All the Difference.

Chapter Fifteen: Hearts Like Ours.

There's an animal inside, there's a fear that won't subside;

Of all the things I'll never do, will I ever follow through?

In silence we're alone but side by side.

The first rays of sunlight were peeking through the cracks in the small farmhouse as the livestock began to rise from their slumber. The horses grazed in the pasture while the chickens pecked around their coop and the pigs wandered around aimlessly by their trough. From their perspectives, nothing had changed; not really. Maybe the scents of their human companions were gone but they carried on with their lives quite unconcerned.

Sweeney let the sheet doubling as a curtain fall back into place and turned a little too suddenly away from the window. He brought his good hand up to his forehead to quell the resounding throb that erupted as a result from their wine indulging last night. He couldn't remember the last time he drank a nice, deep red and now he fully remembered why he usually abstained. The dry liquid always gave him a rotten hangover, no matter how much or little he consumed.

He massaged his temple and shut the curtain more fully, attempting to drown out the blinding light. Nellie was still sleeping on the worn bed soundly, limbs now sprawled out on the mattress in every direction. They had promised to set out at first light, but he hadn't the heart to wake her yet. Moreover, his stomach was beginning to rumble in protest and he supposed they might as well make use of the kitchen while they had it.

Moving silently, he left the room and pulled the door shut noiselessly behind him. He walked down the hall, admiring the work they had done on the walls in their stupor the night before. It had felt good letting go of his inhibitions. Aside from the ache in his head, his mind was clear. Is this what it was like to exist without a personal vendetta? It had been so long he barely remembered the feeling; not focusing each and every one of his thoughts on revenge, no longer plotting, brooding away night and day.

The kitchen was bathed in sun causing Sweeney to squint his eyes and cross the room to the shutters to shut them quickly. Once done, he sighed surveying the room. He had left some of their newly acquired supplies out on the counter and started rifling through them. At the bottom of the heavy sack of plums he managed to find some berries; blue, black and some raspberries as well. He wondered if the farmers were coming back from a market of some sort when they happened upon Nellie the other day. It would certainly explain why the carriage was stocked so well with a plentiful variety of food and ingredients.

By no means was he well-versed in cooking or baking however, he did recall watching his mother on more than one occasion as she prepared jam for the month as a small lad. Sweeney found a small pan and deposited the berries, adding some honey in place of the sugar they did not have and gave it a good mix before lighting the stove.

Placing the compote over the heat he let it simmer and reduce. When was the last time he actually cooked something? He couldn't recall; there was never any need because Nellie always happily did it, she never begged his help. He found a mason jar on top of a shelf and had to unstick the lid that was nearly rusted shut from misuse. They could bring some jam with them when they left, wherever they were going. The redhead would appreciate his practical forward-thinking, at least. He stirred the mixture and used the wooden spoon to crush the berries into a fine jelly.

The bowl on the table was still covered with a thin towel and held the rolls she baked yesterday. It would suffice, he decided and made his way to the chicken coop to collect some eggs. If they were to fully regain their strength and heal their injuries they would need some protein. Inside, he prepared the eggs by whisking them together and found another appropriately-sized frying pan to scoop the mixture into before tending to the simmering berries and filling the teakettle with water. I'm

It occurred to him just then that he was cooking breakfast for the two of them. A simple gesture, quite normal for any other person, but this was Sweeney who was doing so. Last week he never would have wagered he would be up and about before his former landlady, let alone making her a meal; but here they were.

He added more honey to thicken up the jam and stirred the eggs to keep them from browning too much. It was nearly ready and he hadn't heard any stirrings from the bedroom. Sweeney was sure she would have been up by now, it wasn't as if he was being particularly quiet this morning so perhaps she needed the rest.

