A/N: I'm very sorry for the long delay in uploading. My muse was finicky and I've discarded enough material to upload two chapters before this chapter came together. I'm afraid of jinxing things again and saying when the next chapter will be up, but I hope an update a month is not too much to expect.

Thank you for your patience and my sincere apologies.

(Edited 10.2.2012)

I'm really sorry for the year-long delay in uploads. I've done some major rewriting of earlier chapters and this one as well, so I hope my writing skills will be up to the challenge of incorporating new ideas into the story. I thank everyone for your kind words of encouragement – especially . and KatieHebs. I love you guys! :D

I'm working on a new chapter - promised!

Chapter 19: Panicking and Praying

or: How to loose it with style

Radagast glowered at me, knowing my last statement was not exactly flattering for either of us. I swear it just slipped out of my mouth in exasperation. But why, oh why, did people believe they could order me around? Was my face so gullible or what?

"What would you have me do, Megan?" he asked, but I doubted he truly wished for my opinion. "I can't leave you here. The Druedain should not be the one to watch over you when it is the future of all of us you hold in your hands."

Well, good point, I thought. I could almost believe that was his true motive. But the instincts Ghân had told me time and time again to listen to were warning me that to leave now would not end well. I had to learn how to blend in first, evade the attention of enemy spies. And oh, boy, there were spies enough in Rohan alone to pass them without arousing suspicion very difficult. Those black crows Saruman had under control really made me rethink whether sticking out my neck any further was truly a wise thing to do. However, I knew that the Druedain, as beautiful and knowledgeable as they were, were not really suited for shouldering the task of protecting me against such forces. And they were just too different from the Men of West to teach me how to blend in among those people.

Time for plan B...I thought. If he won't listen to reason, then he will bow to authority...

I took a deep breath and stated firmly, "I won't go anywhere without Gandalf's direct order." My eyes flashed in challenge. No one could make me believe that there were no other options – I could help the Fellowship andstay in the White Mountains. Perhaps that would be enough for Ghân to believe my mission was complete and I would be able to go back home. I had had enough a long time ago. Radagast just had to understand me.

"Hm..." he harrumphed. The demand for Gandalf's input was rather a transparent plot, I have to confess, but it was all I could think of to buy myself time. Radagast knew just as well that an answer from the Grey Pilgrim could take several weeks to reach us; if they found the elusive wizard, of course. I hoped these circumstances would give me time enough to think things through, plan, maybe even bail out. However, indirectly voicing this was a big tactical error.

"You're quite a fox yourself, aren't you Megan," he said and his mouth transformed into a thin line. "Think yourself smart?" A glimmer of suspicion lit up his eyes. He was still not completely sure he could trust me and my growing reluctance only gave him more and more justification to treat me as he did. My instincts were right; were I to go with him, I'd only trade one sort of captivity for another, much worse one.

"I..." I stuttered, trying to find an excuse or two to save my hide.

"Never mind that, girl..." he said before I could dig myself into an even bigger hole, "I know you are afraid and tired and that I won't be able to convince you to trust me by pushing you further into a corner. So stop resisting and follow me to the camp. We'll decide things there."

My mouth opened and closed a few times in disbelief.

"You're going to… discuss my knowledge at the camp?" I asked slowly for clarification. It did not make any sense – at all. How did he imagine this would not reach the wrong ears? Soldiers gossiped and meeting two Druedain was big news enough on its own, I did not need further attention this would bring. And Nawat – Nawat could never learn of this! They would surely kill him to hide any trace of me!

I began to panic.

"We don't have the time to discuss this here, Megan," he said, visibly restraining his impatience. "Nawat will start a search if you don't appear at the camp in the next minutes. So, unless you wish for him to make a scene, come with me and we will sort things out – calmly."

My mind froze. The anger and suspicion covering his voice transformed him completely. Gone was the friendly, concerned and even gentle wizard who had approached me, now he was cold and even calculating. Everything pointed out that my worth had been reassessed. At first he only had a vague idea of who I could be, but now he knew exactly what kind of a chess-piece he was dealing with. And he did not like that it turned from a pawn to something far more dangerous.

