You're Not The Boss Of Me Now
By: HiBob
The fifth in a series of stories about Malcolm at Hogwarts. This is a crossover between Malcolm in the Middle and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. The Author does not own the rights to either the television show or the books. Nor does the author own the rights to the Spiderwick Chronicles or any of the works of Neil Gaiman. On top of this, the author owns the rights to nothing that would make money. In closing, it should be noted that the Unseen University does not make an appearance in this story.
WARNING: This story contains Space Vikings. We apologize in advance.
A/N: This story will be posted at the rate of one chapter per day. If a chapter is not posted then you know that I worked more than twelve hours the day before.
Chapter One: Our Story So Far
In Year One (Hogwarts in the Middle) Malcolm and Reese find themselves on board the Hogwarts express heading toward the school. Malcolm meets Ginny Weasley, discovers he's a wizard and decides to sneak into Hogwarts. As a result, he has to stay there as a student.
Reese discovers his match in Draco Malfoy, another boy who likes to annoy and harass people. He ends up annoying Draco Malfoy, being hexed by Ron Weasley and shipped home via UPS.
Despite ending up in Gryffindor, Malcolm and Draco develop a strong friendship, marred only by the fact that everyone in Malcolm's house hates everyone in Draco's house, and vice-versa. Malcolm solves this problem by inviting Draco to his house for Christmas, as well as Ginny Weasley. They all then go to Neville's house for Boxing Day. Draco and Ginny decide to pretend they like each other but they get carried away. They even pose for a photo, kissing under the mistletoe, for a popular weekly magazine.
Despite all of that, everyone has a good time until the end of the story, when Malcolm realizes that not only can he finally go home, he has to. The only one smiling is his mother.
In Year Two (Life is Unfair) Malcolm returns to Hogwarts having fully restored Ginny and Draco's love affair by having them both arrested. Then, for some strange reason, he's forced to go see a psychiatrist. He avoids that by trying out for the Quidditch team. Despite Quidditch being cancelled because of the Tri-Wizard Tournament, Malcolm still makes the team but it is the wrong team. He ends up as Slytherin's seeker.
Malcolm wins the match for his team despite the fact that the match was rigged for his team to lose. He does this by becoming an animagus after falling off his broom from a great height. And yes, he completed the change before hitting the ground, which is why the story does not end at chapter eight.
Malcolm now is an owl and thus can deliver his own mail. He also goes to the hospital and entertains the children. His other choice is to go there and entertain the psychiatrist. Anyway, Everything is fine until Draco's brother dies. (The sickly one that was hidden away that no one even knew he had.) After that, Malcolm is kidnaped and taken to a cemetery to meet You-Know-Who. Had things happened differently with Potter, Malcolm would have been welcomed as the first student of the new Hogwarts, to be renamed Voldemort University. Instead he is merely inconvenient and is poisoned and left for dead. Malcolm nearly dies, only to find out upon his recovery that his parents have come to visit him. As a result, he wishes he were dead. In addition to all of this, Malcolm falls in love but the girl dumps him, and the Malfoys give the family a house elf as a Christmas present.
In Year Three (Harry And Malcolm: Together Again) the author has trouble thinking up a good title and comes up with something totally useless. Keeping in tune with the useless title, the plot goes something like this:
Dewey, who is ten, is eleven and goes to school with Malcolm. He's in Slytherin. Malcolm spends the summer with Dennis Creevey and the Krelboynes, touring the United States. It ends with an all expense paid trip to London. Draco Malfoy spends the summer as Malcolm. He's at home the entire time. He also goes through puberty. (So does Malcolm, but this is Draco's second time.)
Back at school, Malcolm is punished for being smart by not having any classes to go to. He turns this around by becoming a teacher and teaching his own classes. Dewey makes friends with the Giant Squid. The house elf turns human and is adopted by the family. And Narcissa Malfoy tries to adopt Dewey. Everyone regrets that this does not happen. Except for Draco and Lucius.
