"This season on The Smashy Amazing Race," said Master Hand, "Twelve teams set off from Luigi Raceway, in the Mushroom Kingdom…"
"Go!" screamed Master Hand.
All the teams took off.
"…all the way to Yoshi's Island! Along the way, alliances were formed…"
"Hey!" said Bowser cheerfully, several metres away. "I know this place really well! Follow us!"
"Awesome,' said Mewtwo.
"…as well as rivalries!"
"I really hate those guys," said Ness.
"Hi Mayor Bo!" said Link happily, walking into the house. "…WHAT?! They yielded us? Those dirty Pokemon!"
"We cannot lose to this stupid team," said Young Link angrily, "I think the most pathetic way to get eliminated is to get last place to them… they are completely stupid in every way…"
"We choose to Yield Bowser and Ness!" said Snake to the camera, sticking two stickers onto the board.
"It's karma's time," said Bowser angrily.
"Some teams were drawn closer together!"
"Best friends forever!" said Wario and Luigi, hugging.
"Now that we're father and son, I think we can play this race a lot different!" said Ness happily, "Like now Dad can teach me things that I've never known before!"
"…while some weren't!"
Said Pikachu, "What the hell's that supposed to mean? You're a deluded old lady you!"
Jigglypuff threw the straw at Pikachu.
"I hate you! I hate you!" said Jigglypuff angrily. "I'm never going to be with you… …ever again!"
"Nine teams ended up coming to an end of their race!"
"Mario and DK…"
"Squirtle and Pichu…"
"Wario and Luigi…"
"Link and Zelda…"
"Young Link and Diddy Kong…"
"Kirby and Sonic…"
"Peach and Knuckle Joe…"
"Bowser and Ness…"
"Snake and Yoshi…" said Master Hand, "…you are the last team to arrive, and I am sorry to tell you, you have both been eliminated from the race."
"Entrepreneurs Fox and Samus led the pack, coming in first place five times!" said Master Hand.
"Fox and Samus, you're team number one!" said Master Hand.
"Yay!" cheered Fox, exhausted.
"But nonetheless… Fox and Samus had their issues…"
"You know what else opens at six?" said Fox suggestively.
"What?" said Samus angrily.
"My fly," said Fox, raising his eyebrows.
"CAN SOMEBODY FKING GET THIS GUY OFF MY TEAM?!" screamed Samus.
"Oh… I can get off," said Fox sexily.
Samus pushed Fox into the lava below.
"AAAHHHH!" screamed Fox, burning alive.
"Uh… medic…" said Samus.
"Mewtwo and Falco introduced themselves as strong racers…"
"Everyone, watch out! You've just met the winners of The Smashy Amazing Race," said Falco smugly.
"But they failed the come in first place on any of the eleven legs!"
"…team number two!"
Mewtwo and Falco stared, jaw-dropped. "What?!" they shrieked in unison.
"…team number two!"
"Damn it!" screamed Mewtwo.
"Nonetheless, their barrage of dirty tactics…"
"Okay, we've come up with the perfect solution to beat the competition…" said Mewtwo, "…hot chocolate… containing high amounts of sleeping pills!"
"We made a supposed 'alliance' with Bowser and Ness over the plane trip, so yeah…" said Falco, "He knows the area well, so I guess this is good for us!"
"…lunged them into the final three! Dating Pokemon Jigglypuff and Pikachu argued endlessly…"
"IN NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHALL I EVER LOVE YOU AGAIN!" screamed Jigglypuff.
"How can this be so stressful?" said Pikachu angrily, "Just shoot the damn arrows!"
"See what you've made me do?" cried Jigglypuff, tears flowing down her cheeks, setting up the next bow. "I hate you, Pikachu!"
"…but nonetheless, they finished in first place four times!"
"Yay!" said Jigglypuff.
"Who can create the right combination of skill, strength and speed and win the million dollar prize?" said Master Hand, "Three teams remain, who will win… The Smashy Amazing Race?"
The Teams:
Jigglypuff and Pikachu (Damn it jigglypuff's already won they can't win)
Fox and Samus (Damn it samus has been in every final they can't win)
Mewtwo and Falco (Falco's gay… eww…)
"This is Chocolate Castle, in Chocolate Island, where everything is made out of chocolate!" said Master Hand, "This chocolate destination was the last chocolate pit stop in the chocolate race around the world!"
"Teams arrived here at the end of the last leg to Chocolate Castle for a mandatory pit stop, where they can sleep, drink, mingle with the other teams and eat the Chocolate Island chocolate!"
"Wow! This chocolate is really great!" cried Jigglypuff, holding up a piece of chocolate, a gun pointed at her head.
"Can pack leaders Fox and Samus keep their momentum going and cross the finish line first? Or can close rivals Jigglypuff and Pikachu keep up their supportive teamwork and win the race? Or can Mewtwo and Falco, having not won a leg yet, finally get their chance and win the million dollars?" said Master Hand.
"Fox and Samus, who were the first team to arrive at 6:10 PM, will depart at 6:10 AM!"
Fox and Samus
1st to depart: 6:10 AM
"Fly to Mushroom City and find the baseball fields in Neon Heights for your next clue!" read Fox.
"Teams must now travel by plane over 600 kilometres to Mushroom City, the biggest city in the Mushroom Kingdom!" said Master Hand, "Once here, they must make their way 12 kilometres from the airport to Neon Heights, a famous entertainment and gambling district atop a tall skyscraper! Once teams arrive here, they'll find the baseball field for their next clue!"
"Final leg, let's go!" said Samus, running across the chocolate bridge.
Fox and Samus
Entrepreneurs
"I think our biggest strength," said Samus, "And why we've won five legs is because we don't screw up. And you know what happens when we don't screw up? We win."
"Yeah… that's deep… Samus…" said Fox.
"But it's true!" said Samus, "We don't screw up! And in the event that we do screw up, we won't screw up because we don't screw up!"
"…why do you keep on saying that?" said Fox nervously.
Mewtwo and Falco
2nd to depart: 6:11 AM
"Fly to Mushroom City and find the baseball fields in Neon Heights for your next clue!" read Falco, "You have 126 dollars for this leg of the race! This is the final leg! Go! Go! Go!"
Mewtwo and Falco
Martial Arts Experts
"I think we have a really good chance at winning the million dollars," said Falco, "Mainly because our opposition are two teams that are romantically involved with each other."
"I AM NOT ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED WITH FOX!" screamed Samus from two rooms away.
"And when you have two teams that are romantically involved with each other," said Falco, "They get freaky…"
"DAMN IT DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME THE FIRST TIME?" screamed Samus.
"Which is why if we use some natural spices and herbs and spray them on their clothing," said Falco evilly, "They'll get close too each other and get distracted from the race…"
"I CAN HEAR YOU, BEE-ATCH!" screamed Samus.
"Hey! That's a good one!" shouted Jigglypuff from another room, scribbling on a notepad.
"Oh Samus, what is that smell?" shouted Fox sexily from the other room, "is it… the sound of love?"
"Fox, you're walking towards a toilet…" said Samus.
"Hey sexy…" said Fox.
Fox and Samus
"We got Mewtwo and Falco on our tail…" said Fox, peering out the back of the taxi.
Mewtwo and Falco
"We're a minute behind you guys… and we don't want to be anymore than a minute behind this whole leg…" said Mewtwo.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Last to depart: 6:30 AM
"You have 126 dollars for this leg of the race! This is the final leg! Go! Go! Go!" read Pikachu.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Dating Pokemon
"I think our biggest strength is that Pikie and I love each other very much…" said Jigglypuff happily.
"Yeah!" said Pikachu, nuzzling Jigglypuff in the face.
"And that he'll always be committed to me…" said Jigglypuff.
Pikachu nodded.
"Forever…" said Jigglypuff, smiling evilly.
Pikachu shuffled uncomfortably.
"You're going to propose soon, won't you Pikie?" said Jigglypuff, her eyes twisting evilly.
Pikachu shuffled uncomfortably.
"And then we can have each other forever!" said Jigglypuff. "And ever! And ever! And ever! And ever! And ever!"
"AAAAHHHHHHHH!" screamed Pikachu, jumping out of the fourth storey window.
"…Pikie?" said Jigglypuff.
Chocolate Island Ferry Terminal
Fox and Samus
Currently in 1st Place
"Thanks!" said Samus, paying the driver.
"This doesn't look good…" said Fox, pointing at an overhead screen.
"Damn it, the next ferry's at 7:30!" said Samus angrily.
Mewtwo and Falco
Currently in 2nd Place
"Hey guys," said Falco.
"The Pokemon are going to catch up," said Samus angrily.
"That's just great!" said Mewtwo angrily.
Mewtwo and Falco
Marital Experts
"We view the Pokemon as… an annoyance," said Mewtwo angrily. "They're sneaky and they manipulate themselves out of every task. So it's always annoying when they catch up or we find out they're half an hour in front of us!"
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Currently in Last Place
"Hey guys!" said Jigglypuff casually, strolling into the terminal, "We checked up on the ferry times before here so we treated ourselves to some nice buffet before coming here!"
"We got you guys some muffins!" said Pikachu happily, holding up a plate of muffins stolen from the buffet.
Mewtwo, Falco, Samus and Fox stared suspiciously.
"They're just freaking muffins!" said Pikachu angrily. "Have them!"
Mewtwo, Falco, Samus and Fox stared suspiciously.
"Look! I'll have one!" said Pikachu angrily, chomping down on one.
"That's the one that they didn't POISON!" screamed Fox crazily.
Ferry
Departed at 7:30 AM
"All teams are now on a 7:30 ferry that arrives in the mainland at 7:50!" said Master Hand, "Once here, they will make their way to the airport, and book flights to Mushroom City!"
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Dating Pokemon
"So far on this leg, the paranoia has been astounding!" said Pikachu, confused, "They're not even eating any of the complimentary juice that the ferry people gave them!"
"Yeah! I wonder why!" said Jigglypuff, holding up a box of sleeping pills, all of the passengers who took the juice fast asleep on the floor.
Ferry
Arrived at 7:50 AM
Fox and Samus
Currently in 1st Place
"Taxi!" shouted Samus, flagging down a tuk tuk.
