Title: A Girl's Other Best Friend

Author: DeMarcos

Notes: My first Reaper fic and my first Supernatural fic, all rolled into one. Can't you just feel the fail? :D Mad noise to my southern belle, swampmusic. I know this isn't what she really wanted, but when the muse hits (with a baseball bat, as he is wont to do) I just roll with the blows. Also, mucho lovings to my sometimes beta, Lady of the Willows. Now, onward to the nonsense!

The alarm clock blared loudly, splitting the calm silence that filled the room. A hand shot out from under the thick, blue bedspread to quiet the offending object. A plastic cup and an old magazine were sent flying off the nightstand, skittering to the floor as the hand blinding tried to locate the source of the noise. Fingers finding the clock, it slammed down on the snooze button.

The body attached to the arm leaned forward, peeking out from under the covers. Sam squinted, the haze of sleep making his vision blurry.

With a groan, he flopped back down onto the bed and gazed up at the ceiling. At that moment, he really wished he had the power to make Ted's head explode. After having him work night shift for almost two months, he'd abruptly switched his shift yesterday, telling Sam and Sock that they had to open for the rest of the week.

Sock had played the decision off coolly, but after Ted had left, the pleasant smile that had been plastered on his features melted away, Sock threatening to pour sugar in his gas tank or melt his tires. Sam had managed to calm him down by plying him with almost a keg's worth of beer after they clocked out, but he knew that today was going to be especially trying.

What else could make this day any worse?

That thought had him sitting up ramrod straight on his bed, scanning his room frantically, praying that there wouldn't be any wooden boxes assaulting him at all that day. The last thing he needed was to worry about some homicidal soul wreaking havoc.

Not seeing anything, Sam swung his legs over the mattress and scrubbed at his face with his hands. He debated on catching a shower before heading to work, but the alarm went off again, the screeching even more annoying the second time around. Sam toggled the alarm switch off and any thought of a shower went right out the window. He would barely have time to get dressed and pick up Sock before they needed to be at the Work Bench for their ungodly early shift.

Sighing, Sam stood up and began searching for some clean clothes.

-Outside of Mill City, Nevada-

Dean shoveled a forkful of scrambled eggs into his mouth and turned his attention back to the folded newspaper in his hand. He and Sam had ended up in Bumfuck Egypt to investigate the possession of young twin boys, which hand thankfully turned out to be an easy hunt, for once. After they had killed the demon and the family thanked them profusely, they had decided to stop at a little diner on the edge of the podunk town before heading off to their next shitshow.

Dean let out a sharp laugh as he read the funny pages, chunks of egg and cheese flying out of his mouth.

"That little kid is so pissed off."

A laptop was placed on the table, followed by Sam as he scooted into the booth. Dean took his eyes off the paper to glance over at his brother and inwardly groaned. He knew that look on Sam's face. It was the one that said they had another hunt ahead of them, before they'd even had a chance to shower off the last one. He was all for quick efficiency in getting the job done, but even they needed their beauty sleep once in a while.

Dean set down the paper with a world-weary sigh and scooped up some more scrambled eggs. "So, what is it this time?"

Sam flashed his brother a cynical grin and opened up the laptop to spin it around on the table so Dean could see the screen. It was an image of a map with red dots, signifying supernatural hot spots. All the activity seemed to be clustered around one area. Dean leaned in and found himself looking at Seattle, Washington.

"Within the last few months, there has been some increased activity in Seattle. Nothing too major, a few unexplained deaths, though it doesn't seem to be limited to just demons and possessions. Freak earthquakes that have been localized to certain areas instead of affecting the whole city. Reports of guys who can walk through walls, even a guy who could control fire. Some guy made a report stating he witnessed a woman leap off a building and swan dive into a car. He thinks it's a suicide, but when he runs off to tell somebody, he sees the girl get up and walk away. Cops didn't believe him, of course, though there was a person-sized dent in the roof of the car."

Dean whistled and arched is eyebrows.

"That's a hell of a trick. What are you thinking, more pissed off demons got out from the Devil's Gate? Because I ain't never heard of a demon that could walk through walls."

Sam spun the laptop back around, his index finger flying over the touch pad to pull up the other information he'd gathered.

As his brother worked his computer magic, the waitress came by to top of Dean's coffee and Dean gave her a wink as she walked away. Sam saw this and cursed his brother's insatiable libido. He pointedly cleared his throat, bringing Dean's attention back to him.

