Moving Forward
By Jackie

AN: Just some mindless fluff. Literally mindless; starting out, I had nothing but the opening scene and no clue where I was going. It was an exercise in chronological order for me; I never write in order. It led to one of the most difficult conversations I've ever written, so here's hopin' y'all enjoy the fruits of my labor!

Thrum thrum thrum. Thrum thrum thrum. Sam's thumb tapped the same rhythm on her purse, clutched against her stomach as she tried to remain calm. At least she wasn't tapping her toes anymore. No, instead, she'd taken to biting her lower lip. She sighed. As she balanced the pros and cons of simply running away now while she had the chanced, she wondered what on Earth had convinced her to come in the first place.

A steady, rapid-fire of keystrokes was the only other sound in the room as the General's secretary typed up memo after memo, scheduling meetings, and submitting reports. Occasionally, the woman would flash a curious glance to the USAF Lieutenant Colonel, eyebrows bridging momentarily as she tried to piece together the visitor's intents and apparent anxiety. But as quickly as she looked, she'd turn away, getting back to work.

Sam couldn't blame her curiosity. What a sight she must be, a nervous wreck waiting unannounced for her former commanding officer. Unannounced. Former CO. Barely suppressing a groan, which she knew would earn her another strange glance from the secretary, Sam gripped her hair at the crest of her forehead before letting her hand slide down her face.

The secretary still noticed, marked by a minute lull in the typing.

Well, appearances be d---ed! She was sweating bullets, - and if anyone thought she was a genius, the title really belonged to whoever it was that invented deodorant, - antsy to be pacing or moving or something! Anything other than just waiting patiently for General Jack O'Neill to arrive back from his meeting. At which point he would find her there. Waiting. Completely unexpected. In Washington D.C. At the Pentagon when she was supposed to be in Nevada.

Oh G--.

Again, she ran through the prospect of escaping now. If not for all the trouble she'd gone through just to get into the Pentagon, let alone the General's secretary's office, she would have already been gone. There was also, of course, the minor detail that it seemed she had a reputation here. Without said repute, she wouldn't have even made it this far: "No, Ma'am, I'm sorry. Without an appointment- Hang on. THE Colonel Carter? I apologize; right this way, Ma'am." To say she was surprised was an understatement, but it also meant that there was no way that Jack wouldn't find out about this, even if she did leave before he arrived.

With another sigh, she resigned herself to wait, leaning forward over her purse and resting her elbows on her knees, head in her hands. She'd made this decision, and now she was stuck with the consequences.

She wasn't even really sure why she'd come, when she thought about it. She'd come to "see him," but what the h--- did that mean? That she missed him was obvious, but she missed Daniel and Teal'c, as well. True, they were both a little more inaccessible than Jack, but she hadn't agonized over finding ways to visit them. Just because Jack was on Earth didn't really make him any more accessible than Teal'c or Daniel. She'd taken a risk to come see him, a risk that would have played out to fruition if she'd not had the aforementioned reputation. Sam Carter never took risks without reason, but as she sat outside his empty office awaiting his return, she realized that she hadn't stopped to figure out clearly what that reason was, exactly.

No doubt it had something to do with the brief kiss they'd shared at his cabin a little over a month ago. They'd both been a bit buzzed from the consumption of beer, but it certainly wasn't enough for them both to have experienced blackouts for the romantic interlude – which is what they had both acted like the next morning, neither one daring enough to bring it up. Not for the first time, she wondered what could have happened if Daniel hadn't knocked over the grill outside.

But why was she here? Did she intend to propose something as drastic as pursuing a relationship together? Was that really drastic, considering that she'd been in love with him for over eight years? And how was she supposed to bring up the topic, anyway? "Well, Sir, I just thought I'd drop by and let you know that I've been thinking nonstop of that kiss in Minnesota, and I was wondering – hoping, even, that we could maybe share a few more? Oh, and by the way, I love you."

