THIS FIC HAS MORE CHAPTERS, THE FIRST CHAPTER IS ALL THAT IS ON FFNET DUE TO CONTENT REASONS. THE REST IS ON MY AFF ACCOUNT. IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO READ THE REST GO TO MY PROFILE PAGE HERE. THE LINK TO MY AFF PROFILE CAN BE FOUND THERE.

Well hello, this is just something that I wrote out for stress relief and as a personal experiment. If you're in to wham bam thank you ma'am PWP fics this isn't going to be one of those or it's not supposed to be, my fic tend to take on a life of their own. It's NaruSasuNaru and het all at the same time.

WARNING: There will be gay love and gender-swaping het love so if you no likey, no reading. If you ignore this warning and read anyway do not flame the pairing.

Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto nor any characters thereof. Wish I owned Itachi, Gaara, and Neji though.

'thoughts'

emphasis

Chapter 1 The Art of Disguise and Bitch Boots

Sasuke growled lowly as he finally arrived at team Kakashi's meeting grounds and saw that he was later than Kakashi. He'd been dodging fangirls all day and was beyond irritated at their persistance. 'How the hell can a bunch of mindless ninnys manage to find and follow me all over the damn village?' Everything the Uchiha had tried today, shadow clones, henge, and even changing his appearance with a disquise hadn't worked. The girls had managed to suss out where and who he was each time, even when he'd henged into a dog, and proceeded to mob him. He'd finally managed to lose them by dashing through the academy and making sure they were spotted by Iruka, who'd proceeded to give the girls a lecture on proper behavior.

By that time Sasuke was already late so he'd headed to meet with his team still in the disguise he'd tried the last time. The avenger saw Naruto look up and gape for a moment then came the inevitable outburst, "What the hell? Why're you dressed like that teme?"

Sasuke's answer was another growl which had Sakura chuckling.

"Only two things make you growl like that, Itachi and fangirls. Tried to disguise yourself the old fashioned way huh?"

Sasuke didn't say a word, he just glared at Sakura as Naruto eyed Sasuke's appearance. The raven was wearing all black but rather than his usual loose black clothing it was skin tight. The shirt was leather and sleeveless with buckles down the front, the pants were a clingy material that allowed the Uchiha to move comfortably while still just barely protecting his modesty. A studded leather belt hung low on his hips and what could only be described as bitch boots adorned his feet. 'Ouch, the teme is going to be regreting his choice of footwear by the end of today. Skyscraper heels and missions don't mix, makes his legs look good though.' The blond's gaze traveled to his broody teammate's face and took in the thick eyeliner and subtly applied shadows that attempted to conceal his more noticeable features but only managed to enhance the high cheekbones, full lips, and strong jaw. Then Naruto noticed that Sasuke's hair was different and said something about the way Sasuke looked, "Hey you got rid of the duck butt hair."

"Usuratonkachi," Sasuke's tone was a dark hissing warning.

"Hey it's not my fault that your fangirls are irritating. Besides you should have used a different disguise, this is just a short step away from the way you usually look."

"The options were rather limited as I did this on the move."

Kakashi finally spoke, "Let me guess, you went into the first clothing store you saw and got what you thought would fool the girls right?"

"Hn."

Naruto snickered, "And you call me stupid?"

"What the hell does that mean usuratonkachi?"

"It means that even I know more about disguising myself than you apparently do."

"Mind elaborating idiot?"

Sakura rolled her eyes as Naruto's teasing actually seemed to get Sasuke's mind off his stalkers. 'They're so ridiculous.'

Naruto shot Sasuke a smug look, "Why yes teme, I'd be happy to. It's really very damn simple, if you don't want people who know what you look like to find you, dress the opposite. So instead of going for the typical Uchiha's love of all things dark and gloomy, you should have worn bright colors, maybe gotten a hat."

"Bright colors? That would draw even more attantion to me you idiot."

"Oh? Tell me teme, would anyone who knows your color prefrences, as only a fangirl can, be expecting you to wear something bright?"

"…"

"No they wouldn't. They'd be looking for someone who looks like the poster chlid for emo, which that outfit takes to extreme levels, especially the boots. I never knew you swung that way teme."

Sasuke uncharacteristically turned three different shades of red, "Shut up usuratonkachi, they were the only thing the store had in my size."

"Hmm you're gonna regret not keeping your sandals cause by the end of today your feet will be screaming."

"How the hell do you know that?"

"Personal experience."

As Sasuke gaped at Naruto, a pink and a silver head whipped in his direction and Kakashi managed to choke out a what. Sasuke recovered and smirked, "Why usuratonkachi, I didn't know you swung that way."

Naruto ignored his words being thrown back in his face, "Every ninja swings that way if it's a mission teme."

Kakashi, eyed Naruto, "What kind of mission would have you in bitch boots?"

"A typical seduction mission, duh."

Sakura frowned, "But those are reserved for kunoichi. How can you be assigned missions for kunoichi?"

"Possibly because I can, from time to time, become a kunoichi?"

"Huh?"

"Uh Sexy Jutsu ring any bells?"

"But that's just a genjutsu."

"Who ever said that? I know I didn't."

