resistant to people in a hurry.'

As soon as he made it into the building itself he walked quickly to the front desk, the woman behind it was 'trying' to calm herself after being one of the few who saw his 'accident'.

"Bodyguard…Dining Hall…where?" Sasuke asked, out of breath and irate.

The woman bit her lip and pointed to her left which led to a long hall. Sasuke saw the sign –even from his far distance– that had an arrow pointing down the hallway reading 'Dining Hall' beneath it. He mumbled a 'thanks' and took off toward it.

With a relieved sigh, he caught sight of a double-door entrance. Calming his erratic breathing, he slowly pushed open one of the doors and looked in.

He saw a large room that looked two stories tall, caramel-colored walls and maroon décor. In the middle of the wide expanse of space was a simple rectangular table with eleven people sitting behind it. They appeared to be packing up from the looks of things, but stopped when they realized that they had an intruder.

"Uh…hi? I'm Sasuke Uchiha and I'm hear to, uh, get interviewed for the bodyguard position." The dark haired man didn't really prepare himself for this portion; his main goal was just getting there on time. 'Shit.'

"Maa, maa. Welcome, I'm sure we have time for another interview," the silver haired male who addressed him scanned the people around him who nodded, smiling. A few looked put off by Sasuke's lateness, but let it pass for the moment. "Please, have a seat Uchiha-san."

It was then that Sasuke noticed the lone chair sitting in front of the panel of people. He approached the seat like he was walking in a field of landmines. Sasuke sat down and faced the group, waiting for something to happen.

He was brought out of his thoughts of predetermined failure by a soft voice at the end of the table.

"Hello there, my name is Iruka. All we are going to do is ask you some personal questions and your answers will tell us if you're right for the job, okay?" Sasuke numbly nodded. The man named Iruka smiled, seemingly approving of Sasuke's response.

"Do you have any experience in protecting someone?" 'I knew that one was coming.' Sasuke thought back to one of his last jobs of working in an agricultural facility –a Plant Daycare he remembered. Let's just say that even the cacti died after a week.

"No." He lied. Well it wasn't a lie, per say, he tried to protect something…he just didn't do a very good job of it, so it didn't count…right?

"Hmm…Okay. Do you have any experience in fighting?" Sasuke smirked.

Two words, "Black Belt." Iruka smiled on him for that one.

Iruka's job was to make sure that this person was capable of protecting someone and having a black belt certainly pertained to what he was looking for. "No further questions from me."

Eachperson on the panel asked Sasuke questions related to different aspects of his life; his past, his present, what he hopes to obtain in the future, why he wants to be a bodyguard, his family history, pop culture related questions, his likes, his dislikes, and what he would do with a million dollars. The last person's topic was probably potpourri because he asked some of the most random questions. Kiba was his name, if Sasuke remembered correctly.

"Would you ever cheat on a spouse or sell out your family for money?" The male, a little younger than him practically growled.

Sasuke nearly scoffed, "No. Why would I want to?" Kiba seemed to calm down a bit, but Sasuke noticed the twitch of his lips every so often. So other than that, Sasuke thought that he did a fairly good job.

Kakashi –as he found out later was the name of the silver-haired man– stood up and cleared his throat, catching Sasuke's attention. "One last question, Uchiha-san," The Uchiha nodded, "do you know who you would be protecting, should you get this job?"

That was when Sasuke finally became aware of his lack of preparation… he had no idea who the person he would be watching was. He felt like a complete idiot. He was so out of it today.

Kakashi seemed to perceive what went through Sasuke's head and smirked. "You may go now, Uchiha-san. Thank you for coming."

With those final words, the people behind the table began packing up again. They gave no encouraging words nor gave any sign that he had given a good interview.

Sasuke awkwardly rose from the chair and left. He made a point to leave more slowly through the revolving door and glare heatedly at the woman behind the counter, laughing at him.

As Sasuke walked along the busy street, he kept making excuses for his interview. "It was probably because I was hung over." "I didn't feel good today." "That damned revolving door!" His ramblings were starting to make people stare, and in a city like that, it was probably bad if people thought you were weird.

He was literally knocked out of his thoughts when a person collided right into him on his mad dash to wherever he was going.

"Watch where you're going, dobe!" He hollered at the person. The first thing he noticed about them was their striking blonde hair.

"What was that, teme?!" The next thing was the piercing blue eyes, glaring –well attempting to glare– at Sasuke. He was beautiful for a man, very effeminate.

Sasuke smirked, "Hard of hearing, do-be?" He let the name roll off of his tongue, loving the delicious blush that covered the blonde's face.

"Ugh! I-I…I don't have time for this!" He screeched after he trudged passed Sasuke.