Pulling out the chair he claimed the night before, he sat down to wait. While he waited, he pondered. Where they would go next, how far the carriage would take them, how would they get out of this godforsaken country, and if they would actually make it anywhere alive. There was much to prepare for but no way to do so. They might as well just make it up as they go along for all the good that formulating a plan would do them. Neither had any idea where they were currently at but if he had to guess it would be in the southwestern area of England, judging by the golden-green countryside. With any luck they would find a port where they could secure passage on a ship; to where, he didn't much care.

The smell of smoke was wafting up to his nostrils; the eggs were starting to burn.

Springing up to his feet, Sweeney dashed over to the stove and removed the eggs before a flame started forming. The bottom of the eggs were nearly black and he grimaced with displeasure.

"Wot's that smell, love?"

Nellie had appeared in the threshold to the dining area, rubbing her eye groggily. Her cockney accent was thick with sleep but she was becoming increasingly alert as she smelt the burning food.

Dropping the pan on the unheated burner, he let out a frustrated sigh as she crossed the room to inspect the cause of her arousal from sleep. She peered over the side and he watched as her eyes widened and lit up like a child's on Christmas morning.

"Oh, Sweeney, you didn't!" She exclaimed, but her voice was elated and held no traces of disappointment despite him feeling as if he'd ruined the meal.

He looked up alarmed, surveying her face for any falsehoods but she was genuinely surprised. The jelly was still good at least, he decided upon inspection; thick and reduced enough to safely remove it from the heat. "I found some berries at the bottom of the bag," he explained, overcome with extreme discomfort. "I recalled a recipe my mother..."

Sweeney trailed off and looked back at Nellie who was licking her lips appreciatively, unaware of his unease as she eyed the cooling fruit compote. Without a care for the temperature, she dipped her finger in and sucked the juice off, humming with delight. Then he watched as her hand, the very same that she pulled from her lips moments ago clutched his arm warmly.

"Thank you," she spoke softly and smiled up at him, but did not linger long. She turned quickly and started preparing their plates, dishing up the eggs and bringing them to the table. Finding some butter in the cupboard, she flounced over and sat down to serve the bread to them both.

The jam flowed into the mason jar and he scraped the remains until it was full to the brim. He grabbed a spoon and followed her, watching her tuck into the nearly-brown eggs without a complaint. A small smile played on her face, her wild mane of fiery curls surrounding her thin face. Her usual sunny disposition had nearly returned full force; all because he had made breakfast for her?

Nellie was spreading the butter and jelly over the roll and offered to do the same for him. Splitting it open, she slathered it up on both sides and he watched the steam rise from his plate. She took a bite, closing her eyes as she chewed, savoring the taste before she quickly took another.

As he observed, Sweeney asked himself: is this what normalcy was like?

"Aren't you going to eat too?"

Her inquiry pulled him abruptly out of his musings and he picked up the bread roll, bringing it to his mouth for a large bite. Jam slid down his finger and rather than wiping at it with a napkin or against his trousers, he licked it away as she had done earlier, not wasting a single drop.

It was perfectly sweet and the mixed berries blended together nicely. Nellie was smiling up at him but returned to her meal when she had been caught.

They made idle chatter as they filled their bellies with bread and jam and the half-burnt eggs with tea. When their plates were cleared she brought them to the sink and started preparing more tea for them before she began washing the dishes from breakfast and the night before.

Yes, he affirmed silently, watching the baker's bustling form as he sipped his tea; under the circumstances this is what 'normal' should feel like.

It was now mid afternoon and Nellie was humming an old hymn to herself, collecting all the leftover eggs she could find until there were nearly a dozen. She was wrapping them carefully in her extra stockings and nestling them beside each other so they would not break during their travels. They were bringing everything they could manage to carry; after all, if they were taking the horses they needed a portion of the food as well. Neither had any inkling how long it would take them to find a boat and the odd couple had mutually decided crossing the channel, or any body of water really, would be their best hope of a permanent escape.

She had found a small cage in the barn and briefly considered bringing one of the hens along, but what if trouble arose and they needed to hide or run away quickly? Best to be on the safe side. They would bring what they could easily carry and nothing more.