They hopped on. "Get us to the airport!" ordered Fox.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Currently in 2nd Place
"Ooh! A real taxi!" said Jigglypuff, pointing to a shiny yellow enclosed cab.
"Let's get in!" cheered Pikachu, hopping in.
Mewtwo and Falco
Currently in Last Place
"We were smart… we ordered a real cab on the ferry… so we should get there twice as fast," said Falco smugly, running up to the taxi rank.
Mewtwo and Falco spotted Jigglypuff and Pikachu, driving away in their taxi.
"Damn it!" screamed Mewtwo.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
"Pass them! Pass them!" said Pikachu to their taxi driver.
"You know, I think I want to keep in contact with Kirby and Sonic…" said Jigglypuff happily.
"…what the heck's that supposed to mean?" said Pikachu.
Fox and Samus
Jigglypuff and Pikachu's high-horsepower taxi passed Fox and Samus's cab.
"Damn, the Pokemon got their hands on a real cab," said Fox angrily.
Mewtwo and Falco
"I can't believe they stole our taxi!" said Falco angrily in the open air.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
"So… have I got the right people?" said the taxi driver.
"Yeah, of course!" said Jigglypuff, "We booked it!"
"What's your name then?" said the taxi driver suspiciously.
"Uh…" said Jigglypuff.
Mewtwo and Falco
"This is the turning point…" said Falco, annoyed, "Anyone will do anything for the million dollars."
Dramatic pre-ad music played.
Fox and Samus
"Can we use your mobile phone?" said Samus.
Fox looked behind, "Mewtwo and Falco are behind us!"
"Just let me book tickets," said Samus, calling up a travel agent.
Mewtwo and Falco
"What's Samus doing with the phone?" said Falco.
"Oh my gosh!" said Mewtwo, shocked. "That's what we should have done! Book tickets!"
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
"Anyway, we're going about ten kilometres faster than their taxis!" said Jigglypuff cheerfully. "So we should have an advantage getting to the airport."
Fox and Samus
"Can we have the fastest flight to Mushroom City possible?" said Samus over the phone.
"There's a nine o' clock flight?" said Samus, "Mushroom Air?"
Mewtwo and Falco
"Nine o' clock, Mushroom Air?" said Falco, "There's nothing quicker?"
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
"There's the airport!" said Jigglypuff cheerfully.
Fox and Samus
Reserved Tickets on 9:00 Mushroom Air Flight
"We got tickets," said Samus happily.
Mewtwo and Falco
Reserved Tickets on 9:00 Mushroom Air Flight
"Let's just pray the Pokemon didn't reserve tickets," said Falco.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Dating Pokemon
"Pikie, these ticket lines are quite long…" said Jigglypuff nervously.
Mewtwo and Falco
"If we can eliminate the competition to one on one," said Falco, "We'll have a great chance at winning the million."
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
"Let's try the travel agent, Pikie!" said Jigglypuff excitedly.
"Yeah, let's go… we'll never get tickets this way," said Pikachu, running across the airport terminal.
Yoshi's Island Airport
Mewtwo and Falco
Martial Arts Experts
"We're going to pick up our tickets with Fox and Samus now," said Mewtwo, strolling across the airport.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Dating Pokemon
"There's a 9:00 flight straight to Mushroom City," said the travel agent.
"Please… can we get on that one?" said Pikachu.
Mewtwo and Falco
On 9:00 Flight
"Thank you," said Falco, taking his tickets.
Fox and Samus
On 9:00 Flight
"We're neck and neck with Mewtwo and Falco and we're not sure if this is our last city yet…" said Fox, picking up the tickets.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Dating Pokemon
"Seats are very low…" said the travel agent, typing into her computer.
Pikachu and Jigglypuff waited anxiously.
1st Flight
Mewtwo and Falco
"The flight's looking very full," said Falco happily, sitting at the front of the plane, "Everything looks good."
Fox and Samus
"We really don't want the Pokemon on," said Fox, "If we can shut them out of the race now, we're sure to win the million dollars…"
Lots of dramatic camera angles of Mewtwo and Falco and Fox and Samus were shown on screen.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu, strolling happily into the plane, waved at the two teams, who were sitting in the front row. Triumphant music played.
"Damn it!" said Falco angrily.
1st Flight
Departed at 9:08 AM
"All teams are now on their way to Mushroom City on the same 9:00 AM flight, that lands at 10:10 AM!" said Master Hand.
Fox and Samus
Currently in 1st Place
"Run Fox! Run!" said Samus, jogging through the airport terminal.
Mewtwo and Falco
Currently in 2nd Place
"Don't let them out of your sight!" said Mewtwo, pushing several people out of the way as he ran across the travelator.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Currently in Last Place
"This is annoying…" grunted Jigglypuff, "We're held up at the back of the plane, while the other two teams are running, doing tasks."
Fox and Samus
"Take us to Neon Heights!" said Fox excitedly.
Mewtwo and Falco
"Neon Heights! Follow exactly where that cab's going!" said Falco.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
"Finally… we're out…" said Jigglypuff, running through the airport terminal.
"We've got catching up to do!" said Pikachu.
Fox and Samus
"I have to say, although we're near the end, the places we're still going to are pretty awesome," said Fox, admiring the skyscrapers surrounding him.
Mewtwo and Falco
"Pass them, damn it!" ordered Mewtwo angrily, the other team's taxi right in front of them.
"Sir, it's a one way street!" said the Toad taxi driver.
"Then make it not a one way street," said Mewtwo angrily.
"What's that supposed to mean?" screamed their taxi driver.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
"We are so screwed…" said Pikachu, sitting back in the taxi, "I'd say we're more than fifteen minutes behind… and if this is the final city we could be out of it already!"
Neon Heights
Fox and Samus
"Stay here!" said Fox, paying the taxi driver.
"Damn, they're on our tail already," said Samus, noticing Mewtwo and Falco's cab with them.
Mewtwo and Falco
"Stay here!" said Falco, running out of the cab.
"We just have to stick with them! Keep up with their pace!" said Mewtwo, running towards the building.
Fox and Samus
"Neon Heights express elevator," said Fox, pointing to an elevator in front of them.
"Get in, they're just over there," said Samus, pushing the button.
Mewtwo and Falco
"There they are!" screamed Falco, pointing across the lobby.
Fox and Samus
The elevator doors opened.
"Close it! Close it!" said Fox desperately, holding onto a button.
The elevator doors slowly started to pull together.
Mewtwo and Falco started to sprint across the lobby towards the closing doors.
Mewtwo and Falco
"Hit the button!" screamed Mewtwo, the doors almost completely close.
The doors closed. Falco hit the button.
Fox and Samus
Fox and Samus stood there, nervously.
…
"We did it!" said Fox excitedly.
"That's great, this elevator goes up like, 300 floors," said Samus happily, "If we hold up the elevator even longer we'll get an advantage."
Mewtwo and Falco
"Damn it!" said Falco angrily, sitting by the elevator door.
Fox and Samus
"There's like an amusement park up here," said Fox, flicking through a brochure, "If we pay some kid to keep the door open we might be able to do a Road Block or task before they even get up here."
Mewtwo and Falco
"There's only one freaking elevator!" said Falco angrily, gritting his teeth.
"Just relax, there's nothing we can do," said Mewtwo, lying next to the elevator.
Neon Heights Amusement Park Complex
Fox and Samus
Currently in 1st Place
The elevator doors opened.
"Hey you!" said Fox to some nearby Wigglytuff, sucking a lollipop, "We'll pay you five bucks if you keep that elevator open until we come back!"
"Wigglytuff!" said the child Wigglytuff excitedly, holding the outside elevator button open with a stick.
"Awesome," said Samus, "Now we just have to find our clue!"
Neon Heights
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
"Hey guys!" said Jigglypuff happily, walking up towards Mewtwo and Falco.
"Hey…" said Falco, crying.
"Contain yourself!" said Mewtwo angrily, "We need to screw Fox and Samus over somehow… it's not too late!"
"Yeah!" said Jigglypuff.
"Plus, if it's us two at the front of the pack then it will be a half chance, not a one in three chance!" said Mewtwo.
Neon Heights Amusement Park Complex
The elevator door started to close.
The Wigglytuff pressed the button.
The door opened.
"Wigglytuff!" said the Wigglytuff, amused.
The elevator door started to close.
The Wigglytuff pressed the button.
The door opened.
"Wigglytuff!" said the Wigglytuff, amused.
Fox and Samus
Currently in 1st Place
"Here we are!" said Fox, jumping over a fence, and grabbing a clue from the baseball field.
Samus hurled herself over the fence and opened the clue. "Make your way by taxi to Mushroom Bridge!" read Samus.
"Teams must now travel by taxi 24 kilometres to this place, Mushroom Bridge!" said Master Hand. "Once teams arrive at this bridge, famous for its appearance in the Mario Kart series, teams will find their next clue!"
"Let's go!" said Samus, running back towards the elevator.
The elevator door started to close.
The Wigglytuff pressed the button.
The door opened.
"Wigglytuff!" said the Wigglytuff, amused.
Fox and Samus stepped into the elevator.
Fox tossed the Wigglytuff a note.
"Wigglytuff!" said the Wigglytuff, amused, picking up the note.
The elevator door started to close.
The Wigglytuff pressed the button.
The door opened.
"Wigglytuff!" said the Wigglytuff, amused.
"You can stop now!" said Samus angrily.
"Wigglytuff!" said the Wigglytuff, amused.
Samus threw a piece of gum twenty metres away.
"Wigglytuff!" screamed the overweight Wigglytuff, running towards the gum.
The elevator door closed.
Mewtwo and Falco
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
"I hear the elevator…" said Pikachu.
The elevator doors opened.
"Hey guys," said Fox, running out of the building.
"The baseball fields are to the right!" shouted Samus, running towards the taxi rank.
"Yeah, right," said Falco, stepping into the elevator.
Fox and Samus
Currently in 1st Place
"Take us to Mushroom Bridge!" said Samus to the taxi driver.
"We might have five minutes," said Fox, "We just have to keep upping our lead as we go."
