He is the Very Model of Modern Courtroom Homosexual
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Author's Note:
...Please don't shoot me.
In an AIM chat, I improvised the following parody of "I am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General." It's a bit rough around the edges, which is understandable given the 15-minute composition time, but...Ta da:
EDGEWORTH. I am the very model of a D. A. demoniacal, (Edgeworth stops short. Delay to me? Say "hey" to me? Aha! He has it!) But don't you even mention the cursed name of Misty Fey to me! JUDGE AND JURY. But don't you ever mention the accursed name of Fey you see, EDGEWORTH. My timing and my fashion sense are equally impeccable - PHOENIX. I'd say that the cravat is something more like "what-the-heck-able..." EDGEWORTH. (glares) But my fervor and my stubbornness are equally maniacal - ---- PHOENIX. (aside to the audience) He is the very model of an unsure homosexual - CHORUS. And never would a straight man wear an overfrilled cravat like that - you'll never see a straight man wear a frilly white cravat like that - PHOENIX. The truth is, in a game like this, that sales-demographically,
My sister's slightly twisted, and mentor was maniacal -
I understand, then wave a hand - with subtle gestures hush you all -
Until you contradict me, in which case, I'm forced to crush you all -
I coach the witnesses with care, and set my traps methodically,
And even make a point of glaring at you periodically,
Your bluffing, though theatrical, was never a delay to me...
You never, ever mention the accursed name of Fey, you see,
You never, ever mention that accursed name of Fey, of Fey, you see!
I am the very model of a D. A. demoniacal!
A foppish, distant, fashion-challenged courtroom intellectual,
I think that his repression is the thing that's really driven him -
And why does he bring up all the "strange feelings" that I've given him?
The ladies never disconcert him, never make him nervouser -
And what is with that handsome bellboy who's become his servicer?
I never saw a straight man who waved fingers, stood, and sat like that -
And never, ever, ever would one wear a tri-cravat like that!
We think that Liberace might have worn a triple-tied cravat like that!
That gay love must be kept implied - and preferably sapphically,
So Capcom, I can't kiss the guy, if only to protect you all -
But, rest assured, he is a modern courtroom homosexual!