A/N: This was a random one-shot after seeing a very funny pic that a friend sent me.

Go, Deidara, Go!

Episode One

Oh. Oh. Oh... ah

Go Deidara Go!
Deep inside the Akatsuki where people are running wild
Coming to the rescue is a very special child
Molding clay animals and throwing a kunai,
This rough and tough adventurer is working all the time
Yo Viene Deidara. Deidara. Deidara. Go, Deidara, Go!
Pein's on a mission we're going for a ride
Deidara is on the road with Little Tobi by his side
discovering together, yeah were always having fun
blowing up each other is good for everyone!
And there goes Deidara... Deidara. Deidara... Go, Deidara, Go!

"Hi! My name is Deidara! And this is my boss, Pein! We're Akatsuki rescuers!" Deidara said.

"Hello, worthless children." Pein said.

The two of them stood in silence for about a minute.

No, your television is not frozen.

"Senpai! Senpai!"

"Uh Oh! It sounds like someone is in trouble!" Deidara exclaimed.

"…How can you tell…? He could just be very excited." Pein said.

"Shut it! He's in danger!" Deidara said.

"...Right... We need to see who it is. We should go find Neji! He can find the person in

trouble!" Pein said.

"Good idea! Let's go!" Deidara said, walking over to a small trap door in the room.

Deidara opened the trap door.

"Aaaghh! The light! It burns! Have the angels finally come to take me out of this prison?" Neji asked.

"No... You need to help us find the person in trouble." Deidara said.

"Can't you do that yourself?" Neji asked.

"NO! Come here!" Deidara said, pulling him out of the hole.

Deidara dragged Neji over to a window.

"Uh... Hi everyone! I'm Neji Hyuuga! Deidara needs to find out who is in danger! Using my Byakugan, I can find whoever is in trouble! Say Byakugan!" Neji said.

(A/N: I couldn't find click the camera's theme song. If you have it, tell me please!)

"Byakugan!" The children shouted.

"Good! The animal… Er... person in trouble sounds like this: 'Senpai! Senpai!'" Neji said.

"Let's ZOOOOOOOOM across the land, to find the person who says 'Senpai! Senpai!'".

They zoomed in on someone.

"Is this the person in trouble?" Neji asked.

"Believe it! Believe it!"

"No! That's Naruto!" Neji said.

They zoomed through a forest to another person.

"Is THIS the person in trouble?" Neji asked again.

"Itachi... You will die!"

"No, that's Sasuke. And there's Orochimaru! Aw, they're so cute together!" Neji said.

They zoomed past some steel walls on another person.

"Is THIS the person in trouble?" Neji asked.

"Senpai! Senpai!"

"Yes! It's Tobi! You tell Deidara that we found the person in trouble!" Neji said.

Neji looked over at Deidara.

"…Um… Deidara...?" Neji asked.

Deidara was fast asleep on a chair.

Neji poked him in the face.

"…Five more minutes… Un..." Deidara said.

"But we found the person in trouble!" Neji complained.

Deidara sat up.

"Jeez, Neji. Took you long enough! Can't you tell the difference between 'Senpai' and 'Believe it'?" He asked.

"Uh…" Neji said.

Deidara pushed him back down into the hole past the trap door.

"Don't keep captives in your house, children. They're too much work." Deidara said to the

camera.

The children just looked at him with a confused expression on their faces.

"Uh… Okay. Let's go!" Deidara said, walking out of the lair.

"Wait!" Pein yelled.

"What?" Deidara asked.

"Do you even know where Tobi is?" Pein asked.

"…Maybe..." He said.

"Neji!" Pein said.

"Angels?" Neji asked.

"No. Where is Tobi?" Pein asked.

"He's in prison." Neji said.

"There... NOW you can go find him." Pein said.

"...Okay... Let's go!" Deidara said.

Deidara walked outside, to the edge of the tree house deck.

"Ready? We need to use my CLAY to get TO the PRISON!" Deidara said. "Ready? Close your hand and. MOLD!"

The children didn't really know how to mold clay with only one hand closed around it.

they didn't have a second tongue to do it for them. Nor did they actually have any clay.

Deidara threw his mold to the ground and watched it grow.

"Alright! Let's go!" Deidara said, jumping onto its back.

The eagle took off, and started towards the prison.

Then, some random parrots came out of nowhere, and started singing.

"Um... STALKER PARROTS!" Deidara yelled upon seeing them.

Five minutes later, Deidara was ready to kill the annoying singing stalker parrots.