Oh crap.

She knew her face was pink. To make things worse, shoes, collective, approached.

Crap! Crap! Crap!

Sam bowed her head further into her palms, attempting to regain control of herself. She'd face him, but not as a flushed schoolgirl!

"No, I don't want to hear another word about it! I've got the report, and I've said I'll think about it. That's all you're getting from me."

Her heart leapt at his familiar tone, so close by. G--, had it really only been a month? It seemed so much longer, now that they were in the same room. Still leaning forward, head now resting on her fist, she turned to look at him.

D---. Had he always been that attractive? How had she ever withstood the temptation? How was she going to now?

Crap! Blushing again!

"Now get outta here before I change my mind," General O'Neill was saying to someone outside the door. He didn't wait for the "Yes, General," reply before spinning around to face his secretary. Somehow, he still hadn't noticed Sam. "Any new messages while I was away, Linda?"

The secretary started to reply, motioning to Sam, who, gulping, straightened her posture. "Well, there is-"

"Great!" Jack said, clapping his hands together and heading straight for his office. "I didn't want to deal with any other bureaucratic idiots after that, anyway. You're the greatest."And he closed the door behind him.

Sam and the secretary stared at each other on the edge of amusement and confusion respectively. Deciding that it might well be another long wait, Sam leaned forward again, folding her arms together over her knees.

Jack poked his head out the door, causing Sam to sit up again. But he still didn't notice her as he giddily ordered, "Oh, and delete all my memos for the day. I'm feeling spiteful." He slammed the door again. Harder this time.

"Yes, Sir," Linda moodily replied to no one, her frown set and determined.

Chuckling to herself and suddenly feeling more relaxed than she had in weeks, - funny how he could have that effect on her, - Sam settled back down again. The flight had been one thing, but waiting indefinitely had a way of exhausting her, and if Jack was in a mood to ignore everyone, then it could be a while yet before she'd see him. She might as well rest her eyes in the meanwhile.

The door opened again, but this time, Sam didn't move, though her eyes flew up. To meet his.

Oh s---. Relaxed! Relaxed! She was…. so not relaxed anymore!

He blinked, brown eyes darting from her to the doorway back to her to Linda and back to her again. He blinked again. "Carter."

Sam knew the thrill that coursed through her from him calling her by the name only he used was wrong, but it felt so good. With a mental start, she realized that she was still slouched, and she sat up immediately. Sam smiled shyly. "Hi, Sir."

He smiled back. Big, genuine, - it lit up his eyes, his surprise evident. "Carter!" he said again in such a way that Sam felt silly for being embarrassed about coming unannounced. Let others think what they would; his reaction was completely worth it, and she had no idea why she thought he would feel otherwise. She knew he hated this place; they all hated it for him. His team. His family.

She couldn't help it; she grinned. "Yes, Sir."

Leaving the door behind and stepping through towards her, he turned to his secretary. "Why didn't you say anything?!" Sam was standing as the secretary sputtered.

"Well, she tried-" Sam started, but Jack grabbed her wrist and pulled her the rest of the way to her feet, all but dragging her into his office. Not that she was complaining. She was caught between giggling and flushing from his reaction. She knew he would do the same for Daniel or Teal'c, but she was Sam, and whether that meant as much to him as it did to her didn't have any sway over the feelings that were fluttering through her at the moment.

"You didn't say anything, either!" he accused.

"It's called a surprise," she said back.

"Yeah, but I was here!"

"You seemed preoccupied."

He rolled his eyes. "Oh, for-" He cut himself off mid-phrase, turning halfway around from their position in the doorway to his office, his hand unconsciously resting on Sam's waist in the process of ushering her inside. She barely had a mind to hear what he said next, so distracted was she by his touch. In their proximity, her eyes were drawn to his neck as he was turned, and G--, she could smell him. "Linda, clear my schedule for the day." And then he panicked for a second, snapping his head back to Sam. "You are here for-?"