As soon as the cute blonde left him, Sasuke noticed something that was familiar about him other than the unique scars on his face…'Where have I heard that voice before?'

---

By the time Sasuke was home after walking five miles and hailing a taxi for the other ten, it was four in the afternoon. He would've taken a taxi the whole way but he overpaid the original driver and didn't have enough money for a fifteen mile cab-ride. Deciding that he had nothing to do, he went to the phone to listen to his messages.

BEEP…Type in pass-code now then wait for the- Sasuke didn't give it enough time before he impatiently punched in his code.

BEEP…You have TWO messages…First message…BEEP! … "Hey Sasuke, it's Hiro, just thought I ought to tell ya, since you probably didn't even know where you were last night after those drinks."

Sasuke nodded knowingly, he was gone last night. "That guy that you talked to, Naruto, paid off half of your tab for you. I think you were right when you called him an angel."

'I called who what?!'

"So anyway, the boss says that you're allowed back in by Monday when we open up again. Later!"

BEEP! …Next message…

"Hello, little brother…"Sasuke swore loudly as he realized it was Itachi.

"I thought that I'd give you fair warning because I will be coming over to check up on you in about a week."

The dark haired male was about ready to punch the answering machine at it's smugness. "Don't go attacking the machinery on my part, Sasuke."

Now he really wanted to punch it. "Anyway, I have to go now. Work to do, you know…oh wait, never mind, you don't." …BEEP!

End of messages…BEEP!

Sasuke cursed. His brother was coming and he was going to see this. He scanned the apartment and groaned. Dear Lord. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, trying as hard as he can, to push back his oncoming headache. Itachi was going to come. He was going to see the apartment that he wouldn't be living in without his brother's help. He was going to see the piled up overdue bills. He was going to see that he was so disorganized at life. He could already see the smug, pompous look on his face. Sasuke really wanted to punch something right then.

Instead of wasting his frustrations, Sasuke opted to venture out of his apartment and go to the complex's gym. He squared up with the punching bag, his fists already wrapped with the familiar white medical tape. Without warning he let loose on the innocent bag, quick jabs and hooks flying.

Five hours later, after excessive work-outs and brushing back up on his martial arts; he returned to his place and collapsed on his living room couch. He flipped on his TV to watch some movie on HBO and then another. The last thing Sasuke remembered was that he looked at the clock that read 12:01 A.M.

'It's now an unemployed Monday.'

---

This would be the second day in a row that Sasuke would've woken up half of his apartment complex with his loud cursing. And why? Hangover? No, he didn't drink last night. It could be because of the loud ringing coming from his phone at -he fixed his sights on the kitchen clock- EIGHT in the morning.

Sasuke glared daggers at his phone, but realizing this would not stop its incessant ringing, he picked it up mumbling a dark, "Hello?"

"Hello, Uchiha-san!" An overly bright feminine voice came from the other end of the phone. "I'm calling you about the bodyguard position." That got his attention. "We would like to see you as soon as possible at the Imperial Hotel again."

"I'll be right there."

With that he hung up and rushed to his room and changed his clothes consisting of faded blue-jeans and a tight, black muscle shirt. He kicked on a paired of black sneakers and put his hair up in a loose pony-tail as he ran out of the door, locking it behind him.

He made it to the hotel in record time, mumbling a quiet, 'thank you,' he paid the driver and paced himself entering the building.

Sasuke smoothed out his outfit and trudged into the opening for the revolving door. He moved mechanically to the same dining hall he had his interview in. Breathing deeply, he opened the door and entered the room.

"Ah, Uchiha-san! Welcome! Glad to see you could make it on such short notice and in great time too!" A woman with short, dark hair greeted, obviously the same woman who called him that very morning judging by the perky, high-pitched voice.

"Well, brat, congratulations! You have been lucky enough to be chosen as the body guard of my client." A busty, blonde woman said sarcastically. "I'm the other brat's manager, Tsunade."

"My name is Shizune, and I'm Tsunade's personal assistant." The woman who welcomed him spoke cheerily.

A familiar gray-haired man smiled, "Yo, I'm Kakashi. I'm the 'scheduler' and the driver. I take you guys where you wanna go and get you there on time."

"Liar!" A girl, seeming to be about Sasuke's age, with pink hair snapped, "My name is Sakura, I do wardrobe. Drop me a line if you need some threads, you've got the right canvas for a lot of my works." She smiled cutely at Sasuke.

"Down, Forehead, down," a girl with long blonde hair and blue eyes joked. "I'm Ino, I do hair. You should hang with me if you're not too busy playing baby-sitter with the other blondie." She winked at Sasuke before engaging Sakura in a glaring match.

