Disclaimer - Usual. And so very sorry that I'm late posting.

Chapter 74

Sirius came home to the usual welcome – yelling and nit-picking. He decided that last year had been so much fun, he might have to try the same thing at home. At least his parents weren't prone to punishing using spells as the Malfoys had been. And really, without using magic, what more could they do to him than they already did. It wasn't like they were going to take him over their knee anymore.

As a result, even the homecoming dinner – which consisted of a lot of "Sirius don't do" whatever and "that's nice dear," which was, of course, directed at Regulus – was rather bearable for Sirius.

The whole first week, in fact, was rather mild. Sirius amused himself by commanding Kreacher to make requests for him from his mother. Making requests of his mother was the only way Kreacher would willing leave Sirius alone. But after two days of requests for stupid things - permission to move from one chair to another while staying in the same room, permission to scratch his nose, permission to breathe - Mrs. Black told Kreacher not to come to her with any more requests.

For a day, he eliminated the middle-man and followed his mother around making odd, stupid requests. She became so annoyed she banished him to his room. Kreacher was torn between not being allowed to request permission for what Sirius did, and allowing Sirius to do whatever he wanted. Sirius argued that, since he couldn't ask permission, he would just take initiative and do anything he wanted. Sadly, to Sirius, his "anything" involved class work and spending time in the library.

He then learned that Kreacher had never been given a direct order not to perform hexes on Regulus. Sirius took advantage of this loophole as long as it lasted which, unfortunately, was not very long.

After his first week back, however, his mother took a trip to Knockturn Alley. It was that night that the nightmares began.

Sirius was standing in the playground down the street from his house. There were several other children there – children he didn't know - ranging in age from four or five to slightly older than he. He was playing with one of the younger kids when the sky darkened and he saw shadows emerge from the nearby trees. As they approached, the shadows took form. They were all familiar – all purebloods, and most into dark magic. Lucius Malfoy was there, along with his cousins, Bellatrix and Narcissa. The Lestrange Brothers, Regulus, Snape, and a few faces he didn't recognize were all part of the group. A chill ran down his spine as the group gathered, their presence causing some of the older kids to stop and watch; but many of the younger ones ignored them, ignorant of any possible danger.

"What are you doing here?" Sirius asked, frowning.

Bellatrix stepped forward. "Come with us."

"No."

Bella pulled out her wand, and the others did the same. "Come with us," she repeated.

"No."

"Fine." She smiled malevolently and then, as one, the group attacked. There were flashes of different colored lights making the playground light up like some bizarre laser show. Sirius ducked and covered his head – until he heard screaming. He couldn't understand it. He couldn't understand, if they were going to attack him, why there wasn't any pain and why others were screaming. He opened his eyes and the sight that met them horrified him. They weren't attacking him. They were killing everyone around him.

As quickly as it started, the attack was over and all the children were dead.

"NO!" Sirius yelled. He fell to his knees and crawled over to the nearest child, the one with whom he'd been playing. "Why?" he cried.

"You should have come with us."

Sirius jerked awake, drenched in tears and sweat. He was breathing heavily. He drew his knees up to his chest and waited. Slowly his heart rate and breathing returned to normal, but the images still played vividly through his mind. After some time, he lay back down and stared at the ceiling. Sirius had had his share of nightmares as a child; that was nothing unusual. So as terrifying as this first nightmare was, he really didn't think anything of it - it was, after all, just a dream.

Sleep eventually overtook him. But when he woke with a start the next morning, having had the exact same nightmare for the second time in one night, he wondered if something was wrong.

He talked with James briefly that morning while in the bathroom. It was the only time he had that was unsupervised.

"James, have you ever had the same dream more than once?"

"Sure, why?" James was slightly distracted, as he was pouring syrup on his pancakes.

"In the same night?"

James shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe."

Sirius decided he was just being paranoid. The second nightmare was probably just a result of the first one, kind of like having a nightmare after reading a scary book.

The next night, however, the dream started again. It felt very real to Sirius and part of his brain told him that he had a choice. He didn't have to just passively watch the nightmare unfold, he could choose a different path. So this time, when Bella told him to come with them, he thought hard about what to do. There was no way he could fight the entire group. He could try, but that would likely get him killed, and he wouldn't save anyone. He hoped that by going with them, they would leave the other children alone.

"Fine," Sirius answered.

Bella smirked. The group surrounded him and ushered him back into the woods. Sirius woke up, seemingly on his own. There was no fear and no terrifying sights. And though he awoke rather peacefully, there was this looming darkness that hovered on the edges of his mind. He fell back to sleep more quickly than the previous night and slept until morning.