Neon Heights Amusement Park Complex
Mewtwo and Falco
Currently in 2nd Place
The elevator doors opened.
"Let's go!" said Falco, running off to the left.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Currently in Last Place
"Hey… let's go right! Just like Fox and Samus said!" said Jigglypuff happily, running along.
Mewtwo and Falco
"I don't see no baseball field," said Falco, looking around.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
"They were right!" said Jigglypuff cheerfully, spotting the baseball field in front of them.
Mewtwo and Falco
"There it is!" screamed Mewtwo, pointing in the opposite direction.
"Damn it! False psychology!" screamed Falco angrily.
Fox and Samus
Currently in 1st Place
"You think someone fell for our trick?" laughed Samus.
"Yeah, probably," said Fox, snickering.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Currently in 2nd Place
"Make your way by taxi to Mushroom Bridge!" read Pikachu.
"We gotta catch them!" said Jigglypuff, running off.
Mewtwo and Falco
Currently in Last Place
"Make your way by taxi to Mushroom Bridge!" read Falco.
Fox and Samus
"Oh man… the traffic's heavy…" said Fox, noticing the traffic jam in front of him.
"You know what else is heavy?" said Fox sexily.
"What?" said Fox cutely, in falsetto.
"Me and you… in bed…" said Fox sexily.
"I love you Fox! I appreciate you for who you are!" said Fox, in falsetto.
Fox cried.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
"Mr Toad…" said Jigglypuff to their taxi driver, "Is that really your head?"
"Yes," said their driver, driving them along.
"…really?" said Jigglypuff cutely, touching the Toad's mushroom head.
"Yes," said their driver, slightly annoyed.
…
"Oh," said Jigglypuff.
Jigglypuff took out a packet of crisps and started to rustle them very loudly.
"Why the hell are you doing that?" said Pikachu.
…
"Oh," said Jigglypuff.
Mewtwo and Falco
"I'm not happy," said Mewtwo unhappily, "We keep on freaking losing to the other two teams… we have to beat them today…"
Mushroom Bridge
Fox and Samus
Currently in 1st Place
"Road Block!" read Fox, "Who want to climb a bridge and jump off?"
"Road Block!" said Master Hand, "A Road Block is a task that only one person may perform! In this Road Block, that person must… climb a bridge… and jump off!"
"Using only a harness and safety workers above and below them, teams must climb up the arch of the thirty-metre high Mushroom Bridge!" said Master Hand. "Once they reach the top, they must walk across a platform, and jump into the freezing cold water for their next clue!"
Fox and Samus stared at the clue.
"That's just… that's just so creative," said Fox.
"You have to do it, Fox, I've already done six," said Samus.
Fox
On Road Block
"Hi! I'm Alison, and I'll be your safety worker for the climb," said a young blonde woman, a harness attached to her waist.
"Ooh…" said Fox sexily, "Alison, what… a… name… can I get Alison top of me?"
Fox made sexy purring sounds.
"I don't have to put your safety harness on," threatened Alison.
"But I can put a harness on you," said Fox sexily.
Alison called the police.
"Officer Sexy reporting in," said Fox sexily, "Reporting in for duty…"
"FIUWEBHFUIEWBFUIEWBIUF!" screamed Alison, mauling Fox alive with her safety gear.
Mewtwo and Falco
Currently in 2nd Place
"Hey Falco, I think I see another team there!" said Mewtwo, pointing at the bridge ahead.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Currently in Last Place
"Let's get out," said Pikachu, "We're not going to get through this traffic!"
Fox
On Road Block
"How am I supposed to climb this freaking thing? They're just vertical poles!" said Fox angrily, pointing to the arch above him.
"You see those handles?" said Samus, pointing to some small grips sticking out of the poles, "Try those."
Mewtwo and Falco
Currently in 2nd Place
"Road Block!" read Mewtwo, "Who want to climb a bridge and jump off?"
"I would have no idea what we'd have to do in that task," said Falco.
"I'll do it," said Mewtwo.
"Come on! The entire race could be won or lost here!" cheered Falco.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Currently in Last Place
"I have to do it," said Jigglypuff.
Fox
On Road Block
"Hurry up, fatty!" said Samus angrily, "The other two teams are getting here!"
"I'm trying!" said Fox angrily.
"What… that's trying? You're one metre in the air, Fox!" said Samus angrily.
Mewtwo
On Road Block
"This is easy," said Mewtwo, climbing up the pole, digging his claws in to get grip.
"You're doing great, dude!" said Falco.
Jigglypuff
On Road Block
"Now…" said Jigglypuff, thinking deeply, "How should I go about… getting to the top of this bridge?"
"You're a freaking puffball!" screamed Pikachu, "Now just use that and jump all the way to the top!"
"I sense…" said Jigglypuff deeply, "The answer is right in front of me… yet I'm not sure what it really is…"
"Freaking jump up there!" screamed Pikachu, "Jeez!"
"Does it involve one of my natural abilities?" pondered Jigglypuff.
Jigglypuff clicked her fingers. "I know!" she cheered.
Jigglypuff fell asleep.
"JIGGLYPUFF!" screamed Pikachu.
Fox
On Road Block
"If Fox loses the race on this one task, I'm going to skin him alive," said Samus angrily.
"I love being controlled," said Fox sexily, jumping from five metres up to the ground, next to Samus.
"I'm going to kill you, Fox!" screamed Samus.
Mewtwo
Currently in 1st Place
"My claws are starting to kill me…" said Mewtwo, slowly reaching the halfway point of the vertical climb.
Fox
Currently in 2nd Place
"Fox, if you don't climb faster, I'm going to kill you," threatened Samus, Fox only several metres above the ground.
"Kill me…" said Fox sexily, "Like, kill me in bed?"
Samus took out her gun and shot at a space right between Fox's two legs.
"AAAHHH!" screamed Fox, quickly climbing up the bridge.
Jigglypuff
Currently in Last Place
"Jigglypuff, use your puffball powers and jump all the way up there!" said Pikachu.
"Okay!" said Jigglypuff.
Jigglypuff started to puff up, and ascended through the air.
Mewtwo
Finished Climb
"That was easy," laughed Mewtwo, walking across a metal platform, "Now all I have to do is jump off this bridge and then we'll get the clue!"
Mewtwo looked down.
"Aaagh!" squirmed Mewtwo, "I'm afraid of heights!"
Fox
Currently in 2nd Place
"AAAH! AAAH!" screamed Fox, scampering up the metal wall, bullets flying and narrowly missing his groin and taking off small bits of cotton from his pants.
Jigglypuff
Currently in Last Place
"You're almost there, Jiggles!" cheered Pikachu from below.
Jumping Platform
Mewtwo
"Hurry up, Mewtwo!" screamed Falco.
"I'm afraid of heights!" cried Mewtwo, "I'm not sure if I'll be able to jump down!"
"Damn it, Mewtwo!" said Falco angrily, "There's a million dollars at stake here! Are you going to lose it just because of this?"
Fox
Fox reached the top of the climb and walked towards the platform.
"Hurry, Fox!" screamed Samus.
Jigglypuff
"Jiggles, jump off!" said Pikachu.
Mewtwo
"You're going to just have to overcome your fear!" shouted Falco.
"But it's so hard!" cried Mewtwo.
"Aww…" mocked Fox, "Is the kitty-witty having trouble with the water?"
Fox looked down. "Actually, yeah… it kind of is terrifying…"
Fox huddled up with Mewtwo.
Jigglypuff
"Jigglypuff! We can get in first place if you just jump!" shouted Pikachu.
"I dunno!" said Jigglypuff nervously.
"Do it!" cheered Pikachu.
"Here goes!" screamed Jigglypuff, jumping off.
Mewtwo
Fox
"What if she dies?" cried Mewtwo nervously. "What if the water hits her and-"
"Jigglypuff's a chick?" said Fox excitedly.
Jigglypuff
Jigglypuff floated slowly down towards the ground. "AAAAAHHHHHH!" she screamed in excitement.
Jigglypuff continued to float in the air towards the ground. "This is actually really boring," said Jigglypuff, slowly nearing the water.
Mewtwo
Fox
"You know what?" said Fox confidently, "That looked easy! I'm so confident now! In fact, I'm going to jump off right-"
Mewtwo sucker punched Fox, sending him toppling back into the water.
"Yay!" cheered everyone.
Fox became concussed.
"Yay!" cheered everyone.
Mewtwo
"Damn it, I'm going to have to face my fear," said Mewtwo.
Mewtwo neared the edge of the platform.
"Here goes…" said Mewtwo.
Dramatic music played.
"AAAAH!" screamed Mewtwo, jumping off.
He landed in the water.
"Well… that was… anticlimactic…" said Mewtwo.
Fox's body floated past Mewtwo.
"The race!" screamed Mewtwo.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Currently in 1st Place
"Fly to Toad Town and make your way to the Smash Mansion!" read Jigglypuff.
"Teams must now fly 270 kilometres to Toad Town, the capital city of the Mushroom Kingdom!" said Master Hand, "Once teams arrive to their final destination city, they must travel to the Smash Mansion, a training ground for the Smashers! Once teams arrive here, they will search the ground for their next clue!"
"We're going back home!" cheered Pikachu.
Fox and Samus
Currently in 2nd Place
"Fly to Toad Town and make your way to the Smash Mansion!" read Fox. "Hurry! Hurry! This is your final city! You may only book tickets at the airport."
"This is for the million," said Samus, flagging down a taxi.
Mewtwo and Falco
Currently in Last Place
"You may only book tickets at the airport," read Mewtwo.
"This is do or die!" screamed Falco.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
"This is intense!" screamed Pikachu.
"We're in first place right now, and hopefully we can hold it until the finish line!" said Jigglypuff, being driven along in a taxi.
Mewtwo and Falco
"We're going to do anything to win, Falco," said Mewtwo, Jigglypuff and Pikachu's taxi right in front of them. "When we get to the airport we're going to stockpile up weapons! And then, when we land, we'll sabotage both the other teams for the million dollars!"
Dramatic music played.
Fox and Samus
"We're going to the final city and it's a three-way dead heat," said Fox nervously.
