Just a drabble I wrote while bored in history A level. A mere bit of fun, that's all.
Sitting at the Gryffindor table finishing off their bacon and eggs, James Potter turned to his best friend, Sirius Black, and asked which lesson they had to start the day off.
Sirius Black scanned his timetable and let out a bark of laughter at what he saw: Transfiguration.
"What is it?" James asked eagerly as he speared a sausage with his fork.
"We've got Transfiguration first, wonder how McGonagall's feelings?" Sirius said with a smirk as he stuffed his timetable untidily into his bag.
Together, they both spun around in their seats and looked up at the staff table. Unsurprised, they noticed that McGonagall's seat was empty.
Laughing, they quickly finished their breakfast, flung their schoolbags onto their shoulders and hurriedly left the great hall for Transfiguration. They arrived just on time, finding their other two fellow Gryffindor students, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew, waiting just outside the classroom for Professor McGonagall to arrive.
Ten minutes later, Professor McGonagall finally arrived, looking severely ill with dark rings forming underneath her eyes. Her hair was dishevelled, not in the usual neat, tight bun that it was normally in. Instead, thick strands of hair were sticking out everywhere.
The Gryffindors' followed her into the classroom one by one with Sirius Black and James Potter trailing behind at the back, both in a fit of laughter at the state their Head of House and Deputy Headmistress was in.
The students all took their desks and sat down.
McGonagall dropped heavily into her chair by her desk, her head was in her hands and she was taking deep breaths.
The Gryffindors' took out their wands and Transfiguration books, but McGonagall put up a shaky hand to stop them. "We are not learning anything new today." She croaked. She looked up to address the classroom. Her eyes were bloodshot and puffy, "instead, take out last lesson's notes and revise them thoroughly for the test next lesson." At that, the class let out a low moan. "Please keep your voices down." She pleaded with them, her voice quivering.
Sirius and James burst out in silent laughter, holding their sides. They could not believe it, Minerva McGonagall: that naughty little minx.
Remus turned in his seat and said to Sirius and James, who were both shaking with laughter, "What the hell is wrong with you two?"
Sirius could barely speak for he was laughing so much, "Remus…ha, look at her!"
Remus frowned at his friend. "Sirius, stop it, she's suffering from flu."
James let out a crack of laughter, "Bloody hell, Remus, that is not flu!"
"It is!" Chimed in Peter, quick to McGonagall's defence.
"It's not."
James scoffed, "Peter, really, how thick are you?"
Peter flushed at his friend's words. It was no secret that Peter Pettigrew was the least intelligent of all his brilliant friends.
"If it's not flu, what is it then?" Remus asked Sirius and James.
Sirius screwed up his face as if deep in thought, "Well…" he said, "what would you get the morning after drinking an obscenely amount of a VAT of five hundred year old vintage wine?"
There was an explosion of laughter from Sirius and James, to them this was perhaps the funniest thing in the word. To Remus, it was disgusting. Professor McGonagall, to him, was a respectful woman who would never do such a thing, especially on a school night!
But none were as shocked as the Gryffindor girl who was sitting behind. She let out a shocked gasp and they all spun around in their seats to find that Lily Evans had been eavesdropping on their conversation, her chin pressed against a propped up hand, the end of her feathered quill in her mouth, but now she was sitting upright, surprised at what she had heard.
The Marauders grinned at Lily, all save for Remus Lupin, who was still shocked by the news. "She's hung-over?" giggled Lily.
James propped his chair back on two legs and leaned on her table, "Yeah!" he said with a grin.
"Can you imagine that old bat drunk?" Sirius said with a bark of laughter. "I'd love to run into her in the Leaky Cauldron one time."
Lily turned her attention from Sirius to James and asked amusedly, "Where do you think she went?"
"They went down to the Three Broomsticks last night." James informed her casually.
"How do you know?" she seemed surprised by this.
"We hear things." Sirius added nonchalantly, although this was a pure lie, for they knew these kinds of things simply because of the Marauders Map. Even though the map was a map of only Hogwarts, they still knew that the Hogwarts staff had gone to the Three Broomsticks.
Lily didn't believe him, Black and Potter always seemed to know things no other student did. She then said sceptically, "If you know so much, what was the occasion then?"
"Dumbledore's birthday, of course." James said as quick as a whip.
Again, Lily was amazed by how they knew these things. She changed the subject, "Can you imagine them lot drunk?"
Sirius and James turned to look at each other, both grinning broadly.
"I bet she's a lightweight." Sirius said wonderingly as he turned his gaze to look at McGonagall, who had given up all hope of teaching and was now slumped in her desk chair.
"I bet she drank the whole bar dry!" James defended McGonagall.
Sirius shook his head, "I'll bet you ten galleons that she didn't!"
James laughed before spitting on his hand and grasping Sirius's in a rough handshake. "It's a done deal."
Lily looked at them stupidly, "How can you bet on it when you're never going to find out the answer?"
"Of course we're going to find out the answer!" Sirius answered her incredulously. He rolled his eyes and muttered, "girls."
"How?"
"We'll just ask her?" Sirius said as he rolled his eyes again in disbelief.
Remus suddenly cut in, frightened. "You can't possibly do that!" he warned his best friends. "She'll take about five hundred house points from Gryffindor if you ask her that!"
But neither James nor Sirius heeded Lupin. "Professor?" James said in a loud voice.
"Yes, Potter?" McGonagall whispered, wincing as her head hurt at the sound of her voice.
James was suddenly aware that in front of him Remus had held his breath in anticipation. Grinning, he said, "Do you mind if I don't revise, Professor?" he picked up his notes and said, "I have all night to do it and I already know the work."
