"…Thinking We Could Fly"

CHAPTER 15

Naruto couldn't sleep that night, go figure. After Sai told him it was Sasuke who killed Shisui, his first reaction was to stand up and run back to Sasuke's place. He didn't do it though, seeing as Sai stopped him, telling him to rest and think everything through before deciding to do anything.

Turning on his back, Naruto sighed tiredly, running a hand through his hair. Judging from what a clock was telling him, it was already past 4 a.m. and he hadn't gotten any rest whatsoever. He was glad he listened to Sai though, he doubted he had enough strength to go all the way back to Sasuke's place and demand an explanation...

Naruto had absolutely no idea what to believe in right now. Something told him that it was the truth, it would explain so many things... why Sasuke had to fake his death, why he was so hesitant on telling him everything, and insisted on pushing him away. Could it be that the brunet feared that he might kill Naruto as well?

No, the blond somehow couldn't believe it. He just didn't see Sasuke as some maniac going around and killing people for the heck of it, yet... Sai told him there was no reason for the brunet to kill Shisui. He kept on repeating that Sasuke did it on a whim, but Naruto just refused to accept it. There had to be some reason... some big reason if it resulted in killing someone.

The blond was surprisingly calm, as he noticed himself, but that was probably because it hadn't really hit him yet. It all depended on what Sasuke told him when he confronted him about it... because that's exactly what Naruto was going to do in a few hours.

One question didn't leave him though. Was he capable of accepting something like that and trying to get the brunet back? If killing Shisui was an accident, then yes, if he did it because he had some serious reason, like to defend himself or someone else, then yes as well. But what if Sasuke really did it just on a whim of his?

Naruto turned onto his side, looking blankly in ahead. He couldn't say he was one hundred percent sure Sasuke wouldn't do something like that... God, did he really think so lowly about him? After everything that happened between them, after seeing so many different sides of Sasuke, did he really believe the brunet was capable of killing someone in cold blood? It was awful, it was terrible, but still... there was something about Sasuke that made him think that yes, he would be able to do something like this...

Sitting up abruptly, Naruto decided that he couldn't wait for the next few hours after all. He needed to see Sasuke now. He needed to get an explanation now or his head was going to explode.

Getting dressed hurriedly, he exited the bedroom and passed Sai quietly where he was asleep on the couch. Closing the door behind, Naruto started to run towards the brunet's apartment, wanting to reach it as fast as possible.

About an hour later he finally made it and now stood right in front of the brunet's door, trying to convince himself that he had to knock in order to get in and talk with Sasuke.

It took him some time, but he finally knocked. Of course Sasuke didn't open straight away, he had to knock for the next fifteen minutes before he heard some grunting on the other side.

"What the fuck?" Sasuke grunted swinging the doors open and rubbing his eyes sleepily. Naruto smiled briefly at the sight, he really did miss the brunet already. "Naruto? Weren't you supposed to come back for you things later? Later not meaning a few hours of course..."

The blond grinned wider at that. God, did he love him... Naruto's expression dropped immediately at the thought. He was here for a reason and they did break up.

"I have to talk with you about something that can't wait." Naruto said seriously, walking passed the brunet, not waiting for the invitation to come inside which, as he knew, wouldn't come anyway.

"Yeah, well?" Sasuke asked, when they made it to the living room and stood facing each other. "What is so important that couldn't wait those few fucking hours?"

Naruto observed Sasuke silently. It was obvious that he was extremely tired; he looked like he hadn't gotten much sleep either. The more he looked at him, standing there so beaten, so defeated... the more he couldn't believe in what he had heard from Sai, but...

"Did you really do it?" Naruto asked quietly, his face dull. "Did you really kill Shisui?"

Sasuke's eyes snapped wide open upon hearing that, he no longer felt sleepy anymore. Turning his shocked eyes to look at Naruto, he blinked a few times in disbelief.

"Who..."

"Sai." Naruto said and Sasuke smirked to himself bitterly.

"That scum..." The brunet murmured to himself and Naruto scowled at that.