Sweeney was in the barn preparing the pig for their supper. She smiled as she recalled his incredulous face as she coerced him into another meal. Admittedly, she did not want to leave the cozy farmhouse. Despite the previous owners, shelter was shelter and the haven that they had created for themselves would be too easy to settle into. They had an endless supply of food, water, comfort, and a roof over their heads; what more could one ask for?

But their current lodgings were not safe. Maybe they could survive for awhile, but paranoia would set in if they stayed in this place, so close to London, so near their old life. No, the further away they were from Fleet Street the better off they would be.

She stored the eggs carefully underneath the seat in the carriage and made sure everything was in place. The clouds were rolling through the sky rapidly, dark grey and angry. A storm was coming so she chased the chickens into the coop and led he pigs and horses into the barn. By the time she finished, the first drops of rain were beginning to fall.

"It's starting to rain, love, storm's brewing outside," she informed him upon re-entering the weathered barn, walking up to stand beside him. He had just finished and was wiping his hand on an already bloodied rag so he could dab at his brow beaded with sweat. She marveled at how he had managed to catch, slaughter, and prepare the pig all on his own.

Sweeney crossed to threshold of the door and looked to the horizon. Nellie already knew what he was thinking: just a spot of rain, nothing more would delay them from leaving at nightfall. Probably for the best, she reasoned- if they stayed any longer she wouldn't want to leave. Then again, she never saw herself as a farmer anyway. To her surprise, however, he said nothing of the sort and instead he said, "We had better take this inside then," grabbing the hind legs as he started walking back towards the house.

Once inside, she set to work on peeling the vegetables he had left on the counter. Potatoes, carrots, and the green beans she poured immediately into the pot filled halfway with water. Whatever was leftover would be made into a stew she hoped she could take with them. It would be a long night and there was no telling when they would have access to a fire, let alone a stove.

As she peeled, he carved. They worked in silence, in harmony; and every now and then Nellie would look up at the barber and have to force a huge smile from spreading across her face. They had found a peaceful balance between theitm, the constant unease and walking on eggshells feeling was all but gone and it felt... Heavenly.

How far they had come in the short time since they fled from London.

Simply remarkable, considering it was less than a week ago. Just as she deposited the vegetables into the stew, Sweeney was basting the meat. The rain had started a heavy flow and thunder could be heard rumbling in the distance. Nellie never cared for lightning storms and she wrapped a shawl around her shoulders for warmth and comfort as the sky flashed and she flinched, waiting for the book that would follow. He must have noticed for he finished washing his hand and told her, "I'll go and light the fireplace."

Having nothing better to do, she followed him and curled up on the nearest love seat. "Always hated the lightning and thunder. When I was younger, about nine or ten give or take, my brothers left me outside in a storm for hours while our parents were in town at their shop. I banged on the door until my fists were black and blue, shivering cold until my eldest brother, Robbie, finally returned home from his hunting trip and let me in."

Just speaking of her big brother now, she smiled fondly as childhood memories rushed back to her. The twins, Michael and Liam, were always rotten to her; pulling pranks and being general arseholes to her until the day they enlisted in the military. But Robbie was always looking out for her, keeping her out of trouble and out of the twins' schemes; he even went so far as to knock some sense into them when they managed to make her cry. They were only a couple of years older than her, but they certainly had never acted like it.

"You had... Siblings?" He asked awkwardly, lowering himself into the spot next to her. He didn't take the empty chair, she noted though it was just as convenient. Thunder shook the house and she nearly jumped out of her skin.

Covering her beating heart, she replied, "Oh yes, I had three actually. But my oldest brother was my favorite. Robbie always watched over me when the twins got too rough. I suppose that's why I'm so self-sufficient these days."

She was trying to spy on him through her peripheral vision, to see his reaction. He was still staring right at her, so she turned her head to face him.

"What were you like as a girl?"

