Realization, a bones fanfic

"I think that maybe, just maybe I'm in love with you," he says and she drops the coffee cup to the floor. White shards spill across the floor as the brown liquid slowly drizzles towards his shoes. This does not stop him though.

"But the really crazy thing is that I think… I think that you're in love with me too."

"So we kissed," he brings it up at the diner, a week after Christmas. He had to fly Parker to Vermont and she had been spending time with Amy and her daughters. She peers out over her coffee mug and he watches her eyes roll. He smirks.

"Under mistletoe and so that I could give my dad the Christmas he wanted," she says. She's using the same voice she does when she's trying to explain something scientific to him. Patronizing, but in a nice kind of way.

"I know, I'm just saying that we, you know, kissed." He squirms in his seat and suddenly wishes that he hadn't brought this up.

"Very astute," she replies, suppressing a grin and taking another sip of coffee.

"Whatever," he mutters, but he's smiling now too. It's not going to be a big deal, this kiss. He knows that now, they are fine, their partnership is fine, everything is going to be fine.

"So tell me about this kiss," Sweets says. Booth glares at him and Bones follows this action.

"What kiss?" she asks, smoothing her skirt and not making eye contact. It's a pathetic attempt at deflection, but Booth finds himself gluing a look of confusion on his face as well.

"The kiss you shared with Agent Booth," Sweets says. Booth forgets sometimes that Sweets is in fact a trained psychologist and that he doesn't allow them escape questions.

"What about it?" Brennan asks. She's looking straight at Sweets now, as if daring him to follow up the question. Booth has seen this glare many times and he hopes that Sweets isn't stupid enough to press her.

"How do you two feel about it? Do you feel that it has changed your partnership?" he asks, but his voice is wavering.

"Fine, we're fine. It doesn't change anything," Booth interjects, putting his arm out to stop Bones from walking out, "we're done?"

"Sure," Sweets says and Bones is already out the door. Booth follows her, allowing the door to slam behind him. He's beginning to understand why she hates psychologists so much.

"You okay," he asks on the way back to the Jeffersonian. She hasn't said anything since they were in Sweets' office and he doesn't like the silence. He remembers a time when he did prefer silence. That was when anything she said to him was bitter and sarcastic and anything he responded with was aggressive and demeaning. He doesn't know what shocks him more, to think of how they once were or to think of how they are now.

"Yeah," she says quickly, but he knows this isn't the end of it. If he waits just a moment she will say what's bothering her. He's learned this about her, that she can't be baited into saying what is wrong. His silence is usually enough to make her talk though.

"I'm just tired of everyone making this into such a big deal. We kissed under mistletoe because Caroline wanted us to. I don't know why Caroline wanted us to and I don't really care. Why does everyone think that this kiss was a manifestation of our sexual tension? We don't have sexual tension and if we did I wouldn't agree to kiss you under mistletoe because it could lead to something more. And if we did have sexual tension, why would everyone care? We're two grown adults who aren't seeing other people. But we don't so it isn't a problem. Why is this kiss such a big deal?" she rants and then looks at him expectantly.

"I don't know. People like gossip?" he supplies helplessly. She rolls her eyes and sags into her seat.

"Yeah well, it isn't a big deal."

"Where did you get "manifestation of our sexual tension" from," he asks, relaying her speech in his head. She looks confused for a moment and then quietly laughs.

"It's what Angela said when she asked me about the kiss. She seems to think that we have a, and I quote, "burning sexual tension that you could cut with a knife". It's ridiculous."

"Yeah," he replies and nods. He suddenly feels like all the air has gone out of the car and he loosens his tie a bit so he can breathe.

"Are you all right?" she asks, noticing that his breathing has become a little bit heavier.

"Fine, totally fine," he replies, except that he just realized that everything isn't fine.

They don't have sexual tension. He has had sexual tension with people before and what he has with Bones is nothing like that. He and Cam had sexual tension. He and Rebecca had sexual tension. Sexual tension is something that he knows about. He most definitely does not have this with Bones. Except, well maybe there were a couple times at the very beginning of their partnership that he considered that there was a possibility that he would want to sleep with her. To be clear, this was at the very, very beginning of their partnership, before they became friends. That is what they are; they are friends, good friends who are also partners. There is not even a remote possibility that they have sexual tension. Except that now every time he looks at her all he can think is that he would really like to kiss her again.