McGonagall ran a hand over her wearied face and then said, "Do as you please, Potter, just get on with something quietly, I have a thumping headache."
James stowed his hand into the pockets of his robes and pulled out a deck of cards. "Exploding Snap anyone?" he said loudly.
"Potter!" McGonagall croaked, trying to get his attention without raising her voice too loudly. She failed.
Instantly, Sirius began to shuffle them. Having dealt the pack between him and James, the cards exploded like thunder on the desk causing the Gryffindors' to cheer in excitement.
McGonagall gave up trying to control the classroom and instead put her head into her arms on the desk, moaning. If she couldn't suffer in silence, she'd have to suffer this way.
"Professor?" It was Sirius Black's turn to provoke her now.
The class looked up from their notes and watched amusedly at Sirius Black's attempt to cause mischief.
"Yes, Black?" Professor McGonagall lifted her head from her arms and looked at him.
"Are you feeling ill?" He asked her sympathetically.
"Yes, Black, flu, but Madam Pomfrey has provided me with some excellent remedies." She winced.
"Flu?" Sirius repeated purposely looking confused. "Are you sure, Professor?"
"Positive."
"But with flu, the symptoms are slightly different, Professor?"
"Doubt it, Black." She replied tartly.
"Yes, Professor, I'm sure!"
"Shut your mouth, Black, before I decide to give you a week's detention."
The corners of Sirius's mouth curled into a slight grin. "But, Professor, I'm concerned for you, you seem seriously ill."
"I'm fine." She managed to whisper.
"Are you sure?" he asked her.
This time, James joined in. "Yes, Professor, you are looking out of sorts."
McGonagall waved her hand as if waving off what they had to say, "Thank you, Potter and Black, genuinely there is no need for you to be concerned for me, it will pass by tomorrow."
They leaned back in their seats, defeated for the moment. They turned to look at Lily, who it seemed was clearly amused by their mischief.
"How old do you think Professor Dumbledore is?" she asked out loud.
"About six hundred and something!" Sirius joked.
"Na, I remember my father saying something that Dumbledore was about a hundred and fifty." James informed them.
Sirius scratched his chin before saying, "I bet they had a good night last night."
"Me too," James added. "We should have gone into Hogsmeade with the invisibility cloak."
"I wonder what she gave him for his birthday." Sirius wondered aloud, sharing his thoughts with his friends.
James laughed, "A good time, that's what she gave him." He said grinningly. They both laughed at this.
"What do you mean?" Lily asked quickly, interestedly.
"Didn't you know?" James asked.
"Know what?"
"That her and Dumbledore have been carrying on together for years!" He watched Lily's every movement, watching as she ate every word he fed her.
Lily's eyes widened. "No way?"
Remus looked up impatiently from his notes and said, "Don't listen to them, Lily, they're lying."
James cut in quickly, "What do you know, Remus? I've seen her go up to her office late at night."
Lily gasped, but Sirius hurriedly added, "I bet she gave him more than a birthday kiss last night, eh James?" he winked at his friend and they both rolled around laughing.
"But he's a hundred and fifty years old, that's disgusting!"
"He's as fit as a fiddle, Evans." James told her with a grin. He then turned to Sirius and said idly, "Dare you to ask her if she enjoyed last night."
"Don't you dare, Sirius!" Lupin threatened, his eyes flashing in warning.
"Go on, Sirius!" Lily encouraged him, enjoying every moment of their torture of McGonagall.
Lupin turned towards Lily looking aghast. "You, Lily, should know better than anyone, being a Hogwarts prefect."
Lily merely shrugged her shoulders.
Sirius wheeled around in his seat and, with a look of pure innocence, said, "Professor?"
"What, Black?" she sounded bored of hearing his voice.
"Did you enjoy last night?"
"What?" she snapped at him, her nostrils started to flare, that was never a good sign.
The class all looked on in interest. Remus closed his eyes in horror and James held his nose in an attempt to stop himself from bursting out in laughter.
"Did you enjoy Professor Dumbledore's party?"
She looked at him in disbelief, her eyes narrowed. What she would give just to know how the Black and Potter boy got their information. "Yes, thank you, Black, I did. It was one of Professor Dumbledore's many entertaining parties."
James let go of his nose and laughed out loud. "I told you so!" he whispered to Remus as he and Sirius high-fived underneath the table.
"Is that why you're ill, Professor?" Sirius challenged.
"No, Black." She added quickly, "Its flu!"
"Professor, with all due respect, I think you've mistaken flu for a stinking hangover."
The class gaped at Sirius Black's sheer cheek, others laughed. Meanwhile, James sat back in his chair howling with laughter.
McGonagall bit her tongue in an attempt to keep herself from losing her temper. "No, Black, I'm quite sure its flu."
"But, Professor, it wouldn't be the first time that Madam Rosmerta has complained about you drinking her bar dry, is that true or are you a lightweight?"
McGonagall's eyes were wide and her nostrils flared. Sirius grinned, he had struck gold. "Detention, Black!" she barked, losing patience with him. James howled with laughter. "And you too, Potter! The both of you have earned yourselves a week's detention for your sheer cheek!"
That quickly wiped the smile from James's face. "What did I do?" he shouted indignantly.
"GET OUT!" she screamed. She was now on her feet and had lost every ounce of self-control.
They didn't need telling twice. They both dived out of their seats and made their way towards the door as quick as they possibly could.
"All bets are off." Sirius muttered as they left the classroom.
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A/N: this was one of my first fan fictions ever, and looking back now, it was badly written, but very well liked by fellow fan fictioners. So I decided to Re-Write it. Hope you like it.