The next night, the dream started the same, and again Sirius chose to go with the group. Shortly after entering the forest, he felt a familiar vibrating and knew James was calling him on the mirror. He maneuvered himself to the edge of the group so he could whisper to James.

"What are you doing with them?" James whispered back.

"I didn't have a choice," Sirius answered.

"Well, come on. Sneak away."

"Okay, hold on."

But this was when things turned for him. The first time the dream got this far, he snuck away. But the group soon realized he had left them and they came looking for him and his friends. Upon finding them, they killed them. Sirius didn't sleep the rest of that night.

The next night, he decided to just tell the group he was leaving, to see what would happen.

"I came with you. I did what you want. Now I'm leaving."

"Fine," came Bella's cold voice. There was something in her cruel smile that frightened him and, even though she didn't make a move on him, he felt ill.

"Sirius," Regulus said. "Why do you always choose your friends over me? Over family?"

"Because they accept me for who I am."

"Please don't go."

Sirius paused, surprised by his brother's plea, but decided there was no real reason for him to stay. Anything that group had planned couldn't be good, and if he could get away… the sooner the better.

He had just gotten far enough away from his family that he couldn't see them anymore when he heard shouts and screams. Running back, he saw the group standing in a circle. He approached slowly. They parted for him and Narcissa, who was kneeling on the ground, looked up at him. She was crying and holding Regulus.

"Why did you leave us?" she cried.

Sirius knelt next to them, finding it hard to breathe. Regulus looked like he had been attacked by some wild animal, and blood was pouring from deep wounds on his chest, shoulder and neck. He turned his eyes to meet Sirius'. He looked so lost and confused.

Sirius took hold of his brother's hand. "I'm sorry," he cried. "I didn't know." But the light faded from his brother's eyes and he stopped breathing.

Sirius woke up retching and didn't sleep the rest of that night either.

The summer dragged on painfully slowly. By day, he was assaulted by constant criticism from his mother and the mumbling house elf. By night, he repeated the same nightmare; each night making different decisions that led him further onto a path he couldn't fathom and couldn't avoid. But each step took him farther from himself. He quickly learned the rules of the game. Make decisions that kept him with his family or things ended badly. There were nights in a row where he kept making the same "bad" choice because he couldn't bring himself to do what the dream wanted him to do. The longer it went on, the harder the decisions became, until he woke up afraid and sweaty no matter what choice he made.

Halfway through the summer, he tried not sleeping. He was already exhausted from too many interrupted and incomplete nights of sleep. He managed to stay awake for two days straight before falling asleep during a "study session," bringing his mother's screaming wrath down on him.

Mrs. Black had again made the promise of free, unsupervised time for good behavior, but it was consistently withheld. His mother always found some reason as to why he hadn't earned it; additionally, the more exhausted he was, the harder it was to perform even simple duties to her standard. On the plus side, he hadn't argued or back-talked his parents for some time because he simply couldn't muster the energy to defy them. But his one source of comfort and sanity was also denied him, since sneaking conversations in the bathroom took more effort than he could summon.

After a particularly harrowing week – his second last week at home for the summer - he decided he had to talk to James. Once again, he hadn't slept in days, terrified of what he would see and do when he closed his eyes. He needed a familiar, friendly voice to carry him to the end of the holiday. His muddled brain knew that something sinister was going on and he only hoped that when he got out of the house, it would stop. He had tried to escape, but his lethargy made it impossible.

"James Potter," he whispered into the mirror.

"Pads! Mate! Haven't heard from you in a while," James annoyingly cheerful voice said on the other end. "Oi… you look like… well… not good."

"Thanks," Sirius said dully. As much as he wanted to see his friend, he was feeling very relaxed where he was and he let his eyes close.

"Are you sitting in the bathtub? With your clothes on?" James asked. His tone had a forced joking sound to it, so Sirius opened his eyes, wondering what his friend was concerned about.

His mind was working slowly and he had to look around to understand what James had asked. "Oh," he said. Why yes, he had in fact gotten into the tub without taking his clothes off. "Bugger."

"Padfoot, what's wrong?"

"I'm losing my mind." Sirius smirked some when he said this and then started chuckling, which turned quickly into a short sob. Sirius ran his hand over his face. "James…" He didn't even know where to start.

"Sirius?" James sounded really concerned now. "Sirius, stay there. I'm getting mum."

"No!" Sirius' eyes snapped open. Trying to sound calm, he said, "No. I'm just tired. I've been having these… nightmares."

"Nightmares," James said skeptically. "You're a mess. You're sitting in a tub – full of water, mind you – in your clothes and you can't seem to decide if you want to laugh or cry. What the bloody hell is going on?!"

"I don't know. It's just nightmares. Really. I'm fine. Look, I have to go." He shouldn't have contacted James. Not in this state of mind. James would try to do something.