"Why are you calling him that? There's nothing wrong with him." Naruto said, offended. Sasuke looked at him weirdly.

"There's nothing wrong with him?" Sasuke chuckled darkly, looking away. "Fine, if that's what you want to believe."

Naruto looked at Sasuke, still frowning. He really didn't get it, why Sasuke hated Sai so much and... was there hurt in his eyes?

"You didn't answer my question." Naruto said, and Sasuke turned to look at him again.

"What is there to say, really?" Sasuke asked, looking at him dully. "I bet that asshole told you everything already."

"Damn it, Sasuke!" Naruto yelled in frustration. Couldn't the brunet just answer the question? "Of course he told me, but I want to hear it from you! I want to hear your version, because I just don't know what to believe anymore!"

"Tch. But you still believe in everything you heard from him." Sasuke said, feeling somewhat hurt. Even despite the fact that he had broken up with the blond, he couldn't believe that Naruto would so easily trust someone who he didn't even know.

"I do, because you won't tell me anything! I want to believe you, but I can't as long as I haven't heard it from you!" Naruto said in a raised voice, stepping closer to the brunet. "Sasuke, just tell me... why would you do something like that?"

Something snapped in Sasuke then. His face went completely blank, eyes emotionless. So Naruto already decided he was guilty, huh? Well, then that's what Naruto was going to get, a full recount of what happened... ironically enough, Sasuke was always scared of telling this to the blond, while it turned out to be a great way to make Naruto leave him once and for all.

"Oh yes, I did kill him." Sasuke chuckled slightly and Naruto was stunned at the coldness of his voice. Grabbing the front of the blonds' shirt lightly he pushed him backwards, until Naruto's back was touching the wall. "I'll never forget the look in his eyes... it was similar to the one you've got now. Disbelief, fear, hurt, silent plea..."

Naruto swallowed nervously as he gazed into those emotionless, yet so entirely terrifying eyes. He couldn't process it through his brain that it was happening for real.

"I believe he even said something like..." Sasuke continued in a dreadful voice. "Please Sasuke, don't do this."

Naruto's eyes widened even more at that and Sasuke chuckled again at his expression.

"I only smirked at him. Bringing up my hand with a gun I placed it here, just like that..." Sasuke said, and pushed his fingers to Naruto's temple as the blond gasped. Moving them a little against the tan skin, the brunet smirked. "Guess what he did then? He smiled, this soft and gentle smile of his... and told me he loved me. I pulled the trigger then."

There was a silence between them as Sasuke smirked down at the blond, while Naruto looked at him completely terrified.

"Heh." Sasuke leaned forward very slowly, pushing his lips to the blonds' ear. "Do you want to know why I did it?" He asked, nibbling the shell of Naruto's ear with his lips. "Just a whim of mine."

Naruto's breath hitched in his throat as Sasuke moved away slightly, gazing straight into his eyes. Moving his hand from the blonds' shirt, he put it on the tan face, and trailed Naruto's lips with his thumb.

"Still love me so much?" Sasuke asked with a sly smile. "Still want to be with me no matter what?"

Naruto couldn't take it anymore. Pushing Sasuke's hand violently away, he looked into his eyes for a second before turning around and running away from the apartment.

Sasuke looked blankly at the wall in front of him not even stirring an inch when he heard the door shut with a loud thud. He didn't feel anything, he most certainly didn't feel anything right now... or at least he tried to talk himself into believing that.

Turning around, he let his back slam into the wall, before collapsing on the floor with his knees pressed to his chest. Gripping his hair, he let his forehead hit his knees. God, why did it hurt so much? What was this pain that clenched his insides so much, to the point it was hard to breath?

It was the only way to sever the bonds between them, he knew that. Nothing could ever make right what he had just done... which is exactly why he had done it of course. It was better this way, Naruto wouldn't even think about going back to him again and he would be able to forget about the blond once and for all.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

"Saaaaasukeeeeee!" Suigetsu said in a singsong voice, standing in front of the door to the brunet's apartment. "Oh, Saaaaaaaaaasukeeeeeee!"