"We need the seats closest to the front of the plane," said Samus.
Mushroom City Airport
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Jigglypuff and Pikachu hopped out of their cab and scampered into the airport.
"Run!" said Pikachu, dragging Jigglypuff along.
Mewtwo and Falco
"To the ticket counter!" screamed Falco, running through the airport.
Fox and Samus
"We need to beat these guys!" said Fox, jogging through the terminal.
Mushroom Air Counter
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Jigglypuff and Pikachu ran through the empty line up to the booking counter.
"Can we have the quickest flights to Toad Town?" said Jigglypuff.
Mewtwo and Falco
"We need to try a different place… we could lose a flight," said Falco.
Mushroom Travel Agency
Fox and Samus
"What's the quickest direct flight to Toad Town?" said Samus.
Mushroom Air Counter
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
"There's a 12:30 flight that lands at 1:00 PM, but seats are very limited," said the ticket agent.
Mushroom Travel Agency
Fox and Samus
"Get us on the 12:30 flight," said Fox to the ticket agent, "We'll pay you a big tip if you can do that!"
Mewtwo and Falco
"Please can we get tickets on that flight?" said Falco to the agent.
Mushroom Air Counter
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
"What's the next flight after that?" said Pikachu.
"There's a 1:00 PM landing at 1:30," said the agent.
"Okay, get us tickets for that, but put us on standby," said Pikachu.
Fox and Samus
"Get us on standby," said Samus.
Mewtwo and Falco
"Put us on the standby list for that 12:30 flight," said Falco.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
On 1:00 Mushroom Air Flight
"I'd suggest you get to the standby counter now," said the agent, handing tickets to Pikachu, "You might miss out if you don't hurry."
Mewtwo and Falco
On 1:00 Mushroom Air Flight
"Run! Run!" screamed Falco, taking the tickets and heading for the standby counter.
Fox and Samus
On 1:00 Mushroom Air Flight
"Come on," said Fox, lugging his backpack along.
Standby Counter
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
"Can we get on the 12:30 Flight?" said Jigglypuff.
"You will be notified. Wait on the side," said a gate agent.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu sat down.
Mewtwo and Falco ran in, inquired and sat down.
Fox and Samus ran in, inquired and sat down.
An awkward silence filled the gate lounge.
"Cordial anyone?" said Jigglypuff, holding up a cup of cordial, which had a radioactive stench coming out of it.
Everyone stared angrily at Jigglypuff.
The standby gate agent walked up to the teams, holding up tickets. "I have enough tickets for two teams."
Dramatic music played.
"The people who will be boarding the 12:30 flight are…" said the gate agent, "Jigglypuff and Pikachu!"
"Yay!" cheered Jigglypuff, taking tickets and running towards the gate.
"And…"
Mewtwo, Samus, Falco and Fox stared nervously.
"Mewtwo and Falco!" said the gate agent.
"Yess!" cheered Falco, taking the tickets as triumphant music played in the background.
They smirked back at Fox and Samus and walked towards the gate.
"Damn it!" screamed Fox angrily.
"We're completely done for. This is it!" said Samus angrily.
Pre-ad break music played.
Fox and Samus
Currently in Last Place
"We need to get on that flight, Samus," said Fox.
"There's nothing we can do, Fox!" said Samus angrily.
"Bribe them," whispered Fox.
"Last call for Mushroom Air flight T672!" said a voice over the intercom.
"We have to try, Samus," said Fox, "Come on!"
Mewtwo and Falco
"It's the Pokemon and us for the million dollars," said Mewtwo happily.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
"Fox and Samus didn't get tickets, so… we're half an hour in front!" said Jigglypuff cheerfully.
Fox and Samus
Currently in Last Place
"We'll bribe you," said Fox, taking notes out of his wallet, "We'll give you two hundred dollars to swap two people off the flight and get us on there!"
"I'll see what I can do," said the gate agent, taking the cash.
Mewtwo and Falco
"Damn it, what are they doing now?" said Falco angrily, the plane having not yet departed.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
"Uh oh," said Pikachu nervously.
A gate agent walked aboard the flight. "Who wants ninety dollars to get off this plane now and hop aboard the next flight in half an hour?"
"Great, they're bribing them?" said Pikachu angrily.
"Ooh! Me! Me!" said Jigglypuff excitedly, putting up her hand.
Pikachu angrily lowered Jigglypuff's hands.
"I'll do it!" said a passenger behind them.
"Oh no, they might get on," said Pikachu nervously.
Mewtwo and Falco
"Damn it, they're trying every trick to get this flight delayed," said Falco angrily.
The passenger giving up his seat walked past them.
Fox and Samus
Currently in Last Place
"Come on…" said Fox nervously.
Mewtwo and Falco
"Please no-one else do it…" said Falco to himself.
"I guess I'll do it too!" said a female passenger.
"Darn!" said Falco angrily.
The passenger walked out, and shortly afterwards, Fox and Samus walked in.
"Hey guys!" said Fox cheerfully.
"Yes!" said Samus happily.
"Aaaagh!" grunted Falco.
"All teams are now on the 12:30 Mushroom Air Flight to their final destination city, Toad Town!" said Master Hand, "Once teams arrive here, they must find the Smash Mansion!"
Toad Town
Mewtwo and Falco
Currently in 1st Place
"This is where the campaign for the million dollars begins," said Falco, hopping into a taxi.
Fox and Samus
Currently in 2nd Place
"We're a bit short on money… hopefully we can pay for our cabs now," said Fox, flicking through the few notes he had.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Currently in Last Place
"We're here to get the million dollars…" sung Jigglypuff.
Both Pikachu and the taxi driver, who was driving along a main road, were asleep.
Mewtwo and Falco
Currently in 1st Place
"Let the bribery begin," said Falco smugly, pulling a note out from his gigantic ball of cash.
The traffic light, twenty metres in front of them turned amber.
"Go through the red and I'll give you twenty," said Falco to the taxi driver, pulling out a note.
The driver shot the light.
"Awesome," said Mewtwo, looking at the other two teams' cars stuck in the traffic light.
Fox and Samus
Currently in 2nd Place
"Mewtwo and Falco's taxi just shot the light, so they've got a few minutes already," said Fox, frustrated.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Currently in Last Place
"Fox and Samus's taxi is next to us," said Jigglypuff, pointing out of the window, "And I think Mewtwo and Falco are ahead of us."
Mewtwo and Falco
Currently in 1st Place
"I'll give you fifty bucks to go between those two trucks," said Mewtwo, pointing to the intersection that had cars coming across them.
The driver sped up, and narrowly slipped through two oncoming trucks.
"Whee!" said Mewtwo and Falco happily.
Fox and Samus
Currently in 2nd Place
"Pass them!" ordered Samus to their frail taxi driver, driving under the speed limit.
"We'll pay you to go quicker!" screamed Fox.
The taxi driver continued to drive at his slow pace.
"Darn it!" screamed Samus.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Currently in Last Place
"We're stuck here behind Fox and Samus," said Pikachu, frustrated, "Mewtwo and Falco are probably quite far in front of us…"
Smash Mansion
Mewtwo and Falco
Martial Arts Experts
"Hopefully the finish line is really near!" said Falco excitedly, their taxi entering the compounds.
"Stay here!" said Falco, getting out of the cab.
Mewtwo and Falco ran towards the clue box.
"Detour!" read Falco, "Break The Targets or Hit The Sandbag?"
"Detour!" said Master Hand, "A Detour is a choice between two tasks, and is this final detour, their choice is between two tasks: Break The Targets or Hit The Sandbag!"
"In Break The Targets, teams must enter other gym and climb twenty metres up to this fighting area above the ground. They must then break twenty targets, some of which are very hard to access and specifically designed for certain characters' move sets! Although the task is hard, if teams can think of inventive ways to break the targets, they may find themselves completing the task quickly! Teams may not fall below to the ground, or they must start the task again!"
"In Hit The Sandbag, teams must launch three sandbags past a competitive distance! Teams have ten seconds to beat up sandbags and launch them a distance of three kilometres, a distance past any individual records! This task is physically demanding, but teams that can work together and land the right attacks can finish the task quickly!"
"This might be it!" said Falco excitedly, "Which one?"
"Break The Targets," said Mewtwo.
Fox and Samus
Entrepreneurs
"Please…" begged Samus, "We can't lose the race because of a stupid taxi driver…"
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Dating Pokemon
"If that's the last task at the mansion…" whimpered Jigglypuff, stuck behind Fox and Samus's slow taxi, "Mewtwo and Falco have probably won it already!"
Smash Mansion Gym
Mewtwo and Falco
On Break The Targets
"Let's go!" said Falco excitedly, hopping onto the stage in the gym.
Mewtwo climbed on.
"So… we have twenty targets to break…" said Mewtwo, looking around.
"How the freaking heck are we supposed to break that one?" said Falco angrily, pointing to a target on the ceiling, obscured by several metres of thick wall.
Fox and Samus
Entrepreneurs
"Smash Mansion! Next left!" said Samus, relieved.
"We have to kick butt at whatever task…" said Fox.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
"This has been the most frustrating taxi ride of my life…" said Jigglypuff angrily.
Mewtwo and Falco
Targets Broken: 1
"And how are we supposed to get that one?" said Falco angrily, pointing to a Jigglypuff-shaped hole in the wall, a target several metres behind it.
"Use your blaster," said Mewtwo angrily.
"Security took my blaster!" said Falco angrily.
Fox and Samus
Currently in 2nd Place
"Detour! Break The Targets or Hit The Sandbag?" read Fox.
"Hit Sandbag," said Samus, "Let's work together on this…"
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Currently in Last Place
"Hit Sandbag," said Pikachu.
Mewtwo and Falco
"This is ridiculous," said Falco angrily, "Let's switch!"
Smash Mansion Field
Fox and Samus
Sandbags Launched: 0
"Okay Sammie, let's work together!" said Fox sweetly, standing on a small enclosed podium with Samus.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Sandbags Launched: 0
"I think they're making us all do the task at the same time…" said Jigglypuff, pointing to Mewtwo and Falco, who were running over.
