Hello everyone:) For those who haven't read my page yet, this was the clean slate I was talking about. I was inspired. And some of this may be confusing at first, so I'll try and explain beforehand so everyone can identify. :)

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Bold Italic writing that's centered with the occasional string of dots... Beast Boy's personal 'Journal'

Plain writing 3rd person omni.

Italic thoughts

Italic followed by dots or the like... Flashback sequence

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Hopefully that'll keep everything clear.

P.S. The day and time that BB writes is not important. It was something I added to give it a more real feel.

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT IN ANY WAY SHAPE, OR FORM OWN OR CLAIM TEEN TITANS AS MY OWN WORK. THEY BELONG TO DC COMICS, WARNER BROTHERS, AND CARTOON NETWORK.

HOWEVER, I did write this story, and the subject matter included, myself and I would appreciate it if no one tries to plagerize it. And also, it would be much appreciated that if you want this as part of a FF community-- let me know. Thanks. : D

Explain This to Me

November 17th 2007 8:45:37 pm

Responsibility and duty. My responsibility is to my city, to my pledge as a hero, and to my teammates. My duty, however, will always be to my heart, and to those I care about most. I just wish that these two forces inside me didn't clash so much. That somehow I could find an inner peace and quell the storm between them-- these forces—these feelings.

"Beast Boy are you listening to me?!" Raven exclaimed, her voice sounding very much like she'd tried to grab his attention more than once.

The green-eyed boy turned to face her swiftly, "Yes, Raven??" he sounded shocked, he in fact hadn't been paying any attention at all; he wasn't even aware that she had been in the room.

"Fine. Don't worry about the meeting then. The rest of us will just go over battle tactics without you."

"C'mon Raven, that's not fair-- you know I wasn't listening." he whined.

"Of course not, your eyes were glued to the television screen." she shot back, walking towards the living room entrance.

"I'm coming. Wait up!" he cried out leaping off the couch after the dark-haired girl.

This was the responsibility part I was talking about.

"So did you read any of those books I asked you to?" she asked, her tone becoming lighter, almost cheerful like.

"Um," he placed a hand to his chin in a contemplative manner as the two walked down the long hallway towards the conference room, "I started reading Tragic Discord, but I haven't gotten very far." he replied honestly. For some unknown reason to him, Raven had been asking him to read books that she liked. He figured that it was so they'd have something else to talk about-- or argue about.

"You haven't gotten to the really good ones yet then." she sighed with a hint of humor in her voice.

And then she smiled at me. That special smile-- the one meant only for me. I know it is, because she never smiles that way if anyone else is around. Just when it's me, and her. So this is where my duty comes in. The duty to my heart. I care about Raven a lot. We've been though some tough times, but we've also have had many good times together. Up until a few weeks ago, or maybe a month, I knew what we were-- teammates, friends, family...

"Well, I'll get there soon enough. I got a couple of Rocketman comics calling my name first." he snickered, while she rolled her eyes at him.

The two had almost made it to the Conference room, but suddenly, Raven stopped mid-walk. She turned to the boy beside her, "Did you bring your map?"

"What map?" he scratched his head with confusion.

Raven groaned, "Well, I guess we'll have to share then."

"Don't sound so disappointed Raven. You know you like sitting by me at the Conference table." he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

The purple-eyed girl rolled her eyes again and disappeared into the Conference room without him. He waited a mere second before rushing in after her; they were probably late anyway. Once in the room, the two noticed that Robin, Cyborg, and Starfire were the only ones present. All of the Titans were supposed to be meeting today to discuss updates in their specific regions, debate about changes to be put into effect, and all that sort of thing.

Raven settled into her normal seat to the left of Robin. Beast Boy wandered after her and sat on her right. But it was when he finally sat down, and she felt his hand brush hers that she realized what had caused her previous eye-roll-- during their long meetings he would always take her hand, or be near her hand at least. Sometimes it was like they were playing some sort of game, like footsie with their hands. How she couldn't stand it...sometimes.

Sometimes, she would admit to herself that she liked holding his hand; that she liked playing a secret game with him during the "boring slumber party" as he put it. She turned to look at him a moment, and after a few long heartbeats, he met her eyes, "What'cha thinking Raven?"

"Nothing." she replied as she looked away from him clutching his hand tighter.

But now, I'm not sure what the two of us are-- I'm not sure what I want us to be. Boyfriend-Girlfriend comes to mind-- but after Terra-- I'm not sure I want to risk the stability of the group again. I like our team the way it is-- all of us on the same family-like grounds-- and then I remember-- Starfire and Robin are together. They may keep their public displays of affection to a minimum, but their relationship is there, and it's even more obvious considering Starfire sits at his right side. And somehow everything stays stable despite this...

They try to keep it a secret, but they're not good pretenders if you ask me. Now Raven, on the other hand...