The shark like teen sang again and knocked on the doors in rhythm to some random song. He had come here for the past week and had done exactly the same thing because, well, the brunet refused to get out of his cave and speak with anyone at all. Suigetsu just couldn't leave his friend like that, could he?

Sighing, he sat on the cold floor with his back pressed to the door and though for a moment. What to sing today? On the first day of Sasuke's isolation he chose "Us 5"... on the second, he settled for "System of a Down", on the third there was Eminem, then Christina Aguilera, then "Spice Girls", on the sixth "Tokio Hotel" and now...

"I'm not a giiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirl! Not yet a womaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!" His plan was pretty simple, really. He wanted to make Sasuke come out with intention of killing him, because, well, he couldn't sing whatsoever. "All I neeeeeeeeeeeed is tiiiiiiiiiiime, a momeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeent that is miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine! While I'm in betweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen! I'm not a giiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirl!"

Suigetsu finished and cleared his throat, trying to think of the next set of lyrics. He really didn't remember all the lyrics, mind you. But he was good with improvisation, especially seeing as he had to make up the lyrics for a few hours sometimes.

"You're not a bananaaaaaaaaaaa! Not yet an appleeeeeeeeeeeee!" He sang, grinning like a maniac. "All you neeeeeeeeeeeeed is a juiceeeeeeeeeeeeeer, to squeeeeeeeeeeeeeez you very tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight ! Ohhhhh, how much you neeeeeeeeed to be dooooooooooooone! You're not a bananaaaaaaaaaaa!"

"God, shut the fuck up, will you?!" Sasuke said angrily swinging the door open and making Suigetsu fall on his back.

"Did you like my song?" The shark like teen grinned, looking up at Sasuke, who simply glared down at him.

"Well, it was more creative than the one where you sang about the pencil-monster taking control over the department store." Sasuke said dully as Suigetsu got up from the floor.

"Bitch, please! That was my favourite one!" He said as he walked inside. "Good you opened finally, I was running out of the ideas."

"Hn." Sasuke grunted and plopped down on the couch where he was doing, well, nothing, before Suigetsu disturbed him... but disturbed him nonetheless.

"Damn Sasu-chan. I knew you were going to be heartbroken after separating with Naruto but this is just too much." Suigetsu said, sitting right next to the brunet who was sprawled out on the couch. "If you're suffering so much then just go back to him."

"Suigetsu." Sasuke growled lowly, but sighed a second later. "It's not possible anyway, I told him everything and I doubt he will ever want to see me again... which is good of course."

"You told him you killed Shisui?" Suigetsu asked, slightly stunned.

"Well, he actually found out from Sai before I told him. He just came to confirm it... which I did of course." Sasuke answered with a shrug of the shoulders.

"And he left you even after hearing the whole story?" Suigetsu asked, completely shocked. He really didn't believe Naruto would leave Sasuke after hearing... "Sasuke..." Suigetsu frowned when a thought came to his mind. "What exactly did you tell him, hm?"

Sasuke looked away, but told him everything that had happened anyway.

"Sasuke..." Suigetsu sighed, after listening to the whole story. "So you just made up some story to push him away completely? How low is that?"

"What does it matter anyway, we broke up before it." Sasuke said, narrowing his eyes and looking at his friend.

"Yeah well, you wouldn't do that if you didn't have any doubts as to whether you want to be with him again." Suigetsu sighed again, running a hand through his hair. "No way back now, huh? You're one hell of a sneaky bastard, bitch, but... I just don't get it why you would do something like that to yourself, really."

Sasuke didn't say anything to that, just observed his friend silently. He was done with Naruto now; everything was going back to the way it was a few months ago. Idleness, silence and sex... that made the brunet remember that he hadn't gotten any for the last few weeks.

"Sasuke?" Suigetsu arched his brow at the inspecting look Sasuke was giving him. Before he knew what was going on, Sasuke lifted his hand and placed it on his neck bringing it down and connecting their lips. Suigetsu's eyes widened, as Sasuke licked his lips gently. "Damn it bitch, what the fuck are you doing?"

Sasuke glared at his friend when they separated, mostly because of the lack of response from the other.