Mewtwo and Falco
Sandbags Launched: 0
"This is intense!" screamed Falco, climbing on his podium.
Fox and Samus
Sandbags Launched: 0
"Go!" screamed some announcer, dropping a sandbag onto the ground.
"We have ten seconds!" screamed Samus, whacking the sandbag repeatedly with her elbow.
Fox clumsily shot his blaster at the sandbag several times very slowly.
"How's that supposed to help?" screamed Samus angrily, laser-whipping the sandbag.
"Five! Four!" screamed an announcer overhead.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Sandbags Launched: 0
"Go!" said the announcer, a sandbag dropping from overhead.
"PIKACHU!" screamed Pikachu, zapping the bag with all his might.
"I'll make you sleeepy…" sung Jigglypuff to the sandbag.
Pikachu fell asleep.
"Uh…" said Jigglypuff.
"Five! Four!" said the announcer.
"Uh…" said Jigglypuff.
Mewtwo and Falco
Sandbags Launched: 0
"We're doing awesome!" said Falco excitedly, hitting the sandbag repeatedly, "The sandbag's on at least one hundred percent damage!"
"What do you mean?" said Mewtwo angrily.
"On the screen!" said Falco, punching the sandbag.
"Is this some of this fourth wall stuff?" said Mewtwo angrily, picking up the bat.
Fox and Samus
Sandbags Launched: 0
"Two! One!" said the announcer.
The shield on the podium was released.
Nothing happened.
"Damn it, Fox!" said Samus angrily, "You were supposed to hit the sandbag with the bat!"
"But you're the one holding the bat!" said Fox angrily, holding the bat.
Samus grabbed the bat, and whacked Fox repeatedly over the head with it.
"See?" whimpered Fox.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Sandbags Launched: 0
"Two! One!" said the announcer.
"Uh…" said Jigglypuff.
Jigglypuff punched the bag lightly.
It rolled off the podium.
"Two metres!" said the announcer.
"Yay!" cheered Jigglypuff.
Pikachu was asleep.
"Uh…" said Jigglypuff.
Mewtwo and Falco
Sandbags Launched: 0
Falco whacked the sandbag with the bat at the same time that Mewtwo sent a fully charged shadow ball into the sandbag.
The sandbag went flying.
"Yeah!" said Falco, doing a high-five with Mewtwo.
"Three thousand, five hundred and twenty four metres!" said the announcer, "Acceptable distance!"
Mewtwo and Falco
Sandbags Launched: 1
"We're winning! We're actually winning!" celebrated Falco.
Fox and Samus
Sandbags Launched: 0
"Go!" said the announcer.
A sandbag dropped from over head, landing on top of a dizzy Fox.
"Get up, Fox!" screamed Samus, whacking Fox with the bat.
"Hit the sandbag!" screamed Fox, in pain.
"I am!" screamed Samus, hitting Fox, the sandbag sitting on the side of the podium.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Sandbags Launched: 0
Pikachu woke up. "Hurry, Pikie!" screamed Jigglypuff.
"What happened?" said Pikachu, shocked.
"I sung," said Jigglypuff, grinning sheepishly.
"Hurry! We can't waste any time!" screamed Pikachu.
Mewtwo and Falco
Sandbags Launched: 1
"We're doing good!" said Falco, repeatedly whacking the sandbag.
Fox and Samus
Sandbags Launched: 0
"Two! One!" said the announcer.
Nothing happened.
"…zero metres!" said the announcer overhead.
"Damn it!" screamed Samus.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Sandbags Launched: 0
"Five! Four!" said the announcer.
"Sleep as I hit it with the bat!" said Pikachu, picking up the bat.
"Okay!" said Jigglypuff, lying back onto the sandbag.
"Three! Two! One!"
Jigglypuff slept, and Pikachu whacked the sandbag with the bat, sending it rocketing through the air.
"Four thousand metres!" said the announcer.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Sandbags Launched: 1
"Catch up to them!" declared Jigglypuff.
Mewtwo and Falco
Sandbags Launched: 2
"Three thousand and twelve metres!" said the announcer.
"We're in front again! Just one more!" said Falco excitedly.
Fox and Samus
Sandbags Launched: 0
"The only way we can do this is if we work together!" said Samus.
"Work together?" said Fox sexily.
Samus bashed Fox over the head with the baseball bat.
"Gaah…" moaned Fox, bleeding.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Sandbags Launched: 2
"Four thousand and eight metres!" said the announcer.
"Yay!" cheered Jigglypuff and Pikachu, hugging each other.
Mewtwo and Falco
Sandbags Launched: 2
"Two thousand nine hundred and fifty seven metres!" said the announcer, "No good!"
"Keep on working at it! Keep on going!" screamed Falco excitedly.
Fox and Samus
Sandbags Launched: 0
"Five! Four!" said the announcer, Fox and Samus belting the sandbag with the bat.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Sandbags Launched: 2
"Six! Five!"
Jigglypuff and Pikachu continually beat the sandbag.
Mewtwo and Falco
Sandbags Launched: 2
"Four! Three!" said the announcer.
Mewtwo and Falco kept on hitting the sandbag.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Sandbags Launched: 2
"Two! One!"
Jigglypuff and Pikachu smashed the sandbag simultaneously.
Mewtwo and Falco
Mewtwo and Falco's sandbag flew through the air.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Jigglypuff and Pikachu's sandbag flew threw the air.
Mewtwo and Falco
Dramatic music played. Mewtwo and Falco appeared tense.
"Three thousand and one metres!" said the announcer.
"YES!" cheered Falco, jumping off the podium.
"Get the clue!" screamed Mewtwo.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
"Four thousand and two metres!"
"Yay!" said Jigglypuff and Pikachu, jumping off the podium.
Fox and Samus
Sandbags Launched: 1
"Darn it…" said Fox, seeing the other two teams run out.
Mewtwo and Falco
Currently in 1st Place
"Make your way to Peach's Castle! Hurry! Hurry! The finish line is near!" said Falco.
"Teams must now travel three kilometres to Peach's Castle! Once here, they will receive their next clue!" said Master Hand.
"Let's run!" screamed Mewtwo.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Currently in 2nd Place
"Hurry! Hurry! The finish line is near!" read Pikachu.
"Pikie! It's just down to us and them!" squeaked Jigglypuff excitedly, running towards the taxi rank.
Mewtwo and Falco
Martial Arts Experts
"The Pokemon are like, ten seconds behind us…" said Mewtwo nervously, peering out the back of their taxi.
"This is too close!" said Falco.
"How many more clues can they give us, though? I sense the finish line is near!" said Mewtwo.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Dating Pokemon
"We're not going to the finish line yet… but we feel it's an epic race to the finish," said Jigglypuff, "Hopefully at the next clue box we can regroup and beat them!"
Mewtwo and Falco
Martial Arts Experts
"There it is! Peach's Castle! On the right!" said Mewtwo, shocked.
"Park here and wait for us, please sir!" begged Falco, unfastening his seat belt.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Dating Pokemon
"We're here already, Pikie!" screamed Pikachu.
"Why are you calling yourself that?" screamed Jigglypuff.
Mewtwo and Falco
Currently in 1st Place
Mewtwo and Falco sprinted towards the clue.
Falco ripped it open. "Your relationship with your partner will be tested here!" read Falco dramatically.
"This final task, after many days of racing tests how well each teammate... knows the other!" said Master Hand, "First, one team member must enter a vault assigned to their team! Once inside, that person must answer four questions relating to other teams in the race! Answers must be chosen from another list, displayed on the wall! Their answers will create a four digit code, which they must then program into the provided safe, locking a clue inside! Once the safe is locked, that team member must leave and the other teammate must come in and answer the same questions! When the other teammate correctly guesses the same code, they will unlock their clue, which will lead them... to the finish line! Teams must not pre-determine the safe combination in any way!"
"You will be asked four questions about your opinions on your fellow racers. Answering those four questions, one of you will lock a vault containing your clue! Each answer corresponds to a different number or symbol! Once one team member is done, the other must run in and work out the combination that the first team member put in! When your team member works out what your four digit code is, they may retrieve your next clue! Hurry! Hurry! The finish line is very close!" read Falco.
"I'll go in the vault first!" said Mewtwo.
"Hurry, man!" said Falco.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Currently in 2nd Place
"When your team member works out what your four digit code is, they may retrieve your next clue! Hurry! Hurry! The finish line is very close!" read Jigglypuff.
"I'll do it!" said Jigglypuff.
"This is the final task! Be sensible!" shouted Jigglypuff.
Peach's Castle Vaults
Mewtwo
Making Safe Combination
"Okay Mewtwo, final task, this is for a million dollars…" said Mewtwo, running into the vault.
Mewtwo ran up to the wall containing the questions.
"Who is the least trustworthy?" said Mewtwo to himself.
Jigglypuff
Making Safe Combination
"Who is the least trustworthy?" said Jigglypuff, holding up a piece of chalk.
Link ran up to Jigglypuff's ear. "Pikachu told me he had chocolate cinnamon doughnuts without you," whispered Link.
Jigglypuff's face bloated and started to turn red.
"Okay! Go Zelda!" said Link, "Do your bit now!"
"Jigglypuff says that you're a beautiful person and she wants to commit with you for life!" whispered Zelda.
"Aww," said Pikachu, running to hug Jigglypuff.
Jigglypuff slapped Pikachu on the face. "My favourite cinnamon chocolate doughnuts without me?!"
"Link and Zelda, what liars!" said Jigglypuff angrily, writing down the number '0' on a board next to her.
Mewtwo
Making Safe Combination
"The least trustworthy…" said Mewtwo to himself.
"Fox and Samus," said Mewtwo, writing the number seven down onto a piece of chalk.
Fox and Samus
Sandbags Launched: 1
"Two thousand and twenty-seven metres! No good!" said the announcer.
"We are so screwed…" said Samus, falling back, exhausted.
Jigglypuff
Making Safe Combination
"Who has the best sense of humour?" said Jigglypuff to herself.
A shot of Snake, Jigglypuff and Fox chuckling heartily as they poked Yoshi's body appeared on the screen.