"I don't know about demons walking through walls, but get this. Apparently, there were a few disturbance reports filed with the police, by people claiming their next door neighbor was a demon." Sam laughed wryly and shook his head. "Whatever it is, we definitely have to check it out."

Dean nodded in agreement, finished off his plate and signaled for the check.

Sock plopped down on the register counter and lazily stretched out on the surface, resting his head on his closed fist.

"So, what's up, LJ? No box full of special toys today?"

Sam shook his head, never understanding Sock's delight in his forced moonlighting activities, but then shot his friend a quizzical look.

"LJ?"

Sock smirked, dragging himself up into a sitting position, legs dangling over the counter.

"Lucifer Jr.! You gotta have a bitchin' name when you go up against these souls, man. You know I love you like the brother I wish I never had, but Sam is a weak name when it comes to these deviants. If your name is weaksauce, you won't be able to strike fear into the hearts of your enemy."

Sock now had his face next to Sam's, an all too familiar maniacal gleam in his eye. Sam laughed in disbelief and pushed Sock away from him, causing Sock to prat fall to the ground. He didn't seem to mind the manhandling, though, when two girls walked in, both of them wearing short skirts and giggling a little too loudly. While Sock was enjoying the view, Sam greeted them with the awkwardly tacky phrase that Ted had been trying to expound into the employees.

Their giggles grew louder, but they kept their eyes on Sam as they walked into the gardening section, shaking their hips suggestively. Sock bolted up from the floor and was immediately back in Sam's face. "Dude! Those chicks totally dig you! You should go back there and try to move in on them. They look slutty, you might get them to double team you!"

Sam snorted, turning back to the register to ring up a customer.

"I don't know what it is, but every girl that has walked in since we opened has been like that. All giggly and flirty. At first, I thought it was my cologne or something, but then I remembered that I didn't even get a chance to shower today, since you had to bum a ride off me."

The old man paying for his items shook his head at them, muttering something about young kids before pushing his cart out the door.

Sock grinned evilly. "It's the devil musk. It's attracting the loosely moralled to you." He paused, considering. "You think you could convince the Devil into giving me this power? I could make a killing at the bar and make Josie all wicked jealous."

Sam was going to reply when Ben walked in through the sliding doors, adjusting his tie. He nodded to Sam and Sock before heading back to the employee locker room to grab his smock.

Coming in right behind him was a middle aged brunette perusing a list clutched in her hand, seemingly out of her depth. Sock acknowledged her with a tilt of his head and Sam greeted her. "Good morning, ma'am. Can I help you find anything today?"

The woman's demeanor changed and she smiled lasciviously, shaking her head. "No, but you could help me with some other things."

Sock began to slap Sam's shoulder as they stared dumbly at her, but there was a loud crash from the back room. Sam held up a finger and stuttered at the woman.

"W-We'll be just a moment, ma'am."

They came out from behind the register and jogged to the locker room, barreling through the door. Ben was on the ground, hissing and rubbing his arm in pain. When he saw his friends enter, he motioned to his feet, where a small wooden box lay innocently.

Sock cheered and pumped his fist excitedly. Sam growled in aggravation, bending over to retrieve the vessel box. Setting it on the folding table, he turned around to help Ben to his feet, mindful not to hurt his arm. Then, all three of them crowded around the table.

Sam flexed his fingers, hesitating for a moment before Sock jabbed his elbow into Sam's back, urging him on. Sighing, he pulled open the clasps and lifted the lid. Plumes of thick, white smoke poured out, filling the air, and they waved their arms wildly around to clear it from their faces, choking slightly from the musty smell that always emanated from the boxes.

Sock pointed at the vessel gleefully. "Dude! Is that what I think it is?"

Ben tried to suppress a juvenile chuckle, while Sam struggled to keep from reacting, the level of hatred for the Devil growing exponentially. He reached into the box to pull out the vessel. It was bright pink and covered in a soft, smooth substance.

Sock reverently covered his mouth with his hand, exchanging a look with Ben. "I so want to meet the soul that goes in this vessel."

Sam had to admit he was curious as well, as he held aloft the soft, pink vibrator.

Will Sock get the demonic powers of persuasion he wants? Will Sam score with the two slutty chicks? Does anyone really care?

I am a huge hater of people who write themselves into their stories, but I am toeing the line in this one. I guess you could say there is an aspect of myself in the vessel, seeing as I work at an adult video store, peddling that sweet, sweet porn, and the idea for this came to me at work. My creativity is not based on reviews, but they do inflate my oversized ego. And mad props to the first person who can guess what comic Dean was reading.