Summary in Borat terms: Draco and Hermione make a sexy time. They like a sex, it's nice and naughty-naughty. Then Pamela Anderson come NOT. (Sorry it was the only thing on TV I couldn't help myself… I am very easily amused).

Rated for adult (sexual) content and language, so don't read if you are under 18!!

A/N: This is a oneshot, just so I could get some smut off my chest because my other stories just weren't inspiring ideas at the moment. It's not exactly original, though I haven't personally read anything like this I'm sure they are out there. It follows the rules of the Granger Enchanted and Pure Arrogance Valentines Day challenge, but I already have one story and I don't know if I'm allowed 2. Either way it doesn't matter, I enjoyed writing this little smutlet, so I hope you enjoy reading it as well. And don't forget to review!!!

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Click… click… click… Hermione Granger's high-heeled black pumps rhythmically clinked on the cold stone floor of the dungeon corridor. Not a stray student or mangy caretaker's cat was present in the drafty hall however, and she was about to retrace her steps to the Entrance Hall when she heard a sudden noise from inside an all too familiar classroom.

She slowly opened the heavy door and peered inside. There stood none other than Draco Malfoy, fruitlessly attempting to pry a red, heart-shaped lollipop from the back of his robes where it appeared to be stuck. He was spinning around on the spot, like a dog chasing its tail. Hermione couldn't help but to stifle a laugh in her hand. Draco heard her entrance and stopped his flailing around to glare at her.

"Think my suffering's funny, do you?"

"A bit, yes," she replied, walking confidently down the many tiers, her shoes echoing loudly in the cavernous room. "Turn around," she commanded once she was face to face with him. His lips slanted into a devious little smirk as he eyed her up and down.

"Yes m'am," he purred, raising his eyebrows at her suggestively, but doing as she said. She quickly pulled the sticky candy from his robes and handed it to him. It was covered with stray fibers and hair, and Draco frowned at it, sad that his treat had been ruined. Hermione laughed out loud at his childlike look of disappointment.

"It's not funny! That was sent to me by an admirer!" he protested. She laughed even harder.

"Those are hard to come by, huh?" she asked him once she had composed herself, but started to laugh again at his scandalized expression.

"Don't be jealous of my popularity. It's not my fault that I was blessed with this bone structure and this hair," he sneered in mock conceit, tossing his head back and running his hands through his soft blonde locks. "Don't pretend like you haven't noticed how good I look today."

Hermione just shook her head and sighed to herself, a sly grin sneaking up on her face. A strange feeling had washed over her, one of playfulness or rebelliousness. It was Valentines Day after all. Not only was it a day for love and lust, but a day that all the happy, coupled off students would be spending away in Hogsmead.

Oh, what ever should they do?

As if sensing her very thoughts, Draco took a step towards her, whispering huskily into her ear. "You know, I've always had the naughtiest fantasies of you in this classroom…"

"Is that so?" she asked, her eyes and lips mirroring the smirk he wore.

"You have no idea…" he breathed out, encircling her slim waist with his large, calloused hands. She looked up at him and took a step back, her chocolate brown eyes narrowed and darkened with lust. She reached up and unclasped her plain black cloak, letting it fall to the ground. She wore a simple black skirt that cut off around mid-thigh, and a buttoned down white blouse. His gaze shifted to her creamy thighs and shapely calves, surprisingly not hidden beneath thick woolen tights. He let out a low groan of approval, his chin hitting the floor when she withdrew her wand from between her bosom. It swished through the air and the door slammed shut behind them. A second later a wooden chair had appeared in front of the desk. With another flick of her wand Draco was propelled back into it.

"I think I have some ideas," she said silkily, pacing around him. She stopped when she had reached the large desk, and hoisted herself up onto it so she was directly in front of Draco.

"Firstly, I think I would rid myself of this constricting clothing…" she said, then murmured an incantation. Her clothes disappeared, leaving her in nothing but a lacey emerald green bra with matching knickers, and her black leather pumps of course.

Draco gulped in his seat, the bulge in his pants quite obvious. Hermione's sexy smirk was fixed.

"And then, since this is your fantasy, I'd probably touch myself…" She placed her high-heeled foot on his shoulder. If she was hurting him, he didn't let on. She then lifted her other leg onto the desk, completely exposing herself to him. She brought a hand down to the swell of her breasts, dipping under the material of her bra and grazing the hardened bud of her nipple. She threw her head back and let out a soft, breathy moan.

She began to trail her other hand along her inner thigh, but stopped when she heard him curse under his breath, just before her fingers had reached her core. He was completely transfixed by her movements. His hand had involuntarily gone to attend to the tent in his lap to relieve some of the tension she was creating there. The sight of him rubbing his sizeable erection caused her own flow of arousal to coat her knickers. This was going to be more fun than she ever could have imagined.

She reached behind her and unclasped her bra, releasing her perky breasts to the cool dungeon air. She squeezed and kneaded them with her palm, while her other hand snaked its way down her firm stomach. She hooked her fingers through the band of the skimpy panties, lifting her arse so she could pull them out from under her. She shimmied one leg out, then let them slide down the leg she had rested against Draco's shoulder. He inhaled deeply, breathing in her musky, feminine scent that lingered on her dampened knickers, but recovered quickly to continue on with the show.