"Snake took me poking bodies during the pit stops!" chuckled Jigglypuff, "Definitely Snake and Yoshi!"
Jigglypuff wrote down the number 5 on her board.
Mewtwo
Making Safe Combination
"Who has the best sense of humour?" said Mewtwo.
"Tickle! Tickle!" laughed Bowser.
"Teeeheeehee!" laughed Mewtwo, being tickled by Bowser's playful claws.
"Bowser and Ness, oh, they're such funny people…" said Mewtwo, writing down the number '2' on the board.
"Wait a minute!" whimpered Mewtwo, "That never happened!"
Jigglypuff
Making Safe Combination
"Who is the most overrated?" said Jigglypuff.
"Squirtle and Pichu, you are team number nine!" said Master Hand.
"Yeah… Squirtle and Pichu definitely!" scoffed Jigglypuff, "Those guys placed won way too many legs!"
Jigglypuff wrote down the number '4' on the board.
Mewtwo
Making Safe Combination
"Who is the most overrated?" read Mewtwo off the wall.
Fox and Samus jogged onto the pit stop mat. Mewtwo and Falco, sprinting, trailed several seconds behind.
"Damn it!" screamed Falco angrily.
"Fox and Samus, easily," said Mewtwo to himself, "They did not deserve to win a single leg!"
Jigglypuff
Making Safe Combination
"Which team do you most want to keep in contact with?" said Jigglypuff.
"I feel sometimes as if Sonic is like on an entire different planet to me," said Kirby, "When he's not concentrating on the race, we just fall behind!"
"Kirby and Sonic!" chuckled Jigglypuff, "They were so nice to us!"
"Okay, I've done the four questions…" said Jigglypuff, putting her credit cards back into her handbag, "Now to lock in my combination!"
Mewtwo
Making Safe Combination
"Which team do I want to keep in contact with? Snake and Yoshi," said Mewtwo, writing down a number on the board. "Now to put in my combination!"
Jigglypuff
Making Safe Combination
"0… 5… 4… 8…" said Jigglypuff, locking the machine.
Mewtwo
Making Safe Combination
"7… 2… 7… 5!" said Mewtwo, punching in the numbers.
Pikachu
Falco
"You know dude, whoever does this first will probably get the million dollars," said Falco.
"Yeah," said Pikachu.
Jigglypuff and Mewtwo ran out of their safes simultaneously.
"Come on, Pikie! Guess quickly!" said Jigglypuff.
"You should do fine," said Mewtwo, running out.
Falco
Cracking Safe Combination
"Concentrate, Falco… this is for a million dollars…" said Falco to himself.
Pikachu
Cracking Safe Combination
"Okay… let's look…" said Pikachu.
Falco
Cracking Safe Combination
"Who is the least trustworthy?" said Falco.
…
"Fox and Samus, easily," said Falco, writing down the number onto a piece of paper.
A 'you're correct' sound played for the benefit of the viewing audience.
Pikachu
Cracking Safe Combination
"Who is the least trustworthy?" said Pikachu.
…
"Uh… Jiggles would probably say Link and Zelda… we yielded them after all…" said Pikachu, scribbling down on a piece of paper.
A 'you're correct' sound played.
Jigglypuff
Mewtwo
"Oh, Mewtwo!" said Jigglypuff, smiling excitedly, "I'm so excited! Are… are you excited?"
Mewtwo didn't pay attention.
"Oh, Mewie!" said Jigglypuff sweetly, fluttering her eyelids.
Pikachu
Cracking Safe Combination: 1/1 Right
"Who has the best sense of humour?" said Pikachu to himself.
"I'll kill you!" screamed Wario, holding up an axe, charging towards Luigi.
"Tehee!" laughed Jigglypuff, amused.
"Wario and Luigi I'd say… she liked their… homicidal antics…" said Pikachu.
A buzzer sound played.
Falco
Cracking Safe Combination: 1/1 Right
"Who has the best sense of humour?" said Falco.
…
"Dude, did we find anyone funny?" said Falco hysterically.
Fox and Samus
Currently in Last Place
"Make your way to Peach's Castle! Hurry! Hurry! The finish line is near!" said Samus.
"We just have to keep on going… who knows… there might still be time to catch up," said Fox.
Pikachu
Cracking Safe Combination: 1/2 Right
"Hmm…" said Pikachu, pondering at the board.
Falco
Cracking Safe Combination: 1/1 Right
"I'll say Snake and Yoshi had the best sense of humour!" said Falco, scribbling down on a piece of paper with his pen.
A buzzer sound played.
Pikachu
Cracking Safe Combination: 1/2 Right
"Is the most overrated?" said Pikachu. "Fox and Samus, definitely."
A buzzer sound played.
Falco
Cracking Safe: 1/2 Right
"The most overrated? Fox and Samus, definitely," said Falco confidently.
A 'tick' sound played.
Pikachu
Cracking Safe: 1/3 Right
"Which team do you most want to keep in contact with?" said Pikachu.
"…Snake and Yoshi?" said Pikachu.
A buzzer sound played.
Falco
Cracking Safe: 2/3 Right
"Which team… do we most want to keep in contact with?" said Falco, "I'd honestly have… no idea…"
Fox and Samus
Currently in Last Place
"You will be asked four questions about your opinions on your fellow racers. Answering those-"
Pikachu
Cracking Safe: 1/4 Right
"Okay, let's try the code…" said Pikachu, inputting the numbers into the safe.
Dramatic music played.
The safe beeped twice, and a rejection message appeared on-screen.
"Gosh…" said Pikachu stressfully.
Falco
Cracking Safe: 2/3 Right
"Who?" said Falco. "Who would Mewtwo most like to be in contact with?"
"And you can come back to my beach house and we can have ice cream!" cheered Yoshi.
"Yay!" cheered Mewtwo happily.
Falco walked in.
"And then I'll kill you!" said Mewtwo angrily.
"Waah!" cried Yoshi.
"Only kidding! We're such great friends!" said Mewtwo loudly.
Falco stared.
"Uh… in hell?" said Mewtwo.
"Mewtwo's like best buds with Yoshi!" cheered Falco, "Awesome! I think I have this!"
Falco
Code Needed: 7275
Falco walked up to the safe.
"7… 5… 7… 5…" said Falco.
Dramatic music played.
A reject code appeared.
"Damn it!" said Falco angrily.
Pikachu
Code Needed: 0548
"0… 9… 7… 5…" said Pikachu to himself, "What's wrong with this code?"
Fox and Samus
Currently in Last Place
"Once one team member is done, the other must run in and work out the combination that the first team member put in!" read Fox slowly.
Falco
Code Needed: 7275
"Damn it… what do I change? What do I change?" said Falco to himself.
Pikachu
Code Needed: 0548
"Okay… sense of humour… not Wario and Luigi… hey! They were all torturing Yoshi for fun! It's Snake and Yoshi who are the funny ones!" said Pikachu to himself. "0575!"
Pikachu put the numbers into the safe.
Rejection.
"Hmm!" said Pikachu angrily.
Fox and Samus
Currently in Last Place
"…blah blah War and Peace, by Leo Tolstoy blah blah," read Fox off the clue.
Falco
Code Needed: 7275
"Let's run through the questions…" said Falco, "Fox and Samus… definitely the least trustworthy… Snake and Yoshi, definitely for contact… Fox and Samus, definitely the most overrated… it's the sense of humour! Who has the best sense of humour?"
Pikachu
Code Needed: 0548
"Now who would be the most overrated for Jigglypuff?" said Pikachu to himself.
Fox and Samus
Currently in Last Place
"…stopping by woods on a snowy evening…"
"Can we freaking do the task already?" screamed Samus angrily.
Falco
Code Needed: 7275
"Okay… it has to be one of these numbers…" said Falco smugly, "7075…"
Falco pressed the numbers into the safe.
Pikachu
Coded Needed: 0548
"Oh my gosh! Why didn't I remember?" said Pikachu excitedly, "Jigglypuff really wanted to keep in touch with Kirby and Sonic because-"
Pikachu sighed, "…she wanted to leave me to date Sonic…"
A 'you're correct' sound played.
Falco
Code Needed: 7275
"7… 1… 7… 5…" said Falco, pressing into the safe.
A rejection code played.
Pikachu
Code Needed: 0548
"That leaves who's the most overrated…" said Pikachu.
Falco
Code Needed: 7275
Falco stared at the safe.
"I know who's funny!" chuckled Falco, "Wario and Luigi!"
"7… 9… 7… 5…" entered Falco into the safe.
A rejection screen appeared.
"Why?" said Falco, frustrated.
Pikachu
Code Needed: 0548
"I've got it!" said Pikachu excitedly.
Falco
Code Needed: 7275
"This has got to be it!" said Falco excitedly.
Pikachu
Code Needed: 0548
"0…"
Falco
Code Needed: 7275
"7…"
Pikachu
Code Needed: 0548
"5…"
Falco
Code Needed: 7275
"2…"
Pikachu
Code Needed: 0548
"4…"
Falco
Code Needed: 7275
"7…"
Lots of dramatic music played.
Pikachu
Code Needed: 0548
"…8?" said Pikachu to himself.
Falco
Code Needed: 7275
"5!" said Falco.
Fox and Samus
Currently in Last Place
"How to operate the Waddle Lock™," said Fox.
Mewtwo and Falco
Currently in 1st Place
The safe door opened.
"OH MY GOSH!" screamed Falco excitedly.
Falco ran out, screaming, holding the clue excitedly.
"Yes!" cheered Mewtwo, opening the clue. "Take that, suckers!"
"Yess!" cheered Pikachu from his room.
Pikachu ran out, holding the final clue.
Mewtwo and Falco and Jigglypuff and Pikachu stared at each other.
"AAAAAHHHHHH!" screamed everyone, opening their clues.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Mewtwo and Falco
Tied for 1st Place
"Make your way to the finish line of the race, Luigi Raceway!" read Falco and Jigglypuff at the same time.
"Having completed all tasksin the entire race, teams must now travel ten kilometres to the final destination of The Smashy Amazing Race, Luigi Raceway!" said Master Hand, "Teams must run along a long marked path before entering the stadium, where they will see the finish line straight in front of them! The first team to cross the finish line, will win the one million dollar prize!"
