Author's Note: Okay, the third one of these. I know they're coming out rather fast, but I have a lot of time because school is rather boring right now, and possibly all semester [wink
Anyway, this one is a little different from the other two. I know the first part looks dark, but it's not quite what you think. Then there's another surprise twist. I wrote this tonight, after I thought about it probably right after school. I found out that a close pet of mine died. My dog which I've had for several years at least passed away today and it was a very dark event for me, which I'm sure I'm sympathized with. Writing is the only thing that chases demons away for me, other than music. So, don't be surprised if things from me seem kind of dark for a little while. But anyway, enough of my note there. Have a good read!
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of Trinity Blood or anything about them really.
From Tears, Come Joy
When you lose someone or something very close to you, at first it seems as if there is a great rushing in your ears. Your eyes stare straight ahead. You hear words or see the sight, but your brain doesn't accept the information and it has to be retried and tried until it sinks in.
The next thing to come is the heavy breathing as the information begins to become a part of you, absorbed like a sponge then regurgitated in the form of tears. The tears run down your face and at first you do not bother brushing them away. You let them trickle down the side of your nose and cheeks, pooling up on your chin and then dripping onto your clothing.
When the tears sink into your clothing, you begin to cry aloud, the pain in your soul making it's way to your throat. Your heart feels as if it's going break into, then your lungs collapse, as if your body can no longer support your life systems.
The salt burns your eyes closed, stinging like needles, your hands alternate between clenching and unclenching. It's as if you're trying to hold onto them, even though you know for sure they're gone, that no amount of your tears or blood will ever bring them back.
You begin to think it is unfair and unjust that they were ripped from you in such a manner that you couldn't even tell them goodbye. It's as if they just abandoned you. Abandoned you with no understanding of what you are supposed to do without them. How are you to go on with your heart so broken that you are sure it will never heal.
It hurts so much. You try and try to halt your own pain, but nothing you eases it for you. Nothing works and you're left so broken, so empty inside. Nothing will fill that void you believe. The hollowness inside of you is threatening to eat you alive.
Every memory of them eats away at you. You can't breathe or sleep, you have trouble eating and trouble just being around company. You miss them so badly, so completely that you're sure nothing can replace them. It physically hurts you. You can't fake your happiness...
Esther put the paper down on Abel's desk, where she had found it. The words stung so much. She didn't think anything like that would ever come from him. He always seemed so happy.
But then she remembered how lonely he seemed in Istvan when she first met him. He seemed to sympathize with Gyula, about missing someone.
She hadn't meant to snoop around. She had just been hoping she could speak with him. He had been acting differently lately.
But his written words rang in her head. She remembered everyone around that died. Everyone at the church in Istvan, including Bishop Vitez. Esther's own eyes welled up with tears. It had been a while but she was still emotional about it.
"Why did you have to die?" she asked herself quietly as she pressed her palms to her eyes to try and mop up the tears.
"Why did who have to die?" Abel asked as he walked in his room. He saw Esther standing in the middle of it, crying. "Sister Esther, what's wrong?" he asked as he hurried over to her.
"N-nothing," she choked. Her words were halted in her throat by the emptiness welling up inside. "Nothing is wrong."
"Esther!" he said, forgetting the sister part in his haste to find out why she was crying. "Something is wrong. Are you alright? Did someone do something to you?" He grasped her shoulders and pulled her close against his chest.
"No, it's nothing,"she cried. "I'm alright."
"Esther, you are not alright. Come, sit down," he pulled her gently in the direction his bed, so that they could both sit at the same time. Once they were both seated, Abel handed her his handkerchief. He hated to see her cry so. "Now Esther, what's wrong?"
"I-I don't know. I just started thinking about the Bishop and everything that happened back in Istvan and I just started crying." Her features were pretty even when she was sobbing. Her pointed nose was red as well as the skin around her eyes, even her cheekbones and chin were full of color.
"Oh Esther, I'm sorry. You cry as long as you need to." He touched her red hair slightly, brushing it out of her eyes. She looked so much like someone...
"Father, you understand, don't you?"
"Of course," he smiled.
"No, I mean, you understand the emptiness I'm feeling. Missing someone, don't you?" She looked up into his ice blue eyes, trying to find her answer.
"Yes, of course." He looked down into her bright sapphire ones.
"Father, I must confess, I read your notes, on your desk," she told him with lowered eyes. "I wasn't snooping or anything. They just caught my eye while I was waiting to talk to you. But your words, they hurt somehow."
"Esther..."
"I know I shouldn't have done it and I'm sorry, but you've been worrying me lately. That and my memories made me cry! You won't talk to anyone lately!"
