RON: Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a fully automated RON unit. To make sure you get your money's worth from your Sidekick, Monkey Master, and Boyfriend unit, please pay close attention to the following instructions.

-

Basic Information:

Name: RONALD STOPPABLE

Date of manufacture: 18 years ago

Place of manufacture: Presumed Middleton Hospital

Nationality/Ethnicity: American; presumed religion is Jewish

Height: about 5'8"

Weight: he keeps falling off our scales, but somewhere around 140 lbs.

-

Your RON unit will come with the following accessories:

One (1) RUFUS unit with separate owner's manual (this is a 2-for-1 deal). However, this unit is extremely lazy and will spend most of its time in your RON unit's pocket until it is needed.

One (1) jersey outfit with cargo pants (default clothing setting)

One (1) mission outfit

One (1) football outfit with equipment (version 4.0 only)

One (1) magical, form-changing sword (version 2.0 and up). This accessory is extremely useful for freeing the world of evil monkey magic via a MONKEY FIST unit, or impressing any YORI units.

WARNING: Your KIM unit may become very jealous if she sees your RON unit showing off for any YORI units. Make sure to keep your KIM unit a good distance away from them. However, if your KIM and RON units are version 4.0 or above, do not worry about any YORI unit interactions.

One (1) parenting manual for idiots (version 4.0 only). Very useful when your RON unit comes into contact with its sister unit, HANA.

Two (2) Japanese style gis: One (1) white training gi and one (1) black mission gi (both version 2.0 and above). If your YORI unit is captured by a MONKEY FIST unit, make sure your RON unit is fully clothed in his black gi before letting him heroically rescue the YORI unit.

WARNING: Be wary of any FUKUSHIMA units if they attempt to help your RON unit rescue the YORI unit. They're probably evil, lying, manipulative jerks who just want power for themselves.

CAUTION: If your RON unit is wearing a black or white gi, do not let him near any magical swords or training staffs. Chaos can ensue.

Twelve (12) pairs of boxers. Your RON unit has a bad habit of losing his pants in the most mysterious ways. To ensure he is not accidentally going commando that day, we have enclosed extra (and somewhat unnecessary) pairs of boxers to ensure his manhood is properly covered. The styles are as follows: seven (7) pairs of red heart boxers, four (4) pairs of green-and-yellow polka dotted boxers, and one (1) pair of blue-and-white spotted boxers (version 1.0 only). If you require extra pairs of boxers because your RON unit is especially clumsy, you can buy them from us for $400.00 each.

One (1) space suit (version 4.5 only). This space suit is only available if your RON Version 4.5 unit decides to rescue another KIM unit from either a WARMONGA or WARHOK unit.

One (1) super suit (version 4.0 and above)

WARNING: If your KIM unit discovers your RON unit with a super suit, bad things will happen. DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, LET YOUR KIM UNIT KNOW YOUR RON UNIT "SECRET BORROWED" THE SUPER SUIT.

One (1) pair of rocket skates

One (1) pair of blaster briefs (version 3.0 and above)

One (1) rocket pack

One (1) blue grappling hook

-

Programming:

Your RON unit is extremely versatile and can be coaxed into menial or gross tasks if a KIM unit is involved.

WARNING: All RON units are extremely unstable. We do not guarantee the affect of any of these programs, or the life of your RON unit. If you wish to ensure the safety of your RON unit, either buy a KIM unit or our extended lifetime warranty, each only $750.00.

Goofy Sidekick: (primary default program) All RON units will come programmed with the "Goofy Sidekick" setting. This program includes eating, lollygagging, laughing hysterically, staring off into space for no reason, and being a distraction (this side effect only available if a KIM and RUFUS unit is around, as well as any of the various villain units).

Lazy Average Boy: (secondary default program) This program includes skipping out on homework, sleeping in class, throwing paper airplanes at STEVE BARKIN units, and convincing other female units to refill his soda.

WARNING: Do not allow your BONNIE, LIZ, MARCELLA, or MONIQUE units around a RON unit after he has met a RYAN, DEXTER, ROBBY, or NICKY-NICK unit. Bad things will happen.

