"Hello, Fangirl Help Line, this is Edward speaking."

"OMG! HIHIHIHIHI!! I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M ACTUALLY TALKING TO YOU!! MY NAME IS COURTNEY AND-"

"Oh, great. This is the fangirl help line, not the fangirl let's-make-it-worse line. Do you actually have something you need help with, or do I need to hang up on you?"

"NOOOOOOO! I do need help, really I do!!"

"Well, that's kind of obvious. So how can I help?"

"Well, I kinda wrote this fanfic, and I want to know if my main character is a Mary-Sue."

"Mmmm-hmmm. What's this character's name?"

"Raven."

"Okay. And what color are her eyes?"

"Well… can I say her eyes are rainbow? They kinda change color with her mood…"

"Right. And is she pretty?"

"Well, yeah! I-"

"Mary-Sue."

"What?! No! Waaaaah!"

-click-

"Hello, Fangirl Help Line, this is Alphonse speaking."

"Eh?!? Al?!?! Kawaii!!!"

"Uh, can I help you, miss?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah, yeah! What's your favorite color?"

"Huh? How will that help you with your fangirliness?"

"Um, well, if I know, then I won't obsess over you as much and then I'll be cured! It's a miracle!"

"Somehow, I doubt that."

"No, really! I swear! Tell me! Please! I'll be good from now on, I promise!"

"Look, we get a lot of other callers that actually need help, so if you don't ask me a proper question in the next three seconds, then I will be forced to hang up on you."

"Heeeeeeh?! No, no, wait! Uuuuuuuuh… Oh, oh, I know! What's your favorite type of cat?"

-click-

"Hello, Fangirl Help Line, this is Roy speaking."

"Roy! (shouting distantly) Hey, you guys! I got Roy!"

"Can I help you?"

"Oh, yeah, yeah, of course! Umm… (shouts again) Hey, guys, what were we gonna ask him? (pauses) Oh, right. Okay. Umm… I got these replicas of your gloves. Is it weird that I wear them during class and tried to light the barbeque with them?"

"Yes."

"Hahaha. (shouts again) Roy said that I'm weird! (distant giggles heard) And, um, is it weird that my friend Sarah has pictures of you pasted all around her room?"

"How the hell did I get talked into this? Yes."

"And is it weird that Stephanie thinks (distant giggles) you and Ed should have hawt sex?"

"We should what?!"

"Oh, come on, don't tell me you haven't heard that before. You do work for the fangirl help line. Haven't other fangirls said that to you before? Steph thinks that you and Ed are one sexy couple."

-click-

"Hello, Fangirl Help Line, this is Envy speaking."

"Hello, is your refrigerator running?"

"Huh? What the hell?"

-click-