A/N: Hiya people! Just a thing I thought of.

Disclaimer: Not mine. Belongs to the great Koei!

Die! No One Likes You...

Xiao Qiao raised her fans high over her head and then brought them crashing down onto Yuan Shao's skull. Blood poured out in bucketfuls. How she had longed to do that. It'd been a year since she'd chopped Pang De's head off (by accident – NOT!).

"Well done, Xiao Qiao!" Zhou Yu hugged her.

"Yeah, you executed that move really well," Lu Bu complimented her.

"Not to mention Yuan Shao!" a random person called.

"Woo hoo!!!" Zhao Yun already had a can of beer in his hand.

"That's better, red. That yellow was a disgusting shade – he had horrible fashion sense." Zhang He struck a pose.

Another person was dead – that made 4. Pang De, Dong Zhuo, Huang Zhong and now Yuan Shao. No one liked these people so… PARTY!

Liu Bei opened a bottle of champagne. The cork flew off, bounced off many walls and hit him in the eye.

"OW! Someone help me! PLEASE!" he cried.

"Ha! Now you know what it feels like!" Xiahou Dun laughed.

"This isn't funny!" Liu Bei screamed.

"I know. But it is to me," Xiahou Dun said.

"My Lord! What can I do to help?" Zhao Yun crouched down beside Liu Bei.

"Zhao Yun you gay boy, leave him to deal with it! You're too good to sink down to that." Xiahou Dun grabbed Zhao Yun's arm and yanked him up.

"EAT IT!!! EAT YOUR EYE!!!" the warriors yelled in union.

Unfortunately Liu Bei didn't eat it and he bled to death within 15 minutes…what a shame – NOT!

"My Lord!" Zhao Yun cried. Seriously, tears were pouring out of his eyes.

"No one cared about him. He won't be missed," Zhuge Liang said.

"WTF?! ZHUGE LIANG HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT???!!!"

"It's common knowledge."

So, 2 deaths. Everyone was getting double drunk. In Zhang Fei's case, triple.

"I don't feel so good…" Gan Ning said. Then he puked all over Yuan Shao's severed head. "Actually, I'm feeling much better. Get me another drink, Lu Xun."

"I don't think that's a good idea…" Lu Xun said.

"GET ME ANOTHER DRINK!!!" Gan Ning said in one breath. Lu Xun hurried away.

The person who was the happiest was Sun Shang Xiang.

"YES! I'm no longer married to that fool!!!" She was dancing in her underwear and doing all the things Liu Bei was against – like kissing married men (Cao Pi was a happy man) and flashing her boobs to random people. She even killed a cute little kitty!!!

"Gan Ning – will you marry me now?" Sun Shang Xiang said with a slur in her voice.

"Well…no thanks," he said in the same drunk voice.

"WHY?!"

"'Cause you're married to that green heap on da floor!" he replied.

"That heap's dead."

"Ohh…OK, no thanks."

"WWWWHHHHHYYYYYY?!"

"Ya see, I gots someone to love."

"WHAT?! NO?! …WHO?!"

"That red fuzzy ball – LU XUN!!!" Gan Ning pointed to the young boy holding a large pint.

Sun Shang Xiang screamed and ran for Lu Xun, but she tripped over Yuan Shao's body.

So, everyone got totally drunk except for a few of them. They left the bodies of Yuan Shao and Liu Bei to rot in wherever they were…

A/N: Yeah, I couldn't really think of anymore. Maybe I'll try again one day…? Please review.