Sam nodded quickly. She would be here for at least the rest of the day. Providing he liked what she had to say, that was.

And then the door was closed, and Sam was alone with General Jack O'Neill in his office. He wasn't touching her anymore, but his eyes roved her figure, making her feel self conscious. He was probably just convincing himself that she was actually there.

Yeah right. She knew better. She hoped.

They didn't hug. Sam recognized that for close friends as they claimed to be, it was an odd thing not to do. He did, however, place a hand on her shoulder, giving it a friendly squeeze before circling around to sit at his desk, motioning to the chair opposite for her to sit, as well. She did. And began tapping her right heel, hoping her knee wouldn't knock the front of his desk.

"So," Jack said finally breaking the silence. "What brings you to Washington?"

Crap. She knew he was going to ask that, too! Why she hadn't thought of an answer to this beforehand?

"Funny story," she began, thinking back to another such awkward moment in their shared past. "I had a lot of leave accumulated, and I just thought I'd come visit this crazy General friend I know."

His smile deepened.

Her knee knocked his desk.

D---it.

But if he'd heard it, he didn't react. He didn't even pick up the thread she'd so obviously thrown him, though he seemed to be studying her as he asked, "So how's life at '51? Enough doohickies to keep even you entertained, right?"

She laughed lightly. "Yes, Sir. Plenty; I could be there for years, and I still doubt we'd have scratched the surface of everything there."

"Lose the Sir, Carter. I'm not your commanding officer anymore." He said it casually, but he was still watching her intently. Never mind that they were both still in the Air Force, and he ranked above her.

She dipped her head. "Right. Sorry. Habit."

He waved his hand dismissively. "Don't be; it'll take some getting used to."

She smiled, looking up to him again. "Of course."

"Well, I'm glad to hear it," he said, and at Sam's confusion, he elaborated, "The doohickies. That there are… lots of them…" He grinned slowly as she chuckled again.

"Thank you. – How's life at the Pentagon?" she asked back. Small talk. She could do small talk.

He made a face. "Ahh, well you know. Paperwork. Lots of paperwork. I could be here for years, and I still doubt I'd have scratched the surface of all the… paperwork." Amusement tugged at the corners of her mouth as he turned her earlier comment back on her. He smiled lopsidedly. How she'd missed him making her laugh. "Saving the galaxy one memo at a time," he drawled.

"Not as exciting as dodging staff blasts, I guess."

"Oh, no!" he quickly rebutted. "I live in constant fear of papercuts."

She shook her head, looking down and fighting back a snort.

He changed the topic abruptly, suddenly curious. Despite his professed dislike of scientists, Jack O'Neill was always curious about something. "So how did you get through the security without an appointment, anyway? Somehow I doubt you broke in here without permission."

"Even I can't do that," she smiled.

"Well, I wouldn't put it past you."

She couldn't hide her surprise at that one, blue eyes widening. "The Pentagon?!"

Jack's eyebrows rose, his face expressing a perfectly innocent What?He was complimenting and teasing her at the same time, and Sam wondered what he would do if she chucked one of his pens at him.

"Ha ha," she said sarcastically, and his chest heaved with a muted laugh. "Actually, I'm not sure how I got in," she answered honestly.

He was curious again. "Why's that?"

"Well, it seemed like – Well, not seemed. They did know who I am. They let me in because I was 'The Colonel Carter.' Which is unnerving, considering that most of my work has been classified."

He was studying her again, and she watched his eyes as they looked over her face. She couldn't help wondering what he was looking for even though his gaze made her feel nervous, as if he would be able to read right through her and find some terrible flaw.

"Is everyone in the know here?" she forced herself to ask, trying to divert his attention.

Attention diverted, but not far: his brown eyes snapped to hers as he grinned sheepishly, "No, but I might mention you, Daniel, and Teal'c on a regular basis."