Discovering that you are in love with someone else is supposed to be dramatic. It is supposed to be this great moment where everything clicks. He understands that he is a bit old fashioned when it comes to relationships, but it should still be some kind of great story to tell the grandchildren. It should not happen after a forced kiss and an uncomfortable conversation about sexual tension. It should not happen when he is watching her examine the bones of a twelve-year-old girl. It shouldn't take two and a half years. It shouldn't occur without dating the person, without kissing them many times. Love is a last step sort of thing. It shouldn't just hit you on a crime scene.

"Booth."

"Yeah."

"She hit her head. It's possible she just fell while hiking, but I'll take a look when we get back to the lab."

"Yeah, okay," he says. This is the moment he realizes that he is in love with Temperance Brennan and the moment he realizes he is completely screwed.

He is waiting for Parker to pack his stuff and Rebecca is making him a cup of coffee.

"You okay, Seeley, you seem quiet," she says, pushing the mug toward him.

"I kissed Bones," he says and then sips the coffee, ignoring the burning of his throat from the too hot liquid. To his surprise Rebecca smiles.

"Good for you. I was wondering when you would get the nerve."

"No. It was under mistletoe and it was so that her Dad could get Christmas," he explains and seeing Rebecca's raised eyebrows he adds, "it's a long story."

"Okay."

"I just, now I don't know what to do."

"Because you're in love with her," Rebecca says, and Booth is sure that it was meant to be a question, but she said it as if it were a fact.

"Maybe," he replies and Rebecca smiles.

"Then this is your moment and you have to take advantage of it. Seeley, I've known you a long time and I have never seen you act around a woman the way you act around Dr. Brennan. I have also never seen you care about a woman as much as you care about her," she says and puts down her own coffee to walk closer to him until she is right in front of him, "don't miss another moment."

"Dad, I'm ready," Parker says, bounding out of his room.

"Okay bud," he says and sweeps his son up in his arms.

"Thanks for the coffee and I'll take what you said into account."

"Bye," Rebecca says, a smile playing on her lips.

It's been a month and he hasn't been able to bring up the fact that he's in love with her. He's thought of a hundred different ways and a hundred different situations to tell her. None of these situations have helped him to actually get the words out. He knows that he just needs to say it. He's never been a man who relies on fate to throw people together. Rebecca was right, there are only so many moments people get. He will tell her. He just wants it to be something to remember. His realization of love was so sudden and so odd that he wants his proclamation of love to be something special. At least, this is the reason he keeps using whenever he sees her.

Sully came back yesterday. Booth thinks he may shoot a clown again.

"So Sully's back," he says, as they drive to another crime scene. He's trying to be casual, but he's clenching the steering wheel so hard that his fingers are a ghostly white.

"Yeah, he got back Saturday."

"Is he in town for long?'

"I don't know," she says and puts on a face that makes it clear that she is telling the truth. He nods and looks at the road. A few minutes later he can't help but address it again.

"So are you two together?"

"Why so curious?" she asks, and he doesn't miss the sharp edge to her voice.

"Because we're friends," he defends.

"Yeah, we're friends," she repeats and for some reason Booth knows that this is the end of the conversation.

He wishes he could hate Sully. The fact is he really likes the guy and if he attempts to be objective he knows that Sully is good for Bones. He makes her relax and he loves her. That doesn't mean that he wants to be around him, which is why he is wondering what made him to go to the diner with him.

"Everything's different," Sully says after what Booth supposes was a long speech, but he hasn't really been paying attention. He had been focusing pretty hard on not imagining Sully and Bones together. This took much more brainpower than he would have thought.

"Me and Temperance. Everything is different."

"Well you haven't seen her for almost a year."

"I know, but it's more than that. It's almost like…. actually I don't even know how to describe it," Sully says and then falls into silence. Luckily Booth was saved from having to say anything by the appearance of the woman they were discussing.

"Hey," she says sliding into the seat next to Booth. Sully raises his eyebrows at her seating choice and then gives Booth a pointed look.

"Actually, I have to go. Sully, good to see you. Bones, see you tomorrow," he says and gets up from his seat.

"Bye Booth," Sully calls after him. Bones looks up at him.

"Bye," she says and for a minute he thinks that she was going to say something else, but she turns back to Sully and takes his hand. Forcing the images out of his head once again, Booth turns and walks out of the restaurant.

