Wows… look at all the reviews that I got for just a simple one-shot… and I even got a review from on of my greatest friends, and she's the one who got me into mpreg in the first place. And to the young person who begged me to make this, here you go. And a review from my boyfriend just made this story thing even better.

THANK YOU EVERYONE! (hands out candy)

Well, it seems like people actually DID like Stupid Shirt, looks like Ri-chan is going to make the mpreg fanfic after all. BTW, the title for this story is just to get your attention and for some cheap laughs. HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Ed: (throws a wrench at her head) You jerk! Why are you doing this to me again!?

Oh please, I've made Yami from Yu-Gi-Oh pregnant more times then you; this is only your second one.

Ed: Nuts to you!

Just shut up and do the disclaimer or I'll pair you up with your father and have a lemon scene between you and him.

Ed: I'll be good. (Sits and grabs the disclaimer sheet) Ahem, RiYuYami owns jack shit. If she did own Fullmetal Alchemist, would she be writing fan fiction for it? No, she's be laughing her ass off about her characters and then she would have Roy screw me silly in every other chapter, even if it's a one panel shot, a dream, or a flash back. My God woman, you are sick, very sick in the head.

And you're shorter then holy hell, your point being?

Ed: … WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT THEY COULD TRIP OVER A GRAIN OF SALT!?

I rest my case. On with the fic.

Don't sue me, I'm funny.

--

Edward's Knocked Up

© RiYuYami

Chapter one: No protection today

--

"Roy, I have no idea why, but it seemed a little weird to have sex in your office without a condom…" I spoke softly so no one would over hear us speaking to each other out in the court yard. Roy laughed and looked down at me, God I hate being…

I'M NOT GOING TO SAY IT!

Anyway, after a few times in the sack with protection, me and Roy decided that we were cleaned and we chose to try out sex with out a condom.

"You know you liked it shrimp boat." He smirked and walked ahead of me, I blinked and started to chase after him as he started to run and he laughed.

"Come back here and say that to my face old man!" I screamed at him and this caused us to get a few stares, but we got everyone's attention when I crashed right into him and we started to roll around on the dirty ground, yelling and screaming and maybe poking the other in the face a few times for good measure.

Heh-heh.

"Mustang! Elric! Stop acting like five year olds and act your appropriate ages or I'll make you!" Hawkeye yelled at us while she cocked her gun right at our heads. Hell has no fury like a pissed Hawkeye. We got right up, apologized and dusted the other off, though Roy insisted that I had a lot of dirt on my pants, the Bastard pervert.

"This is your fault Fullmetal." Roy whispered as we walked back toward the building to get a quick shower and get our clothing washed, bad idea to fight after it rained only a few hours ago. I glared at him with a pout.

"Shove it Flame, I wouldn't have chased you down if you didn't call me shrimp."

"Shrimp boat."

"What did you say?!"

"I was merely correcting you. I called you shrimp boat."

"Stop saying I'm small!"

And once again, the argument between the two of us was stopped by a gun to the back of each of our heads.

--

"Roy, stop it. Someone might see."

"And some might not."

"Bastard."

"I love you too Ed."

The one thing you should never do in a public male bathroom (besides playing with yourself after two shakes) is be in a public male bathroom with Roy Mustang, and to top that, you are hot, wet, soapy, and butt-fucking naked. If I didn't know any better, I'd swear that the only things on Roy's mind were fuck Edward Elric, play with fire, gloat, make fun of everyone, fuck Edward Elric, put off paper work, and fuck Edward Elric. That's pretty much it, so far as I know, and right now he is trying to do his favorite thing on the list, you guessed it, screw me.

I had to keep pushing him away, but he just kept coming back. I then pushed him with my automail arm and he got the message that I wanted to continue washing my hair after he fell on his ass in the shower. "You can be so rude Ed, no manners to your fellow co-worker."

I turned to him with a smirk on my face. "Heh, funny, I could say the same thing about you."

"Oh, that totally burns Edward."

"I bet it didn't hurt, you love fire. But when your wet, and not in a good way, you are aa useless as me in a milk drinking contest." That'll show the jerk. As I smiled at my victory I didn't notice what Roy was doing until…

"AHHHHHH!!!!!! HOT! HOT! ROY MUSTANG! WHAT THE HELL!?"

Turns out he was playing around with the faucet and set it to the hottest temperature. "Just for that you son of a bitch, you are getting no sex!" I yelled at him and he looked shocked.

"Oh God no! I'm sorry Ed! Don't do that to me, it's a living hell!" Well, this is something you don't see every day, Roy Mustang begging. I must blackmail him for this later. I'm putting that in the Mustang punishment drawer in my mind's filing cabinet.

--

Heh, what a way to start a morning. Face down into the strange smelling bowl of the toilet, nice. And to add more to the wonderfulness of it all, I'm puking up everything I ate yesterday and it's the greatest thing in the whole fucking universe. Can't you just taste the sarcasm spewing from every word?

"Why does it keep coming…?" I murmured as I leaned down and vomited some more.

"See, this is why I tell you to stop eating so much at dinner." Roy, I could feel his onyx eyes looking right at me, and he had a smug grin on his face. I love that man to death but he is such a pain in the butt about seventy percent of the time. I turned to him, I was, tired, grossed out, panting and my insides burned, but I still had the energy to insult him.

"Go fuck yourself with something hard and sandpapery." I breathed but had to throw up some more. I looked up at him to see if he was going to come up with another insult, but he had a look that he only used when something was not right, worry.

He leaned down and held my bangs back as I vomited even more, this time I think it was that chunky shit, you know when you get near the end of losing all of your stomach and you're asking Death to take you now? Yes, that's what had just happened. I sat back and flushed the porcelain object that I was now calling a God, and yet I'm not religious. Roy placed his palm to my head and sighed. "Ed, how long has this sick thing been going on?"

I thought for a second and looked up at him. "About a week. It's just a stomach virus; it's been going around at work." Well, that was true. Some people had some flu bug at work and it only last four or five days, but I was entering a week with this, I must have gotten it bad.

"Well if it keeps going on, then I'll take you to a doctor." I don't know what happened but I ended up screaming and latching onto Roy's leg.

"NO! Oh please don't take me to a doctor! I beg of you!" I could tell that he was trying not to laugh. Maybe now is the time I can blackmail him to Hawkeye…

TBC

--

Sorry about it being short, but it's only the first chapter and the starting of how Ed got pregnant, but how he is able to carry a kid and all that other stuff will be revealed in chapter two.

If I get three reviews I'll update (this is for those on fan fiction not my DA account in which this story will also be posted up on).

Review or I'll bring Hawkeye out with her gun.

BTW, I got a question. After I get about five chapters for this done with, I might want to do a war romance story called Ofra Haza which is Hebrew for Deliver Us. I was thinking it could be that Roy is solider sent out to fight in war, but ends up meeting an injured boy from the enemy side of the country, and finds out that there is a greater force that they should be fighting against. What is this blond, half metal boy speaking of and why is Roy having horrible nightmares? (Tell me is you like this idea in the review)