The Freudian sip
I don't own any of the characters of House MD and this is just purely for fun-so no one sue me ( I have no money anyhow) XD
House and Wilson- in a bar-
(Not drunk but shall we say comfortably inebriated)
House is nursing sixth scotch. Wilson sits by his side on bar stool.
Wilson: So I told her she only had a year. You should have seen her House. I look at these people every day and it's like I'm playing God. They sit there staring at me, looking deep into my eyes and when they don't like what they see in the expression on my face, their focus shifts to my hands and the file I'm clutching, like it's gonna have something better to say...it never does. I say the words like I'm reading you the Horse racing times
House: And you do that gently and sincere...very soft...I was moved when you read out those runners in the three thirty yesterday.
Wilson ignores him
Wilson: And I slowly watch as what I say and how I say it, single handily ends that persons plans for the rest of their life. The kids, the Husband, the Wife... they don't get to get any of it now.
House: And I'm sure most where really looking forward to having all three
Again ignores him
Wilson: And all I can think at that moment when they thank me and leave my office is how lucky they are. Because by the tears in their eyes and the torment on their face I can see that they are losing a life that was important to them
House: Your so right...their luck is in when they don't see Jimmy's dazzling grin.
Wilson acknowledges him for first time
Wilson: Don't you get it? They have a life to lose House. They have a life to mourn over. There out there making the best of those 365 days. What are we doing?
House: Well I'm sitting on a bar stool at 12:43 in the morning eyeing up that blonde over there and getting pissed, you on the other hand have only one eye on the blonde, and are most definitely pissed as your leaning to the side of the bar stool, contemplating life and how rubbish ours is and I estimate your about… oh one more scotch away from having to have me carry you home...again
Wilson takes a last sip of whisky
Wilson: Exactly. We have no life. We don't have kids. Wives. Husbands...
Wilson laughs when he realises what he said. Nearly falls of stool, House grabs him
House: Well that's not entirely true. We could have a number of illegal brats out there between us, and you've had enough wife's to do the both of us...I'm just glad they didn't literally do the both of us.
Wilson laughs
And well as for husbands. We'll discuss that Freudian slip when you can stand in an upright position unaided.
Wilson ignores House
Wilson: The truth is that we are sad individuals that will lead sad little life's that will end sadly. We will never be happy House. We will always be right by one another's side, getting drunk like this for the rest of our days.
House: And what's so wrong with that? What's so great about Mrs Cancer's life? She has a Husband who is probably cheating with the hot secretary at his office and kids who are being handed back every night by the police. Little Leeches of society, with too much money, that didn't get mommy and daddy's love. Think of Chase and you're along the right lines
Our lives aren't fine Wilson, they suck, but so does everybody's...ours just looks a little better after a bottle of scotch...well mines does. Must be the vicodin that gives me the extra kick
Wilson: ahhh...the third wheel in our friendship
House look round
House: Cuddy's here! Oh goody. Did…oh… wait a minute. You mean the Vicodin don't you?
Wilson: I'm surprised it's took this long to get it into the conversation
House: Well you were clogging it up with your talk of ruined life's and Husbands and all
Wilson: Mrs Cancer's life might suck House but at night...even if he has been doing the secretary...she's still gonna have someone to hold her and lie to her...and all we have is each other
House: I can lie to you if you like. We both know that is one thing I'm really good at. The holding part we'll need to work on a bit, maybe a few more of these and….
Wilson: You know what I mean. This isn't the same as having someone
House: You've had enough.
Wilson: it isn't healthy
House: neither is Mrs Cancer's life
Wilson: We need to start realising that what we have is not. Is not a substitution, it's a consolation
House thinks for a minute-looks at Wilson searchingly
House: Well I'm definitely realising something
Wilson: I don't know what I'm saying anymore...I think I might be a little drunk
Wilson goes to get up- House stops him
House: If I were a woman...and you were a man. Do you think we would have been sitting here on these stools getting drunk, or do you think we would have already screwed up our friendship by sleeping with one another?
Wilson: What kind of question is that?
House: An important one. Come on Jimmy you've been asking questions all night and getting philosophical on our asses...answer one of my little conundrums for a change
Wilson: What are you looking for?
House: You...
House studies Wilson's expression for a minute...
House: To give an answer. I'm looking for you to give an answer Jimmy
Wilson: An answer
House: Yeah Wilson an answer. You know that thing that generally comes after a question?
Wilson: I know what it is House I just don't think I should exercise its use right now
House: Exercising it may exorcise the demons Jimbo.
Wilson: Why is an answer to that question important House?
House: you know me, and therefore you know that the answer holds no interest, or at least not as much interest as what's interesting right now
Wilson: Which is?