She didn't know why, but she blushed and had to look away. She could see him watching her again out of the corner of her eye, but she couldn't help it. The thought of him talking about her, and often… The logical side of her brain scolded her for thinking anything of it since he said he did the same for their other two teammates, but the rest of her would have nothing of it. In fact, the rest of her was being completely irrational and analyzing that the earlier reference to The Colonel Carter was almost the same as General O'Neill's Colonel Carter now that the origins had been revealed – a thought that made her giddy, causing her insides to flip and flutter. It was a stretch. A serious stretch, and she needed to get a hold of herself.

Turning back to Jack, his gaze did not falter, and Sam decided that she really wanted to know what he was thinking. His features were devoid of any hints as to what was running through his mind, yet his eyes expressed a sort of wonder. It was almost as if he didn't really believe she was there, and he was drinking her in in case she wasn't. She repressed a delightful shiver at the thought. - A thought that wouldn't do either of them any good if neither of them said anything. She had to know; it was time to bite the bullet.

"Something on your mind, Carter?" he asked perceptively, forehead furrowing in the slightest. Apparently, her determined ruminations had leaked through her façade.

She hesitated for just a moment, biting her lip before deciding to be brazenly honest. There wasn't any other way they would progress this thing between them; the only thing she regretted was that her tone held a more hopeful quality than she would have liked: "Is there a reason why you're staring at me like that?" She bit the honorific back at first, and then added "Sir" on the end – the last vestiges of the barrier they'd both set up that she was purposely attempting to knock down.

As expected, he didn't call her on it, though judging by the faint color that tinged his cheeks as he looked away, he was probably more preoccupied with other thoughts for the time being.

"Sorry," he said after a short lull. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

"Not uncomfortable," she said immediately, willing him to look at her again, which he did. "Just curious."

He studied her for a quick moment, tucked more securely behind his military front. "Well, if you must know," he began casually, and she knew he was dodging the issue, "You're a sight for sore eyes. People here only come to see me when they want something."

If she wasn't on a mission, she would have paused to address that. Instead, she met his eyes and asked, "What makes you think I don't want something?"

He faltered, confused disbelief. "Carter…?"

"What I mean," she said hurriedly, not wanting to mislead him too far. "Is that I missed you." The cloth covering her legs was clutched tightly between her pinched fingers. He couldn't see it, so she was free to at least express that much; it was taking everything in her to hold his blank, curious gaze. "I came here because… I wanted to see you."

His expression revealed nothing of his thoughts; he had to know this was taking a lot out of her, but he was still staying cautious. "Well," he said in a constricted voice, and he cleared his throat before continuing. "That's generally what happens when… good friends go their separate ways. It's nothing to be-"

"I missed you a lot," she clarified, making her resolution clear. "I…" Sam looked to her hands in her lap, giving up the battle to face him as she felt her face flush brilliantly from her impending statement. "It was more that I needed to see you than wanted."

"Oh." Shocked. A little awed.

"A lot more than Daniel or Teal'c," she elaborated, digging the grave deeper. "And… a lot different."

And silence.

Sam had no idea where to go from here. The silence was thick and heavy, weighing down on them like a landing Goa'uld mothership. Fight or flight took over her mind – namely the latter. But she stood her ground. They couldn't dodge this issue between them forever, and that meant one of them had to move first. Regardless of the outcome, she knew that one day she would thank herself for doing this.

Wouldn't she?

She could run. She should run.

His face was still guarded when he finally spoke, "Listen, Sam…-"

"I know," she interrupted, fearing his rejection. She couldn't pretend that she was as composed as she appeared anymore. "I arrived here out of the blue without any warning, and now I'm throwing this on you when you're already busy and have a million things to think about as it is." She was frustrated with herself; every time in the past when she'd worked up the balls to approach him directly about their feelings, he'd always found a way around it, and likewise, she did the same for him. She didn't know why she expected this time to be any different. Why did she feel the need to put him in these situations? "I don't know what I was thinking," she said standing and turning to leave. "This was a bad idea."

