Seen and unseen
The sky was the darkest of blues, bordering on black, cloudless and moonless, an infinite and perfect velvet cloth with little dots of glitter scattered over it. A breath of warm summer air ruffled gently the hair of a thin boy laying on the grass, already swimming in the space between being awake and being asleep, with the flickering light of newborn and already dead stars sticking to the eyelashes of his half-closed eyes.
The four marauders had decided to make the most of their last summer holidays before leaving Hogwarts by spending two weeks at the Potter's. It was the first time ever Remus had been far from his family for the summer, and still felt a bit like an intruder in this place, where everything seemed so easy, so perfect. From the open windows of the house behind him drifted hints of reality that kept him barely awake: the smell of Mrs Potter delicious and copious food, that kept Peter in an endless rapture; the sound of James' really loud and really off-key singing voice in the shower. And suddenly filling his field of vision, the upside down head of one Sirius Black, just out of the shower, wearing an old black t-shirt faded to grey and unbuttoned jeans. Remus didn't move, so Sirius just laid silently on the grass too, head very close next to his but body in the opposite direction. Out of the corner of his eye, Remus could see that Sirius hadn't bothered to dry his hair, and the tips were starting to curl in every direction. Remus couldn't help the tiny smile that curved his lips while imagining the fit Sirius would have when he saw himself in the mirror later.
"Anything interesting up there?" Sirius talked softly, almost in a whisper, thinking that maybe Remus was really asleep with his eyes open – it was a known fact that he was able to sleep in the most strange ways and positions.
"Nope" Remus stretched on the grass, arms over his head, feeling some bones on his back snap into place "Nothing at all. I quite like that."
"There is something up there, you know. Stars, and planets, and comets, and black holes. Maybe even some intelligent life plotting to conquer our planet. Shame on you Mr Lupin, I thought you paid attention in Astronomy class."
"Says the one who copies all my essays just because he doesn't care to actually listen what he's supposed to write about. You know exactly what I meant, Sirius. But it's not only that. I like the dark."
Sirius seemed to consider that piece of information for awhile before asking why.
"It's just… people can't see me if it's dark. I... sometimes I have this feeling, that people is watching me. And I'm scared of what they might see. Scared that they might see what I am."
"I like it."
"... what?" Remus, confused and a bit hurt at that statement, turned his head so he could see Sirius. And then froze. Sirius head, still upside down, was also turned to him, but it was too dark to read his expression. And they were so close Remus couldn't see him clearly, but he could feel the ghost of Sirius' calm and slow breathing on his face.
"I like watching you."
There was something in Sirius' voice that made Remus turn slowly his body to face him better, not edging away a bit. While talking in a low voice, Sirius mirrored the movement.
"I like watching you nibbling your quill in class, and then discreetly spitting out the feathers when you remember it's not a sugar quill. I like it when you manage to read a book and walk through the corridors at the same time without bumping into anyone. I like seeing you laugh so hard you end up crying."
Both boys had subtly tilted their heads up, so now the only thing Remus could see was Sirius' neck, but he could feel his words, warm like the sun, directly over his own lips.
"I like it when you look back at me and just smile."
Remus could feel Sirius' lips over his, barely touching, the tickling sensation making his eyes flutter shut. One of them, or maybe both, it really didn't matter, finally closed in on the infinitesimal distance still separating them, but feeling the insecure pressure of Sirius' mouth, lips moist and trembling slightly like his own, Remus thought that it was like jumping off the highest cliff and never reaching the bottom. He could hardly breath, and when he opened his mouth slightly and felt the tip of Sirius' tongue touching his bottom lip, the reality of what they were doing kicked him hard – and would have knocked him to the floor if he wasn't already lying on it. They were kissing, and it was weird, 'cause his nose was pressed to Sirius' chin, and they weren't supposed to be doing that upside down, but he was kissing Sirius, and Remus wasn't sure that they were supposed to be doing that at all. But when his tongue brushed Sirius' lips, his teeth, and started the most gentle of wars inside the other boy's mouth, he couldn't help believing that something that felt so good, so natural, had to be the right thing to do. Remus had always felt the pull of Sirius' personality, inconsiderate and unavoidable like gravity, and now that they were so close (too close, but never enough), he felt like he could never let go of it, of him...
"Hey guys! You there?" James and Peter were approaching them, using a glass bottle full of bright flames as a lantern. Remus and Sirius managed to break the kiss and move away from each other to a safe distance before the light reached them. Both of them sported a similar pink blush over their cheeks, and Remus noticed that his neck hurt because of the strained position, and that Sirius' hair was even curlier than before.
"What are you doing here in the dark? Mom says dinner is ready."
Sirius stood up and offered Remus a helping hand, a playful smile on his lips. Remus stared at him for a few seconds, taking in the light of the bottled flames dancing over his face, getting caught in the clear eyes that stared right back at him, and the feeble stars twinkling innocently far away over his head. Seizing the offered hand, Remus thought that maybe he didn't mind that much being watched, and that hiding wasn't the only thing one could do in the dark.