House: You won't answer the question. You're avoiding it, which tells me that you find it deeply uncomfortable
Wilson: There's a dozen men in this bar House, go to every one of them sitting in two's and ask them if there male friend was a woman would he have a relationship with him and he'll be exactly the same as me
House: Excellent idea, scientific and effective
House gets up
Wilson: Sit down House you're gonna get us killed….
Wilson to himself: oh no! He didn't just go to the guy with the tattoo of a hanging bunny rabbit, and his friend with the matching devil knuckles
House: Excuse me gentlemen…lovely tattoo buy the way. No sign of infection at all. I was just wondering something
Biker one: Yeah well wonder quick
House: If this lovely man here with the tattooed devil knuckles were a woman would you do him
Biker one and two laugh
Biker 2: Is this guy serious
Wilson: House come on. What are you proving with this?
Biker 1: Sure I'd do him…only if he could still drink me under the table
Both laugh
Biker two: What about you?
House: Well he'd have to lose the spider tattooed on his forehead
Biker two: You know what I mean
House looks at Wilson:
House: He can't drink me under the table yet
Biker one: Then do him. He's already a woman
Wilson pulls House away
Wilson: Satisfied
House still laughing: Extremely
House: Nice guys really just a shame I can smell them from here
Wilson: Can't we go to a bar just once and not take our lives in our hands?
House: You picked this nasty little place Wilson, so you must like the thrill
Wilson: I picked it because I knew you'd find it interesting not…
House: So you picked it for me?
Wilson: No…yes…I guess
House: See you can give an answer to a question…you can give several…just need one more answer from you
Wilson picks up his empty glass
Wilson to barman: One more over here please
House: You're sweating James…nervous about something?
Wilson to barman: Make it a double
Wilson rubs his forehead
Wilson: Alright you win, I don't know what this will prove House but the truth is that I've never met anyone like you and so if you were a woman…a woman I'm stressing
House in mocking tone: Oh of course
Wilson looks at him ominously but carries on
Wilson: If you were a woman I'd in all likelihood have made you the first and the last Mrs Wilson.
House: Well why let a little thing like lack of breasts stand in the way, you never did before, I refer back to wife number two
Wilson: Oh that's not my issue, with all those extra cafeteria lunches lately you're forming a lovely pair of breasts…it's the little thing that's more the bigger issue
House lifts up whisky bottle
Wilson: What are you doing?
House: May cause liver failure, slurred speech, balance issues….nup it says nothing about increased wit upon consumption.
Wilson: So come on then?
House: Come on what?
Wilson: Just give me the big speech in which you summarise the symptoms of your James Wilson diagnosis. You know the one that's forming rapidly in that dark chasm of a mind
House: Well I don't have a file to clutch or your big sad eyes but I'll try and break it to you gently
Wilson: Just get on with it
House: You want me…badly
Wilson spits out whisky
House: Hey just because I told you that you have terminal gayness doesn't give you the right to waste good whisky
Wilson: You…I mean you think…are you crazy!
House: Of course I am but that doesn't change the fact that you're in love with me
Wilson: it gets better…I'm in love with you now. I only wanted you a minute ago. Give you a moment and you'll be saying I want to marry you
House: Well you do, least we forget the Freudian slip
Wilson: unbelievable…you amaze me…I mean you were getting rather boring and predictable these last few weeks but I've got to hand it to you. Bravo
Goes to leave House grabs him once more and slides his hand down his arm
House: Feels good to you doesn't it….that's what eats you up inside.
Wilson shakes his hand off
Wilson: You're delusional House…the vicodin has finally fried your brain cells
House: You get a feeling inside you that rocks you to the core when I'm near you. Just walking by me is enough to put you on edge. You block it out by filling your days with nurses or the latest wife but none of them give you the same feeling, the same thrill as when you're with me, do they?
Wilson: You know I must say your ego is almost non-existent these days.
House: Another question Wilson
Wilson: Well you get no more answers House….just because I'd be with you if you were a woman doesn't mean I'd be with you as a man.
House: And that's what is eating you up, right? You don't have to be ashamed of that. You don't have to be ashamed that you want me
Wilson: I don't want you. This is ridiculous; I can't believe we're having this conversation
House: You wanted this conversation Wilson. You started it so don't back away now. Why can't you admit it to yourself? Think. Think about all the stuff you do in life. How much is it to please me?
Wilson: I do that because you're like a brother to me and because I'm an enabler. And...
House: Don't hide behind excuses you don't believe. It's more than that. It's always been more than that. Bailing me out of jail and nearly going to prison for me, defending me every time no matter what I do or say to anyone. Your wife's hated me Wilson. They hated me because I was always more important to you than they could ever be.