"Co-come on now, g-girls. Pl-plea-please c-calm down," a shy looking girl whispered. She was about the same age as the other two, with odd, light-colored eyes that didn't seem to have pupils. "U-um, I'm Hinata! It's very nice to meet you!! Uh, I, uh, I do make-up." A flush overtook her face and her direct line of sight hit the floor.

"Way to show your Spring Time of Youth!!" Sasuke was attacked by the vision of tight green spandex and sparkling teeth of blindness as a male a little older than him jumped before him. "I am Lee! I'm a personal trainer! You seem to be athletic and able in your condition! We should, sometime in the not-so-distant future, spar like the youth that we are!!" Sasuke felt a sudden urge to run that he, never in his life had felt before.

"Lee, calm down. You're going to scare him off like that." Another girl with long brown hair smiled understandingly and tried to ease the boy out of 'find a rival' mode. "My name is Haku and I'm a boy." Sasuke nearly faulted where he stood. "I'm your charge's modeling partner."

'So this person that I'm guarding is a model. That's the first this I've learned about them all day.'

"Big shocker, I know. I'm Kiba, a personal friend to your nightmare. Over there," Kiba pointed to a lazy looking guy smoking against the wall whose head looked like the profile of a pineapple, "is Shika-chan." Kiba grinned wildly, Sasuke quirked an eyebrow at that.

'Shika-chan' took a long drag on his cigarette and put it out in a designated ashtray.

"Troublesome, I'm Shikamaru. Call me Shika-chan," he seemed to cringe at the word itself, "and I'll staple the idiot over there to your back." It sounded like a threat to Sasuke and he wasn't very found of being threatened. He squared Shikamaru up but quickly found that the other person was not dangerous, as he remained motionless and unconcerned about Sasuke's scrutiny.

Instead, Sasuke opted to look around the room. It was then that he noticed Shikamaru was the last person in the room to introduce themselves and that the man he met yesterday wasn't there, Iruka.

All of a sudden the door to the dining hall burst open, gaining the attention of everyone in the room. The first person that Sasuke noticed was Iruka, the other person…

"Sorry, I'm late guys! I slept in again!" The blonde behind Iruka panted out, smiling a 'million watt' smile.

"Maa…whatever." Kakashi pardoned in a bored tone.

"Geez, Naru. Even Kakashi made it here before you." Sakura chided.

"Dobe?" Everyone turned to face Sasuke at his comment, both shocked and amused.

"Teme?! Wha-! Wait…Sasuke-san? Is that you?!" This caught Sasuke off guard. He was sure that he never met this man before the other day, nor did he exchange any personal information; like his name.

"Oh wow! It's really you! You look a lot different when you aren't all 'smashed'." The blonde joked.

Silence filled the room.

"Come on, Sasuke-san. It's me, Naruto, from the bar." Naruto skipped over to the other man who's looked thunder-struck.

'The bar…Naruto…the angel…?' Sasuke mentally slapped himself for that last thought. 'But wait…' "…Really, the Naruto I met had brown hair and green eyes." He pressed.

"You mean you really didn't notice? Ha! I told you it was a great disguise Iruka!!" Naruto bounced on his heels, elated.

"Congratulations, you have fooled a drunk." Ino said hushed and Sakura laughed in turn.

"Someone is way too happy," Sasuke smirked, leaning coolly against a wall.

"Teme!!" Naruto yelled, looking ready to pound the cocky bastard into the ground. He really was a lot nicer when he was drunk.

"So what are you in this little family?" Sasuke heard snickers around the group at his comment; his confidence dwindled at their chuckles. Like he was outside of the loop for once.

Naruto laughed, "I don't know if I should tell you. Do you know who you are?"

Sasuke wondered what he meant by that, "I'm the bodyguard for-" the blonde cut him off.

"You're my bodyguard."

"Wha-what?"

Naruto grabbed a magazine out of the bag slung over his shoulder and pushed it into Sasuke's arms. Sasuke looked at the cover and then to Naruto and then back to the cover. It was the same person.

"You're the model?" The brunette gaped. (2)

"Welcome to the Kitsune family, teme." Naruto smirked.

TBC…

(1) Naruto is in disguise.

(2) Sasuke can't afford a magazine otherwise he would've known who Naruto was before.

Nomi: So did you like my new baby?

Mol: Baby?

Nomi: Shut up! All of my stories are my babies!

Mol: You have issues.

Nomi: Anyway, thank you so much my lovely Ms. Editor, MayIFall!! LOVE HER!!

Everybody: Ja! Read and Review! Thanks!