Summary: Genma experiences a growing paranoia regarding Shizune--and a love sick pig. Meanwhile, Raido becomes enthralled by a long-legged runner, Hana Inuzuka. NOT A SUNA STORY.

Disclaimer: The characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto. The story is just a way of relieving stress and sharing a laugh, I hope.

HIDDEN HEARTS OF THE HIDDEN LEAF
Bulldog and Whippet

When wars end and men and women are reunited in a country that lives in relative peace, the birthrate goes up. After the Akatsuki War, Konohagakure was no different. This is a story about the emergence of the hidden hearts in the Hidden Leaf Village.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Konohagakure

"So where are we taking this carcass?" The senbon in Genma Shiranui's mouth bobbed as he spoke while he carried one end of the litter that held the body of a large black dog.

"You volunteered us for this D-ranked recovery mission and you don't even remember the details?" asked his scar-faced partner. Raido Namiashi's deep voice always made him sound serious.

Ahead of him, Genma shrugged innocently. "It beats doing paperwork. Besides, fresh air is good for you; you've been a grump for too long."

"And you've become more of a pest than usual," reminded Raido. "Iruka said to get it to the morgue. Shizune is supposed to meet us at the entrance to let us through."

"Man, that'll be a drag. She's constantly fussing," Genma complained. "Want to make a bet the first thing she does is slap my forehead to check for fever before she grabs my wrist to check my pulse?"

"She's a medic nin. Besides, we really scared her after our last fight against the Akatsuki. She had to start your heart beating--again," replied Raido reasonably.

"Yeah, then why don't you get Shizune's attention, huh? You were practically bleeding out." Genma was silent for a moment as if considering whether to speak. Finally, he said, "If she were one of the girls at the bar, I'd say Shizune got off on groping me."

"You forget one thing. Unlike the usual babes in your harem, Shizune has useful talents. I mean, Lani the Laundry Artist? Or Mariko the Mushroom Crusader? And Nia the Nature Freak."

"Hey, Nia has talent. She gave me a cologne she makes from natural extracts," explained Genma reasonably.

"Look, Shizune has a brain, plus she's the Hokage's assistant, so don't expect her to fall swooning at your feet." Raido held back a smile. Genma was getting way too cocky about his appeal to women. "Besides, maybe it's the pig who likes you. Tonton is a female and she is an unusual pig."

The idea was so odd that Genma stopped his forward motion suddenly and Raido, who was momentarily distracted by a runner in the distance, soon slammed the litter into his partner's backside.

"Be careful," castigated Raido, although his neck was still craned to get a last glimpse of the long-legged runner disappearing in the cliffs above the village.

"I'm not the one who's distracted here," said Genma with smirk. "Caught sight of your gazelle, did you? You know, you should really chase her down one day and find out who she is."

"You're the one who chases women, Genma." Raido bumped his partner again to get him to move.

"I don't need to chase women; they always find me. Nia said it was my animal magnetism," defended Genma.

"Yeah, maybe that's what the Hokage's pig likes about you, too," inserted Raido just to reinforce the silly idea.

The comment caused Genma to stop again, but he shrugged. "Your long-legged goddess is a real woman, Raido, with a name and everything. Aren't you curious?"

"Some things are best left as fantasies."

Genma grinned and turned to glance over his shoulder at his friend.

"What? No, you didn't?" began Raido. "You found out her name?"

Genma turned again and merely toggled his senbon suggestively.

"Don't tell me you've already--" Raido was surprised at his anger. "You are a cold-hearted, double-dealing, son of a bitch."

"Raido, you hurt me deeply," said Genma in a teasing voice, but when he looked at his friend he realized Raido was really pissed off. "Hey, it's not like that. I wouldn't make a move on your girl. I just found out her name for you, that's all."

"She's not my girl, you idiot. I just don't want her added to your harem."

"Listen, bud, one thing I can recognize is the bark of a jealous bulldog and you are practically growling," said Genma. "Which actually suits the situation because your gazelle is more aptly described as a whippet."

"A whippet?" Raido hushed his tone as they entered the back entrance of the Konoha hospital. "What the hell are you talking about, Genma?"

"What is a whippet?" sighed Genma as if he were dealing as patiently as he could with a dimwitted child. And where it came to women, Raido was certainly in that league.

