The Smashy Amazing Race: Season Three
By Hoogiman

Leg One: (double length) Stop agreeing with me!

"I'm at the Luigi Raceway, an important track in the Mario Kart series located in the heart of the Mushroom Kingdom!" said Master Hand, floating above a tarmac race course.

"From here, twelve teams of two will embark on a race around the world for one million dollars!" said Master Hand. "Each team has a pre-existing relationship. These twelve teams are…"

"Link and Zelda, a married couple from Hyrule!" said Master Hand.

Link and Zelda
Married

"Well, as you can see," said Link boastfully, "Because my name appears first, it means that I am the more important person in the team and Zelda is simply inferior to me!"

"It was going to be Zelda and Link!" said Zelda angrily, "But then you bribed the producers for your name to appear first!"

"What are you talking about?" said Link, laughing forcefully, "This is obviously the talk of a crazy woman!"

"I am not cra-"

"You are so crazy," said Link angrily, "You put on makeup! You delude yourself into thinking you can enhance your beauty by simply dabbing some powder onto your cheeks!"

"You use more makeup than me!" said Zelda, pointing to the heavy eye liner, the purple lipstick, the large blushers and the incorrectly applied mascara on Link's face.

"Oh yeah?" said Link, defeated.

"Well… well… shut up, woman!" said Link.

"Yeah, that's right," said Link proudly, taking victory.

The women in the production crew glared at Link angrily.

"Yeah… yeah… that's right, men are better than you," said Link arrogantly.

"Young Link and Diddy Kong, Scouts!" said Master Hand.

Young Link and Diddy Kong
Scouts

"Diddy Kong and I are best friends from scouts, and through this-" said Young Link.

"Yay yay yay yay yay!" said Diddy Kong quickly, knocking Young Link on the head every time he said the word 'yay'.

"And through this race…" said Young Link, slightly annoyed.

"Yay yay yay yay yay!" said Diddy Kong, continuing to knock Young Link on the head.

"Stop it!" said Young Link angrily.

"Fine, what do I do then?" said Diddy Kong restlessly.

Young Link continued, "Through Scouts, we've learnt many, many skills that can be used in the race, like making fires and using a compass."

Diddy Kong nodded in agreement in a quick and constant manner.

"Diddy," said Young Link, "Show us how to make a fire!"

Diddy Kong, crumbling through the pressure, stared in shock into blank space.

"…Diddy Kong? You've been in Scouts for ten years… show us how to make a fire…" said Young Link, confused.

Diddy Kong, still trembling, continued to stare into blank space.

Young Link gave Diddy Kong his compass, "Okay then, use my compass to go north!"

"Com… pass?" said Diddy Kong, pronouncing the word very slowly.

"We've been using them since… forever!" said Young Link, annoyed.

Diddy Kong stared into blank space.

"Okay, open this door then!" said Young Link angrily, pointing to a door.

"D… oor?" said Diddy Kong very slowly in confusion.

"Yes, you don't know how to use a door?" said Young Link angrily.

"Door?" said Diddy Kong, staring into blank space.

"This race is going to be awful," sobbed Young Link.

"Bowser and Ness, High School Friends!" said Master Hand.

Bowser and Ness
High School Friends

"Well, me and Bowser were high school friends," said Ness, "And then-"

"We were until I went into the cool group and left poor Ness behind," boasted Bowser.

"You hung out with me the entire time, remember?" said Ness, confused, "Remember? We were in the chess team and we built kites, and then we joined the sewing club and you made that soft toy of that pink pon-"

"I've changed! I don't like any of that stuff anymore!" said Bowser angrily.

"But I thought…"

Said Bowser angrily, "I don't like chess, I hate kites and I…"

Bowser said in a very timid voice, "I hate ponies too!"

"I thought we were friends!" cried Ness.

A sceptic Ness grinned slyly, and then took a soft toy pony out of Bowser's bag.

"How did you-" shouted Bowser, outraged, "I thought I kept-"

"Well," said Ness, holding the head of the pony threateningly, "Seeing that you don't like ponies anymore-"

"NUUEZ!" said Bowser, diving for the soft toy and hugging it tenderly.

"This is good TV," commented Master Hand from behind the camera.

"Shut up!" said Bowser, hugging the pony sweetly.

"Mewtwo and Falco, Martial Arts Experts!" said Master Hand.

Mewtwo and Falco
Martial Arts Experts

"In this race-" said Falco.

"I want to talk," said Mewtwo angrily.

"You'll talk later," said Falco, "Anyway, we are going to win this race and we're not settling for anything lower than that!"

"We are trained fighters and because we both lack emotional capacity," said Mewtwo, "Nothing is going to stop us from winning…"

"Besides of course the Yields and the cancellation of-"

"Nothing," said Mewtwo angrily.

"Everyone, watch out! You've just met the winners of The Smashy Amazing Race," said Falco smugly.

"Mario and DK, Fishing Buddies!" said Master Hand.

Mario and DK
Fishing Buddies

"Well, ever since I saved the princess from-a DK, me and DK have-a been rather good friends!" said Mario.

"Yeah… we've gotten along pretty well and we've found a common interest of fishing, so we-" said DK.

Donkey Kong glared at Mario angrily, "Wait, saved the princess? I can't believe you actually took credit for that! It was all fake!"

"It-a was not fake," said Mario, "You just-a can't admit I owned you with my fireballs-"

"You bribed me to give you Peach, you didn't defeat me!" said DK.

"Anyway, I'd say our response-"

"You don't even have fireballs!" said DK angrily.

"I do too! Just watch me!" said Mario proudly, going into his fighting stance.

"So where's the fireballs?" said DK.

"I'm-a working on them," said Mario angrily.

"Are they here yet?" said DK.

"No," said Mario angrily.

"Jigglypuff and Pikachu, Dating Pokemon!" said Master Hand.

Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Dating Pokemon

Said Jigglypuff happily, "I think you'll find that we get along together quite well as we've been dating for over two years now, and I'm just waiting for him to prop-"

"Woah, woah, woah," said Pikachu angrily, "Since when have we been dating?"

"Well," said Jigglypuff angrily, pointing to the screen, "According to the screen we're dating!"

Jigglypuff poked her tongue out at Pikachu.

"Fine, I admit it," said Pikachu sighing, "We're dating, it was supposed to be a secret at first, but after Jigglypuff told the production crew that we were dating, I guess-"

"Woah, woah, woah," said Jigglypuff angrily, "Since when are we dating?"

"But," said Pikachu, confused, "You just said we were dating before when they started the interview and-"

"We are not dating!" said Jigglypuff.

"Are too!" said Pikachu.

"Are not!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"Are too!" said Pikachu angrily.

"Are not!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"Are too!" said Pikachu angrily.

"Are too!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"Are too!"

"Are too!"

"So we are dating?" said Pikachu, smiling snidely.

"We are dating, and don't you deny it!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"I'm not!" said Pikachu angrily.

"Oh…" said Jigglypuff.

"Well, it's good that you're not denying it," said Jigglypuff.

"Yes," said Pikachu.

"That you're not denying we're dating," said Jigglypuff.

"Yeah," said Pikachu.

"Stop agreeing with me!" said Jigglypuff angrily, punching Pikachu in the gut.

"Snake and Yoshi, Accountancy Students!" said Master Hand.

Snake and Yoshi
Accountancy Students

"Snake and I are both studying to be accountants," said Yoshi, "And I think our love for numbers and the general bond we have is just such a great thing and it will help us during the-"

"You're not the real Yoshi," said Snake suspiciously.

"Uh…" said Yoshi in confusion.

"Who are you, impostor?" said Snake, taking out his gun and holding it to Yoshi's throat.

"I'm Yoshi!" said Yoshi nervously, "Don't shoot!"

"Well if you're really Yoshi, then why am I ripping off your mask?" said Snake, pulling at Yoshi's face.

A small piece of skin ripped out from Yoshi's face, the flesh being revealed. Yoshi glared at Snake angrily.

"You, you can't just do that!" said Master Hand from behind the camera.

"Or are you fake too?" said a suspicious Snake, staring at Master Hand suspiciously.

"Go on with what you're doing then," chuckled Master Hand quickly.

"Aah!" screamed Yoshi as his face was being pulled off.

"Peach and Knuckle Joe, Lawyers!" said Master Hand.

Peach and Knuckle Joe
Lawyers

"Knuckle Joe may have being a disability by being so short," said Peach, "But through this race I want to show that if I look good by helping this short guy, whatever your name is, I'll have higher self est-"

"I do not have a disability," said Knuckle Joe angrily, "Everyone my species is this tall!"

"Shut up, shortie," said Peach angrily, "I'm going to make everyone pity you, and you're going to enjoy it!"

"I hate you!" said Knuckle Joe angrily, "Even if we win this race I am never going to respect you."

"And I've got you these trolley wheels you can wear on your feet," said Peach, holding up a pair of rollerblades.

"No," said Knuckle Joe angrily.

Threatened Peach, "You will! Because I am bigger, stronger and tougher than you and-"

Knuckle Joe hit Peach in the shins.

"Ow!" cried Peach.

Peach fell to the ground.

"Ow!" cried Peach.

Peach rolled around and moaned a lot.

"Fox and Samus, Entrepreneurs!" said Master Hand.

Fox and Samus
Entrepreneurs

"Samus and I are going to be the bestest, bestest, bestest…" said Fox in a cute baby voice, eyes closed.

"Why do you always put me with the freaks?" said Samus angrily.

"Bestest, bestest, bestest…" said Fox.

"It uh… builds character?" said Master Hand.

"…bestest, bestest…"

"Build this!" said Samus, getting Fox's head in a neck-snapping position.

"…bestest, bestest…"

"We've made it a rule that if there's a carcass in the race caused by murder, the carcass gets all of the money," said Master Hand.

"…bestest, bestest…"

"Darn it!" said Samus in frustration.

"…bestest, bestest…"

"Can I kill him later?" said Samus.

"…bestest, bestest…"

"Sure," said Master Hand.

"Aww, you're so nice!" said Samus thankfully.

"Kirby and Sonic, Door-to-door Salesmen!" said Master Hand.

Kirby and Sonic
Door-to-door Salesmen

Kirby sat in front of the camera, chewing.

"Where's Sonic?" said Master Hand from behind the camera.

"Uh…" said Kirby, stuffing the blue hedgehog spikes that slipped out back in his mouth, "Bathroom stop?"

"Ah," said Master Hand.

Several minutes passed.

"Are you sure?" said Master Hand sceptically.

"Yeah?" said Kirby in an unconvincing voice.

"Okay," said Master Hand.

"Wario and Luigi, Lifelong Friends!" said Master Hand.

Wario and Luigi
Lifelong Friends

"Wario and I are lifelong friends…" said Luigi.

"We are?" said Wario.

"…mainly because of our common hate of Mario!" said Luigi.

"We do?" said Wario.

"And we get along really well," said Luigi.

"We do?" said Wario.

"And we both like scrapbooking and-a…"

"This is a complete lie," said Wario angrily, "I don't actually-"

"Shut up and nod, fatty!" said Luigi angrily.

"No!" said Wario angrily.

"Fine!" said Luigi angrily.

"Fine!" said Wario angrily.

"You want to fight?" said Luigi angrily.

Wario sat on Luigi.

"It seems-a our differences have been resolved," said Luigi nervously, his skull being slowly crushed.

"…and Squirtle and Pichu, playmates!" said Master Hand.

Squirtle and Pichu
Playmates

"I think we'll do fine in this race," said Pichu, doing his cute face.

"Yeah, me too," said Squirtle, doing his excessively cringe-inducing cute face.

"Yeah, the only problem is that we can't actually read," said Pichu.

"…or drive," added Squirtle.

"…or carry anything over a kilogram," said Pichu.

"…and we have horribly short attention spans," said Squirtle.

"…and we can't jump from anything that's higher than a metre," said Pichu.

"Yeah, we'll do fine," said Squirtle.

"Yay!" they cheered, high-fiving.

"How will these twelve teams cope with travelling with each other, and who will muster the right combination of brains, brawn and teamwork to win the one million dollar prize?" said .

Starting Line
Luigi Raceway

All of the teams lined up next to each other on the tarmac course, looking at Master Hand in excitement.

"When I give you the signal," said Master Hand, "You will all run over to your bags, and then go into one of the marked cars in the carpark of the course. What you do next is entirely up to you! You must hurry to every pit stop, as if you arrive last, you will be eliminated."

"The first team to cross the finish line will win one million dollars!" said Master Hand.

Everybody cheered.

"Okay," said Master Hand, signalling to the racers to line up, "Have fun… travel safe…"

"Go!" screamed Master Hand.

All of the teams took off. In an excited hundred metre dash for the exciting first clue, several excited screams of excitement were heard in an excited manner.

Mewtwo and Falco
Martial Arts Experts

"First to the clue!" said Falco, quickly snatching the laminated clue off his bag.

Falco ripped it open and read, "You must now make your way to Dreamland, in Pop Star!"

"Teams must now make their way to Dreamland, Pop Star!" said Master Hand, "Once teams arrive here, they must travel to Green Greens and find this market, where they will find their next clue!"

"Get in the car!" said Falco, hopping into the driver's seat of the car and turning on the ignition.

Falco turned out of the complex and onto a main road, where he was met by congestion.

Complained Falco, "Great! We're stuck in tr-"

Several dozen cars in front of Mewtwo and Falco's car overturned and rolled off the road.

"Mewtwo, was the telekinesis really necessary?" said Falco angrily.

"Always," said Mewtwo.

"Fair enough," said Falco.

Link and Zelda
Married

"Second out!" said Link, dragging Zelda along and shoving her into the car.