Hallowe'en comes and Malcolm ends up with the School Ogress's daughter as his date. It turns out that the daughter looks like her father and she already has a date. Malcolm ends up dating the girl who dumped him last year. Their picture makes the Daily Prophet.
After that, the story takes a serious turn, but it doesn't last. Malcolm finds out he's the reason that Dewey fell back in time, his best friend EJ and EJ's girlfriend Amber turn out to be his great grandparents, which means his dad's really a squib with his memory of magic erased. On the other side of the family, his grandmother had an affair with Draco's grandfather, which means that Lois is a half-sister of Lucius. Lois's mother is also a witch, but that is a reference to her personality and not her magical ability. In a recent survey on vileness, she received 8 percent more votes than Voldemort.
Eventually, Malcolm loses his mind, his girlfriend finds it for him, and his great-grandmother shows him how to put it back in place. All in all, everyone had a good time . . . at one time or another.
While all of this is going on, Reese gets sent away to a boarding school, and the family lives next door to the Weasley's for the year while the house was being rebuilt. The official report was that it was a gas main explosion but the police still want to talk to Reese.
In Year Four (Could You Repeat The Question) Malcolm goes back to school after another eventful summer where nothing really happened. Everyone pretended they were someone else in hopes that their lives would be marginally better. That didn't work so everybody went back to school. Except Francis who got a job on a ranch.
Malcolm disappears for the summer after losing his memory. He spends most of his indoor time in Gabrielle's bedroom. This is not as exciting as it sounds because Malcolm lost his memory while he was an owl.
Nobody knows this except Lois, who doesn't tell anybody because she likes how much they're trying to keep her from finding out that Malcolm is missing and panicking as a result.
Reese goes back to boarding school where he stages a coup and takes over the cafeteria. He becomes head chef and is responsible for most of the weight gain among the students during the school year. He has a friend, Anthony, who hangs around with him because Reese usually ends up going to Hogwarts to meet his girlfriend, Millicent.
If you read, Harry Potter Book VI then you know there isn't really a happy ending. There really isn't an ending at all. The story just stops.
On a more positive note, Ginny Weasley finally broke up with Draco Malfoy. And it was not because Fred and George found out about it. (They had known all along.) It was because Ginny realized that Harry DID like her. It was also because it would take a miracle for Ginny to ever get her parents to accept Draco. That fact that Draco would probably be executed by the Dark Lord for consorting with a blood traitor never entered her mind.
So, as the story ends, Draco is consoling himself about his loss, Ginny is snuggling up to Harry, Malcolm is upset that Gabrielle dumped him, even though she had a very good reason that had nothing to do with him. Dewey is in an alternate universe starring as himself in a tv show. Nob is blissfully unaware that he is no longer going to be the youngest in the family. And Reese is head chef at the boarding school over the hill from Hogwarts. (It's about a forty-five minute walk.) For the summer, Reese is pretending to be Draco, a task he really enjoys because, beside the fact that the Malfoys are fantastically rich, Reese honestly believes he is Draco. Draco is pretending to be an owl and is hiding in Gabrielle's bedroom . . . with a blanket over his cage.
Chapter List:
Chapter 01: Our Story So Far
Chapter 02: Sharing With Your Brother
Chapter 03: You Say It's Your Birthday
Chapter 04: Something Wicked This Way Comes
Chapter 05: Visitors and Apparitions
Chapter 06: Where No Man Has Bothered To Go Before
Chapter 07: The Return Home
Chapter 08: Next Stop, Hogwarts
Chapter 09: We're Going to School
Chapter 10: Arrival
Chapter 11: Where The Heck Is Malcolm
Chapter 12: As Time goes By
Chapter 13: Halloween
Chapter 14: The Feast Of Samanois
Chapter 15: Investigation
Chapter 16: Back To The Shadows
Chapter 17: What's It All About, Malcolm
Chapter 18: Whiling Away The Time
Chapter 19: Christmas Is Coming
Chapter 20: The Forest Of Dean
Chapter 21: Spring Break
Chapter 22: The End Of Days
Chapter 23: Space Vikings
Chapter 24: Where Do We Go From Here.
Chapter 25: Extra Stuff