"How should I know?" Silence. Raido looked at the carcass on the litter and finally said, "It's a dog, isn't it? One of those lean racing dogs. I still don't see what--Oh hell. Inuzuka? My long-legged goddess is an Inuzuka?"

"I can't believe you didn't notice the three dogs that always run ahead of her," said Genma with a sad shake of his head. "They're known as the Haimaru Sankyodai, the grey triplets, by the way."

"Her legs caught my attention, all right?" groused Raido. It wasn't like him to be so blind, but those legs were just too tantalizing! He reluctantly directed, "Spill it. The name."

"Hana. Hana Inuzuka, daughter of the Grand Ole Bitch herself, and I say that with the utmost respect, Tsume Inuzuka," assured Genma.

"It figures she'd be out of my league. Tsume is rolling in the money, what with all the bounties she collects, she's as well off as the Hyuugas."

"Hey, being rich doesn't put the Whippet out of your league. The Inuzukas aren't like that," assured Genma. "I mean, look at Tsume."

"Right, I'm sure she wants her daughter dating the disfigured, middle son of an obscure, impoverished family," scoffed Raido.

"You have your own merits; you wield the Raven Sword!" replied Genma, wishing said sword were present so he could knock some sense into Raido. "Don't make yourself sound like such a chump."

"My only notable achievement is being the bodyguard of the Third Hokage--who was killed on my watch, no less. That's sure to be impressive."

Genma stopped and deliberately shoved the litter back to hit his friend. "Quit making excuses to avoid women you're interested in. I've seen retired, disabled ninja get more action than you do."

"Which proves my point," grumbled Raido, although he had to admit that Genma had struck a cord. "Besides, you don't go up to a girl and announce you're interested in her because you think she has great legs!"

"Well, you may not," replied Genma with a shrug. "You'd be surprised at how many kunoichi like to know they're appreciated for their fine bodies rather than their mission stats. Nothing turns me on more than a woman who appreciates my six pack."

"That's because you're narcissistic, which I am not," explained Raido. "Now change the subject. I see Shizune ahead and--" He now murmured to himself, "I have no luck. I am a luckless soul."

Genma grinned, but didn't turn back to look at Raido this time. Standing by Shizune--and Tonton-- at the door of the morgue was the GOB herself, Tsume Inuzuka and her canine companion, Kuromaru. The only thing worse Raido could imagine would be if his divine Hana made an appearance.

The men nodded a quick greeting and followed the ladies to put the litter on the slab in the morgue. Genma, however, almost stumbled when he found Tonton trying to walk as close to him as possible. He tried to push Raido's comments about the pig away as just taunts, but still, looked down at the creature apprehensively.

"Hey, fellas, thanks for bringing the body in," said Tsume. Her voice was strong, but strained as she moved forward to inspect the dog on the litter. "Stupid bitch. I didn't expect her to run off like that. Should have listened to my daughter. She said it wasn't just being in heat, but I didn't want to admit it."

Raido normally relied on Genma to make the chitchat, but his partner was busy dodging Shizune's hand aiming for his forehead while simultaneously snatching his wrist from her other hand. Genma's agility was further challenged because he had to tap dance around the pig who was determined to stay at his feet.

"I'm sorry for the loss to your family, Madame Tsume," said Raido politely.

"Thanks," replied Tsume as she pet the fur.

The GOB looked at the scar-faced jonin closely now. Her sensitive hearing had actually caught the conversation between the jonin about her daughter as Tsume had made her way to the morgue. The man appeared to be the serious sort and exuded a clean, masculine scent.

She was pleased it wasn't Genma who was interested. That jonin was worth swooning over, but he had a reputation with the ladies and, frankly, carried an odd musky scent.

"Raido, isn't it? You were the bodyguard for the Third and carry the Raven Sword," observed Tsume.

"Raido Namiashi, ma'am, and my partner is Genma Shiranui." Raido then offered a bow and said, "If you have no further need of us?"

"How did you bring her up from the bottom of that hole she fell in?" asked Tsume. "That was pretty narrow and unstable."

"It was Raido, ma'am," said Genma as he quickly darted behind his friend to use him as a shield against Shizune and, he was now convinced, a wanton pig. "He jumped in, tossed up a rope, and carried her with him. I just tugged."

