Fuujin no Mai, which would YOU prefer: an anonymous flame or a story by a person who actually takes the time to write? Why did you read all the way to chapter eleven if you hate it so much? Now, I give those of you who actually LIKE my story the twelfth chapter! (Yay!) I am, however, disappointed that I got so few votes for pairings, yet pleasantly surprised that so many of you actually wanted this certain pairing. I just wish more of you would reply in review form. So far I've only got two readers who've replied as reviewers. XD

WARNING: Serious-ish chapter! Once I introduce Astrid and Star, I'm gonna move onto the pairings (of DOOM)! Yay!

"So… Why am I here again?" Roy asked in between bites of the mustard sandwich Riza had given him (after carefully tracking down Emmy and Rachel's location, and insisting that she stay until Mustang had been released).

"You've been kidnapped, sir." Riza answered simply.

"Yeah, but… Why? I mean, I understand all of you are amazed by my good looks, but kidnapping's a bit much for—"

"No one's 'amazed by your good looks,' Mustang," Ed interrupted, making quotation marks in the air with his fingers, "They kidnapped you because crazy red-eyes over there wants an excuse to stay.

Larka pouted, while Emmy examined her and pointed out, "You know, considering you're an Itachi fangirl, you're kind of a Mary-Sue. Black hair, red eyes, Akatsuki cloak…"

Larka shrugged.

Meanwhile, Rachel and Envy were having a jolly good time torturing Kagome as she attempted to do chores in her impractical miniskirt (XD Thanks, Zilo).

"Oh!" Kagome yelled, throwing down her mop, "This is ridiculous! We have a sacred jewel to find!"

"No you don't." Rachel said, "You'll never find it. Considering you're in Inuyasha, you'll just go for an entire series without anything ever happening, and then, magically, something happens in the movies which the viewer will only be able to understand if they've watched the entire show."

"So," concluded Envy with a smile, "Basically, all you'll do once you get back is indirectly steal the viewer's time and money."

"Ah…" Kagome started, trailing off.

"You gonna finish that thought?"

"Hmph!" she snarled, sticking her nose in the air, and walking out of the room as Sango entered it.

"What was that about?" she asked.

Rachel shrugged. "Beats me. Slut-munster's probably just PMSing."

"GODDAMMIT!" screamed a voice from outside.

"When are we gonna be introduced?!" a second voice yelled. "Ow!" the second yelped suddenly.

"Stop breaking the fourth wall, Star!" commanded the first voice.

"Oh, oh!" Emmy shouted, running past Rachel and Envy to get to the door. "Sorry you guys!" she squealed, pulling it open to reveal two more girls.

The taller one, with dark skin and shoulder-length black hair, raised her hand in greeting.

The second girl, rubbing the back of her head (where a lump was forming), weakly smiled and said, "Yo."

"Okay!" Emmy announced to herself, clapping her hands before spinning around to introduce the two to the inhabitants of the house. "This," she said, gesturing to the dark-skinned girl, "Is Astrid."

"McHale!" Astrid added helpfully.

"And this," Emmy continued, pointing to the slightly tanned brunette, "Is Star Alexis Sarafani. Whoo, that's a mouthful."

Envy shrugged and walked over to the fridge, hoping to get a sandwich (the ingredients of which I was going to write down, but I couldn't find the fricking chapter we put it in!).

However, before he could make it to the fridge (duuuunuh), Astrid noticed him (duuuuuuuuuunuh), and began to run over in slow motion (duuuunuh duuhnuh dunah dunah dunah dunah dunah SCREEEEEAM!) and glomped him with an incredible force that ROCKED THE UNIVERSE AS WE KNOW IT!

"Um…" Emmy sweat dropped. Rachel began to shake, staring at the stranger who was glomping HER Envy in HER house with HER trademark slow motion running/glomping (Who says this story has to be consistent?)! She slowly drew out her tennis racket, and ran forward towards Astrid, screaming "SPOOOOOON!" at the top of her lungs. (Heh heh. Tick references.)

Emmy sweat dropped again, turning to face the second girl.

"So, Star, you want Al, do you?" she asked with a grin.

Star nodded up and down hyper-actively. "I also think the story would be much better with him in it!" she smiled.

Emmy bopped her on the back of her head. "Stop that. I'll go get him, 'kay? Maybe Al being here will stop Ed's whining, too."

Emmy shook hands with Star before zooming out the door (with her super Slayer strength, of course) and arrived at a hotel.

"Hm." Emmy muttered before entering the building.

