Author's Note: I had been flagging in inspiration for my story, until I came across Mathematica's collaborative fic titled Inbox. I recommend that you take a look at it. Not only is it hilarious, but you can contribute to it if you want to. Thanks to Mathematica's inspiration, I give you this chapter. As always I don't own Star Wars. Now on with the chapter.
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This is Jango Fett's Inbox. You know what to do. If you don't, I truly pity you. If it's worth my time, I'll get back to you.
BEEEP.
Jango, it's Taun We. Must I remind you yet again that I am not a babysitter, nor is my laboratory a daycare? While it is admirable that you want to provide for your son, I would rather that you did not leave him in my care while you are working. I've had to replace all of my equipment twice in the last month alone. I will, as always forward you the bill.
BEEEP
Hey Jango, it's Jabba. I heard that that brat of yours trashed your apartment again. How would you like to make money for repairs and get away for a little while?
BEEEP
Jango, it's me Kal. I don't know what your kid said to piss my boys off this time, but I caught them trying to burn him at the stake. Fortunately they were outside at the time.
BEEEP
Jango, it's Tyrannus. While I can't make the debt you owe for your son destroying the entire historical sector of Tipoca city vanish, I can however give you a job that will give you enough credits to make a sizable dent in it.
BEEEP
Jango, it's Zam. Listen, over the past ten years I've tried waiting for you to make the first move. I've tried being subtle. I've tried being a little less than subtle, but you've been too dense to understand what I was getting at.
[Image Censored For Nudity]
Now do you get it, or do I have to further spell it out for you?
BEEEP
Jango, it's Rav. The next time you go out, could you pick up a crate or two of "Necessary Supplies"? Not all of us ladies you hired to train your commandos have hit menopause yet, and thanks to your "Nobody leaves Kamino" rule, a we are running really low. I'll forward a list of preferred types and brands later.
BEEEP
Kal again. The boys went fishing again, and used your son as bait yet again. Why they keep fishing in the 'fresher I'll never know.
BEEEP
I'll "I prefer brunettes" you, you son of a [deleted for profanity] Kowakian monkey lizard and a [deleted for profanity] Giant space slug! I hope you fall into the [deleted for profanity]-ing Sarlaac you [deleted for profanity].
BEEEP
This is Kol Sai. I was wondering if the family history report you filled out was entirely accurate. Are you sure that insanity doesn't run in your family? Quality Control Officer Ji Wu caught your "son" running through the Infantry mess hall wearing a towel tied around his neck and what appears to be an undergarment of some sort on his head. When questioned about his behavior, he claimed to be someone called Saiyaman.
BEEEP
Jango, it's Kal again. That kid of yours sure has a mouth on him. Whatever he said this time must've been worse than usual. The boys had tied him to an anchor and were about to drop him over the the edge of the city.
BEEEP
I saw your ad in the Galactic Times under Bounty Hunter Desperate for Work, and was wondering if you could run security for the Slappy the Clown Show's galactic tour. The job pays ten credits an hour, and as many cream pies as you can eat.
BEEEP
This is Kol Sai again. Are you sure there weren't any genetic disorders in your family? Quality Control Officer Lu Wan caught your "son" running naked through the live-fire obstacle course. When he was ordered to dress, he refused. In my studies of human children, I learned that they go through some sort of nudity phase between one and three years old. The fact that your son is going through this phase now leads me to believe that he may be developmentally delayed.
BEEEP
Jango, this is Zam. I don't even know why I ever bothered. On our last job together, I turned into a brunette for you and you didn't even notice. I guess the whole having a clone for a son thing should've been a big warning sign. What I'm trying to say is, from now on it's strictly business between us.
BEEEP
Jango, it's Vau, I thought it best to inform you that you son is in the medical wing in critical condition. Apparently the little Di'kut decided to pull Mird's tail. It seems that Jaster got his last wish. That brat's just like you were at that age.
BEEEP
Jango, it's Tyrannus. I've got a job for you. Lord Sidious wants the senator from Naboo dead. From what he told me, there's a very good chance you could fail and be killed by Jedi. Are you up for it?