"Esther," he tried again. "I-I'm sorry." He moved away from her a little. "Esther, I didn't think anyone would read those. I never intended for them to be seen."
"But, Father-"
"Esther, I always feel that way around this time. You see, I lost someone very close to me and thinking about them and, well you understand. I just get lonely every now and again."
"But you don't have to be alone Father. No one wants you to be unhappy," Esther tried to smile. Abel turned and smiled at her. Now he knew for sure who she reminded him of. Lilith.
"You know Esther, you remind me so much of someone." He reached out and touched her face. Esther was a little surprised but not scared. Abel's face softened when he looked at her.
"I do?"
"Yes, someone I miss very much. But you know what?"
"What?"
"I feel like I have them back in a way." He continued touching her face, wiping the tears away. "Esther, if I tell you something, will you promise not to get scared?"
"Of course."
"Esther, ever since I met you, I've felt something. You caught my attention in some way that no one had in a long time. What I feel for you is more than friendship Esther." He took one of her hands in his. Hers were soft and warm. "What I feel for you, is love." She didn't say anything or make any movement that she heard him. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said any of this probably."
"No, I didn't know. I-" She paused for a second. "Abel, you have no idea how long I've been waiting on you to reveal anything to me."
"Esther, do you love me?"
"Yes Abel, I love you." She repeated the last three words over and over again...
"Sister Esther? Are you okay?" She felt someone shaking her awake. Awake?
"What?" she asked, opening her sleepy eyes. She found herself sitting on Abel's bed with him staring at her like she had grown another head.
"Sister Esther, what are you doing in here?"
"I-" She stopped and looked at the notes in her hands. It was all a dream? But these were the same notes. "I was picking these up after I knocked them off the desk," she tried to cover up.
"Okay, but what were you doing on my bed?" he grinned.
"I wanted to speak to you, but it's not important now. Bye, see you later!" She shoved the notes in his outstretched and confused hand before running out of the room.
She had only dreamed the whole thing! That feeling sucked. She had finally admitted her feelings to him and it was all a dream. She smacked herself in the forehead for thinking so silly as she slid down the wall to the cold floor.
"Sister Esther, is everything alright?" Abel asked as he knelt beside her on the wall.
"What? Uh, sure, everything is alright."
"Sister Esther, please don't lie." His ice blue eyes stared her down.
"Father, have you ever been in love?"
"Sister Esther, what kind of question is that?"
"Well, have you?"
"Well..." His voice drifted off and he got a faraway look in his eyes. "If you can keep a secret, then yes, I have been in love." He slid down the wall to sit next to her. "Actually, I'm in love now."
"Oh, I see." She naturally assumed it couldn't be her. "I bet she's pretty huh?"
"Yes, I would say so." He looked at her. Esther could feel his sharp gaze on her features. "Very pretty."
"And she's kind as well, like a saint?"
"Well, most of the time, yes." Esther placed a finger to her lips, in thought. She wasn't connecting his gaze yet.
"And she's rather close to you huh?"
"Mhm. Very close actually." Esther had Caterina in mind as she thought about the next guess. It wasn't until she felt Abel take her hand that she was drawn from her thoughts. "She's so close, I can touch her right now."
"What?" She turned to look at him so quickly that she was in risk of spraining her neck.
"Esther, it's you. This whole time."
"Me? But how could it be me? What about Lady Caterina or Sister Kate or anyone else?"
"No Esther. I've only had my attention on you. Ever since I met you. You've grown into a lovely young woman."
"Abel..." She smiled. No one had ever made her feel that way. It was even better than her daydream from minutes before. "I don't know what to say."
"Say that you love me and I'll know it."
"I love you Abel."
"I love you too Esther." They looked into each other's eyes. She saw her answer, her real reason for coming to Rome, sitting beside her in the hall. He grasped her hands as he leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on her lips.
"But what about those notes? What were they about?"
"I write sometimes to get the bitter out. Ever since that day in the rain, when I thought you were mad at me, I've questioned things. Things from my past and things that have happened here as well. But, through all of that, you remained. To get through anything, I've thought about you and the possibility that you might love me and that has gotten me through."
"Abel. That is the sweetest thing I think I've ever heard." She hugged him. "I've been so scared that you might not ever love me. I've cried so much, wishing that you would."
"And now you know I do." He grinned and placed a hand on the top of her head. "And you're still crying?"
"I'm happy!" she exclaimed.
"Oh, alright." He hugged her until the tears stopped and then he just left his arms around her.
Author's End Note: So, what did you think? Of course, I'll still write angst though lol.