Back at the house, Envy was having trouble escaping Astrid, who continued to proclaim her love for him over and over again, and somehow failing to notice Rachel pummel her with her tennis racket. Star also stood in the kitchen, leaning against the counter and laughing at the odd scene, while Larka instructed Kagome and Sango on the proper method to brush a dog's teeth [1.

Kathy was upstairs, watching episodes of Loveless and enjoying her time as a newly converted yaoi fangirl (Don't worry, Kathy, I love you anyway).

Ed sat on the steps, with his chin rested on his hand, elbow on his knee.

Why is she taking so long? he thought, Is she alright?

"Aw, man…" he yelled aloud, running his hand through his bangs, "Why do I care, anyways?!"

"Hmm?" the two girls and one shape-shifter turned to stare at him.

"About what, Edo?" Astrid questioned, loosening her arms slightly and allowing Envy to escape.

"What? Oh, nothing…" he murmured. Ed leaned over and picked up Elric of Melniboné [2, snapping it open. With a contented smile, he sank into the fantasy.

"No! I'm not going with you!"
"Oh, come on!" Emmy grunted, dragging Al, who was clawing at the ground, behind her, "You'll get to see your brother!"

"Brother can escape on his own! Please let me go!"

"Nnnn…No!" she growled. "And that's final!"

"Pleeeeeease?" he whined, still clutching at the pavement.

She sighed and stopped. "No." Emmy said firmly. She then snapped her fingers, causing both she and Al to disappear. (Dude dude, dude. Why didn't she do that before?!)

"We're ba-ack!" Emmy sang cheerfully, with Al thrown over her shoulder.

"Ah." Envy noted, bored, "So you are."

"…Awwwww!!!!" Astrid squealed, attacking him again. "You're just too cute!!!"

"ZOH MY GOD!" Star squeaked. She ran over to Al and pulled him into a tight embrace. "You're just so adorable! Stay forevah!!!"

"Get off my Envy, dammit!" Rachel yelled, prying Astrid's arms open with the butt of her tennis racket.

"You left him for Orochimaru!"

"Sesshoumaru! Sesshoumaru!" she insisted, horrified at the idea that she might be attracted to that long-tongued freak.

"Who cares?! You left him, and that's what matters!"

"I, ah… I came back!" she whined.

"Um… Anyway, Al's here, so…" Emmy started, trailing off. "Here, Ed, you take care of him," she concluded. She shoved Al at his older brother, and walked away to the computer.

"Um… Emmy…"

"Yeeeees?" She spun around.

"Why is Al unconscious?"

"Um…" she walked up and examined the body. "Ah. Well, um… Let's put him on the sofa or something…"

"Why is he unconscious?!"

Emmy pouted and blushed. "I had to knock him out. He wouldn't stop whining."

"You knocked him out? Why?!"

"I told you! He didn't want to come!"

"Then you shouldn't have made him come, stupid!"

The girl stomped her foot. "But Star made a request-"

"That you could have refused!"

"Shut up!" she yelled, fists clenched. "Star wanted me to bring him here! I can't go ignoring a person's request!"

Ed growled and turned away. Face red, Emmy did the same, wheeling around and facing the sliding door. It was clear she would be holding a grudge.

Astrid glanced between the two.

"What?" Ed snapped.

"No… Nothing," she said, the twitch of a smile on her face.

Emmy snarled and stalked over to the staircase, which she proceeded to very nearly destroy with her heavy footsteps as she stomped to her room.

"Wait, Emmy…" Star trailed off. After a nasty glance at Ed, she followed her friend upstairs with a worried expression on her face.

Ed huffed and turned away, with Al still on his shoulder. The boy twitched, and slowly his eyes fluttered open.

"B…Brother…?" he murmured, rubbing his eyes.

"Al. You're awake?" Ed replied, voice considerably softer now.

"Mm-hm…" Al mumbled, but soon his eyes became wide, "Where am I?!"

"Oh…" Ed started, also looking around. He grinned sheepishly. "A house?"

"I can see that. Let me down, please."

"Oh!"

Astrid giggled at the interaction.

"Here, Al…" she helped him off of his brother's shoulders, smiling softly. "You're in Emmy's house. She kidnapped you."

"K-Kidnapped?!"

"That's the name of the story!" Star called from upstairs.

"Stop that!" Astrid yelled. "Anyway, she kidnapped you. And your brother, and Roy, and Envy."

"Envy's here?!" Al squeaked.

Astrid nodded, not seeing his fear, "And your brother and Roy. Oh, and Riza! But Emmy didn't kidnap her."

Al twitched slightly, before fainting again.

Astrid and Ed stared down at him. The girl shrugged and went to the fridge, pulling out a carrot.