"I appreciate the effort," said Tsume as a speculative gleam entered her eyes. Must love dogs was one of her mottoes where it came to folks interested in her clan.

In the meantime, Raido decided to get payback on his partner by saying, "Genma would have done the same, but he's been feeling a little under the weather today."

"I knew you should let me examine you," declared Shizune with poignant affirmation from Tonton. "You march yourself upstairs right now, Mister, or I'm getting the Hokage."

Genma knew better than to argue with Shizune when she used that tone of voice and instead shot a scathing glance at Raido. He leaned over to mutter to his friend, "If that pig molests me, I'm hunting you down."

The jonin walked away with the senbon in his mouth moving in agitation and a rather happy looking pig walking clickety-clack by his side.

Shizune turned to Tsume. "I better see to Genma personally. You know how stubborn men can be."

Tsume wavied her on and said to Raido. "My daughter Hana is just as bad about her check-ups, even though she's a vet. I don't suppose you know her?"

Raido was hoping he wasn't blushing; it really set off the scar on his face when he did. "No, I can't say I've had the pleasure of meeting Hana."

"Well, you will any minute now. Told her to meet me here and not to bother changing after her run. It's not like she'd be stinking up the morgue."

Raido felt the blood drain from his face. It was one thing to worship the long-legged goddess from afar, but to actually meet the girl? But he had little time to ponder his misfortune when he heard the door to the morgue open and saw three dogs and one goddess enter.

"Mom, did they recover--" Hana Inuzuka stopped talking when the tall jonin standing by the slab turned abruptly away from her as if to inspect the back wall. "--Kuma?"

"Yes, Raido Namiashi here and his partner got her out of that hell hole she fell into," explained Tsume with a nod of her head in the direction of the other jonin.

A quick word to Kuromaru and the dog nudged against Raido's knee to bring him around to face her daughter. "Raido, this is my daughter, Hana."

"Good morning." Raido turned, but kept his eyes down--which was a mistake or a blessing--as he extended his greeting. The legs he had worshiped from afar were now in his direct view. Damn, they were fine legs! But he shouldn't be having lustful thoughts about a girl while her mother was in the room.

Or when her dogs were watching him as if he were their next meal, especially the one at the center. On impulse, Raido dropped to one knee and kept his gaze directly on that grey dog. He held out his fist and said, "You're the first watch, are you?"

The grey dog wagged his tail suddenly and licked Raido's fist as Hana explained, "Actually, his name is Shoukou. That's Nikou on the left and Sankou on the right of him."

He looked up at his goddess. Her voice was calming, not harsh like her mother's. She wore a tank top that revealed slender, nicely toned arms and a perky torso. As he rose to stand again, his eyes were delighted in his first close-up of Hana Inuzuka. Even the red fang tattoos made her facial features exotic. She was--beautiful!

Suddenly Raido's tongue went dry and he could only nod to acknowledge the introduction to her companions as he grunted, "Hmm."

Hana had found his deep voice pleasing and was disappointed that he didn't speak further. Her nostrils flared and she found his scent oddly arousing. She was used to being dismissed by men as little more than one of her dogs. Raido threw her off guard, though.

His eyes were so intense, it was hard to think, but Hana managed to say, "Uh, thank you for recovering the body."

"Wuh kuh." For the life of him, Raido couldn't get his tongue to move. "Uhl guh." Raido cleared his throat. "Now."

Raido's long stride took him out the door, but as soon as he was down the hall from the morgue, he stopped and banged the back of his head against the wall. "Baka, baka, baka!"

He took a deep breath, but it only brought Hana's lingering scent to mind. Even after a workout she smelled--womanly. Raido released a sigh. It was hopeless; he was certain he'd made a complete ass of himself. He decided to be productive and go rescue Genma from his porcine paramour.

- - - - - - -

In the morgue, Hana stared at the door after Raido. Her nose twitched. "I didn't think I stunk that badly."

"Girl, you left him speechless," observed Tsume with a grin.

Hana blushed. "I did not. Men don't see me like that--which is fine by me. I have enough work without needing to complicate my life."

"He was a cutie, though, being so shy and all, highly trainable." Tsume chuckled, "He reminds me of a bulldog my grandmother had as a companion."