With a bitter smile, I reminded myself to never get taken in by a friendly face again. He got what he searched for and more. If only I had kept my mouth shut...

"Let's go," he said and turned towards the camp. His long robes brushed on the floor as he presented his back to me, confident he had my cooperation. But that was his mistake. Pressure never made me comply – I was and always had been a rebellious spirit; if not on the outside then on the inside, in my soul. No one could control me there.

I dropped the water-skins to the floor and darted into the forest before the sound could whirl him around. I disappeared behind nearby trees as his cry of surprise rang out. Mighty spirit or not – he was still trapped inside an ancient body. He would not be able to run after me.

"MEGAN!" his voice boomed amid the trees, "MEGAN!"

I did not listen to him - I could not change my mind now. I would not be part of Nawat's ruin, I owed the Druedain that much. I had to save them, Nawat being my first concern. If history class has taught me anything it was this: anyone trying to get a hold of me so hard would cover every trace and that means eliminating the people who would know what happened to me. No amount of swearing or pleading that the Druedain have no idea of my knowledge would save them... knowing my identity would be enough a threat. And that I could not let happen... ever!

My feet were flying above the soft forest ground as my mind penned plans, one more desperate than the other. My abused lungs expanded and laboured, but the smoke inhalation demanded its toll and I could hardly keep up the pace of my breaths. A cramp in my side made me falter and forced me to stop by a mighty oak. Adrenaline sang through my veins as tears gathered in my eyes. I could hear a commotion and my blood froze – I was too late to warn Nawat. The wizard must have had a plan ready just in case I pulled a stunt.

So much for their friendship! Damned LIARS!

Tears ran down my cheeks. What was I to do now? Freedom was so near and yet so far away... On the right side of the tree was Ghân and my new home, on the left was Nawat. But there was no choice to be made, no right path to follow - I could never abandon Nawat, never. No, there was only one thing I could do; I had to get my brother out of here, keep him safe by any means necessary. Even if it meant making a bargain with the Devil, nothing less would do. It was my fault anyway...

I leaned on the thick trunk of the tree, gasping for breath, and curled an arm around my stomach. The sound of swords being drawn made me close my eyes in defeat. The game was up... and that thought alone chilled me to the bone.

Why can't things go according to my plans? What in the world has this country against me? WHAT? What have I done to YOU?

Angry tears trailed down my cheeks and I impatiently wiped them away. This will not do, Meg,I chastised myself. This is no time for hysterics, get your act together, woman.

Suddenly, there was Nawat's voice raised up. He was screaming out for me, my name falling from his lips in fear. My heart constricted painfully – he was afraid for me when it was he who they had in their hands. His selflessness filled me with renewed determination.

You HAVE to get him out – his family needs him. A son needs his father...I reminded myself.

I wiped away new tears and nodded to myself. Time to put the last plan I thought of into action - I'd have to wing it, of course, nothing was guaranteed. It was most definitely a desperate act of a desperate woman, but if it got Nawat out... then it was worth it.

If my mother knew I thought like that, she would have been horrified. But mothers are the ones that would see their children live no matter what, even if it meant they forsake their friends and run away. For their child to choose danger voluntarily is madness, a nightmare. And perhaps she would have been right in that assessment; maybe I was not totally sane when I came up with the plan. However, the morals and values I brought with me were the only thing left of my old life and I had to cling to that. Otherwise I would betray myself and where would that leave me?

To get a sense of what was going on I listened to the sounds from the camp very closely now. Unfortunately, I could not understand a word they said and I cursed this many times over. The picture the tone of their voices painted was grim indeed for Nawat. My blood ran cold when some kind of a fight broke out among them. There was no time to be lost... I had to hope they would treat a woman differently than a foreign man, despite knowing how medieval societies and soldiers treated their female captives... I had to hope that they are not total savages despite all evidences saying the opposite. At least the leaders and Radagast should not condone too much violence... they still needed me for information, I thought. This was the card I had to play... the only chance to get some kind of a deal for Nawat.

