A/N: repost of the original, i like it better now. you can tell me ur thoughts in a review perhaps... hint hint

Always and for Never

I'm sick and I'm sad and I'm done with it all.

Sick sick sick

Sad sad sad

Done

Done

Done

That is what my life has come to without her and I'm not me. I want so much to be the me I was in that dinky little one mile town that she showed me.

Her her her. It was always her. Never anyone else. Just her.

Her and me.

Me and her.

Always and for never.

I'm gone and I'm over and I'm done for because she had to go marry the blonde dick leaving me to pretend I'm alright without her.

Of course I never needed her, why would I? I'm the indestructible Jess Mariano.

The one who didn't cry when his mother left him for three days when he was four. Didn't cry when the guys at school only kept him around to use as a human punching bag and mocked him for reading. Didn't cry at the end of Titanic. Didn't cry when he let her go that day on the bus. Didn't cry when he saw her with the dick in the Porsche. Didn't cry when she left him at Truncheon. Didn't cry when she decided to up and marry blondie, even after she found out he had cheated again. (And again and again). Didn't cry when he read the birth announcement a few years later.

Just did not cry.

So why would suddenly this girl affect me? Why should she? She never loved me. At least that's what I told myself. Because I wouldn't give myself the pleasure of pretending that she might have needed me, too.

That would have been too much like hope for the Great Jess Mariano.

And Jess Mariano never hopes.

Not even for her.