"Interested, Mom?" asked Hana as she began inspecting the dog and removing a blood sample. That would dash her fantasies of the jonin quickly.

But Tsume laughed at the suggestion. "I was suckling a baby at my breast before the man knew what his equipment was for. No, years don't tell someone's real age; he's much more in your league in that regard. I bet those scars have prevented him from having an active love life. Besides, I'm quite satisfied with my current relationship."

The vet pulled back on the mouth to inspect the teeth and gums of the dead dog. "Are you sure you're not just doing the Aburame to spite Kiba and Shino? They're constantly arguing, but I think they'd finally agree on not wanting to be each other's stepbrother."

"Believe me, Hana, some men are worth keeping secret," assured Tsume. Only Hana knew about her recent hookup. "Shibi and I are set in our ways, have our clan obligations, good, talented kids. We're clear in what we need from each other and that doesn't include a spouse. Does it really bother you, though?"

Hana smiled at her mother. "I think the Grand Ole Bitch deserves every bit of happiness that comes her way. And don't worry, I won't say anything to Kiba until you think he's ready."

"That will be another decade," replied Tsume.

"So, I won the bet, Mom. It looks like canine encephalitis from the signs," announced Hana as she tested the blood on a symbol-strewn paper.

"Yeah, you did," agreed Tsume quickly. "I'll let the cottage air out for a few days, but you can move into it by the end of the week. And I'll get a couple of strong guys to help out."

"Kiba will be glad to help," said Hana immediately. She assumed her mother would just call on some of the men from the clan.

"I have a special training session planned for Kiba," said Tsume quickly. "I'll take care of the helping hands, so don't you fret."

- - - - - - -

Konoha Hospital
Examination Room

"Look, I'm not sick, okay? Raido was just pulling a prank on me," insisted Genma as he finally sat on the examination table.

"Your pulse is racing," replied Shizune coolly as she held his wrist.

Oink.

Shizune looked down at Tonton and shrugged before picking up the pig. "All right, Tonton, but don't fall down."

"What are you doing?" asked Genma urgently when Shizune placed the pig to sit beside him.

"Tonton wanted up," replied Shizune reasonably. She pulled the senbon out of his mouth and said, "Now, open your mouth and say ah."

Genma just wanted it over with, so he complied, "Ah--AUGH!"

Shizune pulled back the tongue depressor and asked with concern. "Did I hurt you?"

"The pig is nuzzling me under my vest," declared Genma as he slid away from the lecherous sow.

"You're afraid of a pig?" asked Shizune incredulously.

"I am not afraid, I just don't want to get porked."

A rather sad and despondent oink was emitted.

"Oh, look, you've hurt Tonton's feelings," said Shizune as she lifted the pig from the table and to her cheek. "Don't worry, Tonton, Genma didn't mean it."

"What do mea--AUGH!"

Just as Tonton's snout connected with Genma's lips, his partner came to his rescue. But Raido merely said, "Finally, you've found your match, Genma."

"Raido, you swine--"

"I'm not the one trading kisses with Tonton," said Raido deftly. "I apologize if Genma's been acting less than a gentleman. I'll get him out of your hair."

And with that, the taller man yanked the shorter one by the scruff of the neck and dragged him out of the examination room before Shizune realized she'd lost a patient.

Oink?

"You're right, Tonton, I'm never sure about those two, either."

- - - - - - -

Swish. Spit.

"So, what did you and Tsume talk about after Shizune dragged me away?" asked Genma as he brushed his teeth at the jonin lounge. Out of long habit, Raido had no trouble with the translation. "Did you find out anything about her daughter?"

"Met her," mumbled Raido.

Swish. Spit. "Say again? Did I hear that right? You met her?"

"Mmmf."

"And?"

"Uuh."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? Quit mumbling! Tonton makes more sense than you do and she only says oink," declared Genma as he put away the toothbrush in his locker.

Raido took a deep breath and finally satisfied his friend's curiosity. "I met Hana, all right? And made a damn fool of myself."

"How?"

"I couldn't talk!" confessed Raido. "I bet she thinks I have no tongue, all I could do was grunt in her presence. Probably thinks I'm an imbecile."

"Come on, it's normal for some guys to get flustered around a pretty girl. Not me, of course, but it happens."

