Disclaimer: I own nothing recognizable from One Piece as far as chapter 485—that belongs to Eiichiro Oda. I also did not come up with the idea of this pairing—credit for that goes to Nehszriah.

Warnings: Crack pairing. Sexual innuendo. Beware.

When Ice Finds Love

Aokiji had never known anything more beautiful than she. He found her in the dumps, in the cold, wet rain, and took her in. He washed her, scrubbed her until she shone like a summer's day. She was beautiful. He had been drawn to her when he first caught sight of her among the rubbish, but she was more beautiful than he could have ever imagined once she was clean.

It was love at first sight, and Aokiji never denied it. The first time he mounted her, he was shocked. He had ridden her type before, but it had never felt so good. After that, he rode her at every opportunity: inside, outside, on the stairs, on the sea, it didn't matter. Sometimes he even rode her on the ships, but he usually napped when he was on a ship (much as he loved riding her, he had to admit that their longer rendezvous wore him out), so not that often. But even when he wasn't riding her, she was always by his side—silent but supportive.

He made sure to wash her as often as possible, though generally, given a choice between riding her and washing her, he chose to ride her.

So his life had been from the day he had met her. It was going to be a lifelong love, and Aokiji knew it. He ignored his more than mildly unnerved men, and with time, the men learned to accept this…companion of Aokiji's. He was sure that there were those who still whispered about him in the shadows, but it didn't bother him. As long as they were respectful to him and didn't touch—let alone harm—her, he paid them no heed.

Soon, the men began to use her as an indication of Aokiji's presence. Aokiji had set up a nice little room for her at each of the Marine bases that he frequented, and they would check for her if they couldn't find Aokiji. He left her there when he absolutely couldn't take her with him—to meetings with Sengoku, for instance. (Aokiji had never understood why Sengoku detested her presence so much. Sengoku, after all, always had a goat in tow.) If she was there, Aokiji was bound to be somewhere nearby. If she wasn't, chances were that Aokiji was off riding her somewhere again.

Eventually, once it had become clear that she really was Aokiji's stalwart companion and that wasn't going to be changing anytime soon, the soldiers at the Marine bases began to grow accustomed to the strange lamentation of theirs that she couldn't speak. She was the only one who could have told them what Aokiji did those long days when he disappeared, after all. All they knew was that he was off riding her somewhere, but he was bound to be doing more than just that.

Naturally, she never spoke. Lavished with love, baths, and careful attention, she never was anything but herself. In fact, not many people even took notice of her—they thought she looked strikingly ordinary. Aokiji never did understand them.

But no one was more devastated by her continued silence than Aokiji. Certainly, he had common sense and knew that she would never speak, but it still would have been nice to have someone who he could really talk to, whom he so enjoyed having at his side.

It was during one such lamentation that Sengoku came up to him one day. He had his goat in tow, as usual.

"Honestly, Aokiji, you've got to give it up. It's not even human."

"She's a she! You may be my superior, but you're not disrespecting her that way!"

"It or she, it's irrelevant. It—fine, she—is a beautiful bicycle, certainly, and she's lasted a long time. But she's going to break someday. And it's not healthy for you to be obsessing over her like this."

Aokiji gave Sengoku a flat look, and then glanced down at the goat and back to Sengoku. Sengoku looked down at the goat and then back at Aokiji.

"I suppose you have a point. Well, then, we're off to my rooms. You have fun with your bicycle."

Aokiji didn't even wait for Sengoku to finish leaving the room to turn and march down to his bicycle's room, mount her, and ride her out of Sengoku's accursed headquarters.