Wilson: What do you want? Do you want me to say I'm in love with you? That I watched you everyday throw your life down the drain and all I could do was stand by and do the same because I'd always need you in mine. I do treat you like a brother House. I treat you like a brother because I can't bring myself to think of you in any other way.
House: because it's painful
Wilson: yeeeeees
House: Because you love me
Wilson: I do but… not
House: YOU'RE A MORON!
Wilson: What!
House: You heard me. Everything with you has to be a drama. You would be with me if I were a Woman. You admit that. Therefore it is obvious that you want me if you remove the gender issue
Wilson: It's an important iss….
House: Shut up. You care about me more than you've ever cared about anyone else and you have strong feelings for me. However you like women. I know you like women, but still there just not good enough. Maybe you have issues with your mother or something. Aint my problem, see a shrink. You've never liked any other man right?
Wilson: I want to crawl into a hole and die
House: So many jokes running through my head right now but not enough time
Wilson: funny
House: So anyway where was I…oh yes so I'm special, like I didn't know? Therefore the answer is simple
Wilson: Really?
House: Yes, really it comes down to this…I'm the love of you're miserable screwed up life. Wives and Husbands could come and go but you only have eyes for me. Don't beat yourself up. Life's a bitch and by some cruel twist of fate your soul mate just happens to be a man. You didn't decide that and you sure as hell tried your hardest to fight against it but after seventeen long miserable and disconnected years you finally cracked over three whisky's and a Diana Ross greatest hits album playing in the background of a seedy bar. It's happened to the best of us.
Wilson: You're very calm and clinical; you don't have a problem with any of this?
House: Why would I. Life's a bitch remember? That's why you just happen to be the love of my miserable screwed up life
Wilson looks at him funny
Wilson: What mind game are you playing?
House: I'm being serious
Wilson: But you like women…you were in love with Stacy for crying out loud. Why are you torturing me with this? What can you possibly get out of it now? I'm already on my knees.
House: Of course I loved Stacy but I just happen to love you more, it's no big deal
Wilson: No big deal…no big deal…we're sitting in a bar like countless other times…I make a few comments and you spring this on me. We've gone from best friends to…to what? I don't know what we are anymore
House: Friends with benefits?
Wilson: That actually made me shudder. Just the thought of…us…it's making me a little nauseous.
House: Wouldn't be the first time I've heard that from someone in a bar
Wilson: If…if I was to believe you are being serious right now…then what the hell do we do about it?
House: We live with it Wilson. We live with it and we carry on as we are, because we can't do anything else. I'll keep on saving lives and you can keep on ending them. We'll keep getting drunk in the same old seedy bars and we'll keep doing so right by one another's side. We'll watch as other people have "normal" lives and we'll piss ours away. I'll keep taking vicodin and you'll keep taking your anti-depressants and we'll hate one another and love one another continuously in this fued up manner until one or both of us ceases to breath life into this skeletal prison we live in
House takes a long drink of whisky as does Wilson
Song begins to play: silence
Sitting
here wasted and wounded With an
ironclad fist I wake up and I want to lay you down in a bed
of roses Well I'm so far away I want to lay you down in a bed of roses The
hotel bar hangover whiskey's gone dry When you close your
eyes I
want to lay you down in a bed of roses
at this old piano
Trying hard to
capture
the moment this morning I don't know
'Cause a bottle
of vodka
is still lodged in my hand
And some blond gave me
nightmares
I think that she's still in my bed
As I dream
about movies
they won't make of me when I'm dead
French kiss the morning
While
some marching band keeps
its own beat in my head
While we're
talking
About all of the things that I long to believe
About
love and the truth and
what you mean to me
And the truth is
baby you're all that I need
For tonight I sleep on a bed of nails
I want to be
just as close as the Holy Ghost is
And lay you down on a bed of
roses
That each step that I take is
on my way home
A king's ransom in dimes I'd given each night
Just to see through this payphone
Still I run out of time
Or
it's hard to get through
Till the bird on the wire flies me back
to you
I'll just close my eyes and whisper,
baby blind love
is true
For
tonight I sleep on a bed of nails
I want to be just as close as
the Holy Ghost is
And lay you down on a bed of roses
The barkeeper's wig's
crooked
And she's giving me the eye
I might have said yeah
But I laughed so hard I think I died
Know I'll be thinking about you
While my mistress she
calls me
To stand in her spotlight again
Tonight I won't be
alone
But you know that don't
Mean I'm not lonely I've got
nothing to prove
For it's you that I'd die to defend
For tonight I sleep on a
bed of nails
I want to be just as close as the Holy Ghost is
And
lay you down in a bed of roses [Bon Jovi
House: Or…just maybe…you can come back to my place and I'll let you drink me under the table.
House looks at Wilson with raised eyebrow and smiles