Now or Never III
By: Seravy
Note: Takes place between A's episode 8 and 9
edited version from Akuma-sama and KoSSa's (AS forums) suggestions
From the small cardboard box, Shamal picked out a cartridge, enclosed it within her palm then closed her eyes. Through her will, magic billowed from within before being methodically compacted into the small container. Prepping cartridges is a time-consuming and tedious task that exhausts a considerable amount of magic. Making her primarily responsible of this necessity allows their team's main offensive members to preserve their strength for the gruelling battles that await them every night. It was the least and the most she could do being the offensively weakest of them four.
A long time ago, stretching into the distant faded parts of her memory, she would have felt ashamed for being unable to do more but someone with just a few of her scarce words told her that what she did, mattered. Even though she still did not consider herself a Belka knight, she was most definitely a Cloud Rider.
That person was now standing before her, watching her. Shamal's concentration wavered underneath that intense scrutiny that held more than just guilt for allowing her to handle this task alone. Their leader usually remained downstairs in the living room; Signum must have seen the light from her bedside lamp sneaking out from underneath her closed door when she came back.
"It's late. Rest."
Shamal stopped her magic and greeted the tall woman with a smile.
"I'm not tired yet. Mind if I stayed up with you for a little while?"
Signum bit down a rejection, trapped by her own excuses of battle adrenaline and restlessness. All she could do was cautiously accept while maintaining a safe distance away from where she stood.
Shamal could sense their leader's reluctance but it did not lessen the resolve that had suddenly enslaved her to sabotage the precarious space between them tonight. The little wish made upon the day Hayate became their master was wilting alongside their master's life. She didn't know what she was doing except that she needed to hurry before hope completely disappeared. Now, they were alone without the buffers of others or distractions, a scenario they've tried so hard to avoid since the day they found out about their master's worsening condition. They were both waiting for her to speak. The pressure was nauseating.
"I can't stop thinking about what Vita-chan said this morning…"
A deep frown furrowed into Signum's brow at the direction of this conversation. Taking a deep breath and ignoring their leader's silent but blatant disapproval, Shamal forged on.
"We've completed the Book of Darkness before on a few occasions. But no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to remember what happens every time it was completed. The master of the Book of Darkness is supposed to attain great power… And yet we are summoned again and again with new masters. Vita-chan is right… I have a bad feeling about this… what if--"
"Shamal!" interrupted Signum sternly, "It's meaningless to doubt for it does not change what we have set out to accomplish."
"I know! But just because we don't say it doesn't make the possibility any less real!"
The forcefulness in Shamal's counter doused the anger and indignity that blazed inside Signum, leaving it to flicker weakly from doubt.
"Mistress Hayate is different… whatever happens will be different too," the Flaming General reasoned weakly.
Shamal bit her lip in frustration. Everything that Signum had just said, they already knew. What she wanted was not repeated information.
"What about us?" she challenged.
Cloaked by the dimness around them, the blonde woman suddenly looked smaller than usual, shadows veiling a sad loneliness around her. A brief pinch of pain choked Signum's answer but she ignored it and quickly forced her words out.
"There is no guarantee that we would remain but there is a chance. We all know that. What's important is that our master lives."
"You know what I meant."
Once again, she had deliberately destroyed Signum's attempt to preserve the present. With the ultimatum issued, there was no turning back. The incomplete cartridge in her hand felt hot from absorbing her flood of heated worriment as that simple little wish was quickly blossoming out of control. With her eyes squeezed closed, she could already picture the leader of Wolkenritter walking away because what she was asking for were not future promises but something for the present. Finally, Signum's alto voice spilled into the air.
"After this is over…"
Shamal's eyes reflexively snapped open, needing to match the rest of that broken sentence with whatever expression that came with it. However, Signum denied her that image, facing her with her back. Disappointment quickly filled Shamal's heart but it did nothing to quench the eager nervousness that abated her breathing.
"When this is over…" repeated Signum, "When this is over…"
The Flaming General suddenly found herself pitifully incapable of reigning over the tension that surrounded them, even on her third attempt. For too long, understanding had been given freely without having to ever ask for it. A part of her expected Shamal to be satisfied with that broken half-hearted answer while the other side mocked her cowardice, tempting her with her usual legion of excuses. It would be so easy to blame the responsibility upon their shoulders and leave. Shamal would understand, right?
"And what if it won't be over…"
However, she was wrong and like the time she was forced to confront her feelings before Shamal's bloody sacrifice, she was helpless. With ungraceful shame, Signum began to retreat from a battle she knew she could never win.
A crisp deciding sound echoed through the spaciousness of their shared room, reverberating twice before the discarded cartridge rolled to stillness on the hardwood floor. Signum suddenly found herself incapable of taking another step as arms entrapped her waist with all their might as if trying to suffocate her. She shivered against the curves pressed tightly against her back, unexplored pleasure creeping to devour her whole. If only she didn't feel so guilty.
"Shamal…"
Signum had tried to inject disapproval into her voice but the result was only a weak tired sigh.
"Listen, please! I know it's selfish of me to do this while Hayate-chan is suffering! And I know we should be concentrating on completing the Book of Darkness but there might not be another chance! I need to tell you while there is still hope!"
Never had Signum heard such desperation in that soft kind voice. All thoughts about wrenching away from this embrace quickly drained away especially when she felt a pointed hotness wetting her back; Shamal was crying. And through her tears and thickened voice, words as clear as pure water brought to life what had been buried for too long in both their hearts.
"I love you."
A sudden pressure crushed into Signum's chest, halting her breathing at the base of her throat. Her mouth slacked open, feeling the obligation to respond but the shock muted her as Shamal continued.