So, I reached for a knife I've hid on my back under the many layers of clothing and bulky leather. Nobody would even know it was there since the amount of fabric concealed it. I could have carried a gun easily – the clothing of the Druedain allowed for a lot of room. Nawat too had a blade or two hidden somewhere on him, but I expected the men to search him and therefore did not count on him to help me with his rescue.

When I pulled out the blade encased in a leather sheath, I realised my hands were smeared with black paint. I've gotten it on my hands when I wiped away my tears. My face was certainly a mess. I could not go there like some heathen; they would not take me seriously! It was too late to hide behind pretences now anyway. When I needed to step forward as a confident modern girl, my face could not be hidden behind a mask.

"This will not do," I muttered.

The stream I had followed was just a few steps away, so I knelt down and hastily let icy cold water wash away tears and black paint, listening closely for any change in the camp that calmed down. The sudden silence made me weary – they were up to something. I just knew there would be men crawling everywhere in a matter of seconds. I had to have a cool head on my shoulders now.

And just as I had expected, many steps could be heard rushing over the soft forest ground, rustling the leaves and breaking branches with loud snapping sounds. The sudden noise made me drop down in reflex. I stayed beside the stream in shock for just a moment before skidding behind the oak in all haste. A nearby groove was just big enough for me to lie down and hide to my best ability.

I did not have any idea just how close to the camp I truly was, but I knew that the sound carried quite far in this area. The stream was further away from the camp for sure or we would have walked to it in this direction. It was still possible that some other natural barrier the men knew of prevented easy access, but I knew they would appear sooner or later.

In the end it did not take more than a few angst-filled minutes. Much to my horror, a tall man appeared close to the stream, his approaching steps only mounting my nervousness. Despite the loud steps, his sudden materialisation out of the forest took me by surprise. I thought for sure my plan was busted when he stopped. It would have been just my luck. Nothing went according to my plans – ever. So why should it be different this time?

My heart almost gave out when I realised he was this close to figuring things out. I did not dare move a muscle – I was scared to death a rustle of leaves I lay on would betray me. If he looked just a bit further up and past the oak... oh, god – this was no joke. Just a few steps down the stream he would find the trail I left behind.

Shit! Shit, and double shit!

For a nerve wrecking minute he took to make up his mind I was sweating buckets, too scared to do anything else than try to hold my breath and not make a sound. Finally, finally he moved forward, disappearing into the forest with no look thrown my way. I dared to breathe again, but knew I had to get out of here – and fast. His stopping was no good omen. Something big was going down and it was tied to the wizard, I could just feel it.

The racket alone they produced in their chase made me wonder if they were trying to scare me to death or herd me somewhere like a wild animal. They almost succeeded on the first point, I have to admit. My hands were so shaky someone could have mistaken me for an old grandma, and another rush of adrenaline in just a few hours sure did not make things any easier. I had to have all my senses sharp, not muddled by an overload of stress hormones and other chemicals the body produced to protect itself.

At least nobody thinks you are dumb enough to attempt a rescue, I thought wryly when it became clear they were moving further into the woods. Nobody will expect you at the camp then… it was first good news of the day.

I was a bit unsure what went through Nawat's mind. He had to suspect a rescue mission on my part; I had not abandoned him the first time I ran away, so I would not do so this time either. But if he thought I would not be able to pull my plan off, he would make a deal of his own. I'd bet my right arm on this. Showing up at the camp could backfire spectacularly…

Fuck that – I'll get him out one way or another!

With my mind firmly on the goal, I moved towards the camp as stealthily as I could. A mistake now would be disastrous, I kept reminding myself. These men were able to defeat a pack of wolves in the middle of the night – it would be close to a miracle to get in sight of them without tipping them off!