Beast Boy glanced down at his and Raven's interlocked fingers. He didn't know exactly why he'd started holding her hand at the meetings; it was just something he'd probably started as a joke and then turned into a "given" sorta thing. Not that he could complain, "So where are the others?" he asked his masked teammate, glancing around the room before meeting eyes with his fearless leader.

Robin look contemplative for a moment, "I'm not sure. Bumblebee said that they would be late, but no word from any of the others. But truthfully, I guess it really is hard for everyone to meet here-- and leave their cities unguarded. We're going to discuss that today-- we need new strategies."

Starfire's eyes lit up suddenly as though she remembered some important story, "I almost did the forgetting. I'll return." she flew out of the room in a flash, causing the others to wonder why she'd left so quick. Cyborg glanced at his three other teammates, "So, what have ya'll be up to?" he asked trying to break the stale silence that had been casing the room.

Robin seemed lost in his own thoughts, so Cyborg quickly diverted his attention from him and towards Raven and Beast Boy. Raven replied in her normal, quiet manner, "Reading, expanding my vocabulary, and meditating-- the usual."

Beast Boy looked as though he might add to the discussion, but Starfire came walking back in carrying some trays of food. Robin slapped his forehead in aggravation, "The catering! I knew I forgot something."

"That is why you have me Robin." Starfire smiled kissing his cheek.

Catering was something all of the Titans had agreed on considering few would eat Starfire's cooking, and there was so many mouths to feed they had agreed that it made sense to outsource their food needs. He grumbled something about being forgetful before electing to help her carry the rest of the food into the room, and Cyborg followed after. Raven stood up, but Beast Boy didn't let go of her hand, "Come on, let's help. We can play games later." and with that she pulled her hand from his.

Beast Boy was reluctant still, however, it's not that he didn't want to help-- it's just he felt too lazy to help, "I guess I'll just have to keep the room safe. And of course all this great food needs protecting." he continued rubbing his stomach and licking his lips.

Raven stomped back into the room a moment later, "That wasn't a suggestion. Don't be so lazy and help the rest of us." she pulled him out of his chair by the arm and dragged him downstairs.

Call me crazy-- but I'll always love that about her. She's never lazy. She's always 150 percent. Although sometimes, I wish she'd cut a guy a break. Like the one time she asked me to move her bookcases for her; I told her she could move them herself-- after all she is an empath-- but she wasn't feeling well, and it was Beast Boy to the rescue. Why not Cyborg hmm? He's all "manly-look-at-me-carrying-four-tons-on-my-shoulders!" dude-- she shoulda asked him... I can't remember why she wanted to move them, but I think that ended badly...oh yeah, I made a comment about her room being dusty and she kicked me to the curb- ouch.

Finally, the other Titans arrived for the meeting. As everyone took their respective seats, the meeting began. Everyone seemed to be really into the subject matters at hand-- reconstruct this, change that-- everyone except Beast Boy that is...actually Mas y Menos weren't paying very good attention either, but then again they didn't speak english. But most of all his boredom seemed to consume him because his dark-haired teammate was the one most enthralled with all of this drama. She was standing up to speak so that her voice would be heard, so that meant no secret game for them to play.

It shouldn't irritate me-- we're not "together"-- but for some reason it does anyway. I know that I like her, but I'm not sure in what way or on what terms--

all my feelings are muddled.

As the meeting dispersed, Beast Boy caught Raven by the arm before she could stroll out the door. She gave him a puzzled look, "Oh sorry about the game thing." she told him, knowing that no one else was paying attention to their conversation as they headed out the door, "It was really important for me to focus in this meeting. There were many changes I had to convince the others of-- Robin asked me to-- he said that I'm a better negotiator than he is, and more persuasive."

He let go of her arm, "It's okay, I just wanted to catch you before you left-- I was bored to tears."

"Let me guess-- you want to hang out and talk about it?" she mused, walking towards the door with him following close behind.

"Maybe, I--"

"Raven," Robin's voice broke through what Beast Boy was about to say, "Good job today. I couldn't have talked my way out of any of that."

"Thanks, you say too much." she replied, "I was only doing my part for the team."

Raven walked out of the door and into the hallway letting her feet lead her to her room. Beast Boy had only followed her out the door, but watched her walk to her room-- he was wondering if he should call out to her again-- and decided against it before walking to his own room. Once he was in his room, he sat down in front of his computer, and began to type. He wasn't the fastest typist in the world, but he was getting better. Ever since his feelings had become muddled, he had decided to write about his feelings and the day's occurrences on his computer.

He didn't have a blog or anything public, it was just a way for him to vent and decipher-- also writing in a notebook was something girls did-- diaries-- bleh.

So is liking practically everything about one of your teammates a bad thing? I don't think so, but I'm wrong a lot, so who knows? I guess I'll wrap this up for today. More tomorrow.

-B.B.

Chapter 2 up soon. :)