Kick-Butt Monkey Master: This program is only available for Versions 4.5. If your KIM unit is seriously down for the count and your RON unit has already gone into "Goofy Sidekick" mode, then he will automatically transfer into the "Kick-Butt Monkey Master" mode. However, since this program is not user-friendly, we do not recommend it for first-time buyers. Keep your KIM unit out of trouble, and hopefully, this program will not come up.

Evil Genius: All RON units are capable of the "Evil Genius" program. However, since their KIM units never feel the need to push them this far, they hardly ever use it.

CAUTION: Do not let your RON unit near anything mechanical while in the "Evil Genius" programming. If you do, and he builds a Mega-Weather Generator or a plasma catapult, run away as fast as you can and contact your nearest JACK HENCH unit. If you're lucky, he may be able to send you an "Attitudinator" accessory to turn your RON unit back to normal. If not… well, you're screwed.

NOTE: Stay away from weddings and any COUSIN SHAWN units while your RON unit is in "Evil Genius" mode.

Animal Lover: This program is completely pointless, and I don't know who the heck thought of putting it in. However, it is quite useful for acquiring new RUFUS units or getting a job at a Smarty Mart establishment. (If your RON unit cannot accomplish this on his own, seek out a MARTIN SMARTY unit and heroically save him from being kidnapped by a SHEGO unit.)

Creative Artist: Useful only for the creation of the Naco. This program should come up a total of like, two times in your RON unit.

-

Your RON unit has eleven (11) settings:

Happy Go-Lucky: (default setting) Your RON unit is very happy with his life—sometimes a bit naïvely so.

Klutz: Basically on all the time, except under the "Kick-Butt Monkey Master" program.

Content: This setting is turned on if your RON unit is still happy with life, but too lazy to feel the entire joy of the "Happy Go-Lucky" setting.

Terrified: This setting is on half the time, and it doesn't really matter what your RON unit encounters—he will feel terror 50 percent of the time. Especially if he comes in contact with any SHEGO units.

Hysterical: Your RON unit is extremely unstable, and therefore can go into the "Hysterical" setting at any time. This setting can be triggered by the loss of a Bueno Nacho establishment or the realization that he has procrastinated too long on a very important project due that week.

Jealous: Since your RON unit is so mellow, this setting hardly ever comes up. Just make sure your KIM unit does not overly interact with any JOSH or ERIK units, and you'll be fine.

Big-Heady: This setting kicks in when something huge happens to your unit, such as your RON unit suddenly gaining $99 million or the fame of his accidental sport invention. Your RON unit is now especially dangerous around other female units; he sees his success as a chance to up the ante. If you wish to reverse the "Big-Heady" setting, simply get your KIM unit to knock a little sense into him.

Smart: Your RON unit will hardly ever use this setting except under the "Evil Genius" program or if he is exposed to an "Attitudinator" accessory.

Mission Mode: This setting is used alongside the KIM, RUFUS, and WADE units. It is only used in extremely perilous situations where it seems there is no hope.

CAUTION: If your KIM unit is injured while your RON unit is present, it may force your RON unit out of "Mission Mode" and into "Kick-Butt Monkey 'Fu Mode." (see below)

Kick-Butt Monkey 'Fu Mode: This setting is used alongside the "Kick-Butt Monkey Master" program. This program is the only time your RON unit can use the "Kick-Butt Monkey 'Fu Mode" setting.

Your RON unit is only capable of this setting if another KIM unit happens to be in trouble. If you want to see him turn blue and levitate stuff, throw in a WARHOK or WARMONGA unit and threaten to use the KIM unit's spine as a decorative centerpiece.

Sad/Depressed: This hardly ever happens, but if it does, it usually means a KIM unit has treated him badly. Just get your KIM unit to apologize to him, and he'll be chauncey.

If your RON unit is upset he has compromised his morals by throwing someone into an exploding spaceship (common if it's an alien life form), get your KIM unit to convince him that he had no other choice. He'll be fine, but your "Kick-Butt Monkey 'Fu Mode" setting may be locked for a while until he feels better.