"Sirius!"

"I have to go," he repeated and let the mirror slip face down onto the floor. He fell asleep in the bathtub a minute later.

He played along with the "game." Every decision he made took him from who he was to who his family thought he was supposed to be. And that was okay, because it was just a dream. That's what he told himself. It was just a dream and he was just saving those he cared about from pain and death. He was standing before a mirror getting ready. It was going to be announced that he was the new head of the Black Family. Each of the heads of the Black families had come and were waiting to give their blessing, as well as a few other influential pureblood houses. He had told them what they wanted to hear, and did what they asked, and it culminated in this. He looked older in his silver and black robes. He looked good, or at least proper, and ready. As he looked at his reflection, he noticed a shift. The reflection smiled, something Sirius could not pretend to do. He was too sick to his stomach from the path that had led him here. Despite "just playing along," he felt he had betrayed everything he believed in and, more importantly, his friends, to get where he was.

"You turned out right in the end, didn't you?" his reflection said.

"Shut up."

"Witty," the other him sneered. "You became what you were supposed to become."

"I did what I had to."

"For what? This is just a nightmare after all. What did giving in accomplish?"

Sirius thought about this. "I didn't have to watch anyone die."

"You compromised everything – like a good Slytherin."

"No, I… No!"

"Knew you had it in you! Good boy." The reflection taunted.

"This isn't me," Sirius defended. His voice was weak. He knew exactly what the reflection was going to say even before it stated it. It was, after all, a reflection of him.

"It is you. Every choice you made came from your head, whatever the reasons behind them. It's all you."

"No!" Sirius said in frustration. Letting out a growl of frustration, he slammed both fists into the mirror, shattering it. Every place his reflection was broken, warm liquid began to seep on his own body. Glancing down, he saw he was covered in thick, red blood. He knew he was dying and it was enough to wake him.

When he woke up, however, he still felt the warm liquid and, in panic, he started flailing, unable to get his footing or even sit up properly. After a minute, he realized he was still in his bathtub, not bleeding to death, yet he oddly felt no comfort. Drained, mentally and physically, he draped himself over the side of the tub to catch his breath. His head and arms hung down, dripping water on the floor, his legs still in the water.

There was a knock on the bathroom door. His sluggish mind figured he had been in the bathtub for too long and his mother had sent Kreacher to fetch him. He didn't move. He didn't answer. Let them wait.

The door opened a crack and Regulus stuck his head in. "Sirius, mum's been calling…" Regulus froze when he saw his brother - fully clothed, dripping water onto the floor, a chain dangling from his neck. The door swung the rest of the way open and Regulus rushed to his brother. "Sirius?"

"Hmm?" Sirius said, sounding for all the world, like he was relaxing next to a pool on a hot summer's day.

"What..? Get up," Regulus urged. "Get up, big brother. Come on." Regulus tried to lift Sirius, but he was bigger and laden down with water. The puddle on the floor made the ground slick and Regulus couldn't get a good enough grip or leverage on Sirius without compromising his footing.

Sirius sighed and, pushing his brother away, he dragged himself to his feet. He stepped out of the tub and stood making the puddle on the bathroom floor quite a bit larger.

"Dammit, Sirius," Regulus said agitatedly. He was afraid for his brother, but didn't know how to push past everything that had built up between them over the past few years. "Mum's going to have a fit!"

Sirius laughed at this.

"It's not funny!" Regulus dried Sirius and the floor with a wave of his wand. Then he stepped forward and tucked the chain back under Sirius' shirt. The last time his mother had seen it, a fight had broken out.

Sirius became suddenly somber. The thought that had been trying to push through the haze of exhaustion all summer finally wormed its way to the forefront of his mind. This was her fault. The nightmares weren't normal. They were far too directed and purposeful. But how had she done it? Sirius reached down and retrieved his mirror, then he pushed past his brother, energized by the mission to find his mother.

"You're welcome," Regulus muttered. He watched Sirius go and decided to follow, if only at a distance.

Sirius pushed the door of his father's study open and found his mother standing there, in the middle of the room. "What did you do to me?" he asked. He was furious and, with the lack of sleep, he was uninhibited.

"How dare you barge into your father's…"

"Can it, hag! What did you do to me?"

Mrs. Black gasped in astonishment. Mr. Black stood up from his seat behind his desk. "Sirius!"

"Don't!" Sirius growled at his father. His father sat down suddenly. He didn't know it, but the depth of emotion and the lack of inhibitions worked together and Sirius was unconsciously doing wand-less magic. He'd caused the chair to slide up behind his father, forcing him into a seated position. The chair continued to move forward so that his father was effectively pinned at his desk. Turning his attention back to his mother, he said again, a little louder this time, "What did you do to me?!"