His sudden personal question about her past caught her off guard and had her mouth hanging agape. She had technically brought up her brothers the first time but now he was probing further of his volition. What had brought on his uncharacteristic curiosity, she wondered?

Nellie leaned back into the cozy sofa, thinking back to her younger days. "Well, I grew up in country, actually, miles away from anything. Our cottage house was small but we had acres of land to make up for it. I was a bit of a wild one, my mother would always say. Being the youngest and only girl, I imagine that's why I had to fend for myself most of my life. My father had wanted another boy, of course, but he developed a soft spot for me eventually. When I was too small to efficiently help, I was always in the way; but as I grew up I liked to help him with his chores, you see, collecting the fire wood he chopped, cleaning his hunting gear, and handing him his tools whenever he was fixing something. The twins preferred to go off on their own, chasing after younger girls or rabble rousing with their friends. Robbie was eight years older than me and when I was eleven he married a young, pretty little Irish lass, and he and his wife moved to Dublin to take care of her ailing father. It was the last time I ever saw him; five years later he caught pneumonia, it was going around their whole town and they ran out of antibiotics so he ultimately died... So it was just me at home most of the time.

"Anyhow, my mother didn't like the fact I spent so much time outdoors and that's when she tried to take me under her wing once my teenage years caught up with me. Oh, she tried to teach me to sew, to clean the house, to wash and properly fold the laundry, and tend to the indoor chores but I was very rebellious. I would rather play outside, get dirty; all the things a 'lady' ought not to do. The only thing that kept me indoors was baking in the kitchen and well, my mother would take what she could get. So she taught me how to cook everything: sweet desserts and savory dishes, fruit and meat pies, roast beef and chicken, how to harvest and cook vegetables the right way, all sorts of dishes, really. She would go on and on, ridiculing me and explaining I would have to make myself useful around the house if I wanted to keep a decent husband. And of course when Albert started our courtship and took me away, she was right. I had to relearn everything she tried to teach me, save for cooking. He would have none of my offering to help outside or find a job to help pay our rent, there's was only one place he wanted me to be: in the kitchen."

She saw lightning flash out of the corner of her eye and she realized why he was keeping her talking. The thunder had been rumbling in the background; it never stopped but she hadn't noticed it while she was reminiscing about her childhood. Sweeney was trying to distract her so she wouldn't be frightened- and succeeding she might add. Perhaps he didn't even care to know, but he was still preoccupying her time nonetheless.

Lightning flashed again and illuminated the room for a few seconds and she quickly went on. "Albert was quite charming in the beginning, you know. I had just turned seventeen and he was in his early twenties, but he was considerably handsome back then. He certainly did not sweep me off my feet by any means, but my parents were practically pushing me out of the house at that point. They were growing old and wanted to see me married off before they could live out their days in peace, knowing I would be provided for. In actuality, after the first couple years Albert put on so much weight he became immobile so I had to step into the role of caretaker, housewife, and had to find us a new flat that I could run a business in at the same time. That's how we came to Fleet Street and the pie shop became our main source of income. And well, I suppose you know the rest. After his heart gave out, I had to combine businesses and put flyers up all over town and that's where you came in."

Nellie finished speaking and looked out the window. The rain appeared to lightening up and the storm was moving away. It occurred to her she should check on their supper, for they had been warming themselves by the fire for nearly an hour while she had recounted most of her past history to him. It had really helped to keep her calm and she placed her hand on his forearm lightly in gratitude. "Thanks for the distraction. I'm going to go check on dinner, love."

As she walked away, Nellie was grinning madly to herself. Was it just the fact that they had been through so many horrible and life threatening situations lately that caused her to feel so elated? No, they were not out of harm's way yet- not remotely, even, but she still could not help feeling hope swelling in her chest like a balloon.

When their meal was ready, they joined together at the table and sat a little closer than usual. Perhaps it was a coincidence, or perhaps it was the story they shared while they waited. Nellie did ask him about some details of his past life but whenever he answered her the reply was short and sweet; she tried not to let it bother her too much. After all, the fact that he was opening up to her at all was practically a miracle.