The action seemed to jar him. "No, Sam, wait." She was at the door.

With a sigh, she halted but kept her back faced to him. "I don't even know why I came here… Jack." She added his name on the end, hoping he would somehow infer her confusion and cloudy desires. It was really all she had, and d--- him and everyone else on the planet for expecting her to always have the answers.

"I at least assume that you wanted to hear what I have to say."

Was he being sarcastic because he was annoyed or trying to lighten the mood? She couldn't tell without looking at him, and she half wondered if that was his intention as she faced him.

It didn't help matters; he was now standing, but his face was still schooled into a completely neutral expression, though she could read concern and confusion in his eyes. She wanted yell at him, demand that he at least put himself out as far as she was putting herself, because it d--- well wasn't fair for her to feel this way on her own. But she didn't. Instead, she waited. At the very least, he was going to make the next move.

She didn't have to wait long; he took a deep breath before speaking, a small smile tugging at one corner of his mouth. "I always wondered which one of us would make the first move."

Sam only blinked, not knowing any other way to respond. It was an observation, and something she realized she too had wondered, but what else was there to say?

He sighed again and passed a hand slowly over his face. When he looked at her again, hand resting once again at his side, he was no longer guarded. She could read everything on his face – his nerves, his excitement, and still the open wonder and disbelief; something shifted inside her like a little jolt, and she tried not to let her surprise show.

"So are we actually going to do this thing?" he asked circling around the side of his desk and sitting on the corner nearest her. He crossed his arms over his chest, leaning on the corner casually. Lifting his eyes to hers again, she could tell he was anything but.

She copied his stance, arms wrapping around herself protectively. "You tell me."

He shrugged. "You're the one that showed up here, ya' know." He was being half serious, but it was his way of saying he didn't know, either.

She nodded. "I know."

Heaving another sigh, he turned away, looking anywhere but her. He looked down to his feet, kicking his toe a couple times, and Sam was as immersed in the action as he was. For anyone else, this would have been pathetic, but they were Sam and Jack, struggling to cease being Colonel and Major, General and Colonel. They had suppressed these feelings they'd been feeling for eight long years, and it was hard to just bring them out in the open. A lot harder without a catalyst; Sam blushed, thinking to the many fantasies she had imagined regarding a certain willing loss of control. Despite their discomfort with the present situation, she had to admit that she was glad they were talking things through instead of just rushing in without thought.

Jack looked up suddenly, a careful eye on her with a cute expression. "So would it be too forward if I just kissed you again?" So he'd been thinking the cabin, as well.

She should have told him they needed talk through things first, maybe analyzed the seriousness of his suggestion, but instead, she blurted the first thing that came to mind: "Do you want to?"

Surprised, his brows rose and he blinked in disbelief. "I've thought of little else over the past few years, Sam, let alone the last month."

Suddenly, Sam found the floor beneath her feet intensely interesting.

"I'll take that as a yes."

She didn't follow, too caught up in the excited trepidation his admission had caused. Curiosity got the best of her, and she met his gaze again. "What?"

"Too forward," he replied.

"Oh." And then, "No!"

"No?"

"No," she repeated, fighting back another blush as she said, "Not too forward."

He waited for her to continue, but she didn't, so he prompted, "Just…?"

"Just…"She frowned, more at herself, but met his eyes as if she was asking a teacher if her answer was correct. "I thought we should talk first."

His features remained neutral, and he shrugged. "What's to talk about?"

She moved her mouth, trying to say something, but she didn't know what. Shouldn't there be something to talk about? There should be lots of somethings.

"Carter – Sam," he corrected himself, drawing her wandering attention again. "Look, I'll go at whatever pace you want, but frankly, I'm just d---ed tired of waiting."