"..."

Naruto shook his head at his teammate's shock, "Sakura-chan the Sexy Jutsu isn't an illusion, it's a complete phyiscal transformation. I really do become a chick with working chick parts."

By now even Sasuke and Kakashi were standing gape mouthed and Sakura had to sit down on the ground, "W-working chick parts? Does that mean what I think it does?"

"If you mean does it mean that I know exactly how you feel when you're pms-ing and on your cycle then, yeah it means exactly what you think."

Sasuke choked, Kakashi had to put his head between his knees, and Sakura face palmed as she realized why Naruto had never given her the 'oh get over it' during that time of the month. Naruto rolled his eyes at their reactions, you'd think by now they'd be used to him springing stuff like this on them.

Kakashi recovered, straightened, and said, "I think it would be best if we started our mission now and forgot this entire conversation."

Sakura looked at the masked man incredously, "I don't think that's something I can forget."

"Then don't bring it up around me again, ever."

Naruto couldn't help it, he laughed at Kakashi's discomfort.

Sasuke limped home in the bitch boots, cursing mentally with every step. The mission had required that he remain on his feet for the duration, 12 hours of standing in bitch boots did not a happy Uchiha make. He got to his house and glared at the blond leaning against the front door, "What the hell do you want usuratonkachi?"

Naruto smiled, "To help my teammate of course."

Sasuke limped into his house and collapsed on his couch, closing his eyes at the feel of his still screaming feet, "Help me with what?"

Naruto chuckled, crouched in front of Sasuke, and began unlacing the boots. The raven just watched as Naruto finished unlacing the heeled torture devices then he groaned as the blond slipped them off his feet. The Uzumaki dumped the boots at the door and told Sasuke to stay where he was, recieving a snort that translated to 'I'm not moving until I absolutely have to idiot'.

When he came back he had a foot spa and he set in down in front of his best friend. Sasuke raised an eyebrow at the girly device and Naruto shrugged, "It helps a lot, believe me."

Sasuke put his feet in the warm bubbling water and moaned at the relief it brought his feet. Naruto chuckled and sat next to the raven, "Oi Sasuke I was wondering, why don't you give at least one of the village girls a chance? I mean you want to revive your clan and all and you kinda need a girl for that."

Sasuke sighed and pointed to a bookshelf, "There's a blue scroll I got from Itachi behind the scroll on Katon jutsus read it."

Naruto tilted his head in question but went and got the scroll. He sat back down next to Sasuke, opened it, and began to read. Once he finished, he blew out a breath, "Well hell. The Sharingan is matrilineal? This isn't some sick joke of your psycho brother's?"

"I wish but I had the scroll authenticated. If I do happen to find a wife none of my children would have the sharingan and the odds of my grandchildren having it are slim to none, by that time the Sharingan genetic markers will be too diluted. So there's no rush for me to find a wife and reproduce."

Naruto hmmed, "Well that's bad for the continuation of the Kekkei Genkai but good for you."

Sasuke shot Naruto a dirty look, "How is that good for me?"

"You can find someone you really love instead of marrying for the sake of little sharingan wielders."

"Hn."

Naruto grinned at the Sasuke speak for 'you've got a point' and pointed at the foot spa, "Don't leave your feet in there too long teme. It has powdered pain relievers that will completely numb out your feet if you do."

Sasuke glanced down and lifted his feet out and put them on the towel Naruto had placed beside the foot spa. The blond got up to empty the device, "I'm gonna dump this out and head to my apartment."

"Hn."

As Naruto headed to the door, Sasuke said, "Naruto, thanks."

The Uzumaki grinned over his shoulder at his friend, "Hey what're friends for? You'd do the same if I needed it teme."

Sasuke hned and watched his friend leave. The Uchiha picked his feet up and stretched out on the couch looking up at the ceiling and thinking of what Naruto had said about Sasuke not having to marry for heirs. He was relieved that he could take his time and marry someone he actually liked but at the same time he wished that the sharingan wasn't matrilineal. He closed his eyes, turned on his side, and fell asleep thinking that if he'd been born a girl he'd be able to marry for love and continue the sharingan's line.

next day

Sasuke was running like hell from fangirls again. He'd gone through an entire mission and most of the day without dealing with one fangirl because he'd actually taken Naruto's advice on disguising himself but thanks to an observant, loud-mouthed Rock Lee, who'd recognized Sasuke in the yellow hoodie and blue pants and proceeded to yell about Sasuke's youthfulness in wearing such happy colors, his cover had been blown. 'I swear if I ever see him again I'm going to katon him to within an inch of his life!'

