5 Times Ryan Atwood Wished He Were 'Anywhere But Here'…

(…but not really)

i.

Ryan hates it when Sandy and Kirsten fight. It doesn't happen often and so on the rare occasions that they do raise their voices everyone always knows it must be something big. It's even worse when you're stuck in the room with them, your only escape route blocked by a ladder and an angry mother figure retrospectively. He'd rather risk the ladder any day.

If it were anyone besides Ryan or Seth then they would makes their apologies, escape to the sanctuary of their bedroom in order to engage in whatever exchange of words they felt necessary and leave the rest of the world innocently speculating. But, of course, family never gets the same privileges.

He could always say something to make them aware of his presence in order to sneak out and up to Seth's room until it all blows over, and he knows that they don't intentionally mean to make him uncomfortable but it always does. Not because he feels like he's invading (well, sometimes that), but mostly because he despises seeing two of the people he loves most in the world arguing. They're his parents and kids are designed to hate them bickering.

Then he remembers that they're not, technically, his parents and so, instead of making him feel terrible, it just reminds him of how lucky he is.

Besides, he knows they're going to be all gross and make up soon which will involve hearing and seeing a lot of things any son should not have to witness.

It's kinda nice.

ii.

Seth has a habit of rambling on about comic books and video games and Summer and Ryan always has to try and look interested; he knows more now about Marvel and The Valley then he's ever wanted to.

More often than not he'll find himself getting restless throughout these long rants and desperate to get up and do something, anything else, but he doesn't because he knows how much crap Seth has had to listen to from him over the years, and besides, he's sort of getting more and more interested in it himself. It's hard not to.

It can be annoying and repetitive and boring, but that's what brothers are for.

iii.

Sometimes he'll sit in class, staring out the window, and wonder what the hell he's doing there. He's always hated school, mostly because they never seem to have any problem with kicking him out even when something isn't his fault and he's always hated hypocrites and the morally superior.

He knows he's not stupid, well, not where academics are concerned, but he also knows that he wouldn't have gotten this far without Sandy and Kirsten. He owes them a hell of a lot but at the same time he knows he owes them nothing – parents are meant to help their kids unconditionally.

So whilst his lecturers may bore him and deep down he feels he doesn't deserve to be there, he knows exactly how lucky he is and he won't throw that away.

Besides, when he looks down at the glossy pages full of elegant and structurally beautiful buildings, he always feels a thrill run down his spine. It's a chance of a lifetime.

iv.

It's only happened once because he won't let himself be caught off guard like that again, but returning home for Christmas to see Kaitlin at the bottom of the drive wearing a pretty, flimsy shirt and looking so much like her older sister is enough to make him have to pause for at least a minute before he can smile and call out his greeting.

Unfortunately, she stops him to ask how he's been and tell him all about her new boyfriend and her grades and why her math teacher sucks and he listens because he honestly does care despite how much he really needs to get away and take a deep breath and remind himself that Marissa is dead.

But Kaitlin is so full of life; so beautiful and arrogant in her teenage ways that he can't help but feel protective of her. He wants to make sure that she's safe and that nobody dares harm her because she's been through so much already and despite it all has come out a great kid.

He seems to be adopting family left, right, and center.

v.

He only goes to the student bar as a convenient meeting place because as soon as he steps foot inside he seems to attract the attention of every untaken female in the building. He's not embarrassed or uncomfortable, he just hates it when some girl hits on him and all he's really waiting for is Taylor to walk through the door in all her bubbly, intense, breath-taking beauty.

And whilst he might hate the music and the people and the smell of cigarettes and vodka, he knows it's all worth it. It doesn't matter where they meet because when she walks into the room he doesn't see or hear anything else, the rest of the world just disappears and there's only her and him and it's exactly the way it's meant to be.

He can simply ignore the girl attempting to flirt with him at that moment and push through the crowds until he reaches her and she throws her arms around his neck and kisses him in a way that's so Taylor that he never wants it to end. And he's going to make pretty damn sure that it never does.