"Just kiss me back, would you?" Sasuke demanded, slightly pissed. Suigetsu observed the brunet's face closely for a few seconds before thinking of something.

"Fine." Suigetsu grinned and leaned down, kissing Sasuke again. They nibbled at each other lips for a few seconds suggestively, before Sasuke moved his tongue out and gave Suigetsu the sign to open his. When the blond complied, Sasuke dominated the kiss immediately with a soft moan and Suigetsu moved his hand to the brunet's waist, slipping it slightly under his shirt and rubbing the boy's skin gently.

When they moved away from each other, Suigetsu grinned and moved to Sasuke's cheek, nuzzling it softly.

"And?" He asked, moving his hand along Sasuke's side. Then he turned his eyes to the midnight black ones. "Felt like with Naruto?"

"Tch." Sasuke scoffed, looking away. He just had to know why the brunet had done it, just had to.

"I would do you, seriously. In any other circumstance..." Suigetsu said, his wide smile still plastered on his face. He stroked Sasuke's stomach a few more times with obvious affection, before moving his hand to the brunet's face. "But I'm most certainly not going to be just another argument for you to justify your leaving the blond."

"Why do you have to be so fucking prescient and sharp all the time?" Sasuke grunted, frowning at his friend.

"Oh come on bitch, you'll be glad later on that I didn't let you do this... even if you're going to miss one hell of a sex experience." Suigetsu said, smiling confidentially. Sasuke just rolled his eyes. Yeah, maybe he really will...

"Whatever." Sasuke said while trailing his fingers along Suigetsu's back in wonder.

"You really should tell him how it was for real, between you and Shisui that is. It's obvious that you regret what you have done and that you lo—"

"I don't fucking love him." Sasuke said sharply, narrowing his eyes at Suigetsu, who just rolled his in return.

"Yeah, keep telling yourself that." Suigetsu said and sighed, getting up. "Okay, now that I confirmed that you're alive and kicking, I need to go back to my work. I have another deadline soon..."

"Thanks and..." Sasuke said after a brief hesitation, smirking for the first time in a week. "You really do know how to kiss."

"Heh." Suigetsu laughed shortly, before leaning down and kissing Sasuke chastely on the lips. "You aren't half bad yourself. Now, see you, bitch!"

When Suigetsu exited his apartment, Sasuke moved his fingers to his lips. It really didn't feel like Naruto. It wasn't bad, but it somehow felt... worse.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Itachi was angry. No, it wasn't a good way to put it... he was completely furious, utterly pissed and thoroughly irritated. Sai, that bastard, how dare he? God, he was going to fucking kill their cousin, seriously...

It was a good thing Suigetsu had come to him yesterday and told why exactly Sasuke had locked himself in his apartment, refusing to talk with anyone. Itachi really believed it was because his brother broke up with the blond, as he found out from Suigetsu as well a week ago... he was lucky that Sasuke had a friend like that... anyway, when he learnt that Sai had told Naruto everything and then about what Sasuke had told the blond...

...well, let's just say it was a good thing Deidara was there and stopped him from literally grabbing the first sharp object he could find and going straight to the treacherous cousin of theirs. Sure he didn't approve of his brother's decision to leave the blond, but it was still his decision to made... but Sai, damn him, to lie to the blond like that, and damn the blond for actually believing in his words. Of course he couldn't really blame him after what Sasuke had told him, but still...

After finally finding Sai's apartment, Itachi knocked strongly at the door. The minute it was opened by the brunet, Itachi grabbed the front of his shirt roughly and pushed him in, slamming the shocked boy into the wall in the living room.

"Sai, who's there—Itachi?!" Naruto asked in shock from his spot on the couch, looking at the scene in front of him.

"Sai, you fucking asshole, how dare you?!" Itachi growled lowly, narrowing his eyes dangerously. "I would really recommend you not to move from your spot, Naruto." He added, when he noticed the blond getting up and heading towards them.

"But—" Naruto started before stopping dead in his tracks when the dark eyes turned to look at him. He suddenly felt like he was paralyzed, that's how piercing Itachi's eyes were at the moment.