"It happened badly," sighed Raido.

"Well then you'll just have to prove to her you do have a tongue next time you see her," said Genma as he flashed his eyebrows suggestively.

"You are sick," replied Raido.

"I am right. Listen to my advice for once. A girl won't care if you're shy if you know how to kiss her and where to kiss her."

"Thank you, Genma. Now I have more impure thoughts about Hana that I shouldn't be thinking in the first place."

"Good, focus on that and follow through, my man."

- - - - - -

That night Genma woke up in a sweat and was relieved to find that he was alone in his bed. He rose to take a shower as he tried to remember his dream. Right, he was being suffocated by a covey of women only to be saved by a flying pig who took him to--who was she? The presence felt familiar, but the woman was only a shadow. He sighed. What if that elusive woman only existed in his dreams? Maybe he needed an indefinite break from his Harem? Yes, that's what he'd do.

In the flat next door, Raido tried to push all thoughts of Hana out of his mind, but that night as he lay in bed, she was all he could think about. His hands twitched at the thought of caressing those long legs, his lips yearned to trace the flower tattoo on her shoulder. He was old enough to know the difference between simple lust and an obsession. Hana was becoming like a drug to him and he needed a complete withdrawal to get her out of his system. And with his luck, he'd never see her again.

- - - - - - - - - -

Moving Day

Three Days Later

"We're doing what?" Raido could feel his heart racing. This mission Genma was dragging him to was too risky. It was completely suicidal!

"We're helping Hana Inuzuka move from the manor house to a cottage on the Inuzuka estate," said Genma with a smirk. "That's why we don't need our vests today. In fact, it's so sunny, we probably should just chuck our shirts."

"Stop that!" griped Raido as he yanked his shirt tail out of his partner's hands just as they rounded the corner to see Shizune staring at them with a quirked eyebrow.

"Do you two need a private moment?" the medic asked.

Oink? Tonton clickety-clacked over to Genma and sat on her haunches looking up at him.

"Aren't you out of your element?" asked Genma as he took two steps back from the pig. Was she wagging her little tail at him?

"Hana has medical equipment to move, so I offered to help with that and her kitchen," said Shizune with a huff. "Besides, Tonton thought it would be nice to visit with her canine friends."

Oink. Tonton was now leaning against Genma's leg, but the jonin couldn't bring himself to kick at the dumb animal. "So, you direct us and we just provide the muscle?"

"Right, Genma, I'm the brain, you're just brawn." Shizune began to lead them to the Inuzukas.

Genma whispered to Raido, "Did she just insult us?"

"Not at all, Shizune specifically addressed you," assured Raido quietly. A bit louder, he said, "You're hearing is just off today, Genma."

Shizune stopped. "What? Genma, let me check. Are you harboring an ear infection? You're too young for presbycusis."

Raido was actually amused to see his partner backed up against a wall by a medic nin and a pig. It distracted him from the thought of seeing Hana again.

"No, I'm fine," protested Genma as he tilted his head away from Shizune.

But the steadfast medic nin moved his hair over his ear out of the way and held Genma's chin firmly in her hand. In the meantime, Tonton was leaning against his leg, contentedly rubbing her bristly cheek against his ankle.

"Do they need a private moment?" asked a feminine voice just at Raido's left ear.

"Gaaah!" Raido shivered at the voice, then jumped when he realized it was Hana. Unfortunately, when he shifted back, he stumbled over one of Hana's dogs.

"Are you all right?" asked Hana next as she reached out to steady the man. Her arm was now around a very solid chest.

"Nyuh." Raido swallowed, closed his eyes. Breathe, he told himself. He made his tongue move. "I. Fine. Thanks."

"Okay." She removed her hold and addressed Shizune. "Are we ready to get to work or do you need more time with your patient?"

"Genma does feel warm. Maybe we should get someone else to help Raido move the furniture, someone not so weak," said Shizune reasonably. At Genma's feet, Tonton emitted a concerned squeal.

"Hey, I am not some weakling, woman!" Genma pulled off his shirt and flexed his arm muscles. "Check out these biceps and tell me I'm too weak to move furniture! "

Shizune sighed, poked listlessly at his arm to humor him, and said, "You're no Maito Gai, but I suppose if we let Raido do most of the lifting, you won't stress yourself out."