He doesn't hear about the break-up until he shows up at the Jeffersonian around six the next evening and she isn't there. He asks Angela where she is and Angela gives him a look as if he's kidding.

"She's didn't come in today," she says and returns to her sketch.

"What? Why? Did something happen?" he asks, suddenly concerned.

"She and Sully broke up last night. How do you not know this?"

"What?"

"Yeah, he's on his boat back to the Caribbean and she's wallowing. However, I saw her this morning and she swore to me that she wasn't getting on a plane anytime soon. I think she's dealing with it relatively well."

Booth doesn't even hear the end part because by that time he's already out the door and on the way to her apartment.

"Bones, open the door before I kick it down and I think you know me well enough to know that I'm not kidding," he yells and bangs on the door for effect. He's about to make good on his promise when she opens the door.

"What?" she spits out. She looks awful and he immediately knows that she'd been crying.

"Hey," he says and suddenly feels extremely uncomfortable.

"That's what you came here to say?"

"No, well I heard what happened and I just wanted to make sure that you were alright."

"Fine," she replies and turns away from the door. He follows her into the apartment where she collapses onto the couch.

"As you can see, everything here is fine. So you can leave."

"Or I can stay," he says and shuts the door.

"I broke up with Sully."

"Okay."

"I don't know why. He was perfect and he came back. He actually came back for me and I broke up with him. Why?" she asks and Booth notices that her voice is beginning to crack.

"Bones?'

"No really, what is wrong with me? Why can't I just let people get close?"

"It's okay," he says and sits next to her.

"I hate this. He left. He left me and then he came back. But that doesn't change the fact that he left and he was just going to leave again. And I know he wanted me to come with him, but I can't leave. I can't just give up and stop doing my job. Does that make me a bad person?"

"No."

"He left me," she repeats and suddenly Booth realizes the reason that things had changed between them, "everyone always leaves."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Promise," she whispers.

"I promise," he says and he thinks that maybe now is the moment to tell her, but then she looks away from him and the moment is gone.

"Okay," she says and nods, "I'm sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry for Bones. How about I order some Thai food?"

"Yeah, that'd be good," she says and hands him the phone. She gives him a forced smile and then turns on the TV.

She's fallen asleep on the couch and is laying with her head on a pillow and her feet across his lap. They were watching an episode of CSI and she was pointing out all the factual errors. He's pretty sure he's going to end up staying the night because she looks so peaceful and he doesn't have the heart to wake her. In the last half hour that she's been asleep he's been thinking things over and he's come to a rather shocking conclusion. She is in love with him too. He has considered this possibility before, but now he is no longer treating it as a possibility. He is almost completely positive that Temperance Brennan is in love with him. She shifts and he watches as her head falls further onto her shoulder. He's going to tell her, but he still wants to wait for the right moment.

It's been three weeks since her break-up with Sully and he's decided that waiting for the right moment to tell her he loves her is one of the stupidest ideas he's ever had. There isn't a right moment and that is why he is going to tell her today. She's in her office and she's drinking coffee out of a mug that Zach gave her last year. She looks up to acknowledge his presence. He closes the door and she stands up.

"I have something to tell you," he says and it comes out rushed and not at all like he planned.

"Okay, what's going on?" she asks and he takes a deep breath and says it.

It's been ten minutes since either of them has spoken. The coffee mug lies broken in front of him and it's serving as some sort of barrier between them.

"Bones?" he asks and her head snaps up.

"Just, just don't say anything for a minute," she says and walks over the shards toward him. She stops when she is right in front of him and puts her arms around him.

"Wha…?' but he is cut off when she starts kissing him. He's kissing her back immediately and in the back of his mind he realizes that this is a good thing. She pulls back and looks at him.

"I'm in love with you," she says as if the words are a foreign language on her tongue.

"I thought so," he says with a smile. She says it again with much more confidence.

"I'm in love with you."

"I'm in love with you too. And I want to be with you, I don't want us to continue avoiding this or doing whatever it is that we've been doing. And I get that it isn't easy because we're partners and I arrested your father and you hate letting people in, but I don't care," he says. The speech isn't at all like he planned it. He had wanted to say something romantic, something breathtaking that would sweep her off her feet. She's looking at him closely and he knows that she's attempting to rationalize all of this. Suddenly, she nods her head.

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah," she says and smiles at him. He smiles back and kisses her.