"Why did you do it, huh? Why did you lie to him?" Itachi asked, turning his eyes back to his cousin.

"What are you talking about? You know damn well that Sasuke killed Shisui—"

"Of course I know, damn it!" Itachi asked, jerking the boy violently forward and then slamming him against the wall again. "Don't start to fuck with me."

"Or what? You'll kill me as well?" Sai asked, arching his brow and Itachi gritted his teeth.

"Stop it!" Naruto yelled, finally deciding to move from his spot. "If it's true that Sasuke killed Shisui, then how has Sai lied to me?"

"I can't believe you, Naruto." Itachi said, shaking his head and looking at the confused blond as he came to stand near them. "That after all those things that happened, you actually chose to believe him, instead of believing in Sasuke. After everything you've ever said."

"But..." Naruto started, feeling suddenly extremely guilty. Itachi said it in such a way that he literally wanted to punish himself for doing what he'd done. "Sasuke told me himself, that he..."

"Didn't you hear me? I said: believe him than to believe in Sasuke. Don't you understand? Don't you get it that he said all those things just to push you away completely? So he would have no way back, because he was still hesitant about the relationship between you two?"

Naruto gaped at Itachi. He felt like such an idiot right now... God, how could he doubt in him so easily? He knew Sasuke better than this! Moreover, he promised himself, he promised Sasuke and the other's that he wouldn'tgive up, that he wouldn't leave him no matter what. To think that back then there was still a chance for them to be together, that if he just pressed him some more, told him that he refused to believe it...

"Stop messing with his head Itachi, as you said, you know damn well that Sasuke is guilty." Sai said coldly.

"Tell me Sai..." Itachi said after turning his eyes away from the stunned blond. "Since when have you gotten so helpful, hm? Ever since you got kicked out of our family... wait, you didn't tell him you were kicked out, did you? You lied about that as well?"

Sai narrowed his eyes at that and Naruto gasped quietly, turning his head towards Sai. So he lied to him as well? He actually trusted him and he betrayed him?

"He probably told you that he left on his own accord, right Naruto?" Itachi asked smirking at his cousin. "Let me tell you this, he got kicked out for many crimes he committed, just for fun, might I add."

"What does it matter?!" Sai yelled in frustration. "Sasuke killed Shisui and he got what he deserved for doing it!"

"Sai..." Naruto said, finally realising that it was a game, a fucking game to get back at Sasuke... "Why would you do something like this?"

"Why? Because Sasuke went unpunished, that's why, and Shisui was my best friend!" Sai said, turning his partly wet eyes to look at Naruto who looked at him sadly. "Shisui didn't deserve—"

"Shisui didn't deserve it?" Itachi asked, laughing bitterly. "Then let me tell you what Shisui really did that night, to make Sasuke actually kill him. He deserved more than that actually, so much more than that..."

"What are you—"

"You couldn't really know about this, since only four people knew the truth back then... but if you didn't know for sure, you shouldn't have opened your God damn mouth." Itachi continued, not paying attention to Sai's words. "Because Sai, you couldn't know that Shisui was so addicted to the drugs he spent all his money on them. You couldn't know that when he took last shot, dealers came and demanded some kind of payment from him. You couldn't know as well, that Sasuke was with him then, and not having anything else... he offered them him."

Naruto's eyes went wide as he covered his mouth after gasping in shock. Collapsing numbly on the couch, he looked at Itachi's serious face and then at Sai's stunned one.

"You're not serious..." The blond whispered in utter disbelief.

"I wish I wasn't." Itachi said, letting go of Sai and turning his eyes to look at the blond. "Sasuke was shocked to say the least... he was so shocked, he didn't do anything at first. When it finally came down on him, he started to struggle, but then Shisui..." Itachi stopped for a moment, cursing under his breath. "He actually told him that it was okay, that if he really loved him, he would do this for him."

"Shisui wouldn't..." Sai started, but his voice trailed off.

