Riders of the Red Dawn

Chapter 1: Fight over a Dead Horse

Disclaimer: I don't own nuthin.' Ditto for following chapters.

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El Suna, population 300. Like every day in this dusty old town, it was hot and dry and dead. Not much happened in El Suna, unless you counted the nightly bar fights in Sake Saloon. But one day, a host of nine riders came to town…little old El Suna would never be the same…

"Hey, get me another beer, Stumpy," a man with a bandanna over his face said.

"For the last God damned time, cowboy, my name ain't Stumpy. It's Stumbleton."

The old man with the bandanna grabbed 'Stumpy' by his beard and yanked him over the bar and onto the floor.

"I ain't a cowboy, Stumpy. Cowboys herd flea bitten cows across the country. I don't herd a God damned thing…I—"

"Jashin damned thing, old fuck, NOT God…"

"Hidan, I am not going to have this argument with you again. Shut the hell up or I'll lynch ya."

The silver haired man who had interrupted flicked the old man off. He was sitting at a table with three other men, playing cards and guzzling down warm beer.

"Don't bother Kakuzu now, ya hear? He just might do it," A man with piercings all along his nose said, not looking away from his cards.

"Yeah, Hidan, un! He's still mad at you for mutilating the bounty he was supposed to turn in."

"Quit wasting time, brat, and put down your cards," Sasori said.

Deidara set down his cards, and everyone groaned. Deidara beamed and took the pile of money in the middle of the table.

"Hey, Stumpy, when you get up off the floor, get my buddies another round! I'm buyin', un!"

"You heard him, get me some more booze," Kakuzu growled, picking the old bartender up and tossing him back over the bar. Stumpy grumbled, but he got the beers…

Kisame and Itachi were out on the porch of the Sake Saloon, watching two old drunk men brawl in the street.

"You sold me a sick horse!" the shorter one yelled.

"It only died cuz you didn't feed it, you stupid twat!" the taller one said.

"This town is pretty lively compared to the last one, no?" Kisame drawled, chewing on a strand of straw. The dark haired man leaning against a wooden beam simply nodded and uttered a soft 'Hn.'

"That's only because we killed everyone in the last one, un," Deidara answered, strolling out of the saloon with a shit eating grin on his face.

"I think it's time we got outta here, un."

Itachi narrowed his red eyes but didn't turn away from the two brawling men.

"And why is that?" Kisame asked, looking worried. Deidara just shrugged.

"I won a good amount of money, and I was hoping we could ride out to Las Vegas, un!"

"Las Vegas? That's over two hundred miles away!" Kisame said, eyes bulging. Deidara shrugged. Sasori suddenly walked outside and scowled at the blond.

"Where are you off to?" he asked. Deidara just kicked at a rock with the point of his boot.

"No where, un." Sasori didn't look pleased.

"You have a major gambling problem, Deidara, and it needs to stop!"

"Oh…I see…you want to go all the way to Vegas because there ain't no casino in old El Suna, huh?"

Deidara sighed tragically.

"No…no casino for hundreds of miles…I don't know if I'll make it, un."

Sasori clapped Deidara on the back, and dust billowed up from his coat. Sasori started to cough.

"Whoo wee! You need to get those dusty old clothes washed!"

"Yeah, later, un. Maybe you'd like to wager on who'll win that fight? I bet on the short one with the stupid mustache. He's got some fire in him, un!"

Sasori looked over to the old men still fighting over a dead horse, and nodded.

"All right. Ten dollars says the tall one wins."

"Hey, I'll bet twenty dollars that the short one pushes the tall one over that dead horse," Kisame said.

Itachi tipped his hat back a little and pulled a fifty dollar bill out of his wallet.

"The chibi Hitler will win. I guarantee it."

And so, the first illegal act of the Riders of the Red Dawn in old El Suna was betting on a fight over a dead horse. The rest of the riders soon wandered outside to watch the show. Well, Zetsu didn't watch. The strange cactus/ man hybrid was off in the open plain, chatting up a cactus with a single red flower perched atop her/ its head.

"Hey, where'd you get the fucking pop corn?" Hidan asked the orange masked man, Tobi.

"That nice old lady gave me some!" Tobi said happily, waving at a woman across the dusty old street that was practically popping out of her corset. Hidan's pink eyes bulged when he saw the sign above the door the woman was leaning out of: Aburame Bed & Brothel. A girl with a triple bun peeked out behind the woman and blew a kiss at Hidan, who blushed and looked away. Unfortunately, when he looked away, he ended up facing Kakuzu instead.

"You should go say hello," Kakuzu said with a chuckle. Hidan threw his hat at Kakuzu.

"What the fuck, man, seriously! I'm a priest, I don't fuck whores! And neither should you!"

Kakuzu shook his head.

"Don't have to worry about me fucking no whores."

"Oh? Why is that, Kakuzu-san?" Tobi asked, stuffing popcorn into his eyehole.

"He doesn't like girls, un," Deidara whispered behind his hand.

"What?! Are you telling me my bunk mate is a fucking queer?" Hidan asked, glaring at the man with a bandanna over his face. Kakuzu rolled his eyes. Before the oldest member of the Riders could respond, there was a loud bang and a yell, and everyone turned to see that the two old brawling men had shot each other.

"Who won, un? I missed it!" Deidara said.

"Did anyone see?" Kisame asked, looking around at the group. Everyone shrugged, Itachi said nothing which meant 'no' or possibly 'I'm going to kill you in your sleep,' but Tobi raised his hand.

"Tobi saw!"

"Oh good! Who won?" Kisame prompted, gesturing with his piece of straw at the two old men lying on the ground by the dead horse.

"Hm…the one with the hat!" Tobi said, pointing a buttery glove at the dead horse.

"You idiot, they're both wearing hats! This is a fucking western, we all fucking wear hats!"

"Um…then it was the old one!"

There was a rush of wind and out of no where, a dead horse landed on top of Tobi.

"Who threw that?" Pein yelled, looking pointedly at Kakuzu. The old man shrugged.

"What?"

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A/N: The population 300 thing made me laugh, cuz I was thinking of the movie! XD

Next chapter: Aburame Bed & Brothel! Konan makes her appearance!