Somehow, though, I managed to crawl through the underbrush, just close enough to get the centre of the camp in sight. How long that took me, I had no idea – it could have been close to twenty minutes, even more. There were a lot of broken branches on the ground that I had to be mindful of. But patience paid off in many ways; I was calmer, my mind focused on action and not on endless and horrendous speculations, and the slow progress through the forest helped me detect carefully hidden guards long before they could spot me. No wonder the Druedain were masters of their forest, I thought – if a novice like me could crawl close enough to the camp, I could barely imagine what masters of the art were capable of.

I almost giggled out loud at the thought this observation produced – it almost sounded as if I've just compared the peace-loving Druedain to the Ninja clans of Japan. The thought just proved how frazzled my nerves were. I quickly sobered. I still had to solve the problem these guards posed; knowing there are some posted and evading them are two completely different things after all. I was stuck – literally.

No Ranger was stupid enough to let his camp unprotected and chase down a girl, even though it would have helped me tremendously. There were guards on all sides, steadily combing through the forest with their eyes and alert on every sound most of the times. It was that 'most of the times' that helped me get this far – the events inside the camp captured their attention the closer I got to the camp and the noise levels there rose steadily with each minute. That worried me...

So it was no wonder I was itching for an opening to execute my plan and save Nawat from whatever fate befell him. It was impossible to see him when so many men were blocking the view, not to mention the thick bush I was crouched under that hid me from hostile eyes. It was a last bush before a wide cleared area that made a successful ambush on them that much harder.

Great, just great… what now you genius?

Any thoughts about the problem were erased from my mind by another loud commotion in the camp.

"Don't LIE to me! Where is she running to?" bellowed Radagast in Druedain, seemingly at the end of his patience with my stubborn protector. I winced in sympathy, cringing on the inside even more at the tone. No don't... don't anger him…I thought, knowing very well that it was futile to hope Nawat wouldn't do exactly that.

The next moment I got a first glimpse of my big brother.

I almost wished I hadn't.

He was kneeling on the ground, his hands bound at his back with some rope as well as his ankles. Two guards were holding him down by the shoulders, which I thought was serious overkill until I saw the bruising on his face. They were holding him up so he did not fall over when struck in the face!

Bastards! Those heartless BASTARDS...

His hair and clothes were quite dishevelled, yet that did not surprise me at all. He must have resisted hard when they imprisoned him, fighting for freedom almost on instinct. If several bruised faces and dark expressions were any indication, he got at least a few hits for the ones dealt to him. But what really worried me was a suspicious dark stain on his left arm.

That's not good… Please, don't let him be hurt… I pleaded, knowing it was much too late to wish for it now. That surely looked like a stab wound.

The furious wizard kept firing questions at Nawat, now in Druedain now in the Common tongue, but he only got a poisonous glare in return when he struck a nerve.

"You'll have to kill me first before I'll betray her…" spat back Nawat. I cringed, anticipating a painful retaliation to that declaration.

It never came, much to my surprise. I was sure Nawat would get hit again – the red areas on his face were surely from being smacked around during the questioning. Radagast was far too keen on the information about me to exercise much patience.

Then I witnessed the way the Ranger tensed and I realised the dark look he shot the wizard meant something quite the opposite from what I had expected. Valandur was not happy with the situation at all. He was protecting Nawat.

Holy crap! I may have a chance after all!I thought – my plan was not so stupid after all.

The wizard visibly calmed down then resumed his line of questioning, the Ranger's watchful eye observing his every move. He was far too smart to let Radagast pull one over him; sooner or later the sneaky Istari would have to come clean. Surely Valandur would have taken over the interrogation if he knew who I was. It was quite clear an idea about my identity was forming in his mind already.

"Why are you asking me these questions?" snarled Nawat in the Common tongue. "I already told you, my sister never set a foot in your lands."

"She is not your blood sister, is she?" retorted Radagast angrily in Druedain. "Now tell me the truth – how does she know about the Uruk-hai and the raids in Rohan?"

"What are you talking about?" was puzzled Nawat, alarm spreading over his face nonetheless. I'm sure he, just like his father, knew I was far more knowledgeable about the land than I had confessed to be. And, in contrast to Radagast, the men knew to trust me and give me time.