-

Relations to other units:

Your RON unit may not be good with other female units, but since he is so happy and mellow, he is compatible with all units except the MONKEY FIST and STEVE BARKIN units.

CAUTION: Keep your RON unit away from WARHOK or WARMONGA units if he happens to be in "Kick-Butt Monkey Master" mode.

KIM: The most compatible unit. It is also the best friend unit of all RON units, and is also the girlfriend of all RON units Version 3.5 and above. RON units may actually be the younger of the two, but fear not. Your RON unit is capable of taking care of your KIM unit when it really counts. KIM units may think that RON units are silly, childish, and immature, but this is part of the reason your KIM unit will feel such an attraction for your RON unit.

RUFUS: The second most compatible unit. Since RON units tend to be so immature, a RUFUS unit is the perfect companion to share their immaturity with. Be careful, though: If a KIM unit sees a RON and RUFUS unit acting immaturely, you may be in for a firm scolding and a cheese withdrawal. If you happen to lose / break / misplace your RUFUS unit, head down to the nearest Smarty Mart establishment and purchase a new one.

WADE: Even though RON and WADE units (version 3.5 and below) only interact over the Kimmunicator, they are still both kids at heart. If a RUFUS unit is not available to be immature with, then a WADE unit is a good replacement.

MONIQUE: Your RON unit may be apprehensive and jealous of a MONIQUE unit at first, but fear not. Your RON unit will eventually realize they share a passion in wrestling and will soon accept any MONIQUE unit as a personal friend of his and best girl friend of his KIM unit.

FELIX: FELIX units are very compatible with RON units, but since they never see each other much, we do not recommend you rely heavily on a FELIX unit for your RON unit's daily amusement. However, if your RON unit ever needs to "be manly" and play basketball or go to the carnival, just drag out a FELIX unit and you're ready to go. They are also very useful for "Zombie Mayhem" tournaments.

CAUTION: We are not responsible for any FELIX units' hormonal reactions. If your FELIX unit ditches your RON unit for a ZITA… Sorry, we can't do anything. But don't worry; your FELIX unit will come around and be ready to play more video games with any RON units in no time.

MR. STOPPABLE: Your RON unit cares very much about the safety of any MR. STOPPABLE units since it is one of his parental figures. But be careful: Do not let your MR. STOPPABLE unit convince your RON unit to take up the actuary business. Your RON may overcalculate every situation and drive your KIM unit nuts. If your MR. STOPPABLE unit dons a cape and runs around any Bueno Nacho establishment, 1. cover your eyes, and 2. convince your RON unit to write a paper about him.

MRS. STOPPPABLE: This is the second parental unit to your RON unit. Your RON unit tends to look up to any MRS. STOPPABLE units even though she sometimes disregards your RON unit's feelings. But don't worry; she really cares about all RON units. She just doesn't know how to express it most of the time.

HANA: Only compatible with RON units Version 4.0 and above. This is the sister unit of all RON units. Make sure your RON unit has been upgraded to Version 4.0 or above. RON units tend to be paranoid and distrusting of any new units that invade their home without their knowledge. But over time, your HANA unit's cuteness will win over your RON unit's heart. (If you have difficulties with the HANA unit, consult the "Parenting Manual for Idiots" accessory that comes with all RON units.)

SHEGO: Since RON units are so compassionate and forgiving, they're willing to look past the SHEGO unit's hard exterior and see a person underneath. But be warned: Even though your RON unit may start with a teensy crush on any SHEGO unit, she will continue to beat the living crap out of him until the only emotion your RON unit feels toward a SHEGO unit will be fear and pants-wetting terror.

DRAKKEN: Your RON unit has only known a DRAKKEN unit as an enemy. But if you want your RON unit and DRAKKEN unit to get along, strand them on the North Pole and force them to work together until SHEGO and KIM units come to save their butts. RON and DRAKKEN units also share a somewhat disturbing attraction to "Snowman Hank."

BONNIE: Are you kidding? This wouldn't work out in a million years, no matter how nice your RON unit is to any BONNIE unit.

