Author's Note: I don't own "Bones" or any of the characters. Fox, Barry Josephson and Hart Hanson do. No infringement is intended.
Special Agent Seeley Booth walked into Wong Foo's and headed for his special table. He ordered a bottle of scotch from the waitress and wondered idly where Sid was hiding. He was usually to be found in his spot behind the bar, but tonight he was nowhere to be seen. A few minutes later Sid emerged from the kitchen and headed for Booth's table.
"Long time no see, Booth."
"Hey, Sid. Yeah, I've been pretty busy lately."
"How come the pretty bone lady and her gang don't come around any more?"
"Well, I guess it's because your new location is nowhere near the Jeffersonian, and they don't live in this part of town."
"You look like you been working 24/7 for quite a while. Bad case?" asked Sid.
"No worse than usual, Sid. I guess I just need a vacation. "
In no time Sid was back with Booth's food. He frowned at the bottle of scotch that the waitress had delivered to go with it.
"That's going to ruin the unique flavor of this dish," he began.
Booth's response was short and to the point: "Listen, Sid, just leave it for now. You know I know when to stop."
Sid knew when to argue and when to shut up, but he kept an eye on Booth's table from his spot at the bar.
Booth took a drink of scotch and a couple of forkfuls of the food, but felt too tired to eat much. He hadn't mentioned his sessions with Dr. Wyatt to Sid, or the fact that he had been burning the midnight oil to make up for them. Not that the latter was a whole lot different from his usual routine. The only thing that had really changed was that his late night work sessions no longer revolved around his partner Dr. Temperance Brennan. Since she had become "involved" with Tim Sullivan, she left work on time, which meant that her late night work sessions with Booth over take-out had ceased to exist. It had also become pretty clear that Brennan no longer needed his friendship and emotional support the way she had done before Sully. At that thought Booth downed the rest of his drink and reached over to pour another from the bottle.
He didn't know why he was surprised. Any time he had a close relationship with a woman it always ended up like this: at first he was able to act the part of the outgoing, interesting, charming guy who was fun to be with and did not have a painful past to complicate things. But the closer the relationship got, the easier it was for the woman to see the cracks in his "public" façade and realize that the real Booth was not the persona he put on for public consumption. He had always been a loner, even as a kid, and his years as a sniper had just reinforced that. He found it difficult to hang out with the guys at work because they weren't like him—they had wives and families that loved them, and lives away from the job. Booth's parents were dead, and his brother Jared lived in California, which meant that he had no family to talk over his problems with. He had Parker, of course, but you couldn't really expect a five-year-old to listen to your problems and help you to gain perspective. Not that he had confided in his parents when they were alive—he had kept his problems to himself to keep from worrying them. This was especially true when he first came home after leaving the army. His parents had seen that something was bothering him and tried to get him to see a V.A. shrink, but Booth had denied any problems and refused to even consider "getting help" except for joining Gamblers Anonymous. They had helped him to overcome his gambling addiction, and he would always be grateful. But that had been that until the FBI ordered him to meet with Dr. Gordon Wyatt.
So here he was, halfway to retirement and feeling like he didn't have a whole lot to look forward to except for his son and his job. Lots of guys would probably love living the single life and having superficial relationships with multiple women, but Booth had always figured he'd end up like his dad, married young and a happily married family man. His father had managed it despite the fact that he'd been called to serve in Viet Nam in the middle of it. After he'd gotten out of the army, Booth had tried to follow in his dad's footsteps, but found out that he wasn't able to do it. At first he'd blamed it on the women he met and not himself, but as more and more of his relationships failed, he realized the failure was his fault. He couldn't blame them--who would want to put up with a workaholic who wasn't always able to act charming and entertaining, and who still suffered from nightmares about his experiences with combat, capture and torture during his time in the army. Cam and Rebecca had stuck it out the longest, but although he still considered both of them good friends, even they hadn't really wanted any part of "ever after" with him.
And then there was Brennan. He felt closer to her than he had felt to anyone in a long time, and he had opened up to Brennan more than he had to anyone else, ever. Yet the closer they became, the clearer it became that she wasn't interested in being anything other than "friends who work together." It was his problem that he wanted more than she did, not hers. And there were too many guys around like Sully who made the relationship thing seem easy: uncomplicated guys who didn't have any demons from the past to fight, and could be there for Brennan without allowing their own emotional baggage to get in the way. Booth had tried his utmost to be there for Brennan, and to keep his own problems out of the mix, but the closer their friendship became, the harder it was to hide. His recent run-in with the ice cream truck clown and the resulting suspension from duty were just the culmination of problems that had been boiling just below the surface for months.