"Don't lie to me!" exploded Radagast. Before anyone could intervene he backhanded Nawat with all the force he could produce. The blow forced Nawat's head sharply to the left, a discoloured area there revealing it wasn't the first blow to that particular spot. The sound itself made me cringe in my hiding place, tears of rage and sympathy gathering in my eyes.

I could have killed him, the vile snake!

"Radagast, that is enough!" cried the Ranger sharply in the Common tongue and I looked up in alarm. The tone of his voice was pure ice. But then he grabbed the wizard's hand and pulled him away from Nawat forcefully. Even when I did not fully understand the reason Valandur was protecting Nawat, I thanked the heavens for this act of mercy.

"What is going on? You've told me the girl ran, but that does not explain your behaviour at all!" hissed Valandur. "What in Valar's name is going on?"

"Do not question me, Valandur – this is more serious than you can imagine," replied Radagast angrily and the two men locked gazes. It was a silent battle of wills and one could hear a pin drop in the camp. It seems everyone had waited for this to happen sooner or later and now they couldn't tear their gazes away. It was like observing two lions circle each other. Every eye was trained on them, even Nawat's.

If that wasn't the right time to pull my stunt, I knew no other. But I could not move yet. I had to find out what was going on first. Their loyalties were clearly divided. The presence of one man who was not leaping in joy at the harsh treatment made me adjust my expectations just a little.

When the leader is against such methods of obtaining information, maybe I can get out of this unscathed, I thought. Slim chance, I warned myself, looking at all the dark faces in the camp, but at least a chance. Maybe a black eye or two would be enough, or are they into full-on torture?

"You won't treat prisoners like that while I'm present. I'm warning you!" growled Valandur. His second-in-command seemed to agree while few men squirmed in discomfort at his harsh words, and others were silently disagreeing. However, a voice of reason was enough to get their blood-thirst under control.

I was watching the events with a sharp eye – I had to find the right time for my plan.

Most of the camp had the same idea, eagerly waiting for the result of the hissed disagreement, and only one guard moved in his spot, turning his back on my position. Just when I thought I had time enough to calm down and prepare, a suspicious sound in the forest made me look back. It almost sounded like someone was slowly sneaking towards my position!

Alarmed that one of the soldiers did find my prints, I decided to execute my plan before I was caught. And more pertinently, when was I to find another opportunity like that again?

They were still too preoccupied with the quarrel to pay attention to their surroundings, so nobody saw me straighten up. I clutched a small bronze knife in my right hand, feeling how my sweaty hands made the handle stick to my skin. It was absolutely crazy, but I stepped forward with quick and sure steps, my face a mask of perfect resolve. I always did perform well under pressure.

The sound of footsteps made few soldiers look up, but before anyone could do anything, my angry voice rang out, "Let him go, NOW!"

Radagast's head turned around so fast I was sure he'd get whiplash. His eyes were almost comically wide in their surprise, but others weren't sporting any dignified expressions either. For a second they looked at me in complete bewilderment, but before they could reach for their weapons the hand with the knife jumped up and settled at my jugular, digging into soft flesh to make the point even clearer. My feet had stopped at the outer range of the campsite.

"NO!" cried out Radagast, his outburst freezing everyone who wanted to react to my presence. He seemed to regret his strong reaction the next instant – I was not hundred percent sure before, but now I knew he would do anything to keep me breathing (if not physically whole – there was Nawat's condition to consider after all).

"Not a step closer!" I cried when a guard wanted to approach me slowly from the side. My hand dug the blade deeper, drawing blood unintentionally.

The sight of one single drop trailing slowly down my throat seemed to freeze everyone. Their expressions betrayed utter shock and rising horror. I bet they'd never seen anything like me before. I was their first crazy woman with a flair for the dramatic after all, but they couldn't have known dying was the last thing on my list. My face must have been really convincing though.

It was Nawat's voice that made everyone snap out of their silence. "Megan... what are you doing?" he asked in a thin voice, his horrified face erased of all colour.