Sasuke raced down an alley and came out right next to a girl's clothing store. He looked towards the female chatter behind him that was getting closer and then at the store, remembering something Kakashi had said about a hunter not expecting their prey to willingly enter the hunter's territory. The raven dashed into the store and located the single bathroom. He locked the door and sat on the toilet to consider his options. He couldn't go back out wearing his now recognizable disguise, he was too far from his house or any of his friends houses to make a run for it, he couldn't use a henge because several of his fangirls had turned out to be kunoichi and they'd see through it. 'What I need is a transformation that's real not a genjutsu.' Suddenly Sasuke recalled Naruto's discloser on the Sexy Jutsu's nature and he smirked. 'Bingo. I can get clothes here and not a single person I know would expect me to perform Naruto's perverted ninjutsu.' The Uchiha knew how to perform the Sexy Jutsu thanks to Naruto using it in a fight against bandits once and the raven's sharingan automatically copied it along with the Harem Jutsu. Thinking back on that battle Sasuke remembered that, although Sakura had hit Naruto for pulling the Harem Jutsu, it had caused the bandits to pass out with nosebleeds and the Uchiha shook his head at the was Naruto's unpredictability always worked in their favor.

Sasuke stripped his clothes off, because he wasn't sure he'd still be able to pull the jutsu off without losing the clothes, made the requsite hand signs, and poof, instant girl. He scrutinized his new apppearance in the mirror, unlike Naruto he wasn't extremely well-endowed with an hourglass figure and a cute pretty face, instead he as a she was probably about a B-cup with a sleek and athletic figure and an exoticly beautiful face. His hair cascaded down his back down to the small of his back and he still had the bangs that framed his face. Sasuke shrugged into his hoodie and pants, counted how much money he had with him and exited the bathroom to find a sales associate.

(from here on out I'm going to use female pronouns when Sasuke is interacting with another person and male when he's not)

The owner, a kindly old grandmother type came over to him, "How can I help you dear?"

"I need a more...feminine outfit that I can wear everyday but isn't too girly."

The old woman smiled kindly as she took in the brunette's tomboyish attire, "I can see that you're a kunoichi. Would you like a dress or pants?"

Sasuke's instincts wanted to say pants but no one would expect him to wear a dress so, "A dress please."

"Do you have a color preference?"

Sasuke thought it over and for some reason Naruto's eyes flashed through his mind, "There's this color of blue that...well have you ever seen the ocean in Sea Country, that's the closest I can describe it."

"Indeed I have young lady and I have just the thing for you."

The old woman went to the back and returned with a simple halter sundress that had a hem cut on a bias, in the exact color of Naruto's eyes and had golden yellow trim, she also carried ninja sandals, a yellow equipment belt, and weapons pouches that matched the dress perfectly, "A young blond lady who comes in about once a month, ordered this a few weeks back but it turned out that it was too small for her, it was a shame too because it matched her eyes so beautifully."

Sasuke nearly choked hearing that, there was only one person who had eyes that color and he tended to disappear for three days every month on 'top secret' missions. 'Well that explains why he doesn't talk about those missions, they're his seduction missions.' The old lady smiled at the Uchiha, "Would you like to try it on?"

"Yes please."

Sasuke started to take the dress and accessories to the dressing room then realized that she'd need undergarments and paused. The old woman looked at her concernedly, "Is something wrong dear?"

Sasuke blushed, "I...just realized that I don't have," she gestured at her breasts and plucked at her waist band. 'God if Naruto could see me he'd die laughing.' The old lady smiled kindly, "Ah I see, you must be wearing hand me downs from your older brother. Have you ever been measured for a bra before dear?"

Sasuke's blush increased and she shook her head. The old woman patted her shoulder, "There now it's okay, we'll just get you measured and I'll find a strapless bra for you and some panties."

The lady steered Sasuke to the fitting room and told her to take off her shirt, which the raven did with some hesitancy. Sasuke jolted as the old woman circled her upper torso with the measuring tape twice, first around her breasts then under. By the time the kindly old lady exited the fitting room to get the underwear, Sasuke's face was tomato red and the Uchiha's ancestors were hanging their heads in embarrassment in the afterlife.

The old woman returned, handed Sasuke a strapless bra that thankfully hooked in the front and a pair of panties both items were in the same color as the dress and all Sasuke could think of was how hilarious Naruto would find this whole predicament. The raven manged to get the bra on after some fumbling with the tiny hooks and slipped the panties on. She slid the dress on, surprised by the fact that it fit perfectly, then slung the belt around her hips, taking note of the way it seemed designed to slant, finally she transfered her weapons and belongings to the weapons pouches and put them and the sandals on. Sasuke folded her other clothes neatly and carried them out of the dressing room. The old lady beamed at her, "Oh that looks just lovely on you dear, I'm so glad I still had that. I'll get you a bag for your other clothes."

The lady rung the purchases up and once Sasuke had paid she said, "You have a good day dear and good luck with whatever boy you're after."

Sasuke blinked, "That's not...I'm not..."

"Oh pish posh, I was once your same age dear and the only reason I changed anything about how I looked was to impress a boy. Now go on."

What could Sasuke do other than thank the old woman for her help and leave the store. She certainly couldn't tell the old woman that she was actually a he trying to get away from fangirls. The last Uchiha froze when the mob of fangirls came near him only to relax and smirk when he heard them whining about having lost him. He began to head for home before he remembered that he had to get some groceries and now would be the perfect time for it since he'd be undisturbed by the fangirls so instead of going straight home he turned to go to the market.

Okay that's the end of the first chapter, I will tell you that updates will be few and far between due to my other fics taking priority. Please review and let me know what you thought of it. Ja ne!