"What I had to!" Mrs. Black stated firmly.

Sirius took a step forward, wanting nothing more than to ring his mother's scrawny little neck, but he resisted the urge and said, through clenched teeth, "Stop it!"

Mrs. Black's eyes flashed with fear, but she said, in a haughty voice, "Already done. It obviously didn't work anyway. You're a lost cause."

Sirius took another step forward, but decided not to give in to his impulse. Though it was tempting, he decided he'd really rather go to school than Azkaban, so he spun on the spot and headed for the still-open door of the study.

He made his way to his room, catching a glimpse of Regulus on his way. Git. "How long did you know?"

"I didn't know anything," Regulus answered.

"Right. 'Cause I'm sure my behavior lately has all been very normal."

"Despite what you may think, the world does not revolve around you," Regulus spat. But he should have known. Sirius was his brother and lived in the same house as he. How could he not have known? Maybe he did and just didn't want to admit to how far his mother would go to control Sirius – how far her sanity had slipped. Part of him blamed Sirius, though. He couldn't help but think, however naively or maybe just ignorantly, that if Sirius was the child he was supposed to be, his mother wouldn't have come so unglued. It was so easy to pretend nothing was wrong when he pretended Sirius didn't exist, because then they were all one big happy family. But whenever Sirius' presence was felt, it rippled through the rest of them. Mum went a little insane; Dad became withdrawn and depressed; and he was left wondering how one person could so ruin his happy existence. So maybe he did know what was going on and chose to ignore it. Let Sirius be punished for ruining his life, because the world did seem to revolve around him. And though Regulus really did love his brother, he hated him, too.

Sirius continued on his way. Once inside his room, he paced the floor, his anger still boiling, but he didn't have an outlet. He caught movement out of the corner of his eye. "What do you want?" Sirius said, expecting to come face to face with Regulus. Instead, he saw his own reflection. Ordinarily, he would have laughed at his own jumpiness. But seeing himself in his mirror reminded him of the nightmare – of what his mother had done. So today, he pulled his arm back and let it fly, packed with all the anger and fear and pain he'd experienced over the summer. His mirror shattered into a million little pieces that tinkled as they landed on the floor. It was a deceptively happy sound.

He looked down at his hand and noticed he was bleeding where a couple pieces of glass had cut him. Feeling oddly disconnected, he examined his hand to see if it had glass imbedded in it anywhere. Satisfied that it didn't, and that none of his cuts were too severe, he grabbed a handkerchief and wrapped it around his hand. Then he crawled into bed and slept.

When he woke up, the first thing he noticed was that he was very hungry. He then saw that his mirror had been repaired and his hand had been tended to. He wondered about this, and vaguely thought it might have all been another dream; but, at least it wasn't The Dream, so he didn't really care.

Sirius headed downstairs to the kitchen to grab some food. As he walked by the formal living room, his mother called out to him.

"Sirius!"

"What?" he growled in response.

"Who have you been talking to?"

"What?" he had no idea what she was talking about.

"Who have you been talking to?" Her eyes narrowed, "And how? Someone came by from the Ministry…"

"What?" huh. I seem to be stuck. The thought amused him and he let out a soft chuckle.

"Don't laugh! Someone from the Ministry had the gall to stop by our house accusing us of indecency to our children."

"Can't imagine where they'd get that idea," Sirius mumbled under his breath.

"Fortunately, we had warning, and I was able to clean up your little mess," Mrs. Black nodded in the direction of his hand.

So, not a dream then. Sirius said nothing. He was still tired despite however long he'd been asleep.

"So?" Mrs. Black asked expectantly.

"I have no idea. How am I supposed to have spoken with anyone?" Sirius' anger flared again. "I'm never alone. I'm constantly shadowed by someone. I don't have access to our owls. You won't let mail get to me. I'm not allowed near the floo powder… You tell me how I contacted anyone?" He knew perfectly well that, just as he thought he would, James had stepped in. In all honesty, he was grateful. Sirius started to walk away, but turned back to his mother. "How much warning did you get? Is that why you stopped the dreams in the first place? Because you knew someone was coming?"

"Like I said," Mrs. Black responded coolly. "It didn't work anyway."

Sirius walked away, shutting out whatever rambling she was doing. He had days – days – until he was back at school. He just had to hang in that long and then, so help him, he would not come back to this house, if it meant he had to live on the street!

- - - - -

A/N – For those who are interested or recognize the similarities, Ender's Game was the inspiration behind Sirius' nightmares, so thank you Orson Scott Card for your wonderfully written tale.

Thank you to all who read and review and add me to your story lists. I'm extremely grateful. And thank you to my wonderful betas - Mom, mei mei, and J.A.Carlton. Love.