"I think I should dr-"

"I'm driving," said Link angrily, "Women can't drive!"

Link jumped into the front of the car and paused, staring blankly at the steering wheel.

"Well?" said Zelda.

"I actually… I actually can't remember how to drive," said Link.

Link passed out in a very fake looking way, and then he sat up again. "Oh!" chuckled Link, "I guess you have to drive because I've been poisoned and cannot use my awesome driving skills!"

Zelda sighed and swapped seats with Link.

They drove along.

"Women are such bad drivers," complained Link.

"You couldn't even get the car started!" said Zelda angrily.

"You know what?" said Link.

"Shut up, woman!" said Link.

Zelda ignored Link.

"Yeah," said Link proudly, "That's right, I win!"

Zelda ignored Link.

"Ooh, Fast Food! Can we stop there?" said Link, pointing to an upcoming Burger store.

Zelda drove past.

"And what did I do wrong?" said Link, outraged.

Fox and Samus
Entrepreneurs

Fox, driving the car and Samus, sat in silence as they drove along the highway.

"If we won the race," said Fox in a cute voice, "Would you buy ten ponies and a hamster?"

"Shut up and drive," snapped Samus.

Silence.

"Five ponies?" said Fox, slightly saddened.

"Shut up," said Samus angrily.

"Three p-"

"I'll slit your throat," said Samus angrily, pulling out a knife.

"One pony?" laughed Fox.

Samus slit Fox's throat.

Samus noticed that nobody was actually driving and that a large pileup had formed behind their car.

"That's not too good then, is it?" said Samus.

Peach and Knuckle Joe
Currently in 4th Place

"I guess I'll drive because you're too short," said Peach, giving a boost into the back of the car.

Peach jumped into the front seat and stared at the steering wheel.

"Do you actually know how to drive or-"

"Shut up! I get easily distracted whilst driving on these highways!" said Peach in a charming British accent.

"Sitting in a stationary car staring at the steering wheel hardly constitutes driving let alone-"

"I'm trying!" cried Peach.

"Bu-"

"Stop criticizing me!" sobbed Peach.

Knuckled Joe sighed.

Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Currently in 5th Place

"Good job, Jiggles!" said Pikachu, hopping into the driver's seat, "We beat a lot of people on that starting footrace!"

"Yeah," said Jigglypuff.

Pikachu started to turn on the ignition.

"I thought we said I was going to drive!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"Fine," sighed Pikachu, hopping out.

Pikachu walked around the back of the car and then opened Jigglypuff's door.

"What are you doing opening my door?" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"You said you wanted to drive!" said Pikachu angrily.

"Oh," giggled Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff hopped out, walked around the back of the car and hopped in.

Jigglypuff stood there.

"I don't know how to drive!" cried Jigglypuff.

"Then let me drive!" said Pikachu angrily.

"But I want to learn!" said Jigglypuff.

"Okay well, I'll give you a-"

"I'm bored!" pouted Jigglypuff.

"Just let me drive!" said Pikachu angrily, tossing Jigglypuff into the backseat and starting the car.

"You know," said Jigglypuff annoyed, "You could have been more of a gentleman, you know…"

"Whatever," said Pikachu angrily.

"Hehe, as opposed to a roughman," laughed Jigglypuff.

"That's not funny," said Pikachu angrily.

"I found it funny," said the cameraman.

"Shut up," said Pikachu, trying to start the ignition.

"Hehe, you can't even drive," said Jigglypuff. "Look, you can't reach the gas pedal and steer!"

"Neither can you!" said Pikachu.

They glared at each other angrily.

Pikachu said, "Hey, why don't we…"

"No!" humphed Jigglypuff.

Young Link and Diddy Kong
Currently in 6th Place

Young Link sat nervously in the backseat of the car as Diddy Kong drove around in a disconcerting manner, narrowly missing hitting another car every few seconds.

"Diddy Kong, do you actually have a drivers' license?" said Young Link nervously, gritting his teeth.

"How hard can it be!?" squealed Diddy Kong, grinning madly as he swerved narrowly between a woman and a pram. In the park. "I've played video games and stuff."

"Video games don't teach you how to drive!" said Young Link, flinching as the car went zooming the wrong way down a crowded intersection.

"Sure they do!" said Diddy Kong, using his free foot to grab a banana from the dashboard and bring it to his mouth. "I've clocked up, like, a hundred hours on F-Zero and stuff!"

"…that game where you always crash?" said Young Link.

"Uh-huh," said Diddy Kong.

"I am so screwed," whispered Young Link.

Kirby and Sonic
Currently in 7th Place

"I think I should drive," said Kirby, trying to keep up with Sonic as they reached the car.

"I think I should drive," said Sonic arrogantly, "After all, I am the fastest hedgehog in this race…"

Kirby stared blankly at Sonic.

"You're the only hedgehog in the race," said Kirby, confused.

"Shut up," threatened Sonic, "or I'll run into you so fast that you'll spin around in circles for days and then because I'm so much more awesome than you you'll be begging me for the secrets of my trade and then I'll reply by saying 'It's because I'm Sonic!' and then you'll cry because you're so less awesome than me and-"

Sonic noticed he was inside some small pink object, similar to that of Kirby's mouth.

Said Sonic arrogantly, "I guess I'm too good, after all, I am-"

Kirby swallowed a sharp rake.

"I seem to have been stabbed," said Sonic, noticing the large rake that had lodged its way through his skull.

Wario and Luigi
Currently in 8th Place

Wario and Luigi drove along in silence.

Said Luigi, "Remember that time when we-"

"No," said Wario angrily.

"What abo-"

"No," said Wario.

Mario and DK
Currently in 9th Place

"C'mon, go faster!" said DK, sticking his head out of the window nervously.

"This is the speed limit!" said Mario. "And don't stick your head out of the window!"

"What's the worst that could happen?" said DK.

A motorcyclist crashed into his head and went flying. Several small cars went spinning and ricocheted off his skull before crashing into more cars, causing a massive pileup right behind them.

"That kinda hurt," said DK.

"Put your head back in!" shouted Mario.

Bowser and Ness
Currently in 10th Place

"Okay, there's a shortcut we can take," said Ness. "We just-"

"Shut up," said Bowser as nicely as possible, "I'm trying to concentrate."

Several burning cars landed on either side of them.

"Well," said Ness, "you can increase our fuel efficiency by braking into the corners…"

"We don't need to conserve fuel!" said Bowser. "This isn't our car!"

"True," said Ness.

In front of them a semitrailer drove into DK's head in the car in front and flipped over them.

"Well," said Ness, "maybe you could avoid the pileup…"

"Why would I not avoid the pileup!?" said Bowser angrily, pounding the horn. "You're not even old enough to drive!"

"If this was a hybrid-"

"Shut up, nerd!" said Bowser.

Luigi Raceway

Snake and Yoshi
Currently in 11th Place

"Snake, there's no bomb!" said Yoshi angrily, trying to grab the clue from Snake, "Just open the clue already!"

"One must be careful," said Snake, sniffing the clue for explosives. "Danger may come from any angle."

Yoshi hopped up and ripped the clue open.

Snake winced slightly as the clue failed to explode.

A moment of deathly silence.

"Well," said Snake, "that was well played, Yoshi. A bold move. Charging in without fear. But we're wasting time! Read the clue!"

"But…" said Yoshi.

Snake opened the car door and hopped in. "C'mon, what does it say?"

"Pop Star," said Yoshi. "We have to-"

"No time," said Snake, pulling Yoshi into the car and gunning the engine.

"Um, okay…" said Yoshi as they pulled out of the carpark going zero to a hundred in three seconds.

"Now," said Snake, "do you want to drive?"

"No thanks," said Yoshi.

"Then you're riding shotgun," said Snake.

"Um… yeah," said Yoshi.

Snake passed a missile launcher to Yoshi. "If it looks as if there's too much traffic, or if you see the opposition…"

"What?" said Yoshi, looking at the missile launcher.

"…you know what to do," said Snake.

Squirtle and Pichu
Currently in Last Place

"Come on, Squirtle," said Pichu, "Let's just follow Snake and Yoshi and see where they're going."

"Okay!" said Squirtle.

"Yay!" they said, high-fiving.

"Maybe we should start the car or something," said Squirtle.

"Okay!" said Pichu.

"Woo!" they cheered, hugging.

They started the car.

Mushroom Kingdom International Airport

Mewtwo and Falco
Currently in 1st Place

"Well, looks like we're almost there," said Falco.

"You don't say," said Mewtwo dryly.

They drove on in silence.

They reached the airport.

"Well, here we are," said Falco.

Link and Zelda pulled up in the car behind them.

"Hey, we made it!" said Zelda.

"I didn't give you permission to speak," said Link sourly.

"Hey Falco, hey Mewtwo!" said Zelda in an overly cheery voice.

Mewtwo grabbed Falco and pushed him back to a corner.

"Do we communicate with the inferiors?" said Mewtwo to Falco quietly.

"We should befriend them and then mislead them," suggested Falco.

"Good idea," said Mewtwo.

Mewtwo and Falco looked at Zelda.

"Um… hi friend!" said Mewtwo unconvincingly.

"We should make a team alliance!" suggested Zelda.

"Good idea," said Falco, "In fact, why don't you get your tickets from the ticket desk because we've already got ours!"

Mewtwo smiled and nodded unconvincingly.

"Cool!" said Zelda, "Now where are those tickets?"

"Uh…" said Falco.

"There," said Mewtwo, pointing to the arrivals hall on the other side of the terminal (which clearly did not sell tickets). "Have fun buying those tickets!"

"But isn't that the ticket desk right there?" said Link, pointing to the ticket desk ten metres behind Falco.

"That's the… bad tickets desk… the good tickets are in that place," said Falco, pointing to the arrivals hall.

"Thanks guys! You've been such a great help!" said Link.

Link and Zelda
Currently in 2nd Place

"Come on!" said Link, walking quickly towards the arrivals hall, "If we get there quickly we might get on the first flight!"

Mewtwo and Falco
1st on Mushroom Air Flight

"We have a 2:00 Mushroom Air flight to Pop Star," said the airport worker, "I'll get you some tickets now!"

"They're actually walking to the other side of the airport," laughed Mewtwo.

"I can't believe we actually tricked those guys," said Falco, taking the tickets.

Kirby and Sonic
Door-to-door Salesmen

"One ticket to Green Greens," said Kirby to the ticket salesman.

"Where am I going to sit?!" said Sonic angrily.

The ticket salesman looked at Kirby sceptically. "You're sure you're the only traveller?"

"Yeah… that was uh… my talking luggage…" said Kirby, "Pretty cool, huh?"

"Okay," said the ticket salesman, giving Kirby his ticket.

Kirby and Sonic
2nd on Mushroom Air Flight

"Call the police! He's eaten me!" screamed Sonic.

The ticket salesman stared at Kirby.

"Be quiet," said Kirby, swallowing a sharp knife.

"Ow!" screamed Sonic, the knife piercing his skin.

"Have you learnt your lesson?" said Kirby, grinning slightly sadistically. "Be quiet or else."

"Ha," laughed Sonic arrogantly, "Or what?"

"Where's the nearest knife store?" asked Kirby to an airport worker.

"There aren't any knife stores, actually," said the worker.

"Oh," said Kirby.

"They've been replaced by 'Acid World', a chain store that specialises in acids that only harm things inside your mouth!" exclaimed the worker as if he were reading an advertisement.

"NUUUEZ!" screamed Sonic.

Wario and Luigi
Currently in 3rd Place

"We're here at the airp-" said Luigi.

"No," said Wario angrily.

"I was-a merely making a statement!" said Luigi, "Why won't you even let me say-"

"No," said Wario angrily.

Luigi and Wario lined up for tickets.

"So how about those-"

"No," said Wario angrily.

Luigi and Wario got to the front of the line.

"Can we have two tick-"

"No," said Wario angrily.

"I was ordering tickets!" said Luigi hysterically.

"Oh," said Wario.

Wario and Luigi
3rd on Mushroom Air Flight

Link and Zelda
Currently in 4th Place

"I'm starting to think," said Zelda, "that we may have been misled."

"Nonsense," said Link dismissively. "Look, that's got to be the ticket counter there!"

"That's the baggage claim," said Zelda.

Link cast a nasty glare at Zelda.

Downtown Mushroom Kingdom

Fox and Samus
Entrepreneurs

"So," said Fox, "do you want to win the race?"

"Obviously," said Samus, concentrating on the road.

"Hey," laughed Fox, "we're going to Pop Star, right?"

"Yeah…" said Samus, cutting across a pedestrian-filled sidewalk.

"Well," said Fox, "I've got a good joke."

"Oh, really?" said Samus disinterestedly.

"Yeah," said Fox. "A Pop Star joke."

"Cool," said Samus, with obvious sarcasm.

"Want to hear it?" said Fox.

"No," said Samus.

"So anyway," said Fox, "there's this popstar, right? And he goes to Pop-"

Samus grabbed Fox's gun and shot him in the stomach.

"OW!" cried Fox, holding his stomach.

"…Pop Star, and then…"

Samus shot Fox again.

"OW! Why?" cried Fox, crumpling to the floor of the car.

Young Link and Diddy Kong
Currently in 6th Place

"Right!" said Diddy Kong. "This is about as fast as the car goes!"

Young Link was staring wide-eyed out in front of them as entire districts rushed by in a blur.

"By the way," said Diddy Kong, "which way are we going?"

"What?" said Young Link.

"Where are we going?" said Diddy Kong.

"Where are you going!?" said Young Link, trying to contain his total panic.