"Hey, wait a minute. Raido doesn't have any more muscle mass than I do; he's just taller," declared Genma. "Raido, take your shirt off. Come on, man, show her."

"Genma, I'm not stripping off my shirt, so drop it," said Raido. As long as he didn't look at Hana, he could talk. He shoved Genma toward the Inuzuka homestead. "And get your shirt back on; there are ladies present."

"Fine, but I'm going to prove to Shizune that I'm as strong as an ox--but not as dumb," grumbled Genma as he donned his shirt.

"Just get the furniture moved before you expire from the exertion," called Shizune from behind Genma. Tonton's concurring oink echoed the statement. "And no clone jutsus! It would drain your chakra too much."

"We'll get the stuff moved and without any jutsus," huffed Genma. "Come on, Raido, our very masculinity has been challenged!"

"Save your energy for moving furniture," said Raido as he caught up with his partner.

As a result, however, the men moved the furniture in record time with Genma determined to change Shizune's mind about his physical endurance. For his part, Raido was happy to keep his attention focused on not letting Genma run him over with the weight of a couch or a chair. Luckily the women were working inside and out of sight--or so the men thought.

The women were packing boxes to be taken over to the cottage, but the medic nin and Tonton both maintained a wary eye on the men through the window, much to Hana's amusement.

Suddenly she heard Shizune exclaim, "Would you look at that! He'll get sunburned!"

Hana went to the window to see that both men had doffed their shirts given the bright sunny day. They were carrying a large desk at the moment and as they passed near the window, she got a close look at Raido.

"I didn't realize how far the scars went on Raido," murmured Hana. She could practically imagine her hands tracing their path.

"Tsunade says it's sheer luck that his carotid wasn't severed when he was attacked by Kyubi. He was saved by a very talented medic. According to reports, Raido was protecting a little girl on the cliffs and got swiped by a claw," informed Shizune.

Hana's face suddenly went pale. "I was six when the fox demon attacked the village. I'd snuck out to work on my tracking alone because Mom had promised me a ninken from the new litter when they were born. I think I was still jealous over Kiba being born, too."

"You think you were the little girl?" asked Shizune. "It must have been frightening."

"I just remember a lot noises, fear so heavy you could smell it. And then I looked up and thought I was dreaming. It was just a claw in front of me, but I'd never imagined an animal so huge. Then a jonin grabbed me and tossed me to slide down the side of a cliff, yelling at me to run home."

"You made it to safety and that means Raido did his job," assured Shizune. "You should tell him."

"It's funny, I never thought that my childhood whim had marked a man for life. And that's why I have the Haimaru Sankyodai. Mother was so upset she insisted I have three ninken as companions." Hana turned to Shizune. "But, please don't mention it to anyone. I think Raido must have recognized me at the morgue when we met and it flustered him."

"I don't think Raido holds any grudge about gaining a scar to save the life of a child," said Shizune.

"But my antics almost killed him!"

"Raido has uncanny luck," explained Shizune. "The report says that Genma found him in time to drag him to a medic. So don't feel guilty; you know you'd do the same thing to protect any child from our village. "

Hana sighed. Raido probably saw her as a child rather than as a woman. "Why don't you go call them in for lunch, then they can help us unpack at the cottage. I'll check with Aunt Mohi on where she wants us to eat."

Tonton gave a happy oink and ran out the door with Shizune at her heels. Hana could soon hear Genma and Shizune in their latest exchange.

"The sun will burn your delicate skin, Genma. Get your shirt back on and get inside before you get heatstroke."

"I am not delicate!" declared Genma as he and Raido pulled on the shirts they had tied at their waist.

The men were soon ushered in, but it was a quiet meal since Genma was still fuming about Shizune's opinion of him. Raido was pointedly avoiding even looking at Hana, which only confirmed her worst fears about being identified as the willful brat who was responsible for his scars.

Once lunch was over, Raido was anxious to get out of Hana's sight, but not for the reasons she thought. "Come on, let's get to work on those boxes, Genma."

"I can't move," said Genma with a frown.

"I knew you'd overexert yourself," said Shizune as she sidled up next to Genma and peered at him closely.

