Author's Note: This is my first ever fanfic, so please be gentle. If anybody seems OOC, I blame my lack of experience. ;; This fic will make no sense unless you're up-to-date with the manga. To be safe, I'd say there are spoilers for chapter 285+ Probably a little earlier, but 285 is good enough.
Disclaimer: Bleach is not my copyright. sadly
Where is she?
Ichigo was starting to get desperate. The Espada in front of him was being a damn nuisance by not falling flat and dying, and he didn't know how much longer he could hold out.
Where is she?
It had been a very long time since he could sense Rukia's reiatsu. He wouldn't admit it to anybody, but he was worried out of his mind. She wouldn't have gotten involved in all this if it wasn't for him. She'd still be in Soul Society if it weren't for him. She'd disappeared from his senses for a while now. But he wouldn't believe it.
He couldn't afford to believe it. He needed her alive.
Where are you, Rukia?
Nell suddenly changed from her innocent, tiny form to a beautiful, yet innocent young woman. All because Ichigo was in danger. He didn't deserve it. He was weak. He could hear the Hollow inside cackling madly, agreeing with all his heart.
Shut up, you bastard.Ichigo gritted his teeth, clenched his fists and searched again.
Rukia! Where are you?
Still nothing. By this point, he had started kicking himself, cursing the fact that he couldn't sense and differentiate between people's reiatsu the way the others could. He needed to find her. He needed to know that she was okay.
He couldn't just let her die without telling her.
Where is she?
Just as suddenly as Nell had transformed into the Espada that she truly was, she turned back into the little girl. She was trying not to cry out in pain. She was an innocent. He couldn't even save her, because he was too weak. He thought he heard the old man agree with the Hollow inside, and he shook his head, trying to clear the thoughts. If he could just find her, one small little trace of her, he'd be okay. He could fight, and protect Nell and Inoue.
But where is she?
He almost missed Zaraki's arrival, and his gruff statement that other Captains were in Hueco Mundo with him. He almost missed the clean slash that did away with the less annoying Espada. But he couldn't concentrate on the easy way that the Captain of the 11th division disposed of somebody who had been giving him hell for a while. He needed just one trace. One small sign.
Please, Rukia. Where are you?
He didn't expect her to respond. But he felt like an idiot, lying around in a pool of his own blood, still in bankai attire. He saw Inoue coming towards him, and instead directed her at Nell. He couldn't protect either of them. He didn't deserve to be healed. He wanted Rukia safe before he asked anybody to do anything for him.
Her reiatsu had been gone for too long now. He couldn't take the worry anymore. But he didn't know where to find her. There was nothing to follow, no trace of her presence to track. He couldn't even get himself to his feet, even if there was something to follow. He was grateful that he had his inner Hollow under control, otherwise he'd have that to worry about too.
I resent that, Your Majesty. I ain't that bad. He was grinning. Ichigo could tell.
Bastard.
Silence in his world. For now, anyway.
Rukia, I need you. He was beyond desperate now. Where are you?
A sudden movement to his left caught his attention. He saw Inoue look into the distance, with a frown marring her face. Ichigo cast her a curious look and asked, "What's wrong, Inoue?"
She was still frowning, trying to determine if she was hallucinating from all the stress, or if it was real. She spoke, quietly, hesitatingly, "I think Kuchiki Byakuya-san is here."
Zaraki cast them a half-glance over his shoulder, still in the middle of his battle. He looked bored. "Ah. Kuchiki Byakuya came with us. He was worried about his little sister. Isn't that just cute?" He grinned evilly, and turned to face his opponent again, who had started shrieking the minute Zaraki had turned away.
"Byakuya... is here?" Ichigo stammered. Rukia should be safe, then. But...I can't find her. Was Byakuya...too late?
He couldn't even think about it. Byakuya may be obnoxious, arrogant and cold, but he cared about Rukia and he wouldn't have let anything happen to her. He would have made sure she was safe.
Even if you couldn't.