"Oh, I'm just turning randomly," said Diddy Kong.

They ploughed through a library.

"What!?" said Young Link.

"Which way is Pop Star, then?" said Diddy Kong.

"It's… but… just drive to the airport!" said Young Link.

"Oh, the airport," said Diddy Kong.

They did a one-eighty turn, narrowly missing a bank, and zoomed the other way on the road.

Diddy Kong looked down.

"Look up! Look up!" shouted Young Link.

"Say, is that gum on the floor?" said Diddy Kong.

His attention completely off the road, Diddy Kong reached down and grabbed a wad of gum from under the gas pedal.

And Young Link wept.

Bowser and Ness
Currently in 7th Place

"Okay," said Ness, "there's a traffic jam ahead but if we cut through Koopa Parade and then make a right turn into…"

"Shut up, nerd!" growled Bowser.

They crashed into the traffic jam.

"Maybe you should have taken my advice," said Ness, sticking his tongue out.

"Advice this!" threatened Bowser.

"What are you going to do?" said Ness, unintimidated, "Hurt me or something?"

Bowser hurt Ness.

"Ow!" said Ness, tears flowing down his cheeks, "I thought we were friends!"

Snake and Yoshi
Currently in 8th Place

"Is shooting the other cars on the road really necessary?" said Yoshi. "There aren't even any cars in front of us!"

"Just shoot them!" cried Snake, a manic grin plastered to his face. "Shoot them or I'll shoot you!"

"Um… okay…" said Yoshi timidly.

They plowed into peak-hour traffic.

"You know what to do," hissed Snake.

Mario and DK
Currently in 9th Place

"Is the guy in the next lane shooting at us?" said Mario incredulously.

"Pull back!" said DK, as a missile flew into his head and bounced off. "I can't keep this up!"

Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Currently in 10th Place

"Okay, Jiggles," said Pikachu, "I think I have this worked out."

"Uh-huh," said Jigglypuff, fiddling with the aircon.

"It's not exactly legal, but: you stand on the gas pedal, and I'll steer," said Pikachu.

Jigglypuff squeezed past Pikachu and hopped onto the break pedal.

"No, no, the gas pedal," said Pikachu angrily.

Jigglypuff stood on the break pedal.

"No, no, the gas pedal!" said Pikachu angrily.

Jigglypuff stood on the horn.

Squirtle and Pichu
Currently in 11th Place

"We're not last!" said Squirtle, overtaking Peach and Knuckle Joe at high speeds of 10 kmph.

"Good job, Squirtle!" said Pichu.

Peach and Knuckle Joe
Currently in Last Place

"You… you sure you can't drive any faster?" said Knuckle Joe, frustrated, "At least you're tall enough to… reach the pedals and the steering wheel!"

"Hahaha you're short," giggled Peach.

"I hate you," said Knuckle Joe.

Mushroom Kingdom International Airport

Link and Zelda
4th on Mushroom Air Flight

"I can't believe those scoundrels tricked us," said Link angrily, taking the tickets.

"Yeah, we're never trusting them again!" said Zelda angrily.

"Hey, Link, Zelda," said Falco, running up, "in order to board the flight you have to rip up your tickets!"

"Oh, okay!" said Link, pulling them out.

Zelda snatched them out of Link's hands.

"For safekeeping," she said.

"Drat," said Falco.

"Yeah," said Zelda, sticking out her tongue at Falco.

"Can I see your tickets for a moment-" said Falco.

"No," said Zelda angrily.

"Drat," said Falco.

Fox and Samus
Currently in 5th Place

"You stabbed me… and shot me…" said Fox with mild outrage.

"And it would have been quicker if Master Hand had let me wear my suit," said Samus.

They pulled up to the airport.

"I never managed to finish that joke," said Fox thoughtfully.

"Don't. Start. Or. Else," said Samus.

"So there's this…"

Fox and Samus
5th on Mushroom Air Flight

"Is there a discount for corpses?" asked Samus, taking the tickets.

"No," said the ticket seller.

Snake and Yoshi
Currently in 7th Place

"Hey, look!" said Yoshi. "There's Bowser and Ness ahead of us!"

"Hey!" shouted Bowser, rolling down a window.

"Hi!" shouted Ness.

"This little nerd has been bugging me all day!" laughed Bowser.

"Ha, ha!" chuckled Yoshi.

"Shut up and shoot them!" cried Snake, his eyes flashing wildly.

"What? No!" said Yoshi.

Snake pulled out a spare missile launcher and fired it out the window.

Bowser and Ness disappeared in a ball of flames.

"You… you…" said a stunned Yoshi.

"They would have gotten a better flight than us," said Snake coldly.

Downtown Mushroom Kingdom

Young Link and Diddy Kong
Currently in 8th Place

"I don't mean to alarm you," said Young Link through gritted teeth, "but a car just exploded about a mile in front of us!"

"Cool," said Diddy Kong, his head still under the seat.

"Steer around it!" yelled Young Link hysterically.

"Um, okay," said Diddy Kong, putting his hands on the pedals and contorting around to bring his legs up to the steering wheel.

"NO!" shouted Young Link. "No, no, no, no, no!"

Mushroom Kingdom International Airport

Bowser and Ness
6th on Mushroom Air Flight

"Thanks," said Bowser, taking the tickets.

Snake and Yoshi
Currently in 7th Place

"We'll have what they're having," said Yoshi, pointing to Bowser and Ness.

"Sorry," said the airport worker, "There are just simply no seats left."

"You'll give us seats," threatened Snake, frothing at the mouth, "You'll give us seats and they'll be good seats."

"I simply just cannot-"

Snake got out his rocket launcher, "You will give us first class tickets and they will be good tickets!"

The worker reached for the security button.

Snake fired a rocket at the security button.

"I suppose we can kick the minister of foreign affairs off…" laughed the airport worker nervously.

Snake and Yoshi
Last on Mushroom Air Flight

"Was that really necessary?" said Yoshi, annoyed.

"You will like First Class, and you will enjoy it," said Snake, frothing at the mouth.

Young Link and Diddy Kong
Currently in 8th Place

"Diddy Kong, I think you should break soon," said Young Link nervously, "We could really stop as of now…"

"What makes you say that?" said Diddy Kong, driving straight through the terminal, missing passengers by mere inches.

"Okay, stop now!" screamed Young Link, forcing Diddy Kong to stomp of the brake pedal.

The car screeched and then came to a halt, inches from the ticket desk.

"Just my smooth driving," said Diddy Kong smugly.

"You could have killed her!" said Young Link hysterically, pointing to an airline worker in shock.

"Can we have two tickets to Dream Land?" said Diddy Kong.

"Su- sure…" the worker replied nervously, checking on the computer.

"There's a 2:00 flight, but that's full," she said, "But I can get you on a 2:40 flight which lands at 2:30 PM local time."

"Cool!" said Diddy Kong.

Young Link and Diddy Kong
1st on Air Four Flight

Mario and DK
Currently in 9th Place

"We're finally here," said Donkey Kong, completely bored out of his mind.

"Come on-a, let's get tickets!" said Mario, running into the line.

"You're… you're such a slow driver," said Donkey Kong annoyed, as Mario asked for tickets.

"I am not a slow driver!" said Mario annoyed, taking the tickets.

Mario and DK
2nd on Air Four Flight

"…I simply respect the speed signs and I abide to the local traffic laws!" said Mario angrily.

"Driving at thirty kilometres an hour is not respecting the traffic laws… you can drive a hundred on these roads!" said DK angrily.

"Okay," said Mario, defeated, "Maybe I am a cautious driver!"

"Good! Because you are!" said DK angrily.

"And maybe I hate you too!" sobbed Mario.

"I hate you too, you- you Monkey Brain…" said Donkey Kong angrily.

"I never want to be friends with you ever again!" said Mario angrily.

"Fine! I don't either!" said Donkey Kong angrily.

They turned their backs and didn't look at each other.

Diddy Kong approached Mario and DK with a big grin on his face.

"Hey Mario! Hey DK!" said Diddy Kong in a hyperactively excited voice.

"You… are not driving… next time…" panted a hyperventilating Young Link, staggering up behind him.

"Oh, hey!" said Mario with a superficial grin on his face, "We were just… getting along so well!"

Mario grabbed Donkey Kong (who also had a fake smile) and hugged him, grinning at Diddy Kong as he did.

"See? We're much more happy then you guys!" said Mario.

"That's… that's not true…" said Diddy Kong, "Me and Young Link were getting along really-"

"I'm never trusting you with anything ever again," said Young Link angrily.

"See?" said Diddy Kong grinning, putting his hand around Young Link's shoulder.

They all grinned at each other.

Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Currently in 10th Place

"Okay, press the gas a bit harder," said Pikachu, keeping his eyes firmly fixed on the road.

"I can't see anything down here," said Jigglypuff from directly underneath him.

"Quit complaining!" said Pikachu. "We're already breaking like a billion traffic laws…"

They drove in silence for about half a second.

"Hey, Pikie," said Jigglypuff.

"What did you call me?" said Pikachu.

"Or do you want me to call you Melvin?" said Jigglypuff, offended. "Huh? Huh? Is that really want you want?"

"Well, um…" said Pikachu. "I gue- BREAK! BREAK!"

"Good then, Pikie," said Jigglypuff, pushing on the break pedal.

The car screeched to a stop in front of some jaywalkers.

"Okay, gas again," said Pikachu. "And please don't call me that in front of other people."

"Maybe," said Jigglypuff brightly.

Pause.

"Anyway, there's this weird yellow dangly thing underneath the wheel," she said.

"What?" said Pikachu, steering again. "It's probably just my tail."

"I dunno," said Jigglypuff, worried. "It might be a snake or something. I'll just pull it out."

"Jiggles, it's my tail," said Pikachu.

"'Course it is, sweetie," said Jigglypuff, obviously not listening to a word he was saying.

"Just keep standing on the pedal and don't do anything else," said Pikachu.

"Just let me pull it," said Jigglypuff. "Just in case."

"It's my tail!" said Pikachu. "I'm tryin-"

"Okay, I'm just gonna give it one big tug," announced Jigglypuff.

"Don't-"

She pulled. Hard.

Peach and Knuckle Joe
Currently in 11th Place

"Hey, shortie," said Peach, clearly not steering, "why are you so short?"

The car in front of them spun out of control, ricocheted into several other cars on the highway and against the safety railings and causing a small flower truck to flip over and crash in a shower of sparks right in front of them.

"…what the?" said Knuckle Joe.

"I know, it's really confusing that somebody could be that short!" said Peach.

"The 2:00 PM Mushroom Air Flight that lands at 1:30 PM local time contains: Mewtwo and Falco, Kirby and Sonic, Wario and Luigi, Link and Zelda, Fox and Samus, Bowser and Ness and Snake and Yoshi!" said Master Hand.
"All of the other teams are on a 2:40 PM Air Four flight that lands at 2:30 PM local time! These teams are: Young Link and Diddy Kong, Mario and DK, Jigglypuff and Pikachu, Peach and Knuckle Joe and Squirtle and Pichu!"

"Once teams land, they must find their way to the 'Blue Scarfy Market', where they must search for their next clue!"

Green Greens Airport
Dream Land

1st Flight
Landed at 1:34 PM

Wario and Luigi
Currently in 1st Place

"We're-a first out!" said Luigi, dashing out of the terminal, "Isn't that great?"

"No," said Wario angrily, hailing a taxi.

"Why are you so negative?" said Luigi, annoyed.

"No," said Wario, hopping in.

Snake and Yoshi
Currently in 2nd Place

"Get a taxi," said Yoshi, pointing to a tiny car containing a Waddle Dee.

"Okay," said Snake, hopping in.

Yoshi gave the driver directions and then the car drove off.

"Why is everything so cute?" complained Snake, pointing to the Waddle Dees and Cappies playing ball happily with each other, "Everything here is too cute! I don't know if I could stand this!"

"Cute is good!" commented Yoshi.

"Cute?" said Snake angrily, "Cute… is not good."

"Okay," said Yoshi, "If you don't like cute then just look away and-"

"Aggressive… senses… overwhelming…" said Snake, frothing at the mouth, "Cannot… take… more of this…"

Snake took out his rocket launcher and shot at a Waddle Dee.

It disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"WHY IS THERE NO BLOOD?!" screamed Snake in agony.

Mewtwo and Falco
Currently in 3rd Place

"Come on," said Falco, with a heightened sense of urgency, "We're coming in third, this is an awful situation to be in…"

"Yeah!" said Mewtwo, spotting the taxi rank.

Mewtwo and Falco rudely butted in front of several people waiting for a taxi and took the first one that came in.

"Hey!" said a Waddle Dee angrily.

"Pop Star Special Ops," said Falco.

"Oh," said the Waddle Dee.

The taxi drove off.

"Wait… we don't have a Special Ops!" shouted the Waddle Dee.

"I lied!" cackled Falco.

Fox and Samus
Currently in 4th Place

Samus and Fox hopped in a taxi.

"Great, banned from one airline already," said Samus angrily, "When I went with Falcon it took me at least four legs until I was banned by an airline!"

"Well a Fox just has to do what a Fox does!" said Fox angrily.

"They have bathrooms for a reason," said Samus angrily.

"Shut up!" cried Fox, "I don't know how to operate the highly complex doors!"

Kirby and Sonic
Currently in 5th Place

"Let's go," said Kirby, hurrying Sonic into a taxi. "Why, it's so nice to be back home already!"

"And what a stinky place to live it would be, I must add," said Sonic mockingly.

"So how's it been lately?" said Kirby to the taxi driver, ignoring Sonic.

