Yuki: This story is dedicated to my friend Sam, who introduced me to the wonderful Anita Blake series.

Sam: thank you, thank you

Yuki: I revised the version of Club Vampyre, the 1st three books in the series, and wrote it to one of her fave pairings.

Naruto: something tells me I am so not going to like this.

Sasuke: But I am.

Yuki: Oh yeah the story will switch around in certain parts between 1st POV and 3rd POV

Warning: You were warned the moment you clicked this story. Of course it's SasuNaru and It's rated M.

Disclaimer: I do not Own Naruto or the plot. Though i did tweak and change some things...

Book 1

Guilty Pleasures

Chp 1

Inuzuka Kiba had been a jerk before he died. His being dead did nothing to change that. In fact, right now he sat across from me, short, brown hair hidden beneath the gray hoodie he wore. He always reminded me of one of those school house jocks; ya know, the ones that hang out by the dumpster, live in the ghetto, and picks on everybody like the good little bullies they are. Not to be stereotypical or anything...

Of course, now the Kiba was a Vampire, the, uh, yeah...forget I said, correction, thought anything. He was still hanging with the bad boys though. Nope, death didn't change him much. But just in case, I avoided looking directly into his eyes. It was just my basic, standard policy for dealing with Vampires. Just common sense, like how ramen is God's gift to earth. Anyways, back to Mr. Slime Bucket, wait, make that Mr. Undead Slime Bucket, sitting across from me. Great a new category to add to my list of things and people I have to deal with. Yippee!...not...

We sat there, dead silence, excuse the unintended pun, in the blue, airconditined icecube I call my office. Stupid Jiraiya, my damned boss, thinking powdered blue was soothing. Hmph, comforting my ass!

"Mind if I smoke?," He asked, "Please?..."

"Yes I do," I replied. He knows I smoke, I know I smoke, Hell! Every-fucking-body knows I smoke. But if I can't smoke in my own office then neither can his pansy little ass.

"Damn...you ain't gonna make this easy on me are ya?"

I sighed and Looked directly at him. His eyes are still brown...SHIT!!! I quickly flitted my eyes to look at his jacket, flushing with shame as he laughed at me.

"Geez," he snickered, " I love this. The great Uzumaki Naruto, scared of me. Lil' ol' Kiba, his bff for life."

"I'm not afraid dammit! Just cautious..." God I hated that dog loving bitch sometimes.

"Awwww, Naru-chan is getting all flustered," he teased, "Ya don't have to admit it foxy, I can smell your fear," I glared at him, avoiding his eyes mind you, as he continued, "You afraid of Kiba, me, a new vampire. And you're supposed to be the executioner of us, the legendary Kyuubi. Ah, whatever happened to that tr-"

I laughed as he gapped at me, spluttering and hissing as he clutched his cheek where i'd just hit him with a silver-plated, weighted down stapler I had, that was just sitting all confused and helpless next to the pile of papers on my desk.

"Oh you stupid, pranking, bitch!" He yelled at me accusingly.

I shrugged. Kiba was right. Well...except for the stupid part. I am a sadistic, pranking, bitch and yes I was, am, afraid. Why not admit that? "Why are you here anyway Kiba, shouldn't be down at the district?"

"Hey now, be nice. I'm here to give you money. To be a client." He said, still rubbing his cheek.

"I raise the dead for a living Kiba, no pun intended. And why would a vampire need a freaking zombie raised in the first place? Arn't you guys like mortal enemies or something?"

Kiba shook his head. Quick; jerky. "No way man, none of that voodoo shit. I wanna have you investigate some murders."

"I am not a fucking private investigator."

"But-But- you gots one of them on retainer don't you?"

I nodded back curiosity running through my mind. What was Kiba up to now? "Yeah, you could've just hired Ms. Smith directly. You didn't have to come talk to me."

Another shake of the head. "But she doesn't know Vampires the way you do."

Okay...now I was just fucking confused. I sighed and glared at the clock on the wall. At least it didn't tick. I might've gone insane if it did. And now I'm getting off topic. "Okay Kiba, lets cut to the chase. I have to leave in 15 minutes or so. I do not like to have one of my clients alone in a cemetary full of dead things, shadows, and ghouls who might want a quick snack. They tend to get jumpy, ya know."

He laughed. I found it comforting, like the break away from the world that is my life, even with the fangs. "I'll bet they do," He laughed harder. Then like magic, he quickly sobered. I felt the tickling of fear in the pit pf my stomach. Vampires can change movements like a clicking switch. I hated that. Wait, if Kiba could do that...what else could he do?

"You know about the vampires in the district, getting wasted right?"

He asked aquestion. Great...now I had to answer him. I could never leave a question unanswered and he knows it. So, I answered. "I'm familiar with them." Four Vamps, as I liked to call our vampire citizens, had been slaughtered in the new vampire district. Their hearts torn out and heads cut off. Great...Just. Fucking. Great.