"Your strength, your gentleness, your pride, your flaws… I love everything about you. Even when we were surrounded by nothing but bloodshed and endless battles, just being by your side made me feel safe."
The large lump in her throat was painful but she swallowed hard and drew strength from the fact that the person she loved was right here in her arms.
"I never thought I'd have the chance to tell you but ever since Hayate-chan became our master, it didn't seem like something impossible anymore because all of a sudden, our own feelings and happiness mattered. It wasn't important that we weren't humans because Hayate-chan saw us as individuals, her family. And during these last six months, as I got to see other sides of you, these feelings inside me grew. I kept waiting for the perfect moment to tell you… but somehow, it was just easier that I didn't so I just kept… waiting…But now… If something were to happen to Hayate-chan, everything would go back to the way it was… except you would forever be ridden with guilt--we would all be-- and these words would become meaningless."
Aside from the occasional muffled sob, the dead silence of the night prevailed. As Shamal had exposed her soul to the possibility of hurt, soundless tears had streaked endlessly down Signum's face, lingering on her chin until they fell and were absorbed into the fabric of her sweater. The embrace around her was comforting yet coaxing more tears from her burning eyes.
"You don't have to answer me…I just wanted to you to know. Even if we fail and things become more painful because of it, I won't regret this. I'm happy to have had the chance to tell you at least once... I love you… always will."
It was impossible to breath. Signum could tell that a strong beautiful smile had accompanied that declaration. The arms around her waist squeezed her tightly once more before slowly pulling away, fingers lingering over her abdomen. The fact that it could be the last shattered the last remaining fragment of her artificial calm.
With one pivoting step, Signum almost violently pulled the smaller woman into her arms. The fearful void she had felt the moment that warm body began to lift away from her own quickly disappeared. In its place was an exploding torrent of fulfillment. As she took in the sweet fragrance of roses from the bodywash they had chosen together last week, fresh tears welled up in her tired eyes.
Signum never knew emotions could be so painful, especially for a hardened warrior who had witnessed the pinnacle of cruelty and destruction through centuries of human stupidity. And yet, before a single woman, she was openly crying as she learned what it was like to have her heart tortured by mere words. Without even expecting an answer, Shamal had offered her love courageously and unconditionally. Small steady strokes along her back sought to comfort her though she wasn't even the one being hurt so barbarically by another's silent denial.
"I love you too."
It was nothing more than a soft whisper but Shamal had heard it clearly as those warm breathy words tickled her right ear. She knew how difficult it was for Signum to say a phrase that did not hold the same power as actions. Gratitude, but most of all, a rush of uncontrollable joy, overwhelmed her and she held on tighter.
However, how was it that an embrace could bring someone so close together yet make one feel so far away from the other? Shamal wanted to see those brilliant sharp eyes, high cheekbones and thin lips... to see Signum more clearly. Lifting her head from the tall woman's strong shoulder, Shamal titled her gaze. She revelled in how their cheeks brushed against one another.
Perhaps the same intention had sprung up in both their minds for in that small movement. the blonde woman suddenly found her lips just a breath away from Signum's. Only one thought remained as she closed her eyes and leaned in, just a little. She was certain that they had acted at the same time because there was no hesitation or surprise when their lips touched. Their first kiss was ambrosial; with just their lips chastely overlapping, it took away the uncertainties and hopelessness that had clung to them for as long as they could remember.
Soon, they broke away, gazing into a new understanding reflected in each other's eyes, one that was no longer nameless. Shamal reached up and pulled on one end of the yellow ribbon, something she hadn't done again since the first time she had touched Signum's hair. Long silky tresses cascaded down and tickled the back of her hand like snow. She liked how the front locks were wavy from the braiding; it gave the proud knight an extra hint of femininity.
However, as much as she enjoyed this discovery, it would be dawn soon. Shamal slid opened the mahogany drawer that stood between the two beds and took out a change of clothing. Signum took the offered sleepwear and changed into the oversized dress shirt and pyjama pants. When she was done, her companion was already underneath the covers on the bed nearest to the window with a clear space by her side.
Unknownst to herself, Signum had smiled before flicking the switch on the bedside lamp. She slid in beside Shamal and was immediately welcomed by a soft warm body leaning into hers. With her vision adjusting to the darkness, she could make out the contours of a contented smile, the most beautiful one that she had ever seen before.
Somehow, she had always imagined that admitting their feelings would lead to something unimaginably uncontrollable with nothing but pain, like an insane beast let loose. This would have undoubtedly been true in the past but their current master made this peaceful calm possible. They were now more united than ever in their mission to save that kind innocent girl who deserved happiness more than anybody else in this world. No one could stop them.
Impulsively Signum planted a kiss on Shamal's forehead before pulling her closer, intent on fully indulging in this little bit of selfish happiness they were allowing themselves tonight. In this world, there is no such thing as the perfect moment; only one's resolve to take the present for themselves and make it their own.
And though they did not share a bed again the next day, the abandoned one beside Shamal's would no longer be empty.
Now or Never Trilogy END
SIGMAL!!!!!! Makes me wonder if I could get away with labelling things as Sigmal from now on…
(from G) SigSha/ShaSig -- kindda hard to say/pronounce (especially ShaSig. Try saying that three times in a row and you'll know what I mean)
(from Akuma-sama) Shagnum LMAO! sounds like a big overcompensating gun that Austin Powers would use
(thebestnameonthesite) thanks for the blond(e) correction. I made sure there were no more 'blond's in this chapter.
So Sigmal it is. Anyways, thanks for reading this trilogy. Hope the ending was satisfying and that people would start to write Sigmal (or at least more fics to do with Wolkenritter and Hayate). They're my fave in this series and there just isn't enough out there on them. There will be a separate comedy-like epilogue to this.