"Freaking hell! It's close! It's close!" screamed Falco, running onto the street.
Fox and Samus
Currently in Last Place
"Look… I don't even think what you're saying is relevant to the clue… just enter in 0000, and we'll be out of here instantly," said Samus angrily.
"Fine!" said Fox angrily.
Mewtwo and Falco
"We need a freaking cab! We need a freaking cab!" screamed a disillusioned Falco, running around the main road manically.
"Cab! Cab!" screamed Mewtwo, waving randomly, completely dizzy from shock.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
"We need a taxi! Oh my gosh! We need one so badly!" cried Jigglypuff desperately.
Mewtwo and Falco
"There's no freaking taxis and it's the freaking finish line!" moaned Falco, "This is so damn important! We need to beat those freaking puffballs and win this damn race!"
Peach's Castle Vault
Fox
Locking Safe
Fox walked in calmly.
He pressed 0000, locking the safe.
He walked out.
The Street
Mewtwo and Falco
"Damn it!" screamed Falco, jogging up and down the street, waving viciously but to no avail, "We need a darn taxi!"
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
"This is so close! This is so, so, close!" said Pikachu hysterically.
Peach's Castle Vault
Samus
Solving Safe
Samus walked in.
She pressed 0000.
She took the clue.
The Street
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
"Pikie! I'm going to vomit!" screamed Jigglypuff, rocking vicariously back and forth on the boat.
"How the hell are you on a boat?!" screamed Pikachu desperately, reading the text off the screen.
Mewtwo and Falco
"There's an empty taxi!" said Mewtwo excitedly, "Flag it down!"
A yellow cab stopped several metres away from them.
"For a million dollars!" cheered Falco, putting his bag in the back of the taxi.
"Take us to Luigi Raceway!" said Mewtwo, sitting in the back seat, "As quick as you can! This is literally… a million dollars for us!"
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Currently in 2nd Place
"We need a cab!" cried Jigglypuff, watching Mewtwo and Falco drive off.
"There!" said Pikachu excitedly, watching another taxi pull up.
Fox and Samus
Currently in Last Place
"Your relationship with your partner will be tested here!" read Fox.
"Wrong clue, diphead," said Samus angrily.
"Diphead?" said Fox, "Isn't it supposed to be-"
A large truck passed by the camera. Indoors.
"No, no, I'm pretty sure it's diphead," said Samus angrily.
…
"Uh… I think this clue goes to the finish line, many we want to open it…" said Fox.
"Okay," said Samus.
Mewtwo and Falco
"Jigglypuff and Pikachu's taxi is literally, five seconds behind ours," said Falco nervously, peering out the back.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
"Follow that cab!" said Jigglypuff.
"Jiggles, I think this might be a footrace to the pit stop…" said Pikachu anxiously, "So run as hard as you can and we can get a million dollars!"
Mewtwo and Falco
"We want this so bad…" said Mewtwo, travelling along in the taxi, "We've come so close to first place so many times… and we've always missed out… we have to get this!"
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
"Mewtwo and Falco are just a bunch of cheats as far as I'm concerned…" said Pikachu to the camera, "We have to stop them from winning! They haven't even won a leg yet! Why should they now?"
Fox and Samus
Currently in Last Place
"Take us to Luigi Raceway!" said Fox, hopping into a taxi.
"Do you know where it is?" said Samus.
"Yeah, I know!" said the taxi driver.
Mewtwo and Falco
"Damn it," said Falco, "We have to lose them! We can't just sit here and get beaten in a footrace! We have to do something!"
"I've got an idea…" said Mewtwo, taking an arsenal of weapons out of his bag.
…
"Why didn't you use those the eleven other legs we had a chance at coming in first?" said Falco angrily.
"Uh…" said Mewtwo.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
"Get ready to run, Jiggles!" said Pikachu.
Mewtwo shot through from the back of his taxi at the tyres of their taxi.
"Oh no! They're shooting at us!" screamed Jigglypuff.
Their taxi spun out of control, circling around several times before coming to a stop.
Mewtwo and Falco
"YESS!" cheered Falco.
"I can almost taste the million bucks!" said Mewtwo excitedly, stroking his bazooka calmly.
Fox and Samus
"Hey… is that another team?" said Fox, their taxi driving past Jigglypuff and Pikachu's overturned taxi.
"I think it is!" said Samus, "We're still in it! Despite doing crap the entire day we still might be able to win this!"
Mewtwo and Falco
"To a million dollars!" said Falco, pouring out the champagne.
Fox and Samus's taxi pulled up behind their taxi.
"WHAT?!" screamed Mewtwo and Falco in unison.
"How the- how the hell did they catch up?" screamed Falco.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
"Ooh! Let's try this taxi!" said Jigglypuff excitedly, pointing to a shiny V8 sports car. With fast wheels.
"Yay!" said Pikachu, jumping into the taxi.
Mewtwo and Falco
"Gaah!" screamed Mewtwo, shooting at Fox and Samus's tyres.
Fox and Samus
"Two can play at this game!" said Samus angrily.
Samus threw an anchor through Mewtwo and Falco's back windshield.
"What did that achieve? You just destroyed public property!" said Fox angrily.
"You'll see… you'll see…" said Samus.
Nothing happened.
"Uh… we should probably change taxi," said Fox, sitting, motionless.
Mewtwo and Falco
"To a million dollars!" said Falco, holding up his champagne.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu's super-charged taxi zoomed past on the right.
"WHAT?!" screamed Falco and Mewtwo in unison.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
"Yaay!" cheered Jigglypuff and Pikachu.
A police car pulled up behind their taxi.
"NUUUE!" screamed Jigglypuff and Pikachu.
Mewtwo and Falco
Mewtwo and Falco's taxi passed Jigglypuff and Pikachu.
"…I'm scared to take out the champagne," said Falco, trembling.
Fox and Samus's car pulled up alongside their taxi.
Samus punched a hole in their window and took the champagne.
"You'll pay!" screamed Mewtwo angrily, holding up his gun.
"You don't have any bullets left!" taunted Samus, holding up the bullet bag.
"You don't have a gun!" said Falco angrily.
"Or do I?" said Fox sexily.
Falco, Mewtwo and Samus lowered their heads in shame.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
"Do you realise you were speeding?" said a policeman to their taxi driver.
"We need to change taxis again!" said Pikachu desperately.
Pikachu and Jigglypuff, spotting a taxi zooming past, jumped into the window of that taxi and hopped in.
"Take us to Luigi Raceway!" cheered Jigglypuff.
Fox and Samus
Fox and Samus, and Mewtwo and Falco's taxis, neck-and-neck, stopped at a red light.
"Oh look! Luigi's Raceway! Next right!" said Fox happily, pointing to a sign.
Mewtwo and Falco and Fox and Samus stared at each other.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu's taxi pulled up behind their taxis.
Everyone looked at each other.
"Footrace!" screamed everyone in unison.
Luigi's Raceway
Finish Line
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Currently in 1st Place
Jigglypuff and Pikachu's taxi pulled up into the carpark. They threw notes at their taxi driver, got out, and ran along a marked path on the outside of the stadium.
"This is it, Jiggles!" said Pikachu excitedly.
Mewtwo and Falco
Fox and Samus
Tied for 2nd Place
Fox and Samus and Mewtwo and Falco hopped out, and sprinted along the path.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
"Run, Pikie! They're coming!" said Jigglypuff.
An overhead shot showed Jigglypuff and Pikachu, running along the outside of the stadium, and Mewtwo and Falco and Fox and Samus, neck-and-neck, about thirty metres behind.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
"We have to run around the entire stadium before we can get in!" said Pikachu, jogging along.
"They're nearing us!" said Jigglypuff desperately, Samus and Falco gaining ground on them.
Fox and Samus
"Sprint!" screamed Samus, ten metres in front of Fox.
"I'm trying!" screamed Fox, panting.
Mewtwo and Falco
"Hurry up! This is our chance to win!" screamed Falco, equal with Samus.
"I'm trying!" shouted Mewtwo, trailing behind Fox by half a metre.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
"No matter what happens, I love you," said Jigglypuff sweetly.
"Aww," said Pikachu.
"Now carry me!" demanded Jigglypuff, panting.
"Come on!" screamed Pikachu desperately, "You have to do this!"
"Carry me!" screamed Jigglypuff angrily.
"Jiggles!" said Pikachu angrily.
Mewtwo and Falco
"We're catching up, Pokemon!" said Falco angrily, nearing a yard every few seconds, "We're gonna beat you!"
"Not if I can help it!" said Samus evilly, tripping Falco over.
"Hey!" screamed Falco angrily, rolling to the ground.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
"Only a couple hundred metres to go!" said Jigglypuff, pointing to a sign on the right.
"There comes Samus!" said Pikachu.
Samus jogged through, stepping over the Pokemon and running closer to the finish line.
Mewtwo and Falco
Mewtwo caught up to Falco and pulled him up,
"Damn it!" screamed Falco angrily, "She tripped me!"
"We'll beat them!" said Mewtwo angrily. "Fox is about five metres behind us and the Pokemon are about ten in front of us… if we beat the Pokemon we'll win this race!"
Samus
"Come on, Fox!" screamed Samus, gaining more and more of a lead on the Pokemon.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
"Mewtwo and Falco are catching up!" cried Jigglypuff, the martial arts experts closing in behind them.
Mewtwo and Falco
"Don't let Fox in front!" said Falco angrily, blocking the path.
Fox
"Come on, guys!" said Fox angrily.
Samus
"Finish Line on your right…" said Samus, reading a sign.
Samus sprinted into the main compound of Luigi Raceway. She was filled with excitement upon spotting the finish line, at the end of the hundred metre straight in front of her.
"This is it!" said Samus, sprinting.
The nine eliminated teams spotted Samus and gave a lukewarm applause.
Samus was almost at the end of the tarmac straight, and flopped onto the finish line.
"Yess!" cheered Samus.
Her partner was nowhere to be seen.
"Fox!" said Samus angrily, standing on the finish line.
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Mewtwo and Falco
Fox
The five racers, clumped together as a pack, jogged around what was the last bend of the outside of the stadium.