"Really lame," said Sonic, snickering immaturely.

"Oh," replied the Waddle Dee taxi driver, ignoring Sonic, "Same ol', same ol', no invasions or-"

"This place is so lame," laughed Sonic, "It's so lame I would rather be tied up in a confined space inside a sewer, gouging my eye out with a spoon instead of having to waste my time in my dump!"

The taxi halted at a red light, and a rather large muscly, tall Waddle Dee glared angrily from outside the window.

"You should probably stop now…" said Kirby.

"And those Waddle Dees, they're so ugly and-"

The Waddle Dee took Sonic and choked him violently.

"Why me?" gasped Sonic, choking.

Bowser and Ness
Currently in 6th Place

Bowser and Ness hopped onto a taxi.

"While we were flying, I found a great website on bargaining with Pop Star taxi drivers for a cheap price!" said Ness, holding a print-out. "We can use these techniq-"

"GIVE US A TEN DOLLAR FARE OR I'LL KILL YOU," threatened Bowser to the Waddle Dee taxi driver.

They got a ten dollar fare.

"That works too," said Ness.

Link and Zelda
Currently in 7th Place

"Zelda, was that really necessary?" said Link angrily, pointing to the several dozen shopping bags that Zelda had loaded into the boot of the taxi.

"I'm sorry," said Zelda, "I just can't resist the temptation of duty-free shopping!"

"But you were just defending the stereotype that all women are compulsive shoppers and will buy anything presented to them!" said Link.

"Well, it's not true!" said Zelda, buying some more jewellery, "I hate your stereotype of women and how you label them as shopping machines- ooh… are those oranges?!"

"There are plenty of oranges in Hyrule," said Link, "Don't buy it! They're marked up several thousand percent!"

"Too late," said Zelda, eating several of the few hundred oranges she had just bought.

"You do realise we have a budget in this-"

"BUDGET?!" screamed Zelda in horror.

"We were given fifty bucks for this leg of the race!" said Link angrily, "How did you manage to buy all of that-"

Link noticed his credit card in Zelda's hand. "You realise I have to pay for all of that?" said Link angrily.

"I'll pay it back to you-"

"Pay it back?! You don't even have a job!" said Link angrily.

"Oh yeah?" said Zelda. "Well, well shut up, you stupid man."

"I dunno, it doesn't have quite the same ring to it," said Link.

"Yeah," said Zelda.

Blue Scarfy Market

Wario and Luigi
Currently in 1st Place

"We're here first somehow!" said Luigi, amazed, "Come on! There's the clue!"

Luigi got out of the car and ran over to the clue box.

"Detour!" read Luigi, "Pen or Sword?"

"Detour!" said Master Hand, standing outside a farmhouse, "A detour is a choice between two tasks! In this detour: Pen or Sword!
"In Pen, teams must travel two kilometres to this farmhouse and transport ten Nruffs one kilometre to another farmhouse! The distance may seem short, but transporting stubborn, wild animals may be a challenge to some teams!
"In Sword, teams must travel three kilometres to this sword shop in Cappy town! Once they have arrived here, they must search thousands of swords for just one of fifteen specially marked swords! Once they show the sword to the shop owner, they will receive their next clue!
"This may seem easy, but what teams do not know are that on first glance, almost all of the swords look identical!"

"Should we transport the-"

"No," said Wario angrily.

"Okay, we'll search for swords," said Luigi.

Mewtwo and Falco
Currently in 2nd Place

"Let's do Pen, transporting animals sounds easy," said Mewtwo.

"I dunno-"

"Well guess what? I'm highly trained in the training and transport of animals!" said Mewtwo. "I've studied agriculture for ten years at-"

"Fine," said Falco, "We'll do Pen."

"You've never actually worked with animals, have you?" said Falco.

"Nope," said Mewtwo.

Snake and Yoshi
Currently in 3rd Place

"I think we should search for swords, my vision is very good," said Yoshi after reading the clue.

"Good idea," said Snake.

Yoshi suddenly saw a vivid image of Snake in a room full of swords.

"Let's transport animals," laughed Yoshi nervously.

Samus and Fox
Currently in 4th Place

"Which task would you enjoy more?" asked Samus.

"Finding swords, becau-"

"We're transporting Nruffs," said Samus.

"Bu-"

"Are you arguing with me?" said Samus angrily.

"No, bu-"

"Good," said Samus.

2nd Flight
Landed at 2:18 PM

Young Link and Diddy Kong
Currently in 8th Place

"Whee! First out!" said Diddy Kong excitedly, hopping into the taxi.

"Blue Scarfy Market," said Young Link to the taxi driver.

The taxi drove off.

"Now," said Young Link strictly, "We are in a different country with different customs- get your hands off the taxi driver's eyes!"

"Fine!" said Diddy Kong angrily, "Just ruin my fun, will you?"

"He couldn't see," said Young Link angrily.

"You still have your hands on his face!" said Young Link hysterically.

"Oh," said Diddy Kong, taking his hands off the taxi driver's face.

Mario and DK
Currently in 9th Place

"I almost got-a detained!" said Mario, angrily getting into the taxi.

"That happened years ago!" replied DK angrily, "Can't we just forgive and forget!"

"It happened ten minutes ago," said Mario as the taxi drove along, "And you completely denied knowing me and then swallowed my passport! Are you intentionally trying to get me into trouble?"

"No," said DK angrily.

"Stupid plumber boy," muttered DK under his breath.

"Dumb ape," said Mario angrily under his breath.

"Hey, are you two guys arguing or something?" said the cameraman.

Mario and DK grinned, putting their arms around each others' shoulders and smiling at the camera.

"Plumber boy," said DK through his teeth, still grinning.

"Dumb ape," said Mario through his teeth.

Squirtle and Pichu
Currently in 10th Place

Squirtle and Pichu happily hopped into the taxi.

"Where are you guys going?" said the Waddle Dee.

"…you know, because you're in a taxi, you usually need to go somewhere," said the taxi driver.

"What's he saying?" said Squirtle.

"Dunno," said Pichu.

"Okay, if you just want a place to stay I'll put on the meter now," said the Waddle Dee angrily.

"Yay!" said Pichu and Squirtle, not understanding the taxi driver.

Peach and Knuckle Joe
Currently in 11th Place

"Okay," said Peach angrily, hopping into the taxi, "You are definitely wearing those rollerblades for the next airport."

Knuckle Joe glared at Peach angrily.

"You're so slow! You're slowing us down, shortie!" said Peach angrily.

"Shut up!" said Knuckle Joe angrily, "You were the one that was running slowly! I was literally walking while you were sprinting your heart out."

"Shut up, shortie!" snapped Peach.

Knuckle Joe cracked Peach's kneebone.

"There, there, short people can have angry spurs as well," said Peach.

Knuckle Joe cracked Peach's other kneebone.

"Don't worry," said Peach happily, "One day you'll grow up to be big and strong, just like-"

Knuckle Joe punched Peach in the face.

"Ow!" said Peach angrily.

Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Currently in Last Place

"Jiggles, I think we need to lighten the load on your bag," said Pikachu angrily, pointing to Jigglypuff's fifty kilogram truck-sized bag.

"Okay!" said Jigglypuff angrily, "Fine then! I'll lighten the load! You want me to lighten the load, huh?"

"Yeah…" said Pikachu, confused.

"Fine! I'll lighten the load!" said Jigglypuff angrily, putting her bag in the boot of a taxi and looking at Pikachu angrily.

"Good," said Pikachu.

"And you know how I'll lighten the load?" said Jigglypuff angrily, "I'm ditching you!"

"Whatever," said Pikachu.

"I am! I hate you! I'm never talking to you!" said Jigglypuff angrily, "I'm never talking to you ever again!"

Jigglypuff stomped off angrily and then tugged the taxi door.

She jerked it several times, the door failing to open.

"Help Pikachu! I need you so badly!" cried Jigglypuff, sobbing near the door.

Pikachu sighed.

Pikachu opened the door for Jigglypuff and hopped in the back seat. The taxi drove off.

"Thanks Melvin!" said Jigglypuff happily.

"I'm not Melvin," said Pikachu angrily.

"Suuure…" said Jigglypuff cheerfully.

Cappy Town Sword Shop

Wario and Luigi
On Sword

"Wow, this shop is rather big," said Luigi, walking into the sword shop.

"Here is the sword that you have to find," said the owner, holding a highly-detailed, expensive sword.

"I found-a it!" laughed Luigi, taking the sword from the owner.

The owner chuckled.

"No," said Wario angrily.

"Are you going to say anything else?" said Luigi angrily.

"No," said Wario angrily.

"Oh," said Luigi.

Nruff Farmhouse

Mewtwo and Falco
Nruffs Transported: 0

"Okay," said Falco, running into the farmhouse.

Falco looked in shock at the Nruffs: large, spiky hedgehog-like creatures. "We have to carry these?" he exclaimed in shock.

"I've got it," said Mewtwo, using his telekinesis to pick up ten Nruffs.

"Fine… we'll cheat…" sighed Falco. "So all we have to do is walk a kilometre now?"

"Yep," said Mewtwo.

Snake and Yoshi
Nruffs Transported: 0

"So all we have to do is transport ten of these a kilometre?" asked Yoshi to the farm owner.

"Yep," said the farmer.

"Good," said Snake, getting out his rocket launcher.

"Snake!" screamed Yoshi hysterically.

Snake used his rocket launcher to shoot ten Nruffs, killing them all.

"Hahahahahaha!" cackled Snake manically.

"My Nruffs!" screamed the farmer, "You… you just killed ten of my Nruffs! They take ten years to train and-"

"Shut up, girl!" screamed Snake, frothing at the mouth, holding up a rocket launcher to the farmer's neck.

"Sorry," whimpered the farmer.

Samus and Fox
Nruffs Transported: 0

"I've thought up of a systematic system of transporting these Nruffs," said Fox, "First, we-"

Samus picked up all of the Nruffs and threw them spike-first at Fox, sticking them to his fur.

"Ow!" screamed Fox.

"That's how we do it," said Samus.

Blue Scarfy Market

Kirby and Sonic
Currently in 5th Place

"We'll do Pen, because I'm awesome," said Sonic, putting down the clue.

"Is that really necessary?" said Kirby, annoyed.

"Yes, yes it is…" said Sonic.

"…because I'm really awesome," he said.

Bowser and Ness
Currently in 6th Place

"If we do Sword, I've actually devised an alg-"

"Shut up, nerd!" said Bowser angrily.

Link and Zelda
Currently in 7th Place

"We're doing Pen," said Zelda.

"No," said Link, "We're doing Sword!"

Silence.

"I know," said Link, "We'll flip a coin using this obviously non-rigged coin!"

Link flipped up a rigged coin that he found in his pocket.

"Heads," said Link, cackling evilly to himself. "Using this double-sided heads coin, I will manipulate the odds in my-"

The coin landed on Tails.

"Link…" said Zelda, pitying Link, "You're pathetic. You… you can't even cheat properly! It was a double-sided tails coin! If you actually had an ounce of intelligence in your brain you would have called tails."

Link whimpered.

"….I mean, that's so stupid of you!" said Zelda, "I know you may not be the-"

Link was almost in tears.

Cappy Town Sword Shop

Wario and Luigi
On Sword

"Do you want to quit?" said Luigi restlessly, "We have had no luck so far."

"No," said Wario.

"But can't you consider the fact that-"

"No," said Wario.

"Do you want to not quit?" asked Luigi, smiling slyly.

"No," said Wario.

"So you do want to quit? Haha, I tricked you!" said Luigi, cackling.

"No," said Wario.

"Oh," said Luigi.

Nruff Farmhouse

Mewtwo and Falco
Nruffs Transported: 0

"Okay, we're here!" said Falco, "Now, carry the Nruffs for the next fifteen metres so it looks like we did it properly."

"You realise they wouldn't care anyway?" said Mewtwo.

"But they might not even give us the clue if-"

"They wouldn't care," said Mewtwo, choking Falco lightly with his telekinesis.

"I can't… breathe…" said Falco, choking for his life.

"Do you understand now?" asked Mewtwo.

Falco nodded nervously.

They carried the Nruffs in, and then took the clue.

"You must now make your way to Chef Kawasaki's kitchen, where you must take your departure time for tomorrow!" read Falco.

"Teams must now travel to Chef Kawasaki's kitchen in Cappy Town!" said Master Hand, "Once teams arrive here, they must find this wall that contains cards that tell their departure time for the next day! There are three departure times: 7:00 AM, 7:15 AM and 7:30 AM."

"Come on, let's go," said Mewtwo.

Snake and Yoshi
Nruffs Transported: 0

"Here are your Nruffs!" said Snake, manically, throwing the bleeding bodies onto the table, "Enjoy!"

The farmer looked at Snake in shock and confusion. "You can't just-"

Snake picked up the farmer by the collar and looked at him angrily, his free hand raised into a fist.

"Look buddy," said Snake angrily, "There was nothing on the clue that said they had to be alive, okay?"

The farmer nervously pointed to a section on the clue that read, "The Nruffs must be alive when delivered."

"Darn it!" screamed Snake in an overly throaty voice, "Yoshi! Why didn't you tell me they had to be alive?!"

"But I did!" said Yoshi angrily, "I said that many times! In fact, I kept on telling you to go back but you wouldn't listen!"

"This gives me no other alternative…" said Snake angrily.

"…we go back and do the task properly?" suggested Yoshi, confused.

"We eat them!" said Snake, cackling manically.

"But I… don't exactly see how eating the…"

Snake took a large bite out of one of the dead Nruffs.

"Snake!" screamed Yoshi, alarmed, "They're poisonous!"