Then, before he knew it, he was heading strait for a large boulder.

"Uh-oh! We could hit that boulder! How can we get past the boulder?" He asked the

screen.

"Go around it!" The children shouted.

"Blow it up! Right!" He said.

The children wondered if he had hearing problems...

Deidara reached into his pocket, and took out some clay.

But, he wasn't fast enough.

The giant eagle slammed into the rock.

The television screen went blue.

'A technical difficulty has occurred. We will be back on the air as soon as possible' it read. That message was up for about ten minutes.

After it was done:

"Stupid rock with and it's fu. er. Hi, kids." Deidara said, after seeing that the camera was rolling. "...Um... Sorry about that. Looks like I have to walk to the prison now." He said, looking at the path.

But, the singing the parrots were still bothering him.

So, he threw a bomb into each of them… and blew them up.

He walked onto the path. A very heavy fog covered the path ahead.

"Where is the prison?" Deidara asked, looking at the camera, rather than the road.

Then, all the fog on the path cleared away.

"THERE!" The kids shouted.

"Where?" He asked, not even bothering to look behind him.

"THERE!" The kids screamed again.

Deidara finally turned around.

"Right! There it is!" He said pointing at the prison.

So, he started running along the path.

Once he reached the prison gate, it was a dead end. Or so it seemed.

He blew the door down.

Some prison guards came storming out of the gate.

"We have you surrounded!" They shouted, aiming their guns.

"This is a little kid show! Put away your guns..." Deidara said.

The guards put away their guns, but took up their clubs.

"No violence, you fools." Deidara said.

They put the clubs away.

"Now I just want Tobi back." He said.

"No." One guard said.

"What if he promises to be good?" Deidara asked.

"…Fine..." The guard said.

They went over to his cell.

"We'll let you go if you promise to be good, Tobi." One guard said.

"NEVER! Tobi is evil!" Tobi screamed.

"Now Tobi... Be good." Deidara said.

"…B-but... Sempai…" Tobi started.

"Tobi…" Deidara said again.

"…Tobi promises…" Tobi said.

The guards let him out.

Deidara and Tobi walked out of the prison.

"Idiots…" Deidara said, as soon as they were out.

"Senpai…Why is Tobi being an even GOODER boy?" Tobi asked.

"You're not. We lied." He said.

"Oh. Tobi doesn't understand." Tobi said.

"Just shut up. You're free, stop asking questions." Deidara said.

"Yes, senpai." Tobi said.

They walked down the path for a bit, heading towards the base.

Then, a fork in the road.

"Uh oh. Which way do we go?" Deidara asked the camera.

"...Senpai. Who are you talking to…?" Tobi asked.

"The little people, Tobi." He said.

"Little people?" Tobi asked.

"Yes." He said. "So which way do we go?"

Of course, the kids had no way of knowing which path was the correct one.

Zetsu came down the path to the left.

"Hey, Zetsu." Deidara said.

"ZETSU HUNGRY!" Zetsu screamed.

"...Um… O-okay..." Deidara said, not sure how to respond.

"ZETSU SHALL EAT YOU!" Zetsu cried.

"Um… How 'bout not...?" Deidara said.

"Yeah, you're right, I couldn't eat... THE HELL I COULDN'T EAT YOU!" Zetsu

screamed.

"Okay, let's calm down and." Deidara started.

"Yeah, you're right, I should calm… NO! SO HUNGRY!" Zetsu cried.

"…Tobi… On three... We run." Deidara said.

"No, Zetsu couldn't eat us, sempai!" Tobi said, positive that Zetsu could control himself.

Tobi walked right up to Zetsu.

"Zetsu, tell senpai to calm down." Tobi said.

"Yeah, I would never… YES I WOULD!" Zetsu said, reaching for Tobi.

Deidara pulled Tobi away just before Zetsu bit his finger off.

"OKAY, NOT SURE THE RIGHT IS THE CORRECT PATH, BUT WE WON'T GET

EATEN!" Deidara said, running down the path, dragging Tobi behind him.

Zetsu chased after them.

"…Zetsu… Zetsu almost hurt Tobi!" Tobi screamed.

"Yes, I know. But we need to get him off of our tail!" Deidara said.

"Get Zetsu something else to eat, sempai." Tobi suggested.

"Like what? He's a cannibal!" Deidara said.

"BELIEVE IT! BELIEVE IT!" Someone screamed.

"Uh-oh. That sounds like Naruto. That little ninja is ALWAYS causing trouble." Deidara

said.