"I can't move my feet because Tonton fell asleep across them," explained Genma. "She's heavy."

A snort was emitted from beneath the table. Raido found himself catching Hana's eye as they chuckled in amusement, but he quickly diverted his eyes before he forgot to breathe.

"Tonton is not corpulent, she's a perfect specimen for a pig," defended Shizune. She ducked under the table and cooed, "Wake up, Tonton. We've got to unpack."

"Damn! I've lost circulation to my feet," grumbled Genma as he rose and shook himself to limber up.

Raido, who was still remembering how his partner had been acting like a slave driver all morning, said innocently, "Losing feeling in your limbs. Isn't that a sign of some disease?"

"You're right, peripheral occlusion disease, unusual in one so young," observed Shizune. She turned to Hana to say, "It's best I partner up with Genma for the afternoon to keep an eye on him then."

Shizune tugged at his arm to lead him away with Tonton clickety-clacking along with a spry step.

Raido saw Genma swivel his neck to mouth You're Dead back at him. Raido would have laughed except that if Genma was partnered with Shizune for the rest of the day, that meant he got--Hana!

- - - - - -

Moving Day was finally over and Genma pulled Raido toward a bar with determination as they made a quick escape from Hana's cottage. "Man, I need a drink and you're the one buying."

"Me? What did I do?" asked Raido.

"Besides you putting the idea into Shizune's head that I'm sickly? We got this moving mission because the Grand Ole Bitch specifically asked for us, that's why. Guess she thinks we're animal lovers. And I didn't object because I thought it would give you a chance to ask Hana out." Genma pushed Raido through the door.

"Look, I didn't ask for your help," said Raido insistently as he tried to step out again.

"Uh uh, partner," said Genma as he grabbed the scruff of Raido's shirt, pulled him back in, and shoved him onto a bar stool. "Give us two beers here, please."

Once the beer was in hand, Genma took a long drink before speaking again. "So, how did it go with Hana? You did ask her out, didn't you?"

Raido scowled and merely took a sip of his beer. His continuing silence made Genma bang his forehead against the table before looking up at the other jonin in complete misery. Even his senbon was drooping from his lips.

"Look, bud, I spent the afternoon haggling with Shizune who was imagining all kinds of rare ailments I was manifesting while simultaneously dodging the advances of a wanton Tonton. Don't tell me it was for nothing!"

"Genma, the pig is not in love with you, okay? I just made that up," said Raido as he avoided the true question at hand.

"Right, you aren't the one dodging her little wet snout. She goosed me, Raido! Honest, I was kneeling on the floor unpacking a box when Tonton goosed me with her snout. And what did Shizune do? She just said I now know what it feels like to be a woman who gets groped at a bar."

Genma took a long swig of his beer and tried to ignore the smile arising on his friend's face. Then he realized that Raido had evaded his question. "Raido, answer me straight. Did you ask Hana on a date?"

Raido sighed and made his confession. "I couldn't say two words to Hana without mumbling. How do you think she'd respond to: Wuhgoatwitmaw?"

"Goats and twits? What kind of nonsense is that?"

"See what I mean? Even thinking about asking her out gets me tongue tied," confessed Raido.

"Barkeep, another beer," called Genma. "What is it about Hana that sets you off? She stuck up or something?"

"No, Hana was quiet, but friendly, really smart, too. It's just that every time I started feeling comfortable with her, I'd do something stupid."

"I might regret this, but just how stupid can you get?" asked Genma.

"Listen. I'm putting books on a high shelf, stretching out so I don't have to move the ladder. Then she comes behind me to help steady the ladder and I just lose it as soon as I feel her behind me. I'm talking shivers up my spine, heart racing, the whole bit. Books go tumbling, one bangs me on the head 'cause I'm crouched around her to prevent them from hitting her. Then when the avalanche is over, we both knock our heads together when we're reaching for the same book!"

"Okay, wait. All of that could work to your favor." At his friend's skeptical look, Genma elaborated. "Think about it. Hana is checking you out on the ladder, likes what she sees, comes over to help as an excuse to get close to you. Kudos to you for shielding her from harm; chicks like guys to take the hit for them, even our kunoichi."

Raido frowned. "Really? You think Hana was checking me out?"