"I am immune to poison," said Snake arrogantly.

"Yoshi, can you call the poison help line?" said Snake desperately, "Use your phone… I don't want the enemy to know my weakness…"

"Look!" said the farmer angrily, still being held up by one of Snake's hands, "I'll give you the clue! Just… just leave everything alone, okay?"

Snake and Yoshi
Currently in 2nd Place

Snake took the clue. "You must now make your way to Chef Kawasaki's kitchen, where you must take your departure time for tomorrow!" read Snake.

Fox and Samus
Currently in 3rd Place

Fox pried the Nruffs off his skin and took the clue.

"You must now make your way to Chef Kawasaki's kitchen, where you must take your departure time for tomorrow!" read Fox.

"Let's go!" said Samus, shoving Fox along violently.

"So can we like, hang out in the pool afterwards?" said Fox in a cute voice, running along.

"No," said Samus angrily. "But I will…"

"Or have a drink in the bar?" asked Fox.

"I will," said Samus.

"What does that mean?" asked Fox.

"I will," said Samus, grinning slyly.

"…I still don't understand what you're talking about…" said Fox, "I don't understand when you say 'I', do you mean us as a team, or-"

"I will," said Samus, holding up a rope and duct tape.

"Oh," whimpered Fox.

"So like… you're going to tie me up?" said Fox.

Samus nodded.

"Which means that we won't be together?" said Fox in a cute voice.

"Shut up!" screamed Samus, hitting Fox in the face.

Kirby and Sonic
Nruffs Transported: 3

"Come on, Kirby!" shouted Sonic, zooming past a panting Kirby, holding a Nruff.

"I'm going as fast as I can," said Kirby puffing, dragging the Nruff along slowly.

"Not fast enough!" said Sonic, zooming back from the destination having delivered another Nruff.

Nruffs Transported: 4

"Halfway there," said Kirby, puffing, pointing to a sign that signalled there was 500 metres to go.

"Come on, slow coach!" said Sonic, zooming from the first farmhouse and stopping in the middle of the road, grinning arrogantly at Kirby.

"Actually, it's pretty fast," said Kirby, pointing to a large bus that was on the road he was standing on.

"No, slow!" said Sonic, sticking out his tongue.

"Sonic, there's a bus heading towards you," said Kirby.

"Don't be silly," laughed Sonic.

"And you're standing right in its path," said Kirby.

"Sonic is too good for busses!" said Sonic arrogantly.

Sonic got run over by a bus.

"Huh," said Kirby, mildly surprised.

Kirby stared at Sonic's body.

"I wonder if…" said Kirby.

Kirby licked Sonic's body.

"Uggh! I'm never doing that again!" said Kirby angrily.

"Or am I?" said Kirby, taking another lick.

Link and Zelda
Nruffs Transported: 0

"Come on, Zelda!" demanded Link, "Carry those Nruffs!"

"I can't! I just can't do it!" cried Zelda, "It's too hard! It's too heavy and…"

"Zelda, you haven't even tried picking one up yet," said Link angrily.

"If we make every task seem dramatic," whispered Zelda loudly, "…then we'll get more airtime when this episode airs!"

"Ah," said Link, nodding understandingly.

"…I just can't do it!" sobbed Zelda. "I have no self-belief, I just can't…"

"Yeah, that's right you hopeless woman," said Link proudly.

"Good job," whispered Zelda loudly, stopping her long period of crying. "Your acting is really, really good!"

"That's actually what I think," laughed Link.

Zelda slit Link's throat.

"Why?!" screamed a victimised Link, bleeding onto the ground.

Scarfy Market

Young Link and Diddy Kong
Currently in 8th Place

"Which option should we do?" said Young Link after reading the clue. "Pen or Swor-"

"If we do sword I'll stay very still!" said Diddy Kong cheerfully, flaring his arms around wildly and knocking over several bystanders with his uncontrollable spasms.

"I… don't think we will… actually…" said Young Link.

Peach and Knuckle Joe
Currently in 9th Place

"Detour!" read Knuckle Joe in his naturally suave midget voice, "Pen or Sword?"

"I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you down there!" laughed Peach.

Knuckle Joe glared angrily at Peach.

"You shortie," said Peach.

Knuckle Joe snapped Peach's spine, causing her to collapse to the ground.

"Should we do Sword, Peach?" said Knuckle Joe.

"I agree with that decision," said Knuckle Joe in a high-pitched voice, moving Peach's mouth in lip-sync.

Knuckle Joe chuckled heartily.

Squirtle and Pichu
Currently in 10th Place

"Can you actually read the clue?" said Squirtle to Pichu, after taking the clue from the box.

"Let's just tailgate someone," said Pichu.

"K," said Squirtle.

Mario and DK
Currently in 11th Place

"Detour!" read Mario, "Pen or Sword?"

"Look at me, I'm Italian plumber boy!" said DK angrily in a high-pitched voice, "I didn't even insult you," said Mario angrily.

"You did just then!" said DK angrily.

"No I didn't," said Mario angrily.

"Well… fine…" said DK angrily.

Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Currently in Last Place

"Quickly!" said a hyper Jigglypuff, panicking, "Open the clue! Stop wasting time! Open the clue!"

"You have the clue," said Pikachu, annoyed, pointing to the clue that was in Jigglypuff's hand.

"Well… uh…" said Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff passed the clue to Pikachu. "Open the clue! Stop wasting time! Open the clue!" said Jigglypuff in a hyper voice.

Pikachu grunted, and then read the clue, "Detour! Pen or Sword?"

"I think we should do pen," said Pikachu, "What do you think?"

"Hurry up and decide, Pikachu!" said Jigglypuff angrily, "We don't have all day!"

"I said," said Pikachu slowly and angrily, "I think we should do pen."

Jigglypuff smiled dumbly at Pikachu, "There's no need to be angry, dearie!"

"Shut up!" said Pikachu angrily, zapping Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff started to cry.

"There, there," said Pikachu, coming closer to console Jigglypuff, "I'm really sorry and I didn't-"

"Got your face!" giggled Jigglypuff, pulling Pikachu's face off.

Pikachu collapsed to the ground, bleeding.

"…oh… well… uh…" said Jigglypuff nervously.

Cappy Town
Chef Kawasaki's Kitchen

Mewtwo and Falco

"We're here," said Falco, running through a door into the back kitchen.

"There!" said Mewtwo, pointing to a large Amazing Race coloured board.

"Well," chuckled Falco, "Seeing there's 7:00, 7:15 and 7:30 we should go for the earliest time!"

Falco jokingly reached for a card on the board that was labelled '7:30'. Mewtwo used his telekinesis to fling Falco across the room into a pile of sharp knives.

"OW!" screamed Falco, several knives becoming impaled in his stomach, "It was a joke!"

Falco whimpered.

"I don't get jokes," said Mewtwo, taking the '7:00' card.

Mewtwo and Falco
1st to depart at 7:00

"But was it necessary to fling me into a pile of knives?!" screamed Falco, outraged.

"Yes, yes it was," said Mewtwo.

Snake and Yoshi

Yoshi ran and Snake army-crawled into the kitchen.

"Hey guys!" said Yoshi to Mewtwo and Falco.

"Oh… hey…" said Mewtwo.

Yoshi reached for a '7:00' departure card.

"Snake, if he takes the 7:00 card a bomb will go off," said Falco, grinning smugly.

"Where?! Where?!" screamed Snake, looking around desperately, opening up various drawers and shaking cutlery out in search of a bomb. "How do I stop it?!"

"Just don't take the 7:00 card," said Falco.

Yoshi sighed and took a 7:00 card.

Snake and Yoshi
2nd to depart at 7:00

Snake looked shocked at Yoshi.

"It's gonna blow!" screamed Snake.

Nothing happened.

"You dodged a bullet very narrowly today, Yoshi," scolded Snake. "That bomb could have-"

"There was never any bomb…" said Yoshi angrily, "They were tricking us!"

"Are you a commie, huh?" said Snake angrily, "Is that what the communists want us to think?"

"Shut up!" said Yoshi angrily.

Fox and Samus

Fox and Samus ran into the room.

"You know," said Mewtwo, "If you don't take a 7:00 card, a bomb will go off."

Samus took a 7:00 card.

Fox and Samus
3rd to depart at 7:00

"You idiot!" said Falco, "You completely messed it-"

Mewtwo flung Falco into the same pile of knives.

He died.

"That's right, never argue with me," said Mewtwo angrily.

Cappy Town Sword Shop

Wario and Luigi

"Hey Wario!" said Luigi excitedly, examining a sword, "I think I've found the right sword!"

"I have better things to do," said Wario, slowly migrating over to Luigi, reading a smutty gardening magazine.

"Just double check that this is the same and then we can go!" said Luigi angrily.

Peach and Knuckle Joe

"Hi!" said the shopkeeper, noticing Peach and Knuckle Joe walk in.

"Hi!" said Peach cheerily to the shop owner. "Knuckle Joe says hi too!"

The shop owner waved to Knuckle Joe.

"Why couldn't he answer by himself? Is he not high enough to talk on his own?" joked the shopkeeper.

Peach and the shop owner chuckled heartily.

Knuckle Joe shot both of them in the feet.

"Just find an identical sword…" whimpered the owner.

Wario and Luigi

"I think this is the right sword, Wario!" said Luigi excitedly, holding up the example sword and an identical sword. "Yes, I think it's it! What do you think?"

"I'm not sure…" said Wario walking up to inspect the sword, "Maybe we should ask someone if they're the same."

Wario spotted Peach. "Hey Peach! Are these two swords the same?"

Wario handed Peach the sword.

"Wario, you idiot!" screamed Luigi.

"What?" said Wario, confused.

Peach walked up to the shopkeeper, showed him the sword and took the clue.

"Oh," said Wario.

"You idiot!" said Luigi angrily.

"There's no need to raise your voice," said Wario angrily.

"I'll raise my voice when I want to!" said Luigi angrily, raising his fist.

"Ow!" screamed Wario.

"I didn't punch you yet!"

"Oh."

Rofl Pony

"Roflz."

Peach and Knuckle Joe
Currently in 4th Place

Knuckle Joe ripped open the clue, "You must now-"

Peach snatched the clue.

Knuckle Joe grumbled.

"I'm sorry," said Peach reassuringly, "I read in an article that on average people with your height have much lower intelligence than us normies!"

Knuckle Joe grumbled again.

"Now to read the clue!" said Peach proudly.

Peach looked at the clue and stared at it.

"Do you need help?" said Knuckle Joe.

"I'm trying to read!" said Peach angrily.

Peach continued to stare at the clue.

"But you're not actually-"

"No!" said Peach angrily.

Nruff Farmhouse

Kirby and Sonic
Currently in 5th Place

"You must now make your way to Chef Kawasaki's kitchen, where you must take your departure time for tomorrow!" read Kirby.

"Where am I?" said Sonic, waking up in a daze. "Am I lying here because I passed out at the satisfaction of me being so awesome?"

Sonic grinned arrogantly.

"No," said Kirby, "…you were run over by a truck."

"Did the truck run me over because they were jealous of me being so awesome?" said Sonic smugly.

"No," said Kirby.

"Oh," said Sonic.

"…well I'm sure that's what you think and after all, I'm Sonic and I'm-"

"Enough!" said Kirby, annoyed.

Link and Zelda
Currently in 6th Place

"Good job, Zel!" said Link, taking the clue and kissing Zelda on the cheek.

"Come on!" said Zelda, rushing Link out of the farmhouse, "We can still beat Kirby and Sonic!"

"And I've just thought of a pretty dirty trick to get us in front," said Link, slyly.

Link spotted Kirby hopping into a taxi.

"Hey… uh… Kirby! We're some very sick people," shouted Link unconvincingly, "…and seeing that your taxi is the only taxi in the area… well… we need your taxi so we can go to the hospital and…"

"Are you Link?" said Kirby suspiciously.

"No…" said Link weakly, adjusting his fake moustache. "Now give us your taxi so that we can be in front of you and…"

Kirby's taxi drove off.

"You just can't admit to being tricked!" cursed Link.

Bowser and Ness
Currently in 7th Place

"Good job Ness!" said Bowser cheerily, taking a clue, turning to face Ness, knocking down a wall of the farmhouse with his shell in the process.

"You must now make your way to Chef Kawasaki's kitchen, where you must take your departure time for tomorrow!" read Ness.

"Let's go," said Bowser, pushing Ness along.

"Ow!" cried Ness, falling face-first onto the ground.

Bowser and Ness
Interview after leg

"On this race I want to not only become better friends with Ness," said Bowser, "But I also want to show him that I care for him and that I'll do anything to keep him safe on this-"

"Where's Ness?" asked Master Hand.

"Uh…" said Bowser, looking around nervously.

Bowser looked underneath him.

"Heh, heh," laughed Bowser, trying to hide Ness's carcass.

Young Link and Diddy Kong
Nruffs Transported: 0

"Come on, Young Link! Come on!" said Diddy Kong in a hyper voice, bouncing up and down erratically, "Carry the Nruffs! Come on! We have to carry the Nruffs!"

"I'm trying!" said Young Link angrily, struggling to hold up a Nruff on his back.

Young Link looked at Diddy Kong. "Where are the Nruffs that you are carrying?" he said angrily.

"Oh, I'm just the half of the team that offers moral support," said Diddy Kong confidently.

"Moral support?" said Young Link angrily, "Aren't you know… supposed to help?"

"No," said Diddy Kong, smiling dumbly.

"That's okay," said Young Link angrily, lugging the Nruff along several more metres, "I don't need you! Our team can easily operate on a one-man basis!"