That wasn't the Hollow, or the old man. They stopped chattering about him a long time back. It was all him. It was his fault she was in this mess, and it was his fault that she was dying or more likely, dead already. He didn't want to think it, and he didn't want it to be true, but it was, in all likelihood, the truth. And he hadn't done a single thing, except let it happen and keep on letting it happen. He knew, better than anybody else, that she could take care of herself, and if she heard him thinking of her as his responsibility, he would get kicked in the head faster than he could say "Chappy."
But there was only so much he could do to stop himself from worrying, and the fact that he hadn't felt her reiatsu in so long was only adding fuel to the fire.
Where are you, Rukia?
Something around him changed. He could suddenly feel too much reiatsu, like someone was trying to beat somebody to death, just by showing the difference in spiritual pressure. Ichigo looked up to see Inoue grimacing, still healing Nell.
"Byakuya-sama is fighting. I don't know why his reiatsu went up so suddenly though." Inoue was frowning again.
Ichigo could guess. Whoever Byakuya was fighting had probably used Rukia as a means to attack him. But, that meant Rukia's soul was getting damaged more than it already had. He felt his heart clench at the thought of her going through more than she already had. She was always the one getting injured so badly that she needed to recuperate for months. She didn't deserve to keep going through it, time and time again.
Ichigo felt pathetic. He was lying in his blood, staring into space, only half-heartedly paying attention to the battle in front of him. He was beginning to wonder how he had gotten through so much in the past year, if he was such a weakling. Why were all the Shinigami Captains impressed by him and his ability? The only ability he seemed to possess was to let the people he cared about, and had vowed to protect, get hurt. He was half-tempted to let the Hollow take over his body, just so that his body would be doing something.
Really, King? I can take over? Excitement. And what sounded suspiciously like bloodlust.
Stay where you are. I don't need you killing all my friends. Why had he thought it would be a good idea to let his Hollow out anyway?
Majesty, your friends are probably all dead anyway. Well, except the two gorgeous ones there, but I think they'll be useful later. I won't hurt them, I promise. More cackling.
Gritting his teeth so hard he thought his jaw might break, Ichigo ignored the annoying voice, and tried again. He needed just one sign that she was alive.
Rukia. Please don't be dead.
All he heard was the clashing of zanpakutous, and the occasional whimper from Inoue. If he paid enough attention, he could hear the Hollow, too. All he felt was cold, hard, empty loss and the bitter taste that he had failed someone. Of course he had failed someone. Her. The one person he cared about the most. The only person who had made the rain stop.
Rukia. If you die, I don't think the rain will ever stop.
He couldn't put it better than that. Not yet. But it wasn't enough. She still wasn't alive. If she was, her reiatsu was too weak to be sensed. That was never a good sign.
Ichigo closed his eyes, and didn't open them again until the sensation had passed. It had been six years since he had cried. He wasn't about to start in front of the Arrancars. If only he could feel one tiny shred...Even if it was less than that. All he needed – no, wanted – was for her to be alive and safe, even if it was her brother and not him who had done the rescuing.
He felt his control slipping, and they left a wet, salty trail down his face. He lowered his head, and painstakingly lifted an arm to wipe the tears away. He could hear insane laughter, and he wished he could feel enough anger to drive Zangetsu through the cocky ass.
Oh your Majesty, you wouldn't do that to me. You love me too much. Don't be so sure. Ichigo growled in the back of his throat when the laughter started again. He couldn't take an arrogant inner Hollow on top of not knowing if Rukia was alive or not.
He took a deep calming breath and tried his best to soothe his nerves. Confident that he wasn't going to break down again, he looked up and wasn't surprised to see that things hadn't changed much in the landscape in front of him. Zaraki was still locked in battle, and still looked bored, and a little annoyed that it was taking so long to get over. Inoue was still healing Nell, and for both their sakes, Ichigo prayed that it wouldn't take too much longer.
He stared at his outfit, and recalled how much he had trained to attain bankai so that he'd be on equal footing with all the Captains who would no doubt try to stop him, when he saved Rukia from her execution. He remembered the look on her face, when he stopped the Soukyoku from annihilating her, and the way her skin had glowed in the fire light. He wouldn't forget how she didn't thank him, and stubbornly refused to thank him for saving her. He wouldn't have believed it were her, if she had tried to thank him. He remembered the less pleasant thought that it was his fault that she had needed rescuing that time, as well.