I ignored him, but it was hard. The sound of his voice broke my heart and I could not shed tears now. "You want me?" I asked Radagast in a hard voice – real anger bleeding through the brittleness. Though my resolve was firm, I was understandably nervous and frightened. "You want to know everything?" I demanded, my eyes not straying from his face. I had to be tough now even though I was scared shitless.

Radagast remained surprisingly silent while Nawat turned to the man who had stopped his interrogation. "Do something! Stop this madness!" he implored Valandur who seemed to have frozen in his spot, his face one of dawning recognition. Any second now and he would know for sure who I was.

The men began to whisper nervously among them, no one knowing what exactly was going on.

"Megan, don't be stupid. Drop the knife," commanded the wizard in his most reasonable tones. He had regained control of his emotions now and, as expected, he tried to bluff his way through an obstacle in his path. But not this time, old man...

"You need me alive, right? I'm no good to you dead, am I?" I demanded, pretending to be just a tad bit unbalanced and crazy, which wasn't far from the truth considering this plan. I let anger permeate my voice, "I won't be a puppet, Radagast. I won't!" I declared.

Tremors shook my body, whether produced by fear or stress I was not sure; they gave credence to the crazy act I was pulling through. However, I could not let it control me completely or all would be lost. I balled my hand into a fist, hoping to stop the fine tremors of my fingers that could let the knife slip. I knew instantly that some men already noticed my control was slipping.

Looking at Nawat, I saw that my words had only fed his panic. The soldiers had no idea what I was shouting about since I was using Druedain, and the wizard was not exactly in the sharing mood. Nawat though, was under no such compulsion. "You!" he cried out, looking at Radagast with accusing eyes, "What have you done to her?"

Those words exploded across the camp with all the finesse of a bomb. Every head and eyes turned on the wizard who had a hard time finding words and holding his frustration at bay. Harsh words echoed in the air, questions and speculations rampant. Nawat had not worded that question really delicately, so anything could apply – from threats to physical violence. These men were not so quick to harm a woman as I thought.

Radagast was understandably very angry when his authority was questioned. Valandur had shown him great courtesy when he included him in the group and entrusted his men to him. But the interrogation and now my very unbalanced act were throwing shadows on the previously bright image of the wizard. I was very afraid of what he would do – his eyes promised retaliation for this, or at least that is what I thought. To me it appeared like he was possessed by an angry spirit – there was something extremely dangerous about him, about the charged air in the camp. I could hardly compare him to the gentle old man we met but a short hour ago, who laughed and joked with the men.

I started visibly shaking, my breaths feeling shallower than before. A droplet of nervous sweat trailed down my hairline and my stomach churned dangerously, threatening a reappearance of the meal consumed before the chaos. Things were spiralling out of my control – I just knew it and despite that could do nothing about it.

"Calm down, little woman," Valandur suddenly cut in into the chaos, his voice carrying a soothing and warm tone, and using his beautiful Sindarin to get a hold of the situation. "We won't hurt you," he promised gently, motioning for the men to get their hands off their weapons. After a moment they complied, still not understanding completely what was going on, but trusting their leader enough to obey.

"Everything is alright," he said, almost promised. His face transformed from the harsh lines called forth by stress into a gentler version of his striking features. His steel-gray eyes were pools of calmness.

I did not understand his words, but the tones he used reminded me of the canyon the months before when I was scared out of my mind and he had tried to soothe me. He did have a beautiful voice, I realised with a touch of surprise. The sheer size of him was as intimidating as ever, but despite that I could not deny that he felt reliable, like someone you could trust, and that judgement was only strengthened by his protection of Nawat. A shiver raced down my spine; I could not let myself be fooled again!

To my everlasting surprise Nawat visibly calmed when the Ranger took over the command in the camp. Just what the hell went on here when I was in the forest? And what did they talk about when I was dozing before? I definitely did not share Nawat's sentiments – everyone was an enemy here. Was he not afraid of them anymore? They are his tribe's enemies for Christ's sake! Valandur would not go against his men no matter how much he disliked the abuse of prisoners – you just could not trust them!