Of course he was an only child; she had suspected as much before simply by his guarded demeanor. Not Sweeney in particular but Benjamin, too, had always been the same way. A little shy, slightly uneasy, but whenever he was around Lucy his confidence always grew. Not to mention he came off rather spoilt at times.

Sweeney did not hesitate and cut into the pork, added some carrots to take in with it and once he took a bite, his eyes closed appreciatively for a moment while he chewed. She was watching him rather than tucking into her own meal, but who could blame her for being a little fascinated by him? A whole other side of him was at last being opened; blossoming slowly like a flower in the earliest days of winter. He was no longer Benjamin Barker and the vengeful Sweeney Todd was slowly being laid to rest. This new man that was emerging she quite liked and rather could not wait to get to know more everyday.

His eyes opened after he had swallowed the bite and rested on her own. Quickly, though not fast enough to evade his notice, she looked down and picked up her knife and fork.

"It's very good," he told her, his voice gruff and clearly uncomfortable as he cleared his throat following his admission.

Nellie felt her chest swelling. It wasn't much, the meal. Just roasted pork, a few seasonings she managed to find but nothing special. Still, it didn't matter to him and for the first time in their history he complimented her cooking. It was enough to make color rise to her cheeks as she replied sheepishly, "Oh of course, it was nothing."

They ate the rest of their dinner with little chatter as they ate so voraciously, she even offered to bring him seconds but he refused, telling her she could use the rest for the stew. It would be helpful to bring food with them, plus it would keep them on the road and out of trouble for longer.

As she started pouring the leftovers in the large pot waiting on the counter, Sweeney did not leave as she expected, rather he remained at the table. She could swear she felt his eyes on her back but she didn't let herself turn around to see. She dared not; it was true that he was changing but she still felt as if one wrong move would frighten him away. Whether that feeling was actually warranted or would go away with time, well, she could only speculate. Time would tell, she supposed. Instead she kept working, humming to herself again and stopping to braid her hair back as it kept sweeping into her face. Suddenly his presence was behind her. "Allow me," he insisted softly, stopping her fingers midway down. Surprised, she dropped her hands at his light touch and let him undo the braid. His fingers started running through her hair from roots to ends and her knees were so weak she had to fight to stay standing.

He started braiding it again, only it felt different; more complicated than her usual braid. He started on the right side of her head, pulling it tight to keep the curls tamed and the frizzy bits out of her face. As he worked, be moved towards the opposite side, braiding across the nape of her neck as he came around. She fought to keep her racing pulse under control until she could see him again, standing on her left now as his hands deftly braided through her hair. He knotted it at the end and wrapped a strand around it for good measure before he moved back around to admire his work. She brought her hands up to feel the way it seemed to intertwine and wrap around her head, wondering how he had done it.

"How did you... This feels wonderful! Thanks, love, I have to go look at it," she informed him rushing off towards the bathroom. It looked as good as it felt and she marveled at how he was able to braid nearly all of her hair from top to bottom. Nellie took her time to freshen up and admire her hair in there foggy mirror once more before she made her way back to the kitchen.

When she returned, he was waiting for her, packed and ready to go.

"All set, then?" He asked, struggling to drape his coat over his shoulder. She rushed to help him, pulling his sleeve up his arm and securing the top button so it wouldn't come undone and fall off. "As ready as I'll ever be, let's go."

They gathered the rest of their belongings and drew the carriage. With the sun setting behind them they rode off, away from the farm house that had been their home away from home for the past few days. Nellie felt slightly uneasy to be leaving their haven but glad to be setting off with Sweeney, their bellies full and their hearts hopeful for what was to come.

Better late than never, I suppose. I'm sorry I almost gave up but I am pulling to have this story finished by the end of the year. I hope you enjoy and are ready for more action now that Nellie and Sweeney are getting closer and are setting out for adventure. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading, I love you all.