He let out a short, mirthless laugh. It was always him, getting her into the most complicated situations that always ended with her getting physically hurt. He thought it would have been okay if he could have saved her this time, too. But, to all eyes, including his own, it didn't seem very likely. He hated letting her down, and showing her his weakness. He hadn't realised how important she was to him. He had never given a second thought to what would happen to him, if it ever happened that she died. After all, Shinigami are not immortal either.
Rukia.
Zanpakutous clanged noisily against each other, neither giving the other any room to put in an unexpected attack.
Please don't die.
Inoue looked like she was going to drop dead from sheer exhaustion, but she kept at it, knowing she was almost there. Nell was starting to come to, very slowly. Inoue smiled gently at the little girl, wondering if she would stay this way, or revert back to the grown woman they had witnessed earlier.
I love you.
Inoue's head snapped up so quickly, Ichigo was worried she might get whiplash. Zaraki didn't show any sign that he had felt anything. But, then again, he couldn't sense people's reiatsu either. Ichigo couldn't understand why Inoue was frowning so much again.
Until he felt it.
It was very, very faint. If it weren't for Inoue's reaction, he probably wouldn't have picked up on it at all. But it was there. Weak, but not getting any weaker. If he was reading it right, it was getting a little stronger. Ichigo absently wondered if one of the 4th Division members was healing her. He had never prayed for anything else to be truer.
Ichigo glanced up, and saw that Zangetsu was lying just a few feet away from him, and the bandages that were wrapped around its hilt were lying close to his feet. He dragged his zanpakutou towards him, and clutched the hilt. Inoue had looked up at the sound of metal scraping against the ground, and she gasped at the look in his eyes.
It was just like when they first fought against Ulquiorra and Yami. The haunted, defeated look that Ichigo had drowned in was gone, and the steely resolve was back. She saw him using Zangetsu as a clutch to stand up, and remained that way. Not moving, but not laying in a pathetic heap on the ground.
Zaraki grinned at Ichigo. "Ah, Ichigo. Good you're up. After I'm done with this bastard, who is taking too damn long to die, I wouldn't mind round two with you."
Ichigo looked at him warily, and wondered how fast he could get out of there, before Zaraki caught up with him. He glanced at Nell, and asked Inoue softly, "How's she doing?"
"I'm almost done. She should be fine in no time." Inoue sounded too cheery to her own ears.
Ichigo nodded simply. He knew he wouldn't be able to walk out of the battlefield until the fight was over. He was itching to see if Rukia was really fine, or if he was just sensing things that weren't there. But he smiled before his thoughts could lead him to a dark corner. He could still sense her reiatsu, and it was a lot stronger than it was before.
Inoue looked at the smile on Ichigo's face, and hid her eyes with her bangs. It wouldn't do for him to see her cry. She looked down at the innocent Nell, and whispered, "Kuchiki-san is amazing, ne?" She looked at Ichigo, who was still closing his eyes, and smiling, his face looking so much younger. "She just had to get a little better, enough for him to be able to sense her, and he's fine again. It's more amazing than you can imagine, since he can't sense people's reiatsu that well to begin with." She smiled wide at Nell through the tears she couldn't control anymore. "I doubt he'd be able to sense my reiatsu, no matter what happened. I suppose that's what makes Kurosaki-kun, Kurosaki-kun."
Ichigo hadn't heard anything Inoue told Nell. He was too far away to hear her soft whispers to the Espada. He was too caught up in the relief that Rukia was fine, and she'd be able to go home, once all this was over. And then maybe, one day, he'd tell her. But for now, the fact that she was alive was enough for Ichigo. He was never one to ask for much.
Inoue's smile seemed to be sliding off her face, micrometre by micrometre. "Kurosaki-kun...must really love Kuchiki-san very much," she breathed, to nobody in particular.
Rukia. I'll come for you.
AN: It was supposed to be a drabble.. But I think it worked its way to one-shot length ;;