"You still working for the cops?"

"I'm still on retainer with the new task force..."

He snickered. "Yeah, the spook squad. Underbugeted and undermanned, right?"

"Well, you just described most of the police work in this town."

"Maybe but the cops don't feel like you do, Naruto. What's one more dead Vampire? New laws don't change that."

It had only been two yearssince Addison v. Clark. The court gave us revised version of what life was and what death wasn't. Vampirism was now officially legal in the good ol' U. S. of A. We were one of the few countries to acknowledge. The immagration people were having fits trying to keep all the foreign vamps from imigrating in, well, flocks. Reminds me of when we legalized gay marriage...ah...but that's a story for another time. Yes, times were a-chnaging.

I stared at the vamp infront of me. Did I really believe 'what was one more dead vampire?' Maybe. I shrugged, "If you believe I feel that way, why come to me at all?"

"Because, dear Naru-chan," I hated when he called me that, "you're the best at what you do. We need the best."

"Who're you working for Kiba?" He smiled a close secretive smile, like he knew something I should definately fucking know. "Nevermind that. Money's real good and we wnat somebody who knows the night life real good."

"I've already seen the bodies Kiba. I gave my opinions to the police."

"What'd ya think?," he asked, leaning in real close.

"That your breath smells like it's been bathing in the dentist's cabinets of toothpaste, mouthwash, and floss, with a dessert of breath mints."

He blinks at me then leans back, sneering. "You know what I mean."

"I gave a full report to the police."

"Won't even give me that will ya?"

"I am not at liberty to discuss police buisness with you."

"Told em' you wouldn't go for it."

"What? Wouldn't go for what and you haven't even told me a damn thing Kiba!"

"We want you to find out who or what's been doing the killings. We'll pay you three times the normal fee!"

I shook my head. Jiraiya, that greedy son of a bitch. I should've known this meeting had to deal with money. It's not like he needs it. He fucking OWNS the number one bestselling PORN in the whole fucking WORLD!!! Jiraiya and I would be having a long 'talk' very, very soon.

I stood up. "The police are looking into it and in a way I am already working on the case. Save your goddamn Money!"

He sat, staring up at me, very still. Fear ran up my spine. I fought the urge to grab my crucifix and send him out of the office and away from me. But seriously, how unprofessional would that look.

"Why won't you help us?"

"I have clients I need to meet now Kiba. I'm sorry that I can't help."

"Won't help you mean."

"Have it your way," I nodded and walked around the desk to show him to the door.

He moved with a quickness that he'd never had, but I saw him move and was a step back from his reaching hand. "Ah-ah, Kiba. Tsk. I'm not another pretty face to fall for mind tricks."

He looked at me with something akin to a mixture of suprise and confusion. "You...you...saw me...move."

"Heard you move Kiba. You forget. You're the new dead. You still got a lot to learn buddy."

Awwww, now he's pouting! "Maybe, but no human--- could've stepped away like that. You ain't human any more than I am."

I winced and stared at his shoulder as he came closer. He was right. Being a demon wasn't anymore human than being a vampire. I moved to open the door and it swung open loosely. I gave him my best professional smile. "Thanks for visiting Animators inc. I really should be going now. And tell them, that I don't work for Vamps."

"A firm rule?"

"Concrete."

There was a flash of pity across his face. But it disappeared just as quickly as it came. "I wish you hadn't said that Naruto These people don't like anybody telling them no."

"I think you've overstayed your visit. I don't like to be threatened."

"It ain't a threat Naruto. It's the truth." And with that he walked out.

I slammed the door behind him and leaned against it, my knees feeling weak. But there wasn't time for me to sit there and shake. Mrs. Grunge was probably already at the cemetary with her two sons, waiting for me to raise her husband from the dead. There was a mystery of two wills or some bullshit like that.

I groaned and placed pulled at my silver crucifix, letting it hang in plan veiw. I threw on my shoulder rig, shoving my 9mm Browning Hi-Power in it's place. Loaded down with silver bullets. It didn't kill a Vamp but it discouraged them. I pulled on my long black trench coat and walked out. The rest of my shit laying in my car. I doubt the Grunges or their lawyers will notice.

Naruto: I am so fucking COOL!!

Sam: you just need to hurry up and add another fucking chapter before I kick your ass!

Yuki:T.T she'd do it too...

Naruto: Plz read and review to save Yuki's ass

Sam: and to get a new chapter

Yuki: and for the unveiling of a SasuNaru Makeout session!

Sasuke:YES READ AND REVIEW! READ AND REVIEW!!

Yuki: I'm with Sasuke on this one!!!...wait a minute...WHERE THE HELL DID YOU COME FROM?!

Naruto and Sam:...;-.-...