As she stared at him, she realized that they had switched roles in this conversation. She was now the one with the guard in place, and while he sat there putting himself all the way out, she struggled to find the courage to meet him halfway. He had to believe that she would meet him, or he wouldn't be saying anything.

"Sam?"

She flashed her eyes over to his, and in a quick second before she could convince herself otherwise, she was walking across the short distance purposely towards him. Surprised, he let his arms fall down to his sides, resting half in his lap. She stopped then, standing directly before him, straddling his left leg.

Boldly, she took his face in her hands, smoothing her thumbs over his cheeks. Jack didn't move; he watched her, but he let her do what she needed to become comfortable, and she appreciated it more than she could tell him.

Giddy thrills danced and skittered along her body as she began to close the distance between them. Still, he didn't move, though he did let out a soft sigh. She froze, for whatever reason, suddenly unsure and met his dark eyes, silently asking his permission. She knew she already had it, and though he seemed slightly irritated by her sudden halt, the warmth and encouragement she saw there caused her heart to flip in her chest.

She licked her lips in hesitation. Or was it anticipation?

"G--, Sam," Jack nearly groaned.

She lowered her mouth to connect with his in a gentle kiss. He hummed his approval, and she smiled against him. Her heart soared when his arm wrapped around her waist while the other found her neck, cupping the underside of her jaw and angling her for better access as she opened to him. She let her hands fall to his shoulders to steady herself as she leaned into him.

A few blissful seconds passed in gentle passion as they broke through their reservations, exploring each other and savoring the moment. While she was barely aware of anything other than him, Sam couldn't ignore her glee that she was kissing Jack O'Neill. She knew she was grinning, and he was, as well; this was better than anything she had ever imagined. Or hallucinated, for that matter.

With a soft pop, they separated, but not for long. Though their mouths weren't touching, their foreheads were, her need for contact with him more pronounced now that she could finally touch him. She couldn't help but giggle as she met his chocolate gaze, and he quickly kissed her nose in reply.

"So…" Their foreheads met again. "Slow?" he asked softly, drawing her eyes to his.

She nodded against him slightly. "Slow," she confirmed, closing her lids and sighing in contentment, letting her hands slide from his shoulders and brush across his chest.

"Wanna get married?"

Wide startled blue eyes met sedate, amused browns. "Married?! But I thought we just- Are you serious?"

"I didn't say right now," he clarified, but she could hear the humor in his tone. "Like in… two weeks."

She gaped at him. "Jack-!"

He kissed her, and she didn't refuse. He held her face in his hands, his mouth moving tenderly over hers, and she swore she could feel his love pouring out into her. She tried to match him, but he had put her into a surprised stupor, so she stood, slackened against his perched form.

After another moment, he sat back and looked at her smugly.

"Wow," she was finally able to say, meeting his eyes again.

"I've had years to think about it, Sam," he said sincerely. "You are everything to me."

She had promised herself that she wouldn't cry on the plane ride, though she had meant it in case of a different reception. Still, she wasn't going to break her own word to herself.

Sam aimed for levity. "So… two weeks?"

Jack's eyebrows hopped happily. "We can make it three, if you want. – But three's the limit."

"Actually," she began mischievously, "I was wondering if maybe it was possible to get Teal'c and Daniel here within the week."

It was Jack's turn to be surprised. "Within the week? What happened to slow?"

"I've had years to think about it, Jack," she said softly, and her lips brushed his as she continued, "And I'll be d---ed if I waste one more second without you."

Her mouth connected hotly with his again, and Jack was suddenly completely still underneath her.

She giggled.

Out of all the reasons and excuses she'd told herself for coming all this way to see him, getting engaged to him had never once crossed her mind."Wow."But she'd never felt happier.She grinned at him.Funny how he had that effect on her.

The End

AN: I'm considering doing a prequel to this – as in what happened at the cabin. What say y'all?