This is for my sister who recently went through a miscarriage.
Established Tony and Ziva relationship so could follow on from Long Time Coming and Out of My Hands (don't need to read those though!). Next chapter coming soon.
The shot that rang out seemed to stop time. The pain in Ziva's abdomen didn't even register till she had emptied her magazine into the back of the retreating suspect. This hadn't turned out as it was supposed to. They had been given a tip about the case they were working on and she and Gibbs had gone to check it out. The suspect had panicked and had fired at Ziva. His bleeding corpse now lay a few feet from where she had collapsed, sliding down the wall, a small comfort for the fact that her own blood was seeping through her fingers. Gibbs came running round the corner and was immediately at her side with his jacket stemming the flow of her stomach wound. Somehow he had managed to call 911 and Ziva heard the faint sirens in the distance.
"Come on David, DiNozzo will kill me if I let anything happen to you." Gibbs' worried voice drowned out the sounds and she glanced up at his face and frowned slightly at the concern clearly etched onto it.
"Don't worry…Gibbs…he could never…hurt you." She gasped as a wave of pain hit her. Gibbs forced a small laugh.
"I guess you're right, but Abby would kill me and leave no forensic evidence." He tried again, "Come on Ziva, surely you don't want that? You just stay with me, ok? Ziva? Ziva, open your eyes, look at me…"
The door slowly opened and Tony stuck his head round it. He had been called by Gibbs on the way to Bethesda and after 5 painfully slow hours was finally allowed to see Ziva. She lay in her hospital bed, with tubes coming out of her, her skin looked pale and the beeping from the machines made it impossible to hear his own thoughts. Not that Tony wanted to be left with them, he didn't want to think about how he had nearly lost her, how white his knuckles had been on the journey over here as he gripped the steering wheel, how quiet Probie had been in the elevator and the car, how broken Gibbs had looked when Tony came charging down the corridor. That was one thing he couldn't take, Gibbs had look broken, and apologetic, like it was all his fault, it was Kate all over again. But Ziva was going to be ok, she was going to be ok, he repeated it his head, as if just saying it over and over would make it happen. He quietly pulled the chair close to the bed and grasped Ziva's hand in his.
"You have got to listen to me Zee-Vah; you can't do this right now, ok? Because damned if I know how I am going to be able to go on if you're not here to kick my butt every time I get out of line, or laugh at me when I'm being stupid, or laugh with me when I superglue Probie to his keyboard." He sighed and brushed her hair off her face, "Come on honey, just open your eyes for me, ok? Would it help if I tell you I love you? Cos you know I do, you know that, hell I told you just this morning; as you were getting out of bed, remember? Come on sweet cheeks; don't leave me alone with Gibbs and Probie, that just isn't fair." The limp hand in his lay motionless. A nurse quietly opened the door and checked all the machinery.
"Are you her boyfriend?" She asked, her voice low, almost as if she didn't want to wake Ziva.
"Yeah, I am." He replied, the pride in his voice so obvious. The nurse gently placed a hand on his shoulder, "I am so sorry about the baby." Tony's head whipped round to look at her.
"What baby?" He demanded.
"Oh…you didn't know…I am so sorry…I…uh."
"What baby?" Tony repeated. The nurse took a deep breath; it looked as though she was steadying herself.
"When she came in, she was muttering about the baby, saying that it was all her fault that she lost it, that you were going to be so mad, she told me to tell you that she was sorry." The nurse looked up at Tony, her eyes silently begged to be allowed to leave the room and the confusion and anger that was rolling off him in waves that was almost tangible. She shrugged her shoulders in a failed attempt at an apology and practically ran out of the room. Tony raked his fingers through his hair.
"God, Ziva, why didn't you tell me?"
Gibbs softly knocked and waited for an answer. When none came, he turned the handle and walked in. Tony was fast asleep with his head on the edge of the bed, Ziva was lying surrounded by machines and tubes. He placed a tentative hand on Tony's head and he stirred.
"Boss?" Tony asked, wiping the sleep from his eyes, his hair stood up in all directions, he looked like a lost boy. "She was pregnant boss."
"I know, DiNozzo, I know." Gibbs replied, he had been told by the nurse. He felt sick to his stomach that a defenseless life had been taken from them.
"Why didn't she tell me?" Tony sounded like a child.