"Oh good!" said Diddy Kong happily, watching Young Link.

"That was sarcasm," said Young Link angrily.

"Sar… casm?" said Diddy Kong slowly, confused.

Young Link groaned.

Squirtle and Pichu
Nruffs Transported: 0

"So we're like… supposed to move them?" said Squirtle.

"Yep," said Pichu.

Squirtle walked up to the Nruff.

"Hey, can you guys walk over here with us?" asked Squirtle politely, pointing towards the other farmhouse.

The Nruffs did not respond.

Squirtle walked back to Pichu and said angrily, "These guys are so impolite!"

Mario and DK
Nruffs Transported: 0

"Mario, you should really start"

Master Hand

"CUT! They're too boring for primetime!"

Chef Kawasaki's Kitchen

Peach and Knuckle Joe

"Come on, midget! Sonic and Kirby are behind us!" screamed Peach hysterically, throwing Knuckle Joe out of the car onto the hard gravel.

"Stop calling me midget!" said Knuckle Joe angrily.

Kirby and Sonic

"There's Peach and that shortie," said Sonic, jumping out of the taxi, "Come on, we can catch them!"

Peach and Knuckle Joe

"Okay… if I can't call you midget… hurry up, midget!" said Peach smugly.

"…you didn't even change the word," said Knuckle Joe angrily.

"I'm trying!" cried Peach.

A confident Sonic and an exhausted Kirby ran past them into the kitchen.

"See how your height impairs you?" said Peach angrily.

"You're the one that's ten metres behind me!" said Knuckle Joe.

Kirby and Sonic
Last to Depart at 7:00 AM

"Good job, Sonic!" said Kirby, taking the final 7:00 token.

"I know I did a good job," boasted Sonic.

Kirby glared at Sonic angrily.

"Oh wait, I'm supposed to compliment you!" said Sonic happily, "You're almost about half as good as me, Kirby!"

Kirby glared at Sonic angrily.

"What?" said Sonic, offended.

Peach and Knuckle Joe
1st to Depart at 7:15 AM

Knuckle Joe sighed and took a 7:15 token.

"Knuckle Joe, you're too slow!" lectured Peach.

"That's it," said Knuckle Joe angrily, "I have to take decisive action about this!"

"What are you going to do?" said Peach arrogantly, poking out her tongue.

"Where's the nearest gun shop?" asked Knuckle Joe to a local standing several metres away.

"There," said the Waddle Dee, pointing across the road.

"Thanks!" said Knuckle Joe, walking off.

"I think he'll get me a cake because I'm so cool!" said Peach happily.

Knuckle Joe walked back with a gun.

"Is that a cake?" queried Peach.

Master Hand

"CUT! They're too boring for primetime!"

Cappy Town Sword Shop

Wario and Luigi

"Luigi, I think I've found another one!" said Wario excitedly, a large break from his otherwise constant apathy. "They're exactly the same!"

"Well how about you go and check, then?" said Luigi angrily, "Every single other time it's turned out that it's different!"

"But I'm sure this time that's it's real!" said Wario.

"Check it yourself!" said Luigi angrily.

Jigglypuff and Pikachu

"There must be some sort of sensible system that we can use to get this done quicker…" said Pikachu to himself. "Jiggles, have you found any-"

Pikachu stared shocked at Jigglypuff.

"What?" said Jigglypuff, lying comfortably under the sword fort she made.

"…you're lying under a pile of swords…" said Pikachu.

"So what?" laughed Jigglypuff, "It's not like-"

The pile collapsed.

Pikachu gnashed his teeth together, trying not to look.

Chef Kawasaki's Kitchen

Link and Zelda
2nd to depart at 7:15 AM

Link took the card and smiled smugly at Zelda. "Hey Zelda, why do men like smart women?"

"Why?" said Zelda.

"Opposites attract!" laughed Link.

Zelda stared at Link.

Bowser and Ness
3rd to depart: 7:15 AM

Bowser took a card.

"We arrived her earlier than you," said Link boastfully, trying to upset Bowser.

"We're departing at the same time," said Bowser.

"Oh," said Link.

"So you're not doing a very good job of upsetting me…" said Bowser.

"Fatty," said Link.

"Uh, huh, huh!" sobbed Bowser.

Nruff Farmhouse

Young Link and Diddy Kong
Nruffs Transported: 0

"This is ridiculous!" said Young Link, looking at the tenth Nruff that Diddy Kong had dropped on its head due to his general lack of motor function.

"I've got an idea!" said Diddy Kong smugly.

Diddy Kong walked up to the farmhand, "Here's 300 dollars! Give us the clue!"

The farmhand happily complied.

Diddy Kong read: "You must now make your way to Chef Kawasaki's kitchen, where you must-"

Master Hand

"CUT! Put an ad break here!"

Mario and DK
Currently in 10th Place

"Well, we somehow managed to get the task done!" said Mario happily.

Cappy Town Sword Shop

Wario and Luigi
On Sword

"Luigi…" said Wario in a droning, impatient voice, "This is definitely it!"

"Sure… and wasn't the last one also definitely it?" said Luigi angrily, searching for swords.

"Just come and check it!" said Wario angrily.

"Can I have a look?" said Jigglypuff happily.

"Sure!" said Wario.

Luigi turned around, jaw-dropped and stunned. "Wario! You idiot!"

"Relax," said Wario confidently, "They're just checking it… I'm sure they'll give it…"

Wario noticed Jigglypuff and Pikachu were collecting the clue from the front.

"Waagh!" screamed Wario in frustration.

"Wario, you idiot!" said Luigi angrily.

Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Currently in 11th Place

Read Pikachu, "You must now make your way to Chef Kawasaki's kitchen, where-"

"Good job reading the clue, hun!" said Jigglypuff, patting Pikachu on the back.

"You know I can read," said Pikachu, annoyed.

"You're improving every day!" said Jigglypuff cheerfully.

"Can I just finish reading the clue?" said Pikachu angrily.

"Only if you can reach it!" said Jigglypuff, snatching the clue from Pikachu and holding it up in the air playfully.

Pikachu, who was taller than Jigglypuff took the clue from her.

She wept.

Wario and Luigi
On Sword
Currently in Last Place

"Okay, we have to go to desperate measures now that we're last," whispered Luigi, "You distract him, I murder him and then we take the clue!"

Wario walked up to the shopkeeper.

"Have you got the sword?" said the shopkeeper in a jolly British old man's voice.

"Er…" said Wario, looking Luigi creeping behind the shopkeeper, "Yes we do! Can you inspect it?"

"Sure," said the shopkeeper, Luigi raising the sword from behind him, "But where is it?"

"He's holding it!" said Wario, pointing at Luigi, who was about to stab.

"You idiot!" said Luigi angrily. "Now we won't be able to kill him!"

The shopkeeper inspected the sword that Luigi was flailing around wildly.

"In fact, that is the correct sword!" celebrated the shopkeep.

Luigi, not listening, stabbed the shopkeeper.

"You idiot!" said Wario angrily, "You just killed him!"

"So I did," observed Luigi.

"We didn't need to," said Wario.

"Should I say sorry?" said Luigi.

"He's dead," said Wario.

"So do I need to?" said Luigi.

"Suppose not," said Wario.

"Okay," said Luigi.

"Seeing he's dead," said Wario.

Chef Kawasaki's Kitchen

Young Link and Diddy Kong
Last to depart at 7:15 AM

"I think we're pretty lucky to come near the end but still get in the middle pack," said Young Link to the camera.

"All teams are now staying overnight and departing at one of three times: 7:00, 7:15 and 7:30!" said Master Hand.

7:00 AM
1st group to depart

Mewtwo and Falco
Currently in 1st Place

"You must now make your way up to the top of the Grass Land hill!" read Falco.

"Teams must now hike two kilometres to the top of this hill! Once here, they must find their next clue!" said Master Hand.

"Let's go!" said Falco, sprinting off.

Snake and Yoshi
Currently in 2nd Place

"Come on!" said Snake demandingly his 'military commander' voice, "Sprint! Sprint!"

"I can't!" said Yoshi, wheezing as he dawdled along. "You worked me too hard this morning!"

"Come on, a light training session shouldn't tire you out," said Snake, flexing his neatly formed biceps and flaunting them to Samus who was several metres away. "Exercise is good for you!"

"I lost half of my bodyweight from that session," said Yoshi wheezing, looking at his practically anorexic lower body.

Fox and Samus
Currently in 3rd Place

"You know…" joked Fox, pointing to a flying fox in the distance, "If we have to go on that flying fox, I think I should go on it… because I'm a flying fox…"

"You know, because I'm in a ship and I'm flying and I'm a Fox?" explained Fox.

"Shut up," said Samus angrily.

Kirby and Sonic
Currently in 4th Place

"I know you may be faster than all of those," said Kirby impatiently, "But these pre-running stretches and this gear that you're putting on sure isn't putting us in the lead."

"We'll catch up to them as soon as I'm ready!" said Sonic smugly.

"You're not ready yet, are you?" said Kirby angrily.

"We'll catch up to them as soon as I'm ready!" said Sonic smugly.

Mewtwo and Falco
Currently in 1st Place

"Good run, good run!" said Mewtwo, looking at Fox and Samus lagging behind several hundred metres.

"Take the clue!" said Falco, pointing to a box.

"Road Block!" read Mewtwo, "Who's the perfect consumer?"

"Road Block!" said Master Hand, "A Road Block is a task that only one person can perform! Teams must be smart about who does the road block, as each person may only complete a maximum of six road blocks!"
"In this Road Block, that person must take a thirty litre barrel of Whispy Woods brand apple juice and have its' entire contents consumed!
"Teams may ask for bystanders to help drink, but the supporting team member may not help consume the drink!"

"I'll do it, I've very persuasive," said Mewtwo.

Mewtwo and Falco chuckled heartily.

"In the way that I can use my mind to choke people," said Mewtwo sadistically, choking Falco.

"I know! I know!" screamed Falco, gasping for air.

Fox and Samus
Currently in 2nd Place

"I'll do it," said Samus after reading the clue.

"With me? Wow, I never knew you were so attracted to me!" said Fox suavely.

"Anger is only an emotion…" said Samus to herself, quoting the spiritual anger management course she had taken several weeks ago, "Contain yourself Samus and you will reach inner salvation."

"Very funny, Fox!" said Samus, trying to sound as positive as she had. "You are very good at making jokes, I found that-"

"What? I'm not joking!" said Fox sexily, now shirtless and taking off his belt.

"AAAGH!" screamed Samus in frustration, suffocating e

Fox with his own shirt.

Master Hand

"That's going in the promos."

Snake and Yoshi
Currently in 3rd Place

"I'll do it," said Snake, "I don't think you could drink thirty litres."

"You… do know that you don't have to drink it all…" said Yoshi, confused.

"Sharing is for sissies," said Snake.

"I'm… not sure about this…" said Yoshi uncertainly.

Kirby and Sonic
Currently in 4th Place

"That was such a good idea!" said Sonic as Kirby ran up the hill at bulleting speeds, "You eat me, you copy my power and now you can run really fast!"

"Yeah!" said Kirby happily, reaching the clue.

Kirby reached the clue box.

"Well done, you're almost half as fast as me!" boasted Sonic.

Kirby read out the clue.

"No, that's probably too nice," said Sonic, inside Kirby's mouth, "Almost a third as fast as me! You fat pink tub of lard… who's inferior to me… and whose breath stinks badly…"

Kirby grabbed the clue.

"Can you let me out?" said Sonic.

Kirby didn't.

"That's odd, I wonder why!" assessed Sonic.

"After all, I'm so awesome and…"

7:15
2nd group to depart

Link and Zelda
Currently in 5th Place

"Okay, hurry up! We got to get there first!" said Link, shoving Zelda along.

Peach and Knuckle Joe
Currently in 6th Place

"Geez Link!" scolded Peach, running through the grass half a metre behind Link, "You have to be nicer to your partner! You can't just push him like that!"

Link rolled his eyes.

"I mean, I'm the perfect example! I'm so nice to shorty here! Keeping good care of this guy who is generally incompetent at life!" said Peach, violently tapping Knuckle Joe on the head.

Knuckle Joe glared angrily at Peach.

"What?!" said Peach, offended.

Knuckle Joe glared angrily at Peach.

"Oh, I see!" said Peach happily, "In your midget language you're trying to tell me that I'm such a nice, loving, generous and heartwarm-"

Peach noticed she had an umbrella lodged in her spine.

"Who would do that to me?!" cried Peach.

Young Link and Diddy Kong
Currently in 7th Place

"COMEONHURRYHURRYHURRYHURRYLET'SGOYAYAYAYAYLET'SGOCOMEONHURRYHURRYHOOGIMANRANOUTOFTHINGSTOSAYFORMEYEAHYEAHYEAH!" screamed Diddy Kong in a hyper voice, eyes alarmingly widened, dragging Young Link at bullet speeds past Link and Zelda and Peach and Knuckle Joe.

"Could you slow down?" screamed Young Link, covering his eyes, being hit by trees every few seconds.

"NONONONONO!" screamed Diddy Kong excitedly, weaving through a series of twenty rose bushes in a way that Young Link got thorns caught on him every few seconds.

Bowser and Ness
Currently in 8th Place

"Drink break!" said Bowser, panting, taking another bottle of water from his bag.

"This is ridiculous!" said Ness angrily, "We've gone twenty metres and you've consumed four bottles of water already from exhaustion! This is ridiculous!"

"I'm trying! I really am! I can't do this!" cried Bowser.

"Errgh," grunted Ness.

