Larxene Survivor --- Xemnas' Comment Box

A/N: I had fun writing it, and I hope that it's funny. Please let me know, so R&R! Anyway, I don't know if it's appropriately rated, so if it isn't, let me know so I can adjust it.

Dear Almighty Superior,

It has come to my attention of late that the idiots I live with do not appreciate the fact that I am a woman. They are constantly forgetting to put the toilet seat back down in the bathrooms and are always playing with what they call 'soft airplane stickers' and 'padded parachutes'! If you cannot educate them on the ways of a lady, then I am afraid that I will have to take my knives and castrate each of them.

-Larxene, Number XII
PS: This Box sucks a lot, Superior. Look into a new one.

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Dear Xemmy,

I don't think that your 'women in the workplace' videos were very helpful. There's only one chick amongst us dudes, and none of us like her to begin with. She's so mean to me especially! She's always coming into my room and snapping my sitar strings! I try to be nice to her, so I don't understand her cruelty. She makes fun of my voice when I sing and it hurts my feelings. Xiggy tells me to shut up and buck up, but it hurts. I know I don't have feelings, but nobody likes to be told they really suck. I think that we should leave her in her room when she starts to bleed. Because when she bleeds she gets really mad, more so than usual, and last time she broke my sitar!

-Demyx, Number IX
PS: I want a Sitar for Christmas.

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Xemnas,

We need to go grocery shopping. We're out of snacks and Roxas needs cold medicine. Larxene flipped out when Demyx and Xigbar replaced her make-up with all sorts of nasty stuff and she kind of threw out all of the medications after she cut them really bad. Plus, we're out of cigarettes.

-Axel, Number VIII
PS: I really liked those 'Women in the workplace' videos. I understood them completely.

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Almighty Superior Xemnas,

It would seem that the other members of the Organization have formed two camps. Those who like Larxene, and those who don't. The people on Larxene's side include Larxene. Everyone else has locked themselves into your's truly's room. Those morons are sleeping on my floor! I suggest that you settle this problem immediately! I will berserk and kill them all if you do not deal with this problem.

-Saix, VII
PS: Update your video supplies, Mighty Superior. That video was older than Yen Sid himself!

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Dear Xemnas,

I am afraid that you did not come back in time from the store. Xaldin tried his best to stop it, but Saix will never be the same again. You did your best, but the scar won't go away. Now, had you not dawdled at the video store along the way to find a better educational video for us, maybe this could have been prevented, but I do not doubt your almighty wisdom, Superior. I do question your loyalty to your followers, though…Anyway, Larxene has been locked out of Saix's room again, despite your attempts of integration, because of the tribal, completely primitive ritual that was held. We are not on an episode of Survivor, Mighty Superior…

-Vexen, Number IV
PS: We aren't…are we? Also, I fear I will be the next booted off out of Saix's room…

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Dear Xemnas,

I didn't like your tone at the meetin. You yelled very loudly and Larxene could've herd you. Saix's room isn't very big and the walls aint that thick. She has very sharp knives. Saix's face looks like it hurts very much. Vexen screamed very loudly when we shoved him out as bait to feed her appetite. We hasn't heard of him since, Xemnas. I am scared. Don't yell at us no more.

-Lexeaus, Number V
PS: why are you rocking in the corner all bys yourself?

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Xemnas,

Crying in the corner like a child is foolish. This entire thing is foolish. We should just go and face Larxene ourselves. It isn't as though the fiend is going to eat us. She didn't eat Vexen or Marluxia, right? Marluxia didn't scream when we sent him out. Besides, Roxas is throwing up in Saix's trashcan and it's getting full. The kid needs medication. I don't see why you didn't buy some while you were out looking at pornos and educational videos pre-Saix's face wreckage, but I guess that's why I think you, and everybody else, are complete fools. Get up off of your butt, Xemnas, and go scold Larxene. We can't hold out until the end of her period.

-Zexion, Number VI
PS: If you vote me out, you are the stupidest fool I know.

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Xemmy?
What do you mean we can't get out? Larxene's actually pounded her knives into the frame so we can't get out? We haven't eaten in about four days and I keep throwing up stomach acid. We need to get out. Ever since we voted Zexion out, she hasn't come to scream at us in the night. Maybe she's completely forgotten about us…And Xemmy, can we remove the duct tape on Marluxia? I don't think he'll start crying about the knives again.
-Roxas, Number XIII

PS: Take away Xigbar's guns. I don't feel comfortable around him anymore…not since last night…

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Xemnas, buddy,
Hey man. Look. Demyx keeps cheating at Old Maid--Don't ask how he does--and ever since you pulled off the duct tape on Marluxia and forced him to play with us, all he does is babble on and on about where Larxene put the knives. I can't stand playing with these guys anymore. Won't you stop bitching about how smelly it is with Roxas' barf and play poker with me? You shouldn't have taken Marluxia back if you were just going to put him in the corner to begin with. Anyway. Xigbar keeps pointing his gun at us and Xaldin is talking about putting his spear in Roxas' armory. No privacy gets to some of us, you know?

-Luxord, Number X
PS: I'm going to put my cards in Roxas' hand soon if we don't break open the door.

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Oh god oh god the knives she put the knives in oh god oh god I think im still bleeding oh my god the pain I cant remember anything during the pain oh god xemnas stop her oh god the knives

-Marluxia, Number XI
PS: the knives oh god the knives

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Dear Xemnas,

I hope that Roxas didn't wake you last night. Or anyone else, for that matter. He, uh, woke me up, but I put him back to sleep. I heard Luxord woke him up as well, but that was after I had, uh, put him to sleep. Axel's getting a little rash when he claims that we invaded him, don't you think? Besides, I see the way you look at him. I also see the way you stare at Saix, and I must say, it rather disturbs me. Only I can look that way, and only at Roxas, understand, Superior?

-Xaldin, Number III
PS: If the kid weren't throwing up all over, I would've had more fun 'putting him to sleep'.

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Xiggy!
My favorite Superior, Xemnas! Look, buddy, I'm glad we're finally out too, but come on. Calling us all those names was rather unnecessary. Sure, maybe we are a little immature, but you were in that room crying too when we heard Vexen screaming. Plus, you didn't have to promise Larxene that we'd be nice to her again. The nymph will live if we were to play with her tampons again. I think this is all your fault, anyway, for showing us that gay little video.

-Xigbar, Number II
PS: Tell Axel that I did not play with his Roxas' guns, would you?

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Dear Organization XIII,
I am going on a vacation. You are not permitted to follow and/or bother me in any way, shape, or form. I hate you all. Saix, your face will heal. Larxene, I'll buy you more tampons. Marluxia, your therapy is scheduled for next week. Vexen, don't touch it or it'll get infected. Roxas, just stick with Axel and keep your mouth shut about what happened in the rooms. Axel, keep an eye on your brat. Xaldin, Axel's going to catch you on fire if it happens again. Luxord, uh, go gamble with the lesser Nobodies for a while. Zexion, sticks and stones may break my bones, etc. Demyx, you'll get a new damned sitar for Christmas, stop bothering me about it! Lexeaus, grow up. And Xigbar? You're just as guilty as Xaldin.

-Xemnas, Number I
PS; -Sigh- I hate you all.