And show it was. She was now completely in the nude minus her shoes, and spread wide for him to see every inch of her inside and out. She wasted no time in getting right down to business, to which Draco was immensely appreciative.

"If this was your hands on me, I'd want you to touch me here," she spoke softly but with a purpose, her fingers delicately circling her engorged clit. Draco could no longer contain his erection in the ever-tightening confines of his designer slacks, and carefully pulled down the zipper to release himself. His rock-hard member sprang to attention and his hand slowly pumped it up and down, smearing the precum that had beaded on the tip over the sensitive head and causing a shudder to run through his body.

Hermione was equally enjoying watching him pleasure himself. She couldn't believe how turned on she had gotten, knowing that she could cause such a reaction in him. Her ministrations with her own hand redoubled, her fingers now easily gliding across her slick nub, while her other hand roughly grasped her breast and lightly pinched her nipples. She was so close. Her legs started convulsing uncontrollably as her back arched into her touch. She dipped one finger into her entrance while using her thumb to press her clit and instantly felt the warm flow of pleasure radiate from her womb. She cried out loudly, loving the feel of her tight muscles as they contracted around her fingers, and the sound of Draco's climax mingling with her own blissful moans.

She hardly caught her breath before he was on her, roughly pressing her back against the hard wooden desk. His mouth latched onto hers, his tongue darting out to forcefully gain entrance. Her hands flailed blindly through the air until she was met with fabric, and she pulled hard to remove the barrier between her and his sculpted chest. He released her mouth only long enough to yank the material over his head, while his legs worked furiously to get his pants off. He was already hard again for her and his body shook with desire, like his orgasm had only fueled the intense arousal instead of stemming it. He could hardly breathe, or see, or hear, all he knew was that he needed to be inside of her before he burst open.

With their pesty clothes thrown haphazardly around the room and his manhood pressed against her warm wet folds, he placed his hands on either side of her head and bent down to taste her sweet mouth once again as their bodies became one. Somehow she halted his movements, using only a single finger, which she pushed against his chest.

"At-at-ah Malfoy… I'm a Gryffindor don't forget. It's in my nature to fight the inevitable until the very, very last moment… When we're both crazy with need…"

"I am… I'm crazy with need… I fucking need you so bad right now…." He groaned out, rocking his hips against her but not gaining entrance without permission. He lowered his head and caught her bottom lip between his teeth, running his tongue along the swollen pink flesh. The inner walls of her channel spasmed with want, and without a second thought to prolonging his torture, she wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled him inside of her.

Their moans filled the air as she met him thrust, for hard, purposeful thrust, the entirety of his purpled length disappearing inside her tight sheath.

"Oh God… oh fuck…oh fuck… oh fuck…" Hermione panted in rhythm to their now frantic thrusting. Her legs tightened around him as he rode her into the heavens. He would probably have heel indentations on his taut rear end when they were through, but that was the farthest thing from their minds as he made the last frantic plunges into her hot core. Her muscles shuddered and released around him, bringing him the most mind-blowing orgasm, which was set off by her own trip into euphoria. Spurts of his seed filled her until his arms gave out and he collapsed on top of her, their bodies moist from a light sheen of sweat, heat radiating off one another.

"Happy Valentines Day…" Hermione whispered once she had caught her breath enough to be able to do so. She brushed a few strands of damp hair away from his forehead, smiling down at him. After a few more minutes of silence, he regrettably pulled out of her, rolling over to lie on the desk beside her.

"Merlin, how can you do this to me?" he breathed out, his voice low from exhaustion.

"Because you love me," she replied matter-of-factly.

"You do know everything…" he mumbled slyly. She only smirked her agreement, staring contentedly at the high ceiling of the classroom from her spot on the desk. Her legs dangled freely over the edge, while her hands were placed neatly on the gentle swell of her belly. She imagined that she could feel the being that was growing within her, but knew it was too soon. She hadn't even told Draco about the little boy or girl that they would call their son or daughter in nearly seven months, but she had only just found out, that very morning to be exact. She opened her mouth to tell him the good news, but instead found herself spouting a quote she had heard from her mother on her and Draco's wedding day.

"You know, when love is your greatest weakness, you will be the strongest person in the world," she said thoughtfully.

"Oh really?"

"Really."

"Says who?"

"Garman Wold."

"Yes well, could you keep it that way? I'm was rather enjoying the peace and quiet." He tried to sound serious, but failed miserably and started chuckling to himself. Hermione nudged him playfully, but didn't have the energy to do much more than that. She sighed. He sighed, only his was much louder and more drawn out than hers, like a neighing horse. He was mocking her.

Always the Slytherin…

"I was going to tell you a secret, but now I think I'll make you beg for it."

Two could play that game.

"Why, my beautiful, intelligent, and did I mention beautiful wife, I'm sure you can find it in your heart to tell me. I'm a professor now, love, I've got to be a man. Men don't beg… They pout and shoot their wives puppy-dog eyes until they've been taken pity on, but they certainly don't beg."