"Still, that's exactly what he did." Itachi said, not even looking at the other brunet. "Sasuke... Sasuke actually let one of them rape him. It hit him then, what was really happening and he started to struggle again. Shisui was furious at him; he hit him several times and told him to be obedient. I think that's when Sasuke really snapped, he somehow managed to grab the gun off one of them and... well, shot him. The rest ran away of course"

"Oh God..." Naruto mumbled in shock and Itachi sighed, sitting on the couch as well. Taking a cigarette from his pocket, he lit it and put between his lips.

"I was the one he called to after this happened. I came as fast as I could, and the state I found him in..." Itachi shook his head at the memory. "It can't be described, really. Anyway, I cleaned the gun, placed it in Shisui's hand, and took Sasuke away from there. I knew that we couldn't go to police. Sasuke would be sentenced for the murder for sure, and if they had started looking deeper into our family's businesses... well, we all would end up in prison. So together with Kisame and Deidara, we arranged Sasuke's fake death... well, suicide. We made him burn our old house down, placed some corpse there so the number of bodies would match. A few bribes here and there and everything was silent, Sasuke had a new identity and we moved out to Tokyo."

After Itachi finished telling the story, Sai slid down the wall onto the floor as Naruto stared ahead blankly. There were several minutes of silence and then the blond started to mumble something, each word coming louder from his mouth.

"I can't believe it... all this time he struggled with something like that... and all I did was..." Naruto said, propping his elbows up on his knees, resting his forehead against the palms of his hands. "No wonder it was so hard for him to open himself, to trust someone again... to tell me about this..."

"Don't be so hard on yourself." Itachi said, calming down finally. "Sasuke's biggest mistake was not telling you about this the moment he found out you love him. He's actually that scared of something new..."

"Can I really say I love him after doing something like this?" Naruto asked bitterly, glancing sceptically at the brunet. "I can't believe myself, wasting such a chance to be with him..."

"Everyone makes mistakes, and you had every right to be confused." Itachi said before getting up. "About the chance for you two to be together... I don't know, I just can't know, but... I would be grateful if you tried. I know I'm asking for a lot, but you really did help him through those months, believe it or not."

"Did I really? I just made him remember all those things..." Naruto said dully.

"Maybe, but he had to face it sooner or later. With you by his side... it was obviously easier. He actually started to live normally again. You don't know how he acted before you came into the picture, but just trust me, he's totally different now... was totally different. He's locked himself in his apartment for the past week and refuses to talk with anyone." Itachi said, adding the last part after a brief hesitation.

"Sasuke did that?" Naruto asked, slightly shocked that it actually affected the brunet so much.

"Yeah, and who knows how long he would have sat in there if not for Suigetsu and his terrible singing." Itachi said, lightening the mood slightly. "Anyway, don't rush yourself with anything. It would only make matters worse. Are you going to stay here or should I find you something in replacement?"

"What? No, thanks." Naruto added hurriedly. "I won't stay here, but I have were to go to... Jiraya's. I guess you know who I am talking about."

"I do, certainly." Itachi said, smiling slightly at the blond. "Well, tell him I'm sending my best regards and that he still owes me for that trip to Nagasaki, he will know what I mean. So, I guess see you around, hooker-san." Itachi said, smirking and receiving a glare in return, but a smile as well. "And you my dear cousin, you should really think again about what you are doing and where exactly this is going to take you."

With that, Itachi was gone and Naruto looked after him. Maybe it wasn't that bad after all, Itachi did just call him a whore again... which was a good sign.

"I can't believe this..." Sai muttered from his spot on the floor. Naruto turned his eyes to look at him and scowled instantly.

"Me too." Naruto said in a slightly hurt voice. Sai turned his eyes to look at him.

"Naruto, I..."

"Don't, I can't say I don't understand. If that was only what you knew and he was really your best friend... well, I would probably do something similar." The blond said with a sigh and got up. "I'll gather my things and leave, this is just... this is just too much at one time, I need time and peace."

With that Naruto went to the bedroom, packed his bag and not even a fifteen minutes later stood downstairs, waiting for a cab. He had absolutely no idea whatsoever as to what to do with his life from now on.