STEVE BARKIN: The only unit a RON will consider a full-blown enemy. Not even a SHEGO or MONKEY FIST unit can inflict the fear a STEVE BARKIN unit can in any RON unit. Even though STEVE BARKIN units and RON units can be found working as equals at various thrift stores, RON units are still convinced that STEVE BARKIN units are evil and out to get them.

RON units are also extremely compatible with any member of the Possible family, and consider Possible units their second family.

-

Cleaning:

Your RON unit is fully capable of cleaning himself. But if you wish to do it yourself, do not machine wash, do not tumble dry, do not hang on the line to dry.

-

Energy:

Since falling down and running around takes up a lot of energy, make sure you feed your RON unit thrice daily, with regular trips to any Bueno Nacho establishment in between.

-

Upgrades:

This unit can be upgraded, but since upgrading a RON unit is such a pain in the arsenal, each upgrade will cost $1000.00 each.

Version 2.0: Upgrading to Version 2.0 is simple. First, send him off to Japan with any YORI unit to train under a SENSEI unit for about a week. When he comes back, send your RON and KIM units back through time, and erase their memories when they return. Make sure your RON unit is jealous of all JOSH units before performing this upgrade.

Version 3.0: This upgrade is a little more complicated. First, turn your RON unit into a psycho madman with an "Attitudinator" accessory. Have your KIM unit turn him back. Second, make sure your RON unit harbors an unnatural dislike of small bugs and COUSIN SHAWN units. Third, introduce him to any ROACHIE units. And finally, make your RON unit's feelings for your KIM unit known by introducing an emotion-controlling accessory (Moodulators available with the purchase of any CYRUS BORTEL units).

Version 3.5: This upgrade is relatively easy. Introduce an ERIK unit, and make your KIM unit fall in "love" with him. At the same time, have your DRAKKEN and SHEGO units attempt to take over the world. After your KIM and RON units defeat your DRAKKEN and SHEGO units, have your shy RON unit confess his feelings for your KIM unit.

Version 4.0: Upgrade your RON unit to Version 4.0 by first making sure your KIM and RON units have kissed dramatically in front of a school of other units. Then establish the fact your KIM and RON units are dating, and have your RON unit get a job at any Smarty Mart establishment. That's it.

Version 4.5: Make sure your RON unit is ready for this upgrade by sending a SENSEI unit to send him spiritual messages. After he gets the gist, put your KIM unit in danger by introducing a WARHOK or WARMONGA unit. Put your RON unit in his "space suit" costume, and set him on "Kick-Butt Monkey Master" programming. Simple as that.

-

Frequently Asked Questions:

Q: Why is my RON unit so clumsy?

A: This is due to the "goofball sidekick" glitch in the program. All RONs are sidekicks, and thus all RON units are clumsy. Yours is no exception.

Q: My RON unit is really immature and finds great fun in the stupidest things. Last night, he spent six hours riding the washing machine. How do I get him to stop?

A: All RON units are manufactured to be immature. In reality, it's just a marketing ploy to get you to upgrade to Version 4.5 where he's not so immature.

Q: My RON unit can't stop talking about Bueno Nacho, and he's got these weird glasses on. And he won't stop following around my MONIQUE unit! It's freaking me out! What's wrong with my RON unit?

A: Oops! Looks like we sent you a NED unit instead. Just send him back in our pre-paid envelope. But since NED and RON units aren't equally priced, we'll have to send you a LARRY Version 4.0 instead. Sorry.

-

Troubleshooting:

Problem: You want your RON unit to be with a KIM unit, but your TARA unit won't stop flirting.

Solution: Get a bunch of females to hit on your RON unit at the same time. This should get your KIM unit mad enough to see red and plow through all the girls to get to the RON unit. (SHEGO, BONNIE, and YORI units work especially well for this exercise.)

Problem: Your RON unit keeps saying "Moo" and worshiping a rubber chicken.

Solution: You've probably let your RON unit too close to a STEVE BARKIN unit, and they got themselves locked in a shipping crate. Just give your RON unit a few moments to breathe some fresh air and he'll be back to normal. Then keep him away from all STEVE BARKIN units for good.

-

With proper care and maintenance, your RON unit will become a capable Monkey Master / boyfriend in no time!