"Believe me, women are just as interested in fine body parts as men are. And if you think of it, the episode did end with a bang. Well, not my definition of the word, but it's not like she ran screaming from the room. And the head butt is a classic. You were both distracted, so, bang!"

"Would you quit using that word?" pleaded Raido. "Anyway, once we finished our ice pack break, we stayed at opposite sides of whatever room we were in. Until I was helping her with her bedroom."

"Bedroom? Now that sounds promising. You've achieved the ultimate fantasy of any red-blooded male. But knowing you, I bet you didn't even get into her drawers." Genma saw the blush rising on his partner's face and realized it wasn't from the beer. "Wait. Something happened in her bedroom?"

"Well, it's rather unusual."

Genma clutched at the front of Raido's shirt and insisted, "I got goosed by a pig and I confessed. Now talk."

Raido sighed. "Did you ever realize how strong the elastic on a bra is?"

Genma frowned. "Dude, you just unhook the damn things; I can do it single-handed. No need to fret over elastic. Now go on."

"I helped Hana put things away in her closet while she saw to her, er, drawers. But one of them got stuck, so I thought I'd lend her a hand since, you know, I'm stronger and..."

Raido's voice trailed off, so Genma took his senbon out of his mouth and poked his friend on the shoulder with it. "The full story or I pin you to the wall like a butterfly."

"Somehow, one of her bras had gotten caught on a corner of the drawer and when I went to pull the damn thing out, the bra acted like a slingshot for the rest of the contents."

"Wait. Let me imagine this." Genma closed his eyes and the senbon in his mouth was now bobbing up and down. "All right. Bra as slingshot. Drawer of lingerie. Freaking hell! All her undies went flying?"

Genma opened his eyes to find Raido rubbing his temple as he admitted, "It was raining lingerie! All over me. I feel the strap of one bra hanging off my ear, something lacy falling into my eyes, not to mention a pair of tangerine knickers landing right across my mouth. I don't know who was more embarrassed. Now tell me if you can see a bright side to that incident."

Genma got control of his chuckling and said, "Well, anytime Hana wears the knickers, she'll associate them with you. That's good, right?"

Raido gave his friend a dope slap. "Would you get your head out of the gutter? Now you've got me thinking about--Hell, I'm going home, taking a cold shower, and avoiding any more of your traps to get me to ask Hana out."

"Yeah, and I'm taking an oath to avoid Shizune and that love sick pig!" declared Genma. The men tapped their beers in toast and drank to a change in fortune.

End Chapter One

Author Notes:

This story arose from using Genma and Raido to guard Baki in my Howling Winds story. On first draft, it was the carcass of the pig that they were carrying during the Inquisition. But then all kinds of images kept erupting in my mind, like Raido being distracted by a runner in the distance.

Actually, I enjoy writing light romances and I haven't been able to yet with the Sand Sibs, so I decided to give in to the urge to write this story while I try to figure out how the Sand Sibling make jonin before I continue my Wind series. This story, though, occurs after Shippuden (given that Shippuden only spans about 6 months, but that is conjecture, not canon.), so would have to be considered AU or possible future.

Genma is painted as a ladies man, but he's not the masher type; he's just a babe magnet. I hope that Genma's concern for his friend's well-being makes a better impression of him. We learn that Raido wields a black sword, but I thought referring to it as the Raven Sword sounded better.

Shizune and Genma are a fun couple to mess with, so yes, there's a reason they're in the story. And Tonton? Well, she just kept inserting herself.

Why Hana and Raido? I really liked Hana, but I don't see her with guys close to her age. We do discover that not only is she a vet, she's a good tracker, hence the Whippet. So, I thought Raido with his scars could resemble a Bulldog. Luckily, some folks really like the breed.

Shibi Aburame and Tsume Inuzuka? Well, why not? Assume Shibi lost his wife if she does exist in canon (I got lazy, but don't ever recall a reference to Shino's mom or Kiba's dad).

Words: baka stupid (everyone knows)

Hana's dogs aren't named (to my knowledge) other than the grey triplets, so I used: shoukou is first watch 7-9pm; nikou is second watch 9-11; sankou is third iwatch 11-2

Thanks for reading; I've pretty much got all chapters ready to post, so it should only be about three days between chapters as I tweak them. Hope the first one left you with a smile.