"Humph," Hermione sulked, crossing her arms and turning her head so she wouldn't have to look at him and fall victim to his childish antics. She knew better than to think she had the resolve to overpower her husband's perfect pout. She was a sucker for the cutesy-face, she couldn't help it.

"Oh no…" Malfoy replied solemnly. He slowly rolled off the desk to stand between her legs, peering down at her. "If you don't look at me I'm afraid I'll have to resort to plan B…"

Without turning her head, Hermione asked the obvious question. "What's plan B?"

"Oh just a little of this and a little of that," he sighed nonchalantly, trailing two fingers from her elbow to her shoulder. "But mostly, it's just…"

His smirk widened and his eyes became alight with a mischievous air, and he attacked her mercilessly, tickling her stomach with one hand while he held her crossed arms down with the other. She screamed and laughed hysterically, kicking her legs and tossing her head from side to side as she fought for freedom. Her legs failed to make the impact necessary for him to release her, as she was still straddling him. She had no choice but to surrender.

"Ok… ok…. I…. give…" she huffed out through her mad fits of the giggles. Draco stopped his torturous tickling, leaving her breathless and panting on the desk underneath him, not unlike their position of barely twenty minutes earlier.

"That's more like it," he growled, leaning down to nuzzle her collar. "Now are you going to tell me the secret or do I have to resort to more… ahh… stimulating measures?" he purred, his tongue darting out to taste the sensitive skin of her neck, eliciting a low moan from his partner.

"If you keep this up I'll never be able to get out two comprehensible words, let alone a whole sentence!"

Reluctantly, he pulled away from her, kissing her forehead before standing and giving her his undivided attention.

"I-I think we need clothes…" she stuttered, feeling around the desk for her wand. One easy wave and they were fully clothed. Well, almost… Draco's shirt was on backwards and rolled up so his chest was still exposed, and her cloak was around his left arm for some reason, but she could not be blamed for having to perform under such conditions. Not to mention the fact she rather liked him naked, and it seemed her wand knew it.

He examined his ensemble with a bemused expression, but shook it off and looked straight into her eyes. "Can you tell me now that we are err… dressed?"

She met his gaze with equal intensity, butterflies instantly springing up in the pit of her stomach. What if he was angry? What if he didn't want children? What if he was disgusted with her once she got fat? What if they never had sex again? No, that probably wouldn't happen…. But what if the baby needed psychological counseling for being poked repetitively by his daddy's 'pee-pee' while still in the womb?

"That's not possible, love…" Draco whispered softly.

"What?" Hermione asked, getting caught off guard. Hell, she was in the middle of a mental breakdown, how dare he interrupt by using that Legilimency voodoo on her! Maybe she wouldn't tell him the news after all! Maybe she would just not talk to him again until she had a mountain of sweets and apology letters. Maybe she would just have to start wearing a metal bowl on her head to prevent further unsolicited ventures into her mind. That would actually solve two problems at once. Metal would come in handy if they ever decided to have a head butting contest… His head may be big and hard at times, but that was no competition for metal… Maybe she would-

"Stop the mental chastisement of your husband so he can tell you how happy he is?" Draco asked weakly. Hermione instantly snapped to the present, where Draco's strong arms were enclosing her and pulling her to a sitting position. He then fell on her and hugged her tightly to him. Hermione was trying to process the fact that he knew, and she hadn't said a word.

"I'm sorry I used Legilmency on you… you were just taking too long to tell me and-"

"Shh…" she whispered soothingly. He released his hold on her and looked questioningly into her eyes. "It doesn't matter Draco… we're having a baby!" she exclaimed, happy tears instantly springing up into her eyes. Draco once again pulled her into his chest, burying his head in her neck. She thought she heard slight sniffling sounds coming from him, but was too caught up in the feeling of euphoria to call him out on it. He started chanting into her ear… "I love you…" he whispered, kissing and nibbling her lobe.

"I love you…" he moved to her neck, laying her softly back on the desk. "I love you…" He lifted up her blouse, exposing her supple belly, still perfectly flat and unchanged from the pregnancy. "I love you…" He placed frantic kisses over every inch of her stomach, while she watched him with watery eyes and complete and utter adoration, ectasy, love, everything. He was her life, her whole world. How had she ever lived without him?

"We've got to tell everyone," he stated excitedly, once he was satisfied he had smooched her so thoroughly even their little, developing sperm had to have felt it. He held out his hand for her to take. She looked at him, sated and flushed from sheer bliss, her cheeks wet with happy tears.

There he was… Her perfect husband, colleague, and verbal sparring partner, wrapped up in a tight package of hard muscle, smooth skin, and clear, crystal grey pools that could take her breath away with a single, penetrating glance. White-blonde hair framed his face, his high cheekbones stood out aristocratically. His luscious, delicately pink lips that were usually cocked to side in his trademark expression of authority that he still held on to since their school days, were now smiling brightly at her.

No, they definitely didn't make Potions Masters like they used to…

But that was another story.

;-)

"Oh the baby!"

-Borat

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So thoughts? Questions? Comments? Concerns? I'd love to hear them!!