"Maybe she wasn't sure yet, maybe she didn't want to be put on desk duty, because I can promise you Tony, if I had known, she would never have been with me." Gibbs look tired, Tony briefly wondered when the last time he had slept was. He suddenly felt hot and sick, he had to get out of here.
"Uh Boss?...Will you stay with her…I…uh…have got to go…home, just for a bit…if she wakes up, tell her…I love her and I will be back, can you do that for me?" He looked desperately at Gibbs, as if pleading with him to understand what was going on in his mind. Gibbs knew, he knew that Tony must be feeling a whole lot of confusion right now, angry at Ziva for not telling him, and for putting her self in the situation where this could have happened, angry at him for letting Ziva come, upset that the life that he had made with her no longer existed. Gibbs watched him walk down the corridor, he watched McGee trying to stop him and ask him where he was going, he watched Tony ignore him and walk straight past. His heart bled for the boy.
Tony slammed his fist into the back wall of his shower. The pain in his hand did nothing to dull the ache that was making it hard to breathe. Ziva was in hospital, after being shot, after having just lost their baby, their baby, did she not think her had the right to know? He felt so angry at her, at Gibbs, at that bastard that had shot her, he punched the wall again, Ziva had been shot and almost died and he was doing what? Feeling sorry for himself. He dragged himself out of the shower and threw on some clean clothes. Just as he was leaving his apartment his cell phone rang.
"Yeah boss?...I'm on my way." Ziva was awake.
Ziva had woken to Gibbs sitting next to her staring out of the window. Her stomach hurt and her head throbbed like she had been hit by a baseball bat. Once the nurses had checked her out, she turned confused eyes towards her boss.
"What happened?" Her voice rasped due to the tube that had been down her throat.
"You got shot, we went to meet a suspect and he shot you, in the stomach." Gibbs looked down at her, his blue eyes clouded with guilt, "God Ziva I…if I have known I never would have taken you…" He broke off, Ziva reached over and took one of his hands in hers.
"Did I lose the baby?" She asked, her voice hitched and Gibbs saw tears beginning to form. He dimly nodded at her and squeezed her hand gently, "Does Tony know?"
"He does now," Gibbs replied, "the nurse told him."
"Where is he Gibbs?" Ziva asked as a tear rolled down her cheek. Gibbs brushed it away.
"He is on his way. I'll go call him for you." Gibbs stood up and walked towards the door, he turned just before he opened it, he looked lost for words.
"Ziva…I…" He stammered
"Don't apologize Gibbs, it is a sign of weakness." Ziva smiled faintly as Gibbs walked out. When the door shut, Ziva sighed deeply and closed her eyes, talking to Tony was not something she was looking forward to, although she couldn't ignore the pain that she felt when she woke up without him here. She knew he must be angry at her, for not telling him and for putting herself in that position, but she hadn't been ready to tell him, she hadn't known how he was going to react. She squeezed her eyes tighter and placed her hands on her stomach, she felt empty. A few hours ago there had been life growing inside her, Tony's and her baby and now…there was nothing. She heard the door open and kept her eyes shut, like a child hiding, thinking that if her eyes were shut no one could see her.
"You're awake." Her eyes flew open and found Tony's. The look in his said so much more than the simple statement had. She saw pain, anger, worry, confusion.
"Apparently so," She grimly smiled at him, tentatively testing the waters between them, "Tony…I…I'm so sorry." She managed to say before sobs were raking her body and he was at her side, his hands were on her face, his thumbs brushing away the large tears that were running down her face.
"Shhh, it will be ok, we will be ok." His hands had found their way to her hair and he tangled his fingers in it, brought her head to his chest and willed her to hear his heart beat, as if by hearing it she would know that he loved her. She clutched at his arms as the tears rolled down her face. "Listen to me," Tony said, "You and me, we can survive anything, you and me against the world, ok? We will talk later when you are feeling up to it, but just know now that I love you, more than you can imagine and I am never going to let you get hurt again." His words slowly stilled her heaving body and she relaxed into him.
"I killed him," Her voice was quiet and Tony had to strain to hear her.
"Killed who, love?"
"The bastard…the bastard who…shot me." She broke off, dangerously close to breaking down and sobbing again, she took a deep breath which seemed to steady her a little.
"I know love, you did good."
The next chapter will be coming soon
V!
xox