Valandur continued to speak, with the same tone one would use to coax a frightened animal from its hiding place. Perhaps this reminded him of the past and he now tried to prevent another disaster. But I have given him my attention for too long. My eyes returned to the wizard, who I was the most afraid of. It was he who was my problem, not the soldiers. Though they were frightening enough, I suppose.

"I want you to let Nawat go free," I said calmly, after taking a deep breath to fortify myself. "Let him return to his people."

"What is she saying?" asked Valandur, halting his progress towards me next to Nawat. "Can you tell me?" he asked after squatting down to be level with him. I did not miss the subtle sign of respect that action could mean despite my preoccupation. I still worried he would pull out a knife and Nawat turned hostage, but the Ranger was not that kind of a man.

"She wants you to let me go," Nawat answered with a puzzled tone, his brows knitting together. My very specific demand was omitting one crucial point and he knew it. I did not demand to go with him.

The Ranger seemed to come to the same conclusion from the look on Nawat's face. He looked up at me in some surprise and dare I say even some small hope? He still wanted answers about me, almost needed them. If I stayed, the wizard would be satisfied and bloodshed would be avoided. "Not us?" he asked Nawat.

"No. She is trading herself for me... But why?" wondered Nawat. "Megan – what is going on?" he asked again worriedly.

I just smiled, a tiny lifting of the corners of my mouth really, and shook my head. He had to remain in the dark for this to work. I knew my time was up. I could not hide anymore, so I did not even expect it to be an option. Radagast would never let it happen and I thought the Ranger would feel the same when he found out about my knowledge; which he certainly would, if Radagast had any say in this situation. The wizard would need an ally to get me safely away from here.

The soldiers looked at me in surprise at this revelation. They had not expected anything like this to happen. Chivalry in a woman? Was it even possible? Why would a girl save a grown man not of her blood?

Even Valandur's eyes betrayed he was touched by my sense of honour and puzzled by my decision at the same time. He had seen the level of devotion Nawat and I held for each other. He knew my brother was willing to die for me, but that I would do the same?

"Who is she?" he asked Nawat in slight puzzlement and a touch of astonishment. I was a puzzle ever since he first saw me. I continued to defy every definition or expectation.

"She is my student, my sister," answered Nawat. "She is the White Wolf – the bearer of knowledge, a protector." There was pride in his voice. I had followed my calling, my animal spirit, so he had to respect that, yet he was also frightened. This situation could not end well – he knew as much.

"Knowledge, you say," he mused as my eyes once again settled in fear on the wizard. Valandur suddenly realised what this trade was about, "Yes, I can see that," he said, his tone of voice turning harder with each word. An ugly look was thrown at the wizard; he had put all available pieces together – Radagast had not been that good in concealing his purpose of the interrogation. The Ranger was not amused at all at the deception. He should have been told of my identity an hour ago.

He straightened up and threw a look at the wizard. Radagast immediately stepped closer and a hushed conversation was started, clearly meant for their ears only. Anger could be read on the Ranger's face, so I tried to understand what this was about. The men were whispering among themselves too and I could hardly keep up with what was going on everywhere. It is no wonder I missed several rapid coded hand signals from the second-in-command as well as the Ranger. The last nail in a coffin was when Nawat began to plead with me to reconsider; were they not allies of the tribe now?

Before I could realise what was going on, two men jumped out of the same bush I had been hiding in at the start of this mess. It happened in a blink of an eye. The only warning I had was the widening of Nawat's eyes and the sudden wind before the hand with the knife was ripped from my neck and twisted to my back, the other arm gripped with a bruising force that made me buckle instinctively.

I twisted in a move taught in all self-defence classes and almost got my arm free, but the man got me by the clothes again. Another soldier ran up immediately, helping them to get the knife out of the way. My one item of protection taken, I lost it. The camp was suddenly in total mayhem.

"NO! NO!" I screamed - the sound so raw and primal I surprised myself.