Adding Epps to his long list of kills had started the nightmares again. The resulting lack of sleep had made his temper worse and his patience non-existent. The events of the past few weeks had brought the situation to a breaking point, and the thing with Epps had just accelerated matters. Worse, it had allowed Brennan to meet Sully, and to realize what she was missing working with Booth. He really couldn't blame her. Sully was able to get Brennan to "stop and smell the roses" which Booth had never been able to do--mainly because he wasn't the type to do it himself. With Booth, Brennan had been the same workaholic, stressed out, burnout case waiting to happen. Then the Epps case had happened, along with the subsequent fallout and his suspension. So Brennan had met Sully, and realized that he was everything that Booth was not.
Yet despite everything, Brennan still seemed to want to work with Booth, and that alone had helped in keeping their partnership viable after the clown incident. Brennan made fun of his sessions with the FBI shrink, but the truth was Booth needed them to relieve some of the pressure he felt. He knew that she felt uncomfortable around him these days. She hated psychology, and he was one big hell of a psychological mess. He didn't want Bones to feel obligated to stick with him as a partner just because he had helped her through a few rough spots. That would just be pathetic of him, and he refused to be a needy, pathetic loser. He knew that she would try to stick with him, and if it hadn't been for Sully he might have let her do it. But he didn't think he could take seeing her getting ever more deeply involved with Sully, maybe even getting married. He had endured a lot for her sake, but he didn't think he could take that. It never seemed to occur to her that hearing the details about her sex life with Sully might be more than Booth could take. Sometimes he wondered what planet Bones had come down from.
But he really couldn't hold it against her, though, because she seemed genuinely happy. After her bad experiences and trouble with her father and brother, she deserved a nice, uncomplicated, happy life with Sully, or somebody just like him. All that was left that Booth could do for her now was for him to break the awkward silence that had fallen between them about anything "personal" and let Bones off the hook. Booth sighed and rubbed his eyes. He'd spent the day at the office doing paperwork, and the low humidity always made him feel like he had grit in his eyes. He normally wasn't much of a drinker of hard liquor, but nowadays he found that it was the only thing that helped him to unwind and get to sleep before 3 am. Tonight he was dog tired, but not sleepy. He had been struggling with his decision for the last few weeks, and his sessions with Wyatt had helped him to deal with it. Now all he had to do was tell Brennan and his boss about his decision.
He looked up to see Sid standing in front of him.
"It's closing time," Sid announced, holding out his hand.
Booth looked at him in puzzlement for a minute, because he'd already paid for the food and the bottle. Then the light dawned, and he dug in his pocket and handed over his car keys.
"I can get Jerry to give you a ride home," Sid said.
"No, that's OK, I'll grab a cab," Booth replied. He got to his feet, swaying slightly, and struggled to pull his cell phone from his coat pocket.
Sid eyed him more closely and said, "I'm not sure you're in any shape to go home by yourself, even in a cab. What if somebody tried to rob you?"
"Look, Mother Shapiro, I'll be fine," Booth retorted indignantly. "I'm a trained Army Ranger and an FBI agent. I've got two guns. I think I can handle a cab ride from here to my door."
Sid looked at him in frustration. Booth's stubborn self-sufficiency made it almost impossible for his friends to try to help him, even though he did a lot to help his friends. This was especially true of the ones from his army days. Sid had always suspected that Booth had a lot to do behind the scenes with the loan on Wong Foo's being approved, but he had never been able to get Booth to confirm it. He knew he had recommended him highly to his bank loan officer buddy. Booth was that kind of guy—the kind who did a lot of his good deeds without telling anyone because getting recognition and/or gratitude for his kindness wasn't the reason he did them. Sid's grandmother would have called Booth an "everyday Christian" because he tried to live that way all the time, and didn't reserve his religion for Christmas and Easter.
"Look, Booth, I'm driving you home, and if you give me any more problems I'll knock you upside the head," Sid insisted in exasperation.
Irritated, Booth started to argue, but found the room was spinning so much he needed to grab the chair to steady himself.
"Okay, okay," he muttered. It was easier not to argue with Sid when he was like this.
Booth had little to say during the drive to his apartment beyond a subdued "Thanks" when Sid let him off at his door. Sid watched until he saw him enter the elevator lobby and then drove off. Booth staggered to his bedroom and fell onto the bed, but tired as he was his mind wouldn't allow him to sleep.
Booth really wasn't looking forward to the conversation with Brennan. He knew she would fight him on this, because she still saw him as a friend and wanted to "be there" for him. The only problem was, she wasn't interested in the role he wanted her to play, and he couldn't stand to continue in the only role he could ever fill in her life—work partner and "friend without benefits." She was obviously happier and better off without him, so he planned to perform one last official act as her Alpha male, control freak partner and request a reassignment so that she could work with Sully instead. It was the least he could do for her. He just hoped he could get her to accept it and get on with her life. Having made his decision, Booth was finally able to go to sleep, at least until surreal, uneasy dreams of pain, torture, and death awakened him once more.