It helped him sleep, or a least that's how he tried to justify it. It helped him not to think of his friend, his father figure, the one person who made him believe that it was all going to be all right in the end. Ted was dead, gone forever and Dean knew that he was damned lucky to be alive, even as he tried to forget the guilt that would now always be with him.

Griphook was nowhere near as good company—he seemed to be taking the loss of his companion even worse than Dean was, and Dean remembered how he and Ted used to speculate about the bond that the strange creatures had shared, giving the appearance of an old bickering married couple.

Ted could always make him laugh, even if it came with a shudder as he tried not to imagine goblin sexuality. Then this look would cross Ted's face, and Dean knew that he envied the pair—at least they were running together—that Ted missed his wife terribly and maybe he knew he'd never see her again. Ted had talked of his wife from time to time, especially when they were lucky enough to get a bit of alcohol to take the edge off. She had seemed a remarkable woman—one who gave up everything she'd been for love. Those nights, Dean would sometimes hear rustlings in the sleeping bag next to him, a muffled groan and a whispered name. Dean envied Ted a bit, in spite of his visible pain at their separation. He wondered how Ted had ever got the courage to reach out for a woman completely out of his reach, and how it felt to be lucky enough to succeed.

He wondered if he'd ever get the courage to reach out for the unreachable, to just finally say it—I love you, mate—and brace for the inevitable rejection and the loss of his best friend. It could go the other way, but Dean had trouble manufacturing that kind of hope in a place like this. Still, he had a vivid imagination, and thoughts of those sorts invariably led him here, with his cock in his hand and thoughts of an impish smile, of a compact, pale, bloody gorgeous body moving over his, of twinkling brown eyes, a musical voice and a laugh that turned the dullest day into an adventure. He promised himself that one day—if he got out of this alive—he'd know.

He owed Ted that much.