-MEANWHILE-CUZ-THE-LINE-WON'T-SHOW-UP-

"Come on, Emmy, just apologize for knocking him out," Star pleaded.

"No." Emmy responded angrily, arms folded so a crowbar couldn't pry them apart.

"It's not like Ed even did anything wrong, you're just mad at him for catching you doing something wrong!"

"I don't care, I'm not apologizing!"

"…Do I have to show you the neko!Ed picture?"

Emmy pouted. "Oh, okay, fine! But an apology is all he's getting!"

She stomped down the stairs angrily, before glaring at Ed.

"SORRY!" she yelled, punching him in the face.
"Dammit!" he shouted and clutched his cheek. "What the hell was that for?!"

"Do I have to have a reason to kick your ass?! Come on, fight like a man!" she enthused, fists up.

Ed growled angrily and ran at her, transmuting his metal arm into a blade. She barely dodged the swing by falling backwards.

Astrid and Star blinked rapidly at the sudden action.

"Oh, you're gonna pay for that," she snarled, jumping in the air and grabbing Ed's head with her feet. Quickly, she bashed his face into the ground and leapt up again, smashing the heels of her boots into his skull.

"Dammit!" he swore, clutching the back of his head and running at her again. This time he used his metal fist to throw a punch that caught her in the face, sending her backwards into the dining room wall.

He stalked over to the dent in the wall she'd made, and glared down at her. Emmy returned the glare, with a million times more hate. She grabbed his shirt collar and pulled him down, repeatedly punching him in the mouth before he pushed her off of him.

"You're forgetting I can do this!" Ed said triumphantly, clapping his hands and transmuting a cage from the ground.

Emmy grinned and kicked one of the bars about five times before it snapped open. "And you're forgetting we have wood flooring!"

She ran at him and punched him in the gut, before running past him and pulling Ed backwards onto the hard floor with his braid.

"Now," she said as she stepped over him, smiling maliciously, "Any last words?"
"Yeah, actually…" he smiled in the same manner, clapping his hands and touching one to the ground beneath him. "Duck."

Emmy spun around. Her eyes widened, and she just barely ducked the giant pendulum he'd transmuted from the wall behind her.

"Dammit!" she yelled. She ran at Ed and stomped her foot into his stomach. "You're paying for that!"

"Nngh…" Ed grunted from the weight on his body. With his right arm, his mechanical arm, he slowly pried Emmy's boot away from his torso, shaking.

They each froze in their positions. Emmy standing on one foot, with the other pushing down desperately against her opponent's grip, and Ed sprawled on the floor, pushed up against the wall and supporting himself with his other.

Star and Astrid stared. At this point, the others had come out to investigate what the thumping and crashing noises were.

"Brother…" Al mumbled, stepping forward.

Ed turned to face his sibling, beads of sweat on his forehead. Emmy's eyes widened.

"Gotcha!" she yelled.

Her boot crushed into his stomach once again. Hard.

Wow… Did I just leave a cliffhanger?! …I hope not.

Sorry I haven't updated in so very, very long. Turns out I couldn't squeeze the pairings into this one, but never fear, they will come soon!

Please review, and visit my profile! I have a poll running, and I'd like all of my readers to vote, even if you hate this story! (Please???)

I also beta now!

Thanks for reading, thanks for waiting, and thanks to Niga Higa for being hilarious and inspiring me to start writing again. XP

1 "Brushing the dog's teeth"—Have you ever tried to brush a dogs teeth? Well…you should. Dogs have nasteh mouths.

2 "Elric of Melniboné"—A fantasy book my Michael Moorcock. This is where Hiromu Arakawa got the idea to name Ed and Al's family 'Elric.' Why do I know? Because there are absolutely NO other Elrics in Western (or Eastern) culture. It's a good book, BEFORE ELRIC BECOMES A BASTARD:::Cough::: Sorry.

-DON'T-READ-THIS-PART-IF-YOU-HAVE-A-LIFE-

Okay, okay, and one last thing. Apparently (after re-reading my stories), my actions don't show up as actions. Allow me to explain. Sometimes when I write actions into my A/N, I use three colons (as I'm sure you've seen), and sometimes I surround the action in asterisks. If you don't know what that is, look at your keyboard and find the eight. The asterisk is the star that you get when you press 'shift'. Now, apparently, when I do this, the star doesn't show up. So I'm just writing this to let you know that I did TRY to make it look like an action, but FF decided to be a bitchrocket about symbols. So there.

Also, after the SPINNING BLACK VORTEX OF DOOM!!! I always put a copyright symbol, but on FF it just turns up as a box. Just thought you should know.

REVIEW! REVIEW AND VISIT MY PROFILE! LOVE!