"Feed Naruto to Zetsu!" Tobi suggested.

"That's a great idea, Tobi." He said.

Naruto unfortunately happened to hear this.

"SHADOW CLONE JUTSU!" He screamed.

Then, millions of Naruto clones surrounded Zetsu.

"…And I thought one was annoying enough..." Deidara said, watching Zetsu try to eat them.

Eventually, Zetsu was too exhausted to keep biting. He stopped, and walked away.

"…That worked out well..." Deidara said.

"Tobi hungry." Tobi said.

"Great. What do you want?" He asked.

"Tobi wants sugar!" Tobi said.

"No sugar for you." Deidara said.

"SUGAR!" He screamed.

"Okay, okay… Uh... We'll go to that seven-eleven with the parking lot that took away five acres of the forest." Deidara said.

"YAY!" Tobi screamed.

So, they walked all the way to that seven-eleven.

"Okay, here's the chocolate bar. How much?" He asked the store clerk.

"Five bucks." He said.

"FIVE?" He screamed.

"Yes. Is that a problem, sir?" He asked.

"...I can't believe... Okay, kids. Help me count out five dollars..." He said, taking out his wallet.

"One… Two… Three… Wait... what comes after three?" He asked.

"Four." One kid said.

"Five.? Okay. Here, sir." He said, handing the money to the clerk.

"Sir, you need another dollar." He said.

"No, that's five." He said.

"No, this is four." The clerk told him.

"You're just trying to cheat me out of my hard earned cash!" Deidara said.

"No." The clerk said.

"Yes!" Deidara said.

He planted a small piece of clay under the counter, and ran out with Tobi and that little

chocolate bar.

The seven-eleven went 'boom'.

"Tobi, here is your chocolate bar." He said, handing it to him.

Tobi took a bite, and then spit it out.

"EW! This one has nuts in it! Tobi hates nuts!" Tobi said.

"EAT IT!" Deidara screamed.

Tobi stuffed the thing in his mouth, and swallowed.

"Good. Now let's go back to the base." Deidara said.

So, they finally got back to the base.

Pein had fallen asleep in his office chair.

Tobi poked him.

"LEADER! TOBI IS HOME!" Tobi screamed.

Pein jolted up.

"Oh. Okay, cool. Time to do that stupid little fact book thingy." He said, turning his

computer on.

"Okay." Deidara said.

"Does Tobi eat CHOCOLATE or YOUR MOM?" Deidara asked.

"Chocolate… I hope." One kid said.

"Chocolate, right!" Deidara said.

A piece of a picture moved into the corner of the screen.

"Was Tobi almost eaten by ZETSU or YOUR PET SNAKE?" Deidara asked.

"Zetsu?" One kid said.

"Zetsu, right." Deidara said.

Another piece of the picture moved into the screen.

"Is Tobi a GOOD BOY or a BAD BOY?" Deidara asked.

"A bad boy." One kid said.

"TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!" Tobi screamed.

"Yes... a good boy, right." Deidara said.

A third piece moved into the screen.

"Hey. We're almost done with the puzzle!" Pein said.

Then, a popup came onto the computer.

"…No, I'm not interested in cheaper groceries..." Pein said, closing the pop-up window.

"…Anyway... Uh… Help me think of a question." Deidara said.

"Oh, screw the question. Just put the stupid puzzle piece up there." Pein said, clicking on a button.

The final piece moved into place.

"Hey, it's a picture of Tobi from the Christmas party! Let's put it in our Akatsuki scrap

book!" Deidara said, removing the picture from the printer.

"…Okay… Time for that really obnoxious song." Pein said.

"…Yup… get ready." Deidara said, picking up some earmuffs.

"TOBI!" Tobi screamed.

"…say it louder..." Pein said.

"TOBI!" Tobi cried again.

"…Say it again..." Pein said.

"TOBI!" Tobi screamed.

"Okay, enough screaming. We get it. We're done now." Pein said.

Deidara took the earmuffs off.

"I actually don't consider that a song. I think of it more as… a… chant." Deidara said.

"Yeah, I see what you mean. But anyway, say goodbye so that camera gets out of our

faces." Pein said.

"Bye everyone." Deidara said.

"TOBI!" Tobi screamed once more.

"Tobi, shut up. We're done now." Deidara said.

"But Tobi is having fun." Tobi said.

"...Just turn the camera off, please…" Deidara said to the cameraman.

A/N: That was the effect of anger, boredom, and a very funny e-mail. More coming soon.

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