Downtown Cappy Town

Mewtwo
30 litres of apple juice left

"Sir," said Mewtwo, walking up to a Waddle Dee, "Would you like some apple juice? It's free!"

"No thanks," said the Waddle Dee, smiling.

"You'll take one, and you'll enjoy it," threatened Mewtwo, choking the Waddle Dee.

"Okay! Okay!" begged the Waddle Dee.

Mewtwo continued to choke the Waddle Dee.

It died.

"Erm… Mewtwo… you're really supposed to you know… stop choking them…" said Falco.

"He wasn't going to comply," said Mewtwo.

"But he was just about to but then you killed him!" said Falco, frustrated.

Samus
26 litres of apple juice left

Samus explained to a crowd of curious young Waddle Dees, Cappies and Broom Hatters, "For every cup of apple juice you consume, I will personally hit the fox in the head with a mallet!"

"Yay!" said the crowd, lining up.

Grass Land Hill

Snake
21 litres of apple juice left

"Snake's actually consumed nine litres of apple juice already," said Yoshi, impressed, watching Snake tip the barrel down, "I'm just scared that he'll get… bladder poisoning of some sort…"

"I lost my bladder years ago," said Snake, gulping down another two hundred millilitres.

"Okay," said Yoshi.

"Wait… what?!"

Kirby
24 litres of apple juice left

"Kirby and Snake both seem to be racing each other to scull the barrel first," said Kirby.

Kirby and Snake stared at each other angrily, both sculling down the barrel of apple juice.

"I consume fifty litres of liquid a day," said Kirby angrily, mouthing down a litre of apple juice.

"I consume fifty metres of puffball meat every day," said Snake angrily, consuming another half litre of apple juice.

"I eat snakes for breakfast," said Kirby angrily, gulping down the last litre.

"I'm not a snake," said Snake angrily, wolfing down another two litres.

"You can't consume fifty metres of meat," said Kirby angrily, drinking the empty barrel.

"I'll consume you now!" threatened Snake, consuming the lack of apple juice in the barrel.

"I'll cut your legs off and eat them and then become Snake legs Kirby," said Kirby angrily, tipping the barrel down into his mouth to put no liquid in his mouth.

"I'll eat your face off and you'll just become this pink blob because you have no face and then I'll regrow my legs and kick you in the head and you feel pain but you have no face so you can't fight back," said Snake angrily.

"Um…" said Yoshi. "You know that both of you guys are done, right?"

"Not the time!" said Snake and Kirby angrily, glaring at each other as they continued to drink virtually nothing.

Young Link and Diddy Kong
5th to Road Block

"I think you should do this, champion eater," said Young Link, patting Diddy Kong on the head.

Young Link and Diddy Kong
Interview after leg

"I think I can trust Diddy Kong with all of the eating tasks," said Young Link happily, "In Scouts he ate massive quantities of food and he never looked fat!"

"But yet he still doesn't realise the real reason for the disappearance of his parents," said Diddy Kong evilly.

"Ha, ha, ha!" chuckled Young Link heartily.

"Wait… what?!" said Young Link.

Link and Zelda
6th to Road Block

"I think you should do it," said Link.

Link and Zelda
Interview before leg

"Link's such a sweetie," said Zelda, "He says all of these mean things but he doesn't really mean them!"

"If we actually win the prize money… I'll kill her for her half," whispered Link to the camera.

"I heard that," said Zelda angrily.

"HAHAHA funny joke!" laughed Link hysterically, overemphasising every chuckle.

Peach and Knuckle Joe
7th to Road Block

"I should do it, shortie!" said Peach.

"I am not physically disabled!" shouted Knuckle Joe, "I can do physical tasks with equal or greater ability than you!"

Knuckle Joe attempted to lift up a barrel, but with no success.

"Fine," said Knuckle Joe angrily, "You do it."

Bowser and Ness
Currently in 8th Place

"Bowser's not designed for this…" said Ness frustrated, walking along. "We're about three hundred metres up and I can see the others starting…"

7:30 AM
Last group to depart

Mario and DK
Currently in 9th Place

"You must now make your way up to the top of the Grass Land hill!" read DK.

"Come on, we have to race smart now," said Mario.

Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Currently in 10th Place

"Come on, Jiggles, we have to hurry," said Pikachu, dragging Jigglypuff along.

"We've decided to form an alliance with Squirtle and Pichu," explained Jigglypuff to the camera as she was pulled along by a frustrated Pikachu.

"Hurry up, Jigglypuff," said Pikachu, frustrated at how much friction Jigglypuff was yielding.

"I even designed team shirts yesterday!" said Jigglypuff happily.

"Pokemon don't wear shirts," said Pikachu.

"Oh yeah?" said Jigglypuff angrily, "They're still complying."

Squirtle and Pichu
Currently in 11th Place

"I can't see anything!" complained Pichu, due to the fact that he was blindly running up a hill as a shirt was covering his whole body's surface area, "Can we take them off?"

"No! We'll break the allegiance!" screamed Squirtle in a paranoid manner.

Wario and Luigi
Currently in Last Place

"Come on Wario, you fat tub of lard!" said Luigi angrily, dragging Wario up the hill at a very slow rate.

"I have a heart condition due to my excessive weight!" said Wario, panting,

"You're 23," said Luigi angrily.

"I have a heart condition due to my excessive weight!" said Wario, panting.

Grass Land Hill

Snake
1st to complete Road Block

"Snake, you're done," said Yoshi angrily.

"Kirby, you're done," said Sonic angrily.

"I shot a man so many times that it knocked all of the pieces off a monopoly board," boasted Kirby angrily, still drinking the barrel that contained nothing.

"I ate your parents alive and then locked them in a safe and then ate that safe and then threw away the key," said Snake angrily.

"Guys!" said Yoshi angrily.

"Guys!" said Sonic angrily.

"Safes don't have keys," said Kirby angrily.

"Do so," said Snake angrily.

"Shut up, Sonic! You're so annoying!" said Yoshi angrily.

"Shut up, green face!" said Sonic angrily.

"You know, we're actually rather alike," said Snake happily.

"Yeah," said Kirby, "We should be friends."

"Hedgehog breath!" said Yoshi angrily.

"Green nose!" said Sonic angrily.

Some Waddle Dee handed them over the clue.

"We have to beat them!" screamed Kirby, ripping open the clue.

Kirby and Sonic
Currently in 1st Place

"You must now ride a tandem bike two kilometres to Whispy Woods' Garden," read Kirby.

"Teams must now ride a bike two kilometres to Whispy Woods' Garden, the first pit stop in a race around the world!" said Master Hand, "Teams must hurry, as the last team to arrive will be eliminated."

"Let's go!" said Sonic.

Snake and Yoshi
Currently in 2nd Place

"Go! Go! Go!" screamed Snake, throwing Yoshi onto the bike and pedalling furiously.

Snake and Yoshi and Kirby and Sonic stared angrily at each other, their bikes neck and neck as they rocketed down at speeds of two metres a second.

"Should we… pedal?" said Yoshi.

"Just glare at them, it will put them off their game," said Snake, determined.

Kirby and Sonic started pedalling, giving them a lead of about ten metres.

"I really think we should pedal," said Yoshi, sitting on the stationary bicycle.

"Just glare," said Snake angrily, looking at Kirby and Sonic, who were now forty metres away.

"Just pedal!" screamed Yoshi.

Samus
1 litre left

A Waddle Dee drank another cup of apple juice.

Samus whacked Fox over the head with a baseball bat.

"Yay!" cheered the crowd.

"Drink more!" demanded Samus.

"We're full," complained one of the Waddle Dees.

"You can't be full! It's apple juice, your favourite!" said Samus desperately.

The crowd of cappies and Waddle Dees walked away in disappointment.

"This is so frustrating! Fox, what do I do?" said Samus, panicking.

Fox, being dead, did not respond.

"FOX!" screamed Samus, shaking Fox's body which caused his head to roll off.

"I'm going to have to result to desperate measures…" said Samus, picking up the barrel.

Samus picked up a Waddle Dee and forcefed him the last litre.

"Ha, ha, ha!" laughed Samus sadistically, taking the clue.

"You must now ride a tandem bike one kilometre to Whispy Woods' Garden," read Samus.

"Go!" said Samus to Fox's body, running off.

Mewtwo
30 litres left

"Mewtwo," said Falco frustrated, his hands in his palms, "You have to be a bit… less rough…"

"I am not rough," said Mewtwo angrily.

Falco pointed to the twenty dead bodies surrounding them.

"Okay, maybe I have to change my ways…" said Mewtwo angrily.

"Good," said Falco happily.

"By getting rid of you!" screamed Mewtwo, choking Falco.

"Guuh!" screamed Falco.

Diddy Kong
7 litres left

"Diddy Kong has caught up so much to the other teams," said Young Link proudly, watching Diddy Kong gulp down the entire barrel. "I'm just surprised, because it looks like he hasn't taken a breath for five minutes!"

Young Link chuckled.

Diddy Kong realised he had not breathed for the last five minutes.

"This can't end good," said Young Link, clenching his teeth at the fact that Diddy Kong was turning a bit blue.

Whispy Woods' Garden

Kirby and Sonic

"There's the pit stop!" said Kirby excitedly, pointing to the world map that was about twenty metres in front of him, next to an angry looking tree. "We've lost Snake and Yoshi, come on!"

"My feet are stuck in the bike locks!" said Sonic, frustrated.

"Hurry!" said Kirby angrily.

Snake and Yoshi

"Oh my gosh, they're not on the map for any reason," said Yoshi, shocked, pointing to the empty mat fifty metres in front of them, "Come on, we've got this!"

Kirby and Sonic

"Just take off your shoe!" said Kirby angrily, "Get it afterwards!"

"I can't take off my shoes! They're my special running shoes!" cried Sonic.

"Grr!" grunted Kirby.

Snake and Yoshi

"We've got this!" said Snake, jumping off the bike, crushing Yoshi under it.

"Yoshi?" said Snake, looking under the bike.

Pit Stop

Lots of dramatic camera angles.

Snake and Yoshi dashed onto the mat.

"Snake and Yoshi," said Master Hand happily, "You are team number one!"

Snake and Yoshi
1st team to arrive

"Yay!" said Yoshi.

Snake stared emotionless at Master Hand.

"And I have some good news for you," said Master Hand, "You have won a trip for seven nights to enchanting Kanto, which you can enjoy after the race!"

"Yay!" said Yoshi.

Snake stared emotionless at Master Hand.

"Come on in, Kirby and Sonic," said Master Hand. "Kirby and Sonic, you are team number two!"

"Eh," said Kirby.

"I've heard you had some communication problems," said Master Hand.

"Yeah," said Kirby, "He's a bit arrogant and we're not working too well as a team. We came second, but it's the first leg and we have a lot to work on."

"I'm Sonic, I'm so cool," sung Sonic.

Kirby head-butted Sonic.

Fox and Samus
Entrepreneurs

"Good job, Samus!" said Fox, running along with Samus onto the mat.

"Fox and Samus, you are team number three!" said Master Hand.

Fox and Samus
3rd to arrive

"Woo," said Fox and Samus in a semi-excited manner.

"So," interviewed Master Hand, "You said on your bio that you two are entrepreneurs: what exactly do you guys sell?"

Screamed Fox cheerfully, "Drugs-"

"Drums! He said drums!" said Samus, laughing hysterically, slitting Fox's throat at the precise time that the camera went out of focus, "Funny huh? Ha, ha!"

Grass Land Hill

Mewtwo and Falco
Currently in 4th Place

"See how easy it was once you put your mind to it?" said Falco, "All you had to do is forcefeed thirty litres to an innocent bystander and we were fine!"

"I guess so," said Mewtwo, opening the clue.

"You must now ride a tandem bike one kilometre to Whispy Woods' Garden," read Mewtwo.

"Let's go!" said Falco.

Young Link and Diddy Kong
Currently in 5th Place

"Come on," said Young Link, "We can outpedal these guys!"

Young Link and Diddy Kong hopped on the tandem bike.

They stayed on the bike, stationary.

"Aren't you supposed to… go hyper and stuff and pedal really fast to the pit stop?" said Young Link impatiently.

"The apple juice wore me out," said Diddy Kong, lying on the handlebars, motionless.

"It's eighty percent sugar," said Young Link.

"Sugar wears me out," said Diddy Kong.

"Then what do you go hyper on?!" said Young Link angrily.

Zelda
12 litres left

"I came up with the idea of bottling the apple juice and then letting the supermarket give it away," explained Zelda to the camera. "We just"

"Shut up, woman, it was my idea!" said Link angrily.

"Nonsense," laughed Zelda.

"Well too bad," said Link confidently, "Even if you did have a brilliant conniption, plan or scheme, you must register it under my name as women are legally not allowed to invent!"

"They changed the laws," said Zelda angrily.

"Suure…" said Link, "That's just talk from a crazy woman now!"

Peach and Knuckle Joe
26 litres left

"Peach, charging them for the juice won't exactly help us get rid of the juice quicker," said Knuckle Joe, frustrated.

"I dunno," said Peach confidently, "Sometimes people won't be as eager to accept things if they are free!"

"But forty dollars a cup?!" said Knuckle Joe angrily.

Mario and DK
30 litres left

"Are we like… going to get others to help us drink this?" said Mario.

"Meh," said DK, sitting on the barrel.

Jigglypuff and Pikachu
9th to Road Block

"I'll do it," said Jigglypuff.

"Okay," said Pikachu.

"Yay!" said Jigglypuff, running up to a barrel and attempting to pick it up.

It didn't budge.

"This is unfair! I quit!" said Jigglypuff, defeated. "It's so boring! I hate this race! I wish you were dead! This is the worst race ever! I can't do this! This-"

"Jigglypuff!" snapped Pikachu.