"Finish line on your right!" screamed Falco excitedly.
"This is it! This is the footrace!" screamed Fox, horrified.
Finish Line
All of the teams started to cheer, noticing the other five racers in a bunch on the final hundred metre stretch.
"Gaah!" screamed Falco, running along, punching Jigglypuff in the back, causing her to topple over.
Mewtwo grabbed his chainsaw and mauled Fox's arm off throwing his severed arm into the stands.
"Come on!" screamed Falco, breaking away from the pack.
"Oh no you don't!" said Jigglypuff angrily, starting to roll out.
Pikachu, using his reserved energy, started his sprint towards the mat.
Fox, missing an arm, clumsily sprinted towards the finish line.
Falco and Mewtwo, about fifty metres away from the mat, saw Pikachu scamper past at his full speed.
Pikachu ran onto the finish line.
"Let go now!" screamed Pikachu, "Release your rollout, Jigglypuff!"
Fox, in desperation, tackled Mewtwo with his good arm, hurling them towards the ground.
Jigglypuff rolled out, zooming across the tarmac but hitting Falco in the back. Falco became airborne, landing on the centre of the finish line.
"Jigglypuff!" screamed Pikachu, on the finish line.
"Mewtwo!" screamed Falco, on the finish line.
"Fox!" screamed Samus angrily, on the finish line.
"Hurry Jigglypuff!" screamed Pikachu to Jigglypuff, who was a dozen yards away from the mat.
Jigglypuff, stone drunk from inhaling too much tarmac, clumsily stumbled towards the mat.
Mewtwo and Fox, engaging in a slap fight, looked up and saw the finish line, forty metres away.
Jigglypuff walked towards the mat.
Mewtwo and Fox, neck-and-neck made a mad dash for the mat.
"Hurry, Jigglypuff!" screamed Young Link, Diddy Kong, Bowser, Ness, Squirtle, Pichu, Kirby, Peach and Knuckle Joe.
"Hurry, Fox!" screamed Luigi, Sonic, Link, Zelda, Mario, DK, Snake, Samus and Yoshi.
"Go Mewtwo!" said Wario.
Everyone gave Wario an awkward stare.
Jigglpyuff continued to stumble towards the mat.
Fox and Mewtwo, completely exhausted, slowed down to a jog in the final twenty metres.
Jigglypuff was five metres away from the finish line.
"HURRY!" screamed Pikachu.
Fox and Mewtwo were within reach of the pit stop.
Jigglypuff fell face first, ten centimetres away from the finish line.
Pikachu scampered over to pull Jigglypuff over.
Fox bit Mewtwo's tail just as he was about to reach the line, sending him tumbling backwards.
Pikachu grabbed Jigglypuff.
Fox stumbled toward the mat.
Pikachu picked Jigglypuff up and walked onto the map.
Fox closed in.
Pikachu dropped Jigglypuff. Jigglypuff, floating like a balloon, slowly fell towards the ground.
Fox, exhausted, half a metre from the pit stop, started to fall.
Mewtwo, waking up made a mad dash for the pit stop, sprinting his might out.
Jigglypuff kept on falling.
Fox kept on falling.
Mewtwo dived towards the mat.
Lots of epic, dramatic music played.
Jigglypuff, Fox and Mewtwo landed face first on the mat at what appeared to be the same time.
Master Hand stared, shocked.
All of the eliminated racers, stared, shocked.
Dramatic music played.
"Five Continents, ten Countries and more than 70,000 miles…" said Master Hand excitedly.
Mewtwo and Falco, Jigglypuff and Pikachu and Fox and Samus stared happily.
"By an ear…" said Master Hand.
The camera panned on Jigglypuff's ear, touching the mat.
"…Jigglypuff and Pikachu, you are the official winners of The Smashy Amazing Race!"
"Yay!" cheered Jigglypuff and Pikachu anticlimactically.
"But that's just freaking stupid!" said Mewtwo angrily, "This freaking game show, this freaking fan fic! This is so freaking stupid! Everything is so freaking stupid! I spent one freaking month travelling around with a talking bird, a freaking balloon and a rat and what did I get? Nothing! I would have earned a million bucks in wages had I not gone of this freaking show! This freaking sucks! I freaking hate this-"
"Mewtwo and Falco, you are team number two!"
"HA! We beat you guys!" said Mewtwo, sticking his tongue out.
"We didn't win anything!" cried Falco. "We tried so hard and we didn't come first… the entire race! We're such failures!"
"I think you guys are winners!" said Jigglypuff, patting Falco, "You might not have come first, but you beat ten other really, competent, competitive teams!"
The camera panned on Squirtle and Pichu, Mario and DK, Peach and Knuckle Joe and Wario and Luigi.
"And besides!" said Jigglypuff earnestly, "It's all about the spirit of competing and participating, not coming in first!"
"Thank you!" cried Falco, hugging Jigglypuff.
"Aww," said everyone.
"Can you cut to us?" said Fox angrily, "I want to know if we've won or not! Just give us our place, Master Hand!"
"Well Fox," said Samus, "There's been a team that's come in 1st Place, a team that's come in 2nd Place…"
Fox nodded, concentrating very hard.
"…and we were in the final three… so that makes us…" said Samus.
Fox stared into blank space.
"T…" said Samus.
Fox stared into blank space.
"Tits?" said Fox slyly.
Samus punched Fox in the face, knocking his teeth out.
"Boy Fox, you probably should get a good dentist!" laughed Samus.
Nobody laughed.
"Fox and Samus, you are the last team to arrive," said Master Hand. "And I'm sorry to tell you, you have been eliminated from the race."
"Eliminated?!" said Samus angrily, "That's ridiculous! The race is already over! The winners have been decided! That's adding insult to injury!"
Everyone laughed, looking at Fox's facial injuries.
"That wasn't a joke!" said Samus angrily.
Final Results:
Jigglypuff and Pikachu: 1st Place
Mewtwo and Falco: 2nd Place
Fox and Samus: 3rd Place
Snake and Yoshi: 4th Place
Bowser and Ness: 5th Place
Peach and Knuckle Joe: 6th Place
Kirby and Sonic: 7th Place
Young Link and Diddy Kong: 8th Place
Link and Zelda: 9th Place
Wario and Luigi: 10th Place
Squirtle and Pichu: 11th Place
Mario and DK: Last Place
Post-Race Interviews
Jigglypuff and Pikachu
1st Place
"What do you think about being the official winner of The Smashy Amazing Race?" said Master Hand, winking at the camera.
"It's great!" said Jigglypuff, holding up the cheque with Pikachu.
"And what's in store for you next?" said Master Hand.
"Oh," said Jigglypuff, "I think we're contemplating marriage…"
Pikachu rolled his eyes.
"…and then I can be called Mrs. Jigglypuff Melvinson!" said Jigglypuff romantically.
"My last name's not Melvin!" said Pikachu angrily.
"Whoops, I made a mistake, Keith," laughed Jigglypuff.
"I'm not Keith!" said Pikachu angrily.
…
"…uh…" said Jigglypuff.
Mewtwo and Falco
2nd Place
"Coming in second place sucks," said Falco angrily.
Fox walked into the room, sexily.
…
"What?" said Falco angrily.
Fox and Samus
3rd Place
"I'm actually quite glad to have run this race with Fox," said Samus happily, holding up her 10,000.00 cheque. "We got this consolation cheque, which is pretty cool."
"I'd like to… cheque you out…" said Fox sexily, prodding Samus with his cheque.
"Seriously, I'll get married with you if you just let me see your cheque for a bit!" said Samus happily.
"Okay!" said Fox goofily.
Fox handed over the cheque.
Samus ran out.
"She'll be back!" said Fox happily.
…
…
…
Snake and Yoshi
4th Place
"I think being in The Smashy Amazing Race showed me that Snake isn't the crazy, manic, controlling guy that I thought he was!" said Yoshi happily, "I think we're going to be best buds after this!"
"And… cut!" said Master Hand.
"Can I have a toilet break?" moaned Yoshi, touching the collar Snake put around his leg.
"Only I say when you can," said Snake angrily.
"I'm not a dog, damn it!" said Yoshi angrily.
"Then why are you called Dogshi? Huh?" said Snake angrily.
"I'm not called Dogshi!" said Yoshi angrily.
Snake looked at Yoshi.
Snake looked at the leash.
Snake looked at Yoshi.
Snake looked at the leash.
Snake looked at Yoshi.
Snake looked at the leash.
…
…
"…oooohhhh…" said Snake.
Bowser and Ness
5th Place
"Through this experience, I think I'm a better person and a better father!" said Bowser happily.
"Why's Ness in a wheelchair?" said Master Hand.
"Uh…" said Bowser.
Peach and Knuckle Joe
6th Place
"It's such a shame… Peach was just… minding her own business when she slipped on the ladder she was standing on to fix the curtain…" said Knuckle Joe with a sly British accent, "It was just so unfortunate that she toppled through the window and fell twenty storeys to her death, yes, yes, what a shame…'
Kirby and Sonic
7th Place
"Sonic is much more interesting now that I have a taxidermy of his body…" said Kirby, stroking the stuffed Sonic.
Nobody cared about the other teams.
"Next Season on The Smashy Amazing Race!" said Master Hand. "Eleven new teams set off on a race around the world!"
"Meet… your newest, tiny-sized villains!"
"Charmander and I will use this race as a tool to create the next nuclear war!" laughed Ivysaur evilly.
"The obligatory fraternity brother team!"
"Duuuh…" said Falcon, drooling.
"Five dating couples…"
"i lOVE yOU gANnIE!" screamed Jigglypuff, hugging Ganondorf.
"…including the race's first gay couple!"
"Hehehe!" laughed Squirtle and Marth, making out on the mat, Squirtle's slimy shell creating a bit of gooey discharge onto Marth's chin as their lips touched, Marth's hair swirling in the wind as the window of love opened, the gate of destiny entered, the meaning of life fulfilled.
"…and the rest."
"We're normal!" said Peach.
"Who will survive? Who will win? Are these teams even real? Find out, next season on The Smashy Amazing Race!"