My knife lay forgotten on the ground as I tried to twist out of their iron hold with no success. Their hands were on my arms, snagging my hair, bruising tender flesh and pinning me to the spot, while a well placed kick was delivered to my legs that brought me to my knees. It took them only seconds to get me on the ground.

I freaked out, completely out of my mind in fear at the sudden turn of events and the loss of control. My struggle only intensified and with it their use of force, which in turn further fuelled my fear. It was a vicious circle of one side reacting to the other. They had no choice but to get a better hold of me and all propriety was forgotten – rough hands suddenly touched places they had no business of getting even near to; that made me react with a woman's instinctual fear.

A shrill scream rang out, hurting my raw throat as I scratched at everything in my reach, kicking and bucking. Someone had to get a hold of my neck to hold me down to stop me from biting, and to prevent me from twisting out of clothes in pure desperation.

I had to get up – no one would hold me down! I thought I was as good as dead if not worse. With the odd positions their hands found high on my ribs and on my thighs, fear of rape was suddenly on the forefront of my mind. I did not understand their commands, their aggression. The vulnerable position and the way they were pinning me down only intensified that. I could not help myself when one of them moved behind me to pin me to his chest – I lost it.

I did not hear the Ranger run to my side, trying to prevent any injury. It was pure chaos in my mind – like I was completely disconnected and any higher cognitive functions had suddenly malfunctioned. I could dimly hear Nawat above the shouts of the men, but everything was covered in a haze of instinctual fear.

"Shhh... it's alright. It's alright..." were the first words my mind registered several minutes later when my struggles had ceased from pure exhaustion. The iron bands holding me to an equally unyielding chest squeezed in warning when I made some sort of noise, but grew looser once I stopped moving. My heart hammered in my chest with painful intensity and I felt dizzy.

They had not dared to subdue me with a blow to the head or a chokehold to get it over with, but hyperventilation shortened my struggles anyway. I was completely spent and could not find any energy to fight back the considerably larger men. Involuntary shivers racked my body and only intensified once the hands holding me in place slowly but surely slacked their hold. Oh, they were still pinning me down – large, male hands, rough and demanding. I could still feel the places they had touched like they were burned.

"By Valar, she is completely terrified..." someone muttered. Even when most of the pressure moved away and only a pair of hands remained on my shoulders, I shook like a leaf in utter fear. I could not look up. I could not look anywhere but the forest floor while sobs shook my frame.

"Shhhh... It's alright. We won't hurt you..." said a familiar voice again. The hands were replaced with another, these one gentler. When they pulled me up to my knees and away from the iron chest covering my back, I almost struck out again, but the man was faster. He captured my hands in a strong yet still gentle grip that had me look up in surprise. It was Valandur kneeling on the ground before me.

"You see? Nobody's going to hurt you,"he said in a calm voice. His face was full of sympathy.

I could not look him in the eyes for more than a second; I just wanted to crawl somewhere and die of shame. Understanding and empathy were two things I did not really expect from the man right then. Why? Why be kind to me now?

The sound of shuffling feet made me look up; there, just a few steps away my eyes saw the wizard's dirty robes. I sucked in a breath. No!

My face must have lost its remaining colour because the hands on my shoulders gently tightened in encouragement. The Ranger waited until I met his eyes and looked at me with his penetrating gaze. He seemed to have found what he looked for as lines on his face deepened; whether in discontent or worry I was not sure. His expression, however, became stormy as he turned towards the wizard.

He said something in Sindarin again, most likely a command since the wizard began to object. That I cringed in fear at his voice seemed only to feed the Ranger's protective instinct; that was the only explanation I could come up with for him to move and block my sight. He shielded me from the wizard's gaze and at the same time hid the object of my fear from me – very efficient.

But when the wizard did not heed his command even then, he motioned with his hand to one of the men to escort the wizard away. There were some angry words, but soon a tense sort of a hushed atmosphere fell on the camp.

Suddenly Valandur's eyes were once again trained on me and I knew without a shiver of doubt that the time for my interrogation has come.

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