"Fiiine," said Jigglypuff angrily.

Squirtle and Pichu
10th to Road Block

"Squirtle, you can really take the shirt off now," said Pichu, slightly annoyed, retrieving the clue.

"We'll break the team allegiance!" screamed Squirtle, cowering in fear.

"What team alliance?" said Pichu, "They've just deserted us!"

"But they might get angry," said Squirtle in fear, clutching on tightly to his shirt.

"I'll do it," sighed Pichu.

Ness and Bowser
Currently in 11th Place

"Come on, Bowser, we're halfway there!" said Ness to a panting Bowser, "We're still five metres in front of Wario and Luigi!"

Wario and Luigi
Currently in Last Place

"Hurry up, you tub of lard!" said Luigi angrily, "We can't come last!"

"You're being so supportive!" said Wario angrily, exhausted from climbing up the hill.

Whispy Woods' Garden

Young Link and Diddy Kong

Young Link and Diddy Kong stumbled onto the mat.

"Young Link and Diddy Kong, you are team number four!" said Master Hand.

"What?!" said Young Link excitedly.

"You seem a bit surprised with that result," said Master Hand.

"Yeah!" said Young Link, "We were almost last out of the starting line and to go this well is such a shock!"

Mewtwo and Falco
5th to arrive

"Mewtwo and Falco, you are team number five!" said Master Hand.

"Pfft," said Falco angrily.

"That sucks," said Mewtwo angrily.

Grass Land Hill

Link and Zelda
Currently in 6th Place

"Good job, Zel!" said Link.

"You must now ride a tandem bike one kilometre to Whispy Woods' Garden," read Zelda.

"Come on, we gotta beat Knuckle Joe and that annoying blonde," remarked Link.

Peach and Knuckle Joe
Currently in 7th Place

"Are you going to take that?" said Peach angrily to Knuckle Joe, who was busy focusing on sprinting towards the bikes.

"Nonsense!" scoffed Peach, "Who would ever want to bag me, Princess Peach? The perfect, pretty, pitiful, pretentious, pathetic-"

"Those words are just bagging yourself," said Knuckle Joe.

"Nonsense!" scoffed Peach, "Who would ever want to bag me, Princess-"

Jigglypuff
16 litres left

"Jiggles is playing the cute card pretty well," said Pikachu, impressed to the camera. "She's getting in the role very well."

"Uh huh," said Jigglypuff, tipping the barrel into the mouth of a body.

"Jigglypuff! What are you doing?" said Pikachu. "What happened to the crowd of sympathetic people?"

"Well, he wants to drink the apple juice," said Jigglypuff, continuing to tip the barrel into his mouth.

"Jigglypuff… he's dead…" said Pikachu, looking disgusted at the various insects that were latching on to his stomach.

"He's dead only because you have three overdue books on my library card!" said Jigglypuff angrily.

Pichu
15 litres left

"So if we drink all of this apple juice, you'll become our lifelong slaves?" said some shady-looking guy, halfway through the barrel.

"Yep," said Squirtle.

"Then I'll drink all of it!" said the man, complying.

"Yay!" said Squirtle and Pichu.

"What does slavery mean?" said Pichu.

"Dunno," said Squirtle, "I think it means he pays us or something."

DK
30 litres left

"DK! Do something with the juice! Don't just sit there!" said Mario angrily, "Drink it or something!"

"I have been drinking the whole time! I've figured I've taken in about fifty cups!" said DK, pointing to a tap.

"Why are you pointing to the tap?" said Mario, puzzled.

"That's where the apple juice is!" said DK angrily.

"The apple juice is in the barrel," said Mario.

"You mean I've been drinking freaking water this entire time?" said DK angrily.

"You idiot!" said Mario.

Bowser and Ness
Currently in 11th Place

"I'll do it," said Bowser, "I'll down that entire barrel in one sip."

Wario and Luigi
Currently in Last Place

"Do you want to do it?" said Luigi.

"No," said Wario angrily.

"Then should I do this?" said Luigi.

"No," said Wario angrily.

"I thought you stopped this ten hours ago!" said Luigi angrily.

Whispy Woods' Garden

Link and Zelda
6th to arrive

"Link and Zelda, you are team number six!" said Master Hand.

"We did okay," said Link happily.

Peach and Knuckle Joe
7th to arrive

"Link and Zelda, you are team number seven!" said Master Hand.

"Good job, I guess," said Knuckle Joe, exhausted.

"I'd just like to say," said Peach, "I think a lot of other people have treated us unfairly because of his height! And although I think he's really short, I think I'm tall in heart, tall in great looks and I'm just an all-round great person!"

"Thanks," said Knuckle Joe sarcastically. "You really have a way with words, Peach."

"No problems!" said Peach happily.

Grass Land Hill

Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Currently in 8th Place

"You must now ride a tandem bike one kilometre to Whispy Woods' Garden," read Jigglypuff.

"Yay, tandem bikes!" said Jigglypuff happily.

Jigglypuff hopped on the bike.

Pikachu hopped on the front seat.

"I can't see!" complained Jigglypuff.

"We'll swap then," said Pikachu, swapping with Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff sat on the front seat.

"What if you abandon me and go for ice cream and don't tell, huh?" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"I'm not going to do that!" said Pikachu angrily.

"Okay, at least get me a vanilla while we're there," said Jigglypuff.

"I'm not getting ice cream!" said Pikachu angrily, "We're in a race!"

"Oh," said Jigglypuff.

"Well, if you're going to get ice cream," said Jigglypuff, "You might as well get me a-"

Squirtle and Pichu
Currently in 9th Place

"You must now ride a tandem bike one kilometre to Whispy Woods' Garden," read Pichu.

"Let's go!" said Squirtle, hopping on the bike.

"Wow, Pikachu and Jigglypuff are pedalling so slowly," said Pichu, "Maybe we should overtake them."

"No! Don't do it!" said Squirtle, covering his eyes, "If we break the allegiance we'll never be forgiven!"

"There's no allegiance!" said Pichu angrily.

"Yes there is," argued Squirtle, "Jigglypuff! Is there still an allegiance between us two teams?"

"I suppose so if we can manipulate you guys so that we always finish better than you," said Jigglypuff.

"See?" said Squirtle, poking out his tongue.

"But they're just taking advantage of-"

"Allegiance!" said Squirtle angrily.

Luigi
5 litres left

"Hurry Luigi! We have to leave soon!" said Wario desperately, watching Luigi chug down the barrel.

DK
3 litres left

"Wow, this isn't such a bad idea!" said DK with the side of his mouth, grinning innocently at the camera as he covered the gaping hole in the barrel with his body.

"What are you covering with your body?" said the cameraman suspiciously.

"Nothing…" said DK, trying to ignore the fact he was standing in a ditch, up to his shoulders in apple juice.

"Are you… cheating?" said the cameraman suspiciously.

Donkey Kong didn't say anything and just grinned.

Bowser
16 litres left

Ness observed Bowser chugging down the barrel by himself.

"You know, by rotating…"

"Shut up!" snapped Bowser, somehow managing to talk whilst swallowing but then realising that that was impossible, leading him to start choking.

Whispy Woods' Garden

Jigglypuff and Pikachu
Currently in 8th Place

Jigglypuff and Pikachu jokingly started to push each other as they raced for the line. Jigglypuff, who was starting to lag behind Pikachu, got out her knife, threw it at Pikachu and ran on the mat first.

"Yay!" cheered Jigglypuff.

"Ow!" said Pikachu, rubbing his head as he stepped onto the mat. "Was that really necessary?"

"Geez, it was just a joke," said Jigglypuff angrily, "Just a little stabbing…"

"Jigglypuff and Pikachu, you are team number eight!" said Master Hand.

Squirtle and Pichu
Currently in 9th Place

"Squirtle and Pichu, you are team number nine!" said Master Hand.

"Yay!" said Squirtle.

Grass Land Hill

Luigi
Completed Road Block

"Luigi! You did it!" cheered Wario, taking the clue.

"See ya guys!" said Luigi, running for a bicycles.

"Bye suckers!" said Wario, poking his tongue out as he ran away.

Wario tripped on a rock and fell face-first onto the ground.

"Okay, that's really funny," laughed Luigi.

Wario did not respond.

"Real funny," said Luigi, slightly annoyed, "Now let's go!"

Wario did not respond.

"WARIO!" screamed Luigi, hysterical, "Don't die on me now!1"

Mario and DK
Currently in 11th Place

"Come on, DK!" said Mario, taking the clue and reading it out, "I think we can still stay in!"

Bowser and Ness
Currently in Last Place

"Come on, get on the bike!" said Ness, panicking, dragging Bowser along.

"I don't know how to ride a bike!" sobbed Bowser, hopping on.

"Don't worry," said Ness, "Just sit there and I'll pedal!"

Ness pedalled furiously for a period of twenty seconds. The bike stood still.

"Good job!" said Bowser supportively, "We're doing so awesome!"

"Grr," said Ness angrily.

Wario and Luigi

"I can't believe this," said Luigi, pedalling with Wario resting on the handlebars.

Mario and DK

"That's Wario and Luigi!" said Mario excitedly, "We're not going to get eliminated!"

Bowser and Ness

"Bowser, just push down with your feet!" said Ness angrily, sitting still on the bike.

"Okay!" said Bowser, "I've got it covered!"

Bowser pushed down as hard as he could, breaking the pedals.

"Aargh!" screamed Ness.

Wario and Luigi

Wario woke up.

"Hey!" said Wario angrily, "How come you're at the front of the bike?"

"I had to pedal with you asleep for a whole kilometre, do you know how hard that is?" said Luigi angrily.

"I know… but I want to go at the front!" said Wario angrily.

Bowser and Ness

"We are definitely going to get eliminated," said Ness, gliding along at one kilometre an hour on the pedal-less bike with Bowser.

Wario and Luigi
Currently in 10th Place

"There's the pit stop!" said Luigi excitedly, pointing several hundred metres in front.

Mario and DK
Currently in 11th Place

"We're going to overtake them!" said Mario excitedly, pedalling as fast as he could.

Bowser and Ness
Currently in Last Place

"Hey, at least we're having fun, right?" said Bowser, positively.

Bowser noticed that he leant back too far and Ness was impaled on his shell.

"Heh, heh," chuckled Bowser nervously.

Wario and Luigi

"Run!" screamed Luigi, getting off the bike and pulling Wario along.

Mario and DK

"We've got this!" said Mario excitedly, two metres in front of Luigi.

Pit Stop

Mario and DK

Mario and Donkey Kong hopped onto the pit stop mat.

"Mario and DK, you are team number ten!" said Master Hand.

"Woo!" said Mario.

"However, you cheated on the Road Block, so you have been penalised for four hours."

Mario and DK
4 hours remaining until check-in

"We didn't cheat!" said Donkey Kong outraged.

Master Hand plugged a video into a nearby VCR.

"Cheating is so fun!" said Donkey Kong, on the screen.

"You still say you didn't cheat?" said Master Hand angrily.

"Uh…" said Donkey Kong, nervously, "Uh… no… of course we didn't!"

"And I'm not joking! We really are cheating!" said DK to the camera.

"What about now?" said Master Hand.

"No…" said Donkey Kong, rolling his eyes.

"Just go stand over there," said Master Hand angrily.

Wario and Luigi
Currently in 10th Place

"Wario and Luigi, you are team number ten!" said Master Hand.

"Woo!" said Luigi ecstatically, "I've finally made it to the second leg!"

"Not if you're a body!" laughed Master Hand.

Master Hand, Luigi and Wario chuckled heartily.

"Wait…" said Luigi, shocked.

3:06 PM
Whispy Woods' Garden

Bowser and Ness
Bowser and Ness, exhausted, staggered onto the pit stop.

"Bowser and Ness, you are team number… eleven!1" said Master Hand, "You guys are still in!"

"What?!" said Bowser and Ness in unison, shocked.

Mario and DK
Last team to arrive

"Mario and DK," said Master Hand, "You are the last team to arrive."

Mario and Donkey Kong frowned.

"However, I am pleased to tell you…"

Mario and Donkey Kong grinned.

"…I have called the police and you are being arrested for fraud!" said Master Hand.

"Yay!1" said everyone.

"Curse you!" cursed Mario, being dragged off by Waddle Dee policemen.

The leg ended.

Finish Times:

Snake and Yoshi: 8:23 AM

Kirby and Sonic: 8:24 AM

Fox and Samus: 8:33 AM

Young Link and Diddy Kong: 9:01 AM

Mewtwo and Falco: 9:04 AM

Link and Zelda: 9:45 AM

Peach and Knuckle Joe: 9:51 AM

Jigglypuff and Pikachu: 10:30 AM

Squirtle and Pichu: 10:41 AM

Wario and Luigi: 12:02 PM

Bowser and Ness: 3:06 PM

Mario and DK: 4:01 PM- Eliminated

"Next time on The Smashy Amazing Race…" said Master Hand, "Peach has a confrontation with Mewtwo!"

"Look at me!" mocked Peach, "I'm a stupid freaking kitty!"

Mewtwo choked Peach.

"That's funny…" observed Peach, "I don't seem to be getting any oxygen to my lungs…"

"…while Wario and Luigi put everything on the line for a small advantage!"

"Are we really trusting that guy?" said Luigi angrily, pointing to a Koopa in a poorly sewn sheep costume.

"…and can Kirby and Sonic reconcile their differences?"

"I'm Sonic!" said Sonic, "and I am the coolest, most awesomest